Many parents subconsciously think that the child is mine, and I can treat it as I want. In this way, you will unconsciously say a lot of things that destroy children's confidence and do a lot of things that make children lose confidence.
Parents first need to realize that they are not the creators of children, nor the owners of children, but only the guardians of children, shouldering the responsibility of accompanying and helping children grow up.
Montessori, a famous educator, said that children are the father of adults. Personally, children will not always be "children", but will grow up to be friends, supporters or helpers of their parents.
Parents should put aside self-centeredness and respect their children from the heart.
According to Proper Self-esteem, the self-esteem system has three pillars: self-love, self-confidence and self-concept.
1. Self-love is a kind of feeling, which largely depends on the love and emotional nourishment obtained from family in childhood.
If a guest at home accidentally breaks a cup, parents will say: Never mind, never mind; But if the child breaks this cup, parents may say: Why are you so careless? It's mom and dad's favorite cup!
This unconscious expression of parents will make children feel that they are not worthy of their parents' love and respect, which is a kind of degradation and injury to children's self-esteem.
Therefore, when parents are dealing with some problems with their children, they might as well always imagine what I would say and do if this person were my friend.
2. Self-confidence is a kind of ability, which means that you have the ability to take appropriate actions on important occasions.
Self-confidence mainly comes from the feedback obtained through concrete actions, and draws the conclusion that "I have the ability to do this" or the opposite.
In Positive Discipline, the author mentioned that to be a capable person, one should have "seven important perceptions and skills", the first of which is "I can do it".
In the process of children's growth, parents often make mistakes: they often replace their children's activities with their own activities through useless help and suggestive power.
If parents want to do everything for their children, or don't trust their children to do it themselves, children will have little chance to experience the joy of growth and success, and will not build up self-confidence.
Therefore, in order to build self-confidence, parents should let their children do what they can as they grow older.
3. Self-concept is a reasonable evaluation of one's own advantages and disadvantages.
A person's self-evaluation mainly comes from the family environment, especially the development goals set by parents. If parents expect too much and children are under too much pressure, doubt and anxiety will do great harm to his self-esteem.
Yesterday, an 8-year-old girl was assessed for her learning ability. During the examination, I found that her memory and spatial awareness were significantly higher than other abilities. I told her realistically: you have developed well in both aspects and have great advantages. As a result, the girl blurted out: impossible. I asked her why she said that, and she said that my mother said that no matter what others did, they did better than me.
My heart, I am particularly distressed by this child. It is difficult for children who grow up in such an environment to establish a reasonable evaluation of themselves.
For parents, it is necessary to understand the development of children's ability objectively and comprehensively. For example, the theory of multiple intelligences tells us that everyone has eight abilities: language intelligence, mathematical logic intelligence, music intelligence, visual space intelligence, body movement intelligence, natural observation intelligence, interpersonal intelligence and self-cognitive intelligence.
If parents only pay attention to certain abilities that they value, such as the development of language or mathematics, it is easy to ignore their children's advantages in other aspects, and it is difficult to help them form a reasonable evaluation of themselves.
Therefore, parents should broaden their horizons, scientifically and objectively understand their children's strengths and potentials, give them encouragement and support, and unconditionally love what they are, not what I want.
In the process of cultivating children's self-confidence, we are often not smooth sailing. Sometimes the self-confidence you have worked so hard to help your child build may be lost because of an unexpected setback! When encountering such problems, parents should not be blindly depressed, because there is another saying called "learn from a painful experience".
Therefore, after a child encounters setbacks, it is often another opportunity for him to grow up. As long as we grasp something, the crisis will become an opportunity. Today, I will tell you what we should do after a child is frustrated through a small example of learning to ride a bicycle.
Most children can learn to ride a two-wheeled children's car when they are four or five years old. Due to the lack of balance, many children will stagger at first and need the help of their parents to practice. The more timid a child is, the longer it takes for parents to need help.
The child who lacked courage and self-confidence finally got on the bus with the encouragement of his parents. Once we don't give enough help, children are likely to fall to the ground with people and cars. At this time, we should pay attention, and setbacks are coming! Next, what we say and do is particularly important.
If parents say this, children will be even less confident. For example: ouch! What's the matter with you? I've helped you for so long, why can't you ride steadily? What are you shaking about? I'm here to give you good support! Just look ahead and push hard! Oh, it's really stupid. You can have whoever you want! Come on, get up quickly, let's continue to practice!
