What are the serious consequences of neglecting early education?

I often hear my parents complain: "I can't manage him at home full-time." Sleep in class, play mobile phones, read novels, and don't study at all. It really hurts my heart. "

"My little ancestors also have no matter son every day! Nothing to say. I have a bigger temper than you, and I always slam the door. Make trouble at school every day. I can only follow him, and no one can do anything about him. "

These parents are poor and abused every day. Is there really no way out? Of course not. It's just that they missed the best stage of early education, and it's really difficult now. Because these children missed the most important early education, their early cognition was deeply rooted and their personality was basically stereotyped. When they became problem of juvenile, their parents realized the seriousness of the problem, but it was too late. However, parents deny that they neglect early education, and even say that they pay more attention to the investment in early education than other parents. What's going on here?

Misunderstanding of early education

Some parents said that they attach great importance to education. Let the children stay at the teacher's house since childhood. It can be said that it is ruthless and does not hesitate to pay a lot of money. Isn't this early education? Don't! Leaving parents' wings early in childhood will cause irreparable psychological shadow to children and lead to abnormal development of personality in adulthood.

Some parents said that children's education is not short of money. I have been learning children's English since kindergarten, including children's ladder mathematics, pre-school language training, three-character classics of Chinese studies, disciples' rules and children's ancient poems. When I arrived at primary school, I went to the Olympics class, the new concept English class and the writing promotion class. Quality education dare not lag behind. Yes, piano, dance and calligraphy all signed up. And they are all looking for the most professional and famous one-on-one training institutions. I would rather save myself than make do with my children's education and never let them lose at the starting line. The cost of a summer vacation alone is as high as tens of thousands. Isn't this an emphasis on education? Don't! What your child needs is early personality education initiated by parents, not preschool education bought by institutions.

Some parents said: I am very concerned about my children's scores. Ask him to score above 90 points and be the first in the class 10. Isn't this an emphasis on education? Don't! Scores can only show that your child is mentally normal, but that's meaningless. Satisfied scores often cover up many issues worthy of attention. It is really blind to blindly pursue high scores and ignore the cultivation of study habits and the exercise of learning ability.

So what is the importance of education?

Let's first recognize the following educational misunderstandings.

? "Early education"? ≠? preschool education

At present, a dime a dozen educational institutions abound. Dazzling and expensive. Under the banner of education starting from dolls, parents should tighten their belts. "No matter how poor you are, you can't be poor in education." Parents are working hard for their children's future. But in the end I don't know who to make a wedding dress for. It has enriched the field of laymen, supported a group of training institutions, and regarded education as a utilitarian tool. Whether it is an Olympic math class, a writing class or a new concept, it is to instill knowledge for the exam. They only teach infertility, which completely violates the essence of education. The essence of education is to awaken the soul. Teach people to have good humanity and cultivate a healthy mind. It has nothing to do with grades or money. What educational institutions provide is the popular "early education", which requires parents to pay a lot of money, not real early education. These cultural tutorial institutions not only have a solid market demand, but also parents are eager for all kinds of art special classes such as chess, calligraphy, dance and music training classes for fear of falling behind. What they advocate is the "quality education style" that is refuted against the current exam-oriented education. Many people think that quality education is "reducing the burden", that is, learning by interest. Parents are also convinced that playing chess, calligraphy and painting are high quality. Children can dance and play a tune, but their qualities are different. They feel much better. This is a misinterpretation of quality education. The essence of quality education is humanistic education. Know the world, know yourself and inspire the beauty of human nature. Art specialty training institutions can cater to parents' interests, find out their psychology, take their children to various grades, go to various places at their own expense to participate in various competitions, and win back various gold trophies and a lot of certificates. Coaxed the parents to take orally and praised the money for its value. So I am willing to give my blood, just to have a distinctive noble temperament. China's parents are so rich. As we all know, both quality and temperament are a kind of brilliance from the inside out formed by long-term accumulation. It's not made of money This innate nature can never be achieved by enrolling in a remedial class. Remember, all the so-called money-for-money education is fake education. Education invests in love, not money. Domestic commercialized education has completely subverted the true essence of education, and killing you is not negotiable! China's parents are so eager for their children to become dragons and phoenixes among people, hoping that the next generation will have outstanding elegance. Because of the lack of education and humble life, it is really a long-term pain to be branded in the bones and blood by yourself or your ancestors, so you should be desperate to see the proud hope of the next generation. Regrettably, many parents ignore the most important early education for their children, but force them to learn all kinds of specialties early, which is completely putting the cart before the horse and putting the cart before the horse. Confucius said: Nine times out of ten, I am determined to learn. /kloc-started studying at the age of 0/5. I will explore the way of education and eventually become a master. Our children made up their minds to study when they were four or five years old. Long before Confucius. Disciples have a saying: spare no effort to study literature. The ancients have long taught us to cultivate children's filial piety, filial piety, honesty and faith. If these responsibilities are fulfilled, that is, "spare effort", then you can learn cultural knowledge. The ancients never thought that "learning literature" should be put before filial piety, filial piety, honesty and faith. That is, first "learn people" and then "learn literature." "Filial piety, filial piety, honesty and faithfulness" here are moral sentiments, and they are also the early childhood education we emphasize, not the popular "early education".

