I felt this way when Su Bao was two years old. Later, I read two books recommended by Su Bao's early education teacher and explored some experiences myself. I found that not all children need adult intervention when they are crying or losing their temper.
About two books: one is the well-known positive discipline series, and the other is how to talk for children to listen to. The author's mother is Adele Faber, the author of the best-selling book How to Speak Before Children Listen and How to Listen Before Children Speak, so Aunt Faber and her family are studying how to deal with children's emotions.
In the face of a baby who loses his temper, you must do something, and you must do something.
1. Stop talking nonsense like "Don't cry" and "Nothing".
When the baby cries, the parents' instinctive reaction is to help her stop crying, such as feeding her when she is hungry and burping when she is flatulent. In the process of helping children stop crying again and again, establish an initial attachment relationship with children. However, this relationship will gradually change after the baby is one year old. The baby's crying may no longer be a physiological need, but may be just a bad mood, sensitive period and other reasons.
But by instinct, parents will feel depressed if they can't help their children stop crying.
For example, if a child falls, we will quickly say "it's okay, don't cry, don't cry, it doesn't hurt". The child may be thinking in his heart, I am obviously in pain, why should I say it doesn't hurt? In fact, what we are trying to comfort at this time is not the child, but the scared self in our hearts.
2. Stop pretending to be * * *
I remember my best friend once told me that when my son collapsed and cried, he also used the popular way on the Internet to love, label and reason with him, but it didn't help.
Yes, routines are routines after all. They use it much more, and the shrewd Xiong Haizi often sees through it at a glance. As soon as you get close to Eva, he will know that you are going to "love", and of course you will cry louder. ...
I remember a long trip. When I returned to the hotel, Su Bao cried because of fatigue. I used to say "you are tired" with * * * feelings, but my voice was impatient, which really implied "you should go to bed". In fact, I was not really in * * * feelings.
Then I realized that I was tired after playing with my baby all day. I just threw myself on the bed and made her cry. Later, when Su Bao was tired of crying, he climbed to my side. I said, look, you're tired, I'm tired, you're in a bad mood, so am I, just sleep.
Su Bao suddenly felt a sense of relief that "I help you with 10,000 sentences, rather than saying that I understand you". She also lay down beside me and soon fell asleep.
Don't ask questions in a hurry, and shut up at the right time.
I am preparing dinner. Su Bao usually plays with toys or reads books in his room. One day, I suddenly heard her crying. I rushed over and saw her sitting on the ground, surrounded by scattered building blocks. Although I had guessed half, I asked her what had happened. Did you drop the building blocks? Or what other reasons? Unexpectedly, Su Bao didn't answer at all, even crying out of breath. It took a long time to calm down.
In fact, it takes some time and space for children to cry when they encounter setbacks. Adults asking questions will only make them more annoyed and confused.
Later, when I encounter this situation, I will take a look and initially judge that Su Bao is not crying because of physical injury and other reasons, so I will quietly walk away, give her some time to digest her negative emotions, and wait until the crying is small.
4. Don't rush to solve the problem
Some time ago, Su Bao and I went to the park to play, and one of her cookies broke when we were eating snacks. She wants to eat the whole biscuit (you know, T2 baby with obsessive-compulsive disorder) and start crying. Before I change it, I will try to explain to her something like "we don't have any cookies". But remembering the advice in Faber's book, I changed my way.
Su Bao said with tears: My cookies are broken!
I said, yes, it's broken in three.
Su Bao added, I want round biscuits.
I agree with her: I also like to eat round biscuits.
Su Bao: But it's broken.
Me: Yeah, I wish it wasn't broken.
Speaking of which, Su Bao realized that it was a fact that the biscuit was broken, and there was no way to solve it for the time being. Later, when I encounter something similar, I will be worried, sad and stamp my foot with Su Bao, but she will accept the fait accompli more quickly and forget it soon.
In the face of children's crying, we often feel "I must help children solve this problem, otherwise I will not be a good parent." In fact, the root cause of children crying may not be solved by adults, so it is very important to shut up at the right time.
Sometimes crying is a way to release emotions. When the child is not physically uncomfortable, but emotionally uncomfortable and needs to cry, any form of "coax" will only make the child cry longer.
Of course, the baby loses his temper, although it doesn't need immediate intervention and treatment, but some homework must be done:
1. Analyze the real reason why the baby lost his temper.
Even an extremely sensitive two-year-old baby is not easy to cry for no reason. Crying is just an appearance, and there are always some incentives behind it, such as whether the living environment has changed, whether the relationship between family members has affected the baby's mood and so on.
Su Bao has been in an unstable mood recently. In addition to the sensitive period of two years old, she also took some time to accompany Su Bao because of her sister's arrival. To this end, I will try to spare some time with her every day. There are more quality companies, and she loses her temper less.
In addition, I don't know if you have found that the baby loses his temper, and more than 80% of the time is accompanied by drowsiness or hunger. When we are tired, our mood is more likely to deteriorate. Ensuring the baby's diet, sleep and regular life can reduce the "attack rate" of crying (I laughed at this writing, do you think that the mood of taking care of T2 baby is lost in the rush to take care of mental patients ...)
Step 2 comb your emotions together afterwards
Faber's book also emphasizes the need to teach children about emotions so that they can know what these disturbing feelings are. She also suggested that children should be helped to find an outlet to relieve their emotions (note that this is assistance, not help, and the protagonist of emotional relief is children, not parents).
Su Bao is very interested in graffiti recently, so I will draw a drawing board for her, and then draw it after she has lost her temper and calmed down a little, so that she can draw her feelings. After applying it for a while, her mood will be much better.
3. Teach children to establish a self-healing ceremony.
I don't know if you have ever seen a baby. Sometimes he is so grumpy that he can't stop trying. He cried for a long time. I saw it once.
At that time, when eating out, Su Bao knocked over his own food, so depressed that he was about to cry. I didn't know where my brain hole came from at that time. I touched a small tube of daisy perfume that I carried with me in my bag. I sprayed it on my wrist and put my hand in front of Su Bao's nose. Suddenly, she seemed to press the pause button and asked me curiously what it was. I explained that this is "angry water", which can make people feel better. Later, I occasionally met a baby crying and couldn't stop. This method works wonders and is my secret weapon for "emergency".
To my surprise, once Su Bao lost his temper and later came to me and said, "Mom, I want to get angry with the water. I won't be angry when I smell it. " I suddenly realized that this is actually a manifestation of Su Bao's learning to regulate emotions. She learned to use the "water of anger" as a ritual to press the pause button for her bad mood.
Yes, we can't be with children forever. However, if Su Bao will smell the fragrance of "Little Daisy" (or take a bath and drink a bowl of hot soup) when he is depressed in the future, he will take the initiative to adjust himself and take care of his emotions with childhood rituals. I will think that this is the whole meaning of emotional management enlightenment.
(This article comes from: Baidu Baby knows that I am a small cockroach)
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