As a parent, everything you say to your child will actually be remembered by your child. If parents say this, children are likely to cry, never learn to ride a bike again, and few children can recover from pressure and reprimand. Because parents' accusations are enough to crush children's confidence!
If the parents did not say the above words, but said these words: nothing, nothing! Don't worry, mom and dad have plenty of time to accompany you! Take your time! If we fall, we will stand up again, not afraid of pain! Not afraid of suffering! Go for it! Come on!
The above words are not criticized by parents at all, but full of love and relationship. And your irrelevant and abstract encouragement often can't really help children build self-confidence, and then have the ability to actively cope with setbacks. Because blindly sweet talk can only make children live in a beautiful fantasy, and become more eager for success and more resistant to setbacks.
First of all, love your child's inner feelings in time. Help children express their inner unhappiness and let them know that mom and dad not only care about me and love me, but also understand me. When I fell, I felt scared, ashamed and wronged, which was normal, and then I accepted myself. You can say, "Did you knock your leg? Does it hurt? I'll rub it for you! " Take care of the child's physical pain first, and don't blame the child first and then care because of your temporary worry. If the order is reversed, although it is small, it will have the consequence of "a tiny difference, a thousand miles lost".
Then, the parents will try to shift the topic to the analysis of the cause of the fall. Because, anyone who wants to rebuild self-confidence after setbacks often begins with a careful analysis of the reasons for failure. For example, discuss and analyze with your child: Do you suddenly meet a corner? Are you afraid and your hands are shaking? You should be more courageous, slow down when turning, don't pedal, just slide slowly; Are you absent-minded and looking at other children? So the wheel hit a small stone and you fell? When riding a bike for a while, you must concentrate, keep your eyes on the front and hold the handlebar; Are you riding too fast? I tried to stop, but I fell down after a while? When we start cycling, let's slow down, not too fast.
After such careful analysis and discussion, children can really learn to ride independently by learning to deal with every detail. All the advice and skills of parents can also be passed on to children, which will not cause children's disgust.
The process of finding out the reasons is the process of parents taking their children to actively cope with setbacks. The process of accepting and overcoming setbacks is the process of children regaining confidence and re-establishing confidence. Such parent-child guidance can not only make children not lose confidence after setbacks, but also enhance their confidence in coping with greater challenges in the future.
After all, setbacks and failures are unpredictable and can happen anytime and anywhere. Having a strong heart that dares to correct itself at any time will make children actively respond, have it for life and benefit for life.
How to rebuild self-confidence for children? On the issue of self-confidence, many parents will have cognitive bias. It is basically impossible for children to build self-confidence, or rebuild self-confidence, because self-confidence is only an external state. Self-confidence is confidence in what you can do or say, that is, believe in yourself. If you want to make children confident or rebuild their self-confidence, there must be a premise, that is, children must have self-confidence, which is the internal strength and the foundation and essence of children's self-confidence.
Whether a child or an adult, as long as you have enough self-confidence, you can show a confident state. In other words, if you don't have or have no self-confidence, then your self-confidence is false, and self-confidence is not only our mental outlook of coexistence inside and outside, but also reflects our own psychological quality and state. Of course, the most solid foundation of self-confidence is our own ability, which is the most powerful support point.
Self-confidence refers to the psychological state that children are convinced of their own abilities, persist in overcoming difficulties, and complete what they are doing or should do under certain difficult conditions. With the support of self-confidence, no matter what you do or touch, children will flow into or show a state of self-confidence. Therefore, it is better to cultivate children's ability to deal with their own problems or things in life.
Most children are naive, and the transformation of naive performance is also a process of children's cognitive growth. In this process, the accumulation of children's inner ability is inseparable from the external education given by family and society, and also from the process of children's growth experience. For example, under the strict protection of parents, a child rarely touches his peers, and it is difficult to experience the collision with children of the same age during this growing experience.