Who is harmed by "Don't let the children lose at the starting line"?

Education is not a sprint. It is not advisable for parents to focus only on the starting point and ignore the utilitarian psychology of winning through the process. Who won the tortoise and rabbit race? Life is a long run, and education has no end. It is a slow art, and it is gratifying to stand out from the starting line, but it does not represent the whole of life. Parents who firmly believe that "don't let their children lose at the starting line" violate the law of educational growth and have actually lost at the starting line. There is nothing wrong with this sentence itself, but it is misinterpreted by most parents. Pursuing speed blindly without paying attention to the cultivation of learning ability will only be surpassed in the end and there is no advantage at all. In the end, I was "dead" at the starting line. Don't worry, son. Take your time. Losing at the starting line is no big deal. As long as you don't give up with confidence, you will eventually win. Parents who are eager for success are afraid of losing at the starting line, choosing schools, shaking numbers, robbing school districts, enrolling in cram schools and doing special training. Bitter children, tired parents, earned educational institutions, lost a happy childhood. How can such an education win in the end?

Not sent to educational institutions; "Don't study literature"; Do not grab the starting line; Don't force the score. So what is the importance of education?

Paying attention to early personality education is the real wealth.

Who will carry it out?

You! Yes, it is yourself!

Real early education

? Beautiful? what's up Tao? smelt

Life is hard. If you don't have a good taste in your heart, it's really hard to stick to it. These beautiful seeds were sown at an early age and firmly rooted in the heart. When Xi Murong mentions her memory of exile, she will mention one thing, about her mother when she fled. In a panic, the young mother would rather give up expensive jewelry and take those curtains with beautiful long lace with her. Later, every time I talked about it, I was teased by my relatives and friends. "When my life was in danger, I still remember running with useless curtains." But who says it's useless? This was made by a young housewife when she was running a new home. It is a woman's best and gentlest hope. In her spare time, my mother sat at home and stared at the curtains hanging thousands of miles away. The memory it carries brings warm comfort to her native land. In the long years of wandering, with its company, the satisfaction in my heart can compete with the frustration of wandering. Who says this is a bunch of useless things? This scene also cast a heavy shadow on Xi Murong's young mind. Lin, a talented woman in the Republic of China, also experienced a painful exile life. During the war, their family fled south to Sichuan. At that time, material life was extremely scarce. When her children later recalled this experience, they all mentioned that in those hard years, Lin never forgot to pick some wild flowers and grass in the mountains and fields and put them in vases on the table. A bleak and hopeless life is instantly embellished with poetic beauty. Sanmao makes his daily life with Jose in the Sahara desert as enviable as poetry. An abandoned tire was turned into the queen's sofa by her own hands. All the difficulties and trivialities are surprises given by life in her eyes. Not everyone can be like her. Many of us can't find poetry even if we go far away. Without love of life, sensitivity and pursuit of beauty, you will be crushed everywhere. With the taste of beauty, it can shine even if it falls into the dust.

The real purpose of early education is to awaken a beautiful soul and shape a sound personality. The sooner young parents pay attention to it, the better. Specifically, we can focus on the following aspects:

1. Behavior constraint

When children seem to be sensible, they should be bound by behavior. A person who has no behavioral constraints will not be likable wherever he goes. Parents claim that this is to respect the free growth of children and release their nature. Actually, it's just willfulness and casualness. Stocking education is the laziness of parents. If you don't correct your mistakes, let them go. Over time, nature becomes vicious. Lost parents, innocent children. Parents believe that over-restraint of children's behavior will inhibit the release of children's nature and make them lose their freedom. In fact, a person who can't restrain himself in behavior first can't achieve the freedom of the soul. Children with strong self-discipline can usually exercise self-discipline and self-control. When you are an adult, you can keep the bottom line and stand the temptation. Only by learning to restrain yourself first can you restrain others. Can't control yourself, the future can only be controlled by others.

? Be grateful

? If you miss the gratitude education, there will be such an incredible thing as stabbing your mother to death at the airport. The lamb kneels to feed, and the crow feeds back. The instinct of all animals is easily overturned by parents under contemporary education. I won't be grateful, but I learned to be old and blackmail my parents. China's parents are very poor. Endure humiliation, fear and trembling, but cultivate a giant baby. Ruined the child's life and lost the rest of his life. Parents should not give and pay too much. Only by letting go properly can children find the right direction of love. Grateful people will never forget to come here when they grow up and work hard to return. Inner happiness and peace, no self, know how to cherish.

3. Clear responsibilities

Be clear about your responsibilities from an early age and learn to take responsibility. Parents should not overstep their authority, confuse the responsible areas for no reason, and don't be excused at will for no reason. Everyone has his own responsibility, and no one can replace the arrangement. Don't give everything you want, or even respond. Parents are always busy asking their children what their homework is. They are so free? What are they afraid of? Afraid that the child can't finish the task or be criticized and wronged by the teacher? Some parents even take the initiative to apologize for their children: "Teacher, this is my fault, I caused it. I can come to school to explain it to you "... it is not difficult to find that the root cause of abnormal education now lies in our parents being very ill! Many times, parents put too many obstacles or even injuries on their children's growth path. The eagle pushed the newborn eagle down a deep cliff for survival training, just to let it have a blue sky. What kind of love is deeper than it? Responsibility education is to make children adapt to social competition. Do parents want their children to grow up in infancy forever? Children who have no sense of responsibility will grow up ungrateful, escape from reality, selfish and narrow-minded, and psychologically naive and fragile.

Early education should pay attention to

1. Make corrections before it's too late.

? Education is most afraid of waiting

Correct mistakes regardless of age. Because of his young age, it is really a parent's fault to let his children make mistakes again and again until they take them as truth. Children are not sensible and need their parents to point out right and wrong in order to grow up healthily. Why parents can tolerate children's frequent mistakes and inaction, waiting and waiting, is really puzzling. Although I know I made a mistake and need education, I think my children are too young, so I'd better wait. If the child is unwell, wait first; If the child is in a bad mood, wait first; Now is not the time for education. Let's wait for .................................................................................................................................................................. In fact, what is the perfect time? It is the most appropriate time to solve today's problems. Timely present education is the most appropriate time. The sword should be unsheathed as soon as possible, and the seedling should be righted as small as possible. When Bian Que was terminally ill, he was helpless.

2.？ Error correction is not a trivial matter.

Punishment must keep up.

A small mistake is not corrected into a big mistake. The mistakes made by children must be small mistakes. Wrong is wrong, regardless of size. Parents sometimes feel that there is no need to make a mountain out of a molehill for a little mistake. In fact, error correction is a very serious educational content. Although you don't have to go to the French, you must have a sense of ceremony. From the expression and tone to the atmosphere of places and occasions, parents need to take a serious attitude, and children will have awe. Can be fixed in a serious study atmosphere, with father or mother as the main executive role, and the time should not be less than 10 minutes. All the details should not be underestimated.

If there is a mistake, you should be responsible and the punishment should keep up.

Is it too early for children to criticize?

Can severe criticism hurt self-esteem?

All uncritical education is false education and irresponsible education. Correct criticism is far from hurting self-esteem. On the contrary, self-esteem maintained by falsehood is false self-esteem and fragile. Self-esteem is not given by the outside world, but accumulated through your own efforts. Parents are afraid that their children will be wronged and can't bear to criticize. When they grow up, they will be more wronged. This punishment should serve as a warning.

Intensity and duration of punishment

The punishment should be severe. Children's crying will weaken their parents' punishment. When we hear crying, we will beg for mercy: forget it, after all, we are still young. Once the punishment is discounted, the effect will naturally decrease. Don't let children cry now, it's time for parents to cry when they grow up.

How long should the punishment last? In the long run, parents must play a good role. Keep a serious expression, don't be cheerful at once, and end the punishment atmosphere ahead of time.

The intensity and duration of punishment help children to consolidate their memory of punishment. Understand that everything is measured and crossing the line is not allowed.