In this way, once a child grows up, it is easy to encounter obstacles in interpersonal communication. If a child is only in contact with his relatives, that is, with some people he knows very well, and rarely contacts strangers, then he will be inferior to himself when he goes to society in the future. In terms of social skills, it is easy to be lacking, which will inevitably lead to psychological confusion. Therefore, if we want to build children's self-confidence, we must cultivate their ability to deal with many things or problems. To experience the problems or things that can be encountered in each growth stage, give full play to children's own imagination or learn to deal with them, and enhance their resistance to difficulties or setbacks. Only in this way will it help children to constantly increase their psychological quality and internal ability (in all aspects) under the condition of good mental outlook and psychological state. The state of children facing problems or things is self-confidence. I just illustrate this truth by how to cultivate children's self-confidence unilaterally in social activities. The lambs in captivity are waiting to be slaughtered, and the foxes run all over the mountain, but they leave a sly impression. )
First of all, as parents, we should have self-confidence, so as to correctly guide our children onto the road of self-confidence. If parents don't have self-confidence, children's chances of self-confidence will be greatly reduced, so parents' self-confidence is the first.
If parents are confident enough, they will lead their children to participate in some parent-child activities in some public places. During the activity, they will listen to the children's instructions. Although he was wrong at that time, they should try their best to cooperate with him to finish it. When it comes to the wrong step, they will carefully enlighten him. Where is the mistake and how to correct it.
Take the children for a walk in the park after dinner and let them communicate with other children. Don't be afraid of children getting hurt, because fighting is normal in children's world. Don't over-control your child's words and deeds, only correct and educate him after he makes a mistake!
Don't talk to children loudly or abuse them. Maybe your child has done something that makes you angry, but you should also control your emotions. Ask him why he did it first, then find out the reason and guide him correctly.
Don't physically punish children. Beating, scolding and scolding are the main tools that affect children's psychology. Some children are very confident from an early age. I just experienced some things, and someone made a sarcastic or sarcastic comment on him in words or actions. We have to ask at what stage this reason appeared. Then give correct guidance, help him get out of this shadow in his heart, ask patiently, and the child will say it.
Encourage children to participate in some activities organized on campus, and encourage children with words at ordinary times. Don't be stingy with your compliments, such as "You are great", "Believe in yourself, you can do it", "Come on" and "One step away".
Finally, I wish your child an early return to self-confidence! !
Glad to answer your question! Self-confidence is a person's positive attitude towards self-evaluation, a healthy psychological state, and a guarantee to bear setbacks and customer service difficulties. Self-confidence is very important for children's growth.
1, timid and introverted, afraid of not talking to people around you. I'm afraid I'm not as good as others, and I'm afraid my parents will criticize me for saying something wrong.
2. I always need help and rely too much on what I can do. You need help to do something you know you can do, and you always think you can't do it well.
3, dare not refute others, listen to others. Always listen to others' instructions when playing with children, and dare not express their opinions and ideas.
A, encourage children more
When a child finishes something, he should be encouraged to do it. For example, if a child brushes his teeth and washes his face, he is really a good baby who pays attention to hygiene. Don't always say that you are great, you are really smart. Parents should not always compare other people's children. They often say that you can tell who the child is and why you can't do anything. Every child has self-esteem and self-confidence, which will hurt the child's self-esteem over time and make the child lack self-confidence and dare not try.
B, don't protect children too much, do everything, and let children do what they can.
I am always afraid that my child will get hurt, and I have to help my child in everything. If the child can eat by himself, parents are afraid that the child will not eat well, and the teacher will chase after the food. Let the child do what he can. If the child is still unstable, let him run, because other children of the same age can, and it will make the child lose confidence after a long time. Encourage children to do what they can. If the children can't get anything, you can tell them that you can try to refuel and try again. Mom believes you can.
Wise parents will grow up with their children and enjoy the happiness brought by their growth.
I hope I can help you!
Self-confidence is a prerequisite for one's success. How can you accomplish your goal without self-confidence? For young parents, the cultivation of self-confidence is very important for their children's future life. How to help children build self-confidence?
First of all, parents should help their children find their own advantages, so how can they help their children find their own advantages? Parents should ask themselves the following questions first.
As a parent, have you found the advantages of your child? What are the advantages of your child? Children usually can't find their own advantages, and they all evaluate themselves through the evaluation and attitude of people around them. In the fierce social competition environment, some families demand too much of their children. Children do 10 things, 9 things are fine, but parents turn a blind eye and think that doing well is appropriate. They didn't give their children positive praise in time, but criticized what they did badly, so that they didn't know enough and pursued perfection too much. In fact, the message parents send to their children in this process is that I am always bad. The child has been criticized for a long time and feels that he can't do it. Therefore, if children want to be confident and realize their own advantages, they should be guided to look at themselves in an all-round way, even if it is a very small matter and a very small detail, parents should also look at it. Therefore, starting from today, you must change your perspective every day, help your child see the details, see what you have done well, and look for it with your child. Next, let's follow the following steps.