When Hu Shi was young, the first thing he did at first light was to ask his mother to sit up and tell him that he had done something wrong yesterday and said something wrong, asking him to admit his mistake. The next morning, she taught her son a lesson for making a small mistake. She made a big mistake and waited until the dead of night, then closed the door. Blame first, then punish. Or kneeling, or ground meat. No matter what the heavy punishment, don't cry. On one occasion, little Hu Shi was severely punished for making a frivolous remark. Hu Shi left his mother at the age of 14, and no one took care of him anymore. But his noble personality benefits from his mother's influence on him since childhood. Hu Shi's mother can't read, but today her educated parents are less than one tenth of her.

Zero-effect false punishment

Children's punishment doesn't have to be severe, but it must be serious. "Dad is going to spank!" "Mom is going to slap!" Yelling a few words without direct punishment is tantamount to a "wolf coming" scare. Children have the ability of preliminary judgment and learn to explore. Your punishment has become a game in the eyes of children. Once, I saw a friend hit my son's hand. The little guy is peeking at his parents' faces and laughing at his little hand being beaten! This kind of laughter is actually passed on by parents themselves. Gentle expression, kind tone, gentle slap, is this still punishment? After the mob ended, the child couldn't wait to withdraw his hand and hurried to another place. There is no time to digest the punishment just now. At this point, the punishment is over and the effect is zero. There is no ceremony, no serious atmosphere, the place is random, the expression and tone of the executors are extremely serious, the intensity and duration of punishment are not enough, and many different voices jump out to oppose it. This kind of fake punishment is better than nothing. On the contrary, it will make them feel lucky, inspire children to challenge the rules, and finally ignore the rules and indulge their mistakes.

Formalization of emptiness

"Are you wrong?"

"Wrong."

"Do you dare next time?"

"I dare not."

"Say sorry."

"I'm sorry."

"Well, go and play, good boy."

"oh! Yeah! "

This kind of education will turn children into people with different opinions sooner or later. Children will choose answers that satisfy their parents. They should answer quickly and forget quickly. Parents are also very satisfied with their children's cooperation and have no intention of delving into it. Who is more ignorant?

Ask your child what "I'm sorry" really means. "I'm sorry" is an apology that is difficult to say easily. A sincere apology is heavy for children and extremely unwilling to say it. Need to summon up courage from the heart, need sincere expression. Let him know why he said he was sorry. Instead of saying "I'm sorry" easily. This false promise of using kung fu in words is meaningless. This is teaching children not to go away and not to lie.

"Baby, you have to have love, you know? Be sincere. "

The mother shouted at the running child for education.

"I know!" The child ran and answered, throwing toys at his companions and laughing. .......

Why ... how can there be such a wrong word? No child was born to Xiong Haizi. Because no one taught them what is "love" and "sincerity". It is blind education for such a young child to say such abstract things to him. Moreover, their mothers did not seriously call their children around for patient education, nor did they tell them what was wrong. Not to mention the atmosphere of the ceremony. After shouting, mom is playing with her mobile phone again. If the children know what his mother said, of course it doesn't matter, they just have to do it. In fact, they don't know what they are talking about. As long as parents hear a satisfactory response, they have completed the educational task. Do you believe that children can tell by saying "I know"? What makes you think he knows? Is it possible that he can understand such a profound word without doing anything? Adults are busy playing mobile phones and only care about their own entertainment. The child continued to rampage. Adults and children are very busy. As a result, all education has not been digested, and children only learn to remember, know, I was wrong, and dare not ..... You let children use these languages as passwords for begging for mercy. It is better not to say the slogan of conformity. Parents should not try to satisfy themselves by forcing their children to recite formulas for a period of time.

If Hu Shi's mother's error correction education for her son is serious and meticulous, and it also makes Hu Shi fear his mother since childhood and act and speak safely when he is an adult, then the attitude of parents towards their children's education now is simply nonsense, or simply inaction. To educate children, first of all, parents themselves are deeply saddened, and then convey this sadness to their children so that they can realize the seriousness of the situation. This kind of emotional transmission is enough to impress young children and dare not do it again. So you can't see educated parents training their children all day, and the children educated by him rarely make the same mistakes. And our parents seem to pay attention to education all the time. You see, it is the same. I talk when I eat, when I play, and when I sleep. But the child still refuses to change after repeated education and repeated crimes. That is, we don't take error correction punishment as the most serious thing at all. Their early education process was also punished. But these futile, pale and empty forms of punishment directly weaken the punishment effect and get twice the result with half the effort.

Stop praising blindly.

Praise is everyone's nutrition. That's right. But you can't blindly praise for no reason. "You are so smart!" Don't always say such empty slogans to praise. Because intelligence is not a quality, you don't have to work hard to stick to it. Children who are often praised for their cleverness have lost the motivation to work hard because of their cleverness. Please concretize the praise and affirm the results of his efforts. For example, "you can go to bed and get up on time, work and rest regularly, and your body will be great when you grow up!" " Keep it up! ""I didn't expect you to observe carefully and find so many interesting questions. Mom should learn from you. " "This song is well played. You are persistent and practice hard. I believe your level will get better and better. "These behaviors or qualities need to be adhered to. Timely praise can better motivate them to consolidate this affirmed trait and will be carefully maintained. When I grow up, I will be self-disciplined, careful and persistent. This is the role of praise.

Learn to wait

delay of gratification

The educational result of being satisfied immediately when crying is to cultivate giant babies. Society won't satisfy you because you cry. Let the child wait, don't try so hard to cooperate with him and satisfy him. Desires that are too easy to satisfy will not bring lasting happiness. Let them know that many things need to wait and patience. Even if we wait, there may not be any result. Appropriate disappointment can let children know that not everything can be done. Accept setbacks and cherish them. Learn to wait, and you will win more.

Delayed gratification refers to a choice orientation that is willing to give up immediate gratification for more valuable long-term results. Their self-control in waiting is manifested in whether children can effectively control their immediate impulses when they are tempted, which is the most basic and positive personality factor that accompanies people all their lives.

When your child makes a request, you can appropriately extend his waiting time and provide him with an exchange during this period. For example, he can eat by himself, learn manners, and later satisfy his desire to buy a toy. By delaying gratification, first of all, children will cherish the toys they have worked hard to get. He will cherish this meaningful reward more than the toys he usually gets for no reason. Secondly, he will consolidate his advantages because of satisfaction. It would be more polite not to have parents chasing after you. Moreover, parents don't have to spend money to buy a bunch of toys to coax him. Isn't it a good thing to kill two birds with one stone? Any reward and punishment must have a cause, and children will stop at mistakes and be better than Excellence. He will do better and better when he has done it, and he will remember not to make mistakes. You have to make the child understand that there are conditions. Don't let the impulse of your love confuse his judgment. Easy to get, he will think, "If I don't behave well, there will be toys, so I don't need to behave well, I can get them anyway." Children who are delayed will also make demands. But you will be surprised to find that they begin to make reasonable demands and are willing to make some efforts in exchange. Then they are actually challenging themselves while making demands on their parents.

5. Extremely strict

China's old educational motto is "Be strict with your lover, be lenient with others". In view of all kinds of social education problems caused by overindulgence of children at present, some parents are convinced that "if you are not strict, you will not succeed" and the education of children is very strict. This is also a misunderstanding of education. Being strict and ignoring children's personality is actually a sign of laziness. There is no standard answer to education, which varies from person to person. Some children are naturally introverted and sensitive, and feel inferior and fragile. Their parents are very stingy. When they grow up, they don't want to give a smile or say a word of praise, regardless of their children's personality. Such children live in psychological distortion without sunshine all the year round, with extremely depressed personality and dark inner collapse. It is difficult to adapt to society as an adult, and family life is unhappy. The incident of Yao Jiaxin, a piano teenager in Xi 'an, is a social and family tragedy caused by the lack of early personality education and the fear of taking responsibility in the face of mistakes. The tragedy of Hunan senior three boys stabbing their teachers to death with a knife is caused by neglecting the importance of sound personality cultivation in childhood. An enviable scholar of Peking University, Dr. Liu, who studied in the United States, accidentally blacked out his parents for six years and didn't go home for the New Year for 12 years. Or is it because of the lack of early personality education? They are not happy, lonely, helpless, twisted and depressed. Lack of early education is the tragedy of the whole family.

It can be seen that children's personality education is the real wealth. Such children have high emotional intelligence. They may not succeed as adults, but they must be honest, safe and lovely people with a happy and stable life. All parents who firmly believe in raising their children should strive to guide their children to have a beautiful soul and a sound personality. Early education requires parents to start from themselves and practice. You are a child's textbook and a starting line for children. No matter how professional the organization is, no matter how first-class the prestigious school is, it is impossible to accompany the children for a lifetime. Young parents, early education, just have you! Why is it far more than near? You don't need to send an institution, and you don't need to squeeze into a prestigious school. A good family is a good school. At present, the abnormal development of education in China may be an inevitable painful stage of people's urgent psychological desire after economic development. I believe that we are slowly returning to the essence of education. As parents, we are duty-bound and have a long way to go to promote education towards happiness.