1, take out your notebook and write down the advantages of your child first.
2. From now on, find out what your child deserves praise in all aspects of your life and treat your child with appreciation. You can record the advantages of your children that you find every day.
Tell your child the advantages you see in time, but remember, don't praise your child blindly, praise your child's behavior and efforts objectively, and don't praise the content with personal character and visualization. For example, if a child mops the floor for you, the correct compliment is that the baby's little hands make the floor at home really clean. Thank you, baby. The wrong compliment is: you are great, son. You are really a good helper for your mother.
4. Tell your family what you have learned so that other members who come into contact with children can use it at the same time.
5. Examine the problems found in the process and your own feelings in time.
Let me share with you my baby's literacy experience. When my baby was two and a half years old, I taught him to know simple Chinese characters, but what I taught was a little vague. After all, I am not a teacher, so I bought some cards and books with pictures online to let him know, but the effect is not obvious, time-consuming and laborious, and it is easy to be damaged.
Moreover, the baby wants to stuff everything into his mouth, and some small puzzles are afraid of the baby to eat. Later, he found an APP, handsome cat, which can read books. I really recommend it to everyone. There are many adventure stories in it, as well as turning Chinese characters into interesting animations and graphics. My baby especially likes to listen. He is very active at ordinary times, and listens to stories quietly while watching. Various game levels let the baby learn Chinese characters repeatedly, deepen his memory, and make me feel fun when I play with the baby. So I strongly recommend you to try it.
Children's self-confidence comes from family harmony and good guidance from parents' words and deeds.
Everyone needs to cultivate self-confidence. Adults and children need to have a confident life. Self-confidence involves all aspects, such as academic performance, accumulated experience and rich experience. Generally, everyone can notice that confident people have extraordinary temperament, walk with wind, and always have a shining smile on their faces. These are all signs of self-confidence. Children's self-confidence comes from the progress of learning, reading a lot of knowledge, strong hands-on ability, and hobbies. Supporting children's self-confidence should also stimulate their nature, respect their hobbies and guide their interests.
Today's society is a material society. Many children feel inferior for some material reasons. They think they are inferior to others, lack confidence, have no perseverance in doing anything, and feel that they can't do anything well. Self-confidence is the foundation of doing things. People who are not confident in themselves can't do anything great. In the process of children's growth, the existence of parents accounts for a large part, so parents are responsible for their children. So, how to cultivate children's confidence? Let's take a look:
How to cultivate children's self-confidence
2. Establish goals that meet children's abilities. Parents' responsibility is to have a new expectation and help their children to establish their own goals at each stage;
3. Be good at discovering and always affirming the advantages of children. Every child has his own unique place. Children are very devoted and confident in their favorite fields. Therefore, parents should understand the characteristics of children, be good at discovering their advantages, and often praise and affirm them.
4. Let the children meet the difficulties. Success in surmounting difficulties is self-affirmation and will increase self-confidence;
5. Set an example. The power of example is infinite. When parents ask their children, they must pay attention to their own cultivation and set a good example for their children.
How to inspire children's self-confidence
Now more and more parents care and take care of every detail of their children. They have everything materially and are obedient mentally. They don't have to work or work hard. It is easy for children to develop a mentality of relying on their parents for everything, thinking that they will accomplish nothing without their parents and don't want to work hard at anything. Parents should encourage their children to try and do what they can, affirm and praise their good behavior in time, consciously let them take some responsibilities and cultivate their specialties.
In daily life, parents should communicate with their children more, understand their feelings, and don't impose things they can't do on their children. Everyone wants to make their children prosperous, but do they want it? Have you considered the children's feelings? Excessive stress will make children feel more insecure. Usually, we should give more encouragement and support to children, encourage them to complete some things, and let them accumulate self-confidence. With self-confidence, they will get twice the result with half the effort, even if they can't finish it, don't hit them. Let me share my baby's literacy experience with you. My baby started reading with him at the age of 3, but my children don't like books that don't move much. Later, I began to look for animation education materials, and used many kinds of early education applications before and after. Advertisements are frequent, and children begin to charge if they don't know the learning effect, until they find that Maoshuai's literacy application can accumulate literacy, develop good reading habits and quickly adapt to young convergence.