Anxiety: refers to the complex and unpleasant emotional state such as nervousness, uneasiness, anxiety and annoyance caused by the imminent danger or possible threat.
The child's future is unknown. For this uncertain future, it is impossible to determine the result, or to let the children do according to the good expectations planned by their parents.
People, on the other hand, often like to put pressure on others to make things more uncertain and anxious.
One of my neighbors can hear the mother's roar and the child's crying every night.
Originally, their family of three was quite happy, with good family conditions and good feelings between husband and wife, but everything has changed since the children went to primary school.
My mother is a junior college student and engaged in personnel work after graduation. When she just graduated, when we both got 1500 yuan/month, she was taken by a foreign trade company because of her excellent appearance, with a starting salary of 2,500 yuan/month. It is enviable that the company still has a canteen. In terms of food, she can save a sum of money for skin care products.
Later, I met my husband who worked as a salesman in the same company. At that time, although the status of sales was not very high, the basic salary plus commission was still good. And at that time, their industry was still very developed.
My mother is getting ready to buy a house and get married while dressing herself up. As for things at work, she has never put down too much thought and never thought about improving herself.
She always thinks that a good job is better than marrying a good husband. Of course, her husband is very kind to her.
Since she became pregnant, she resigned, saying that she wanted to do prenatal education and it was inconvenient to go to work every day. Besides, her husband's salary can support her, support her family and even raise a baby in the future.
In a blink of an eye, the child was born, and she never thought about returning to the workplace. She just wanted to educate the child well. This idea is right, but the mistake may be that your own expectations are too high and your methods are improper.
As she has never been exposed to education before, she always says "someone has said it", "heard it" and "what about others" .......
In other words, she doesn't have a set of educational ideas of her own, nor does she educate according to the needs of her children. When a child encounters a problem, just ask the mother group casually, find a few mothers of the same age downstairs in the community and consult the training institution.
Under the leadership of such a mother, her children went to early education and trained their thinking ability from an early age; A little older, just to prepare for entering a good bilingual kindergarten in advance, can speak simple English and count simply.
If you are older, you must be prepared to enter a better primary school. The roar and crying I hear every night now are all preparing for my children's junior high school.
She spends too much time on her children's education, both materially and spiritually. Now, she doesn't allow her children to make any mistakes or deviate from their own customized tracks.
But as far as I know, it is because she is 35 years old now. Although her life is good, but look at the little sisters who used to be around, they are all doing well. Even colleagues who looked down upon at first are now department managers.
Every time I chat with them, she can go home angrily, and the words will always be in her mouth: If I hadn't gone back to my mother's house, I would have done better now.
When she learned that some friends' children were not as good as her own, her confidence came back a little. Since then, she has focused on children.
Every time she chats, no matter what topic, she can forcibly bypass the child and then praise the child. The subtext is that such excellent children are all raised by themselves.
She didn't allow herself to lose to the people around her, and now she doesn't allow her children to lose to the children around her. The energy spent on children every day may not be worrying about their future, but just looking for a sense of superiority for going out to chat.
The force she exerted on the child slowly began to show sequelae. The child is rebellious and doesn't like to talk to her, but he has a good relationship with his father.
The child no longer believes her sentence: I did it for you.
As the child grows up, she has her own ideas. She always feels that she is good for her children and has a bright future for them, but it seems that this future is not what the children want.
And she is still immersed in self-hypnosis and self-sacrifice. I know that she was proud at the beginning, but now she has no proud capital. She is on tenterhooks all day and can't find an exit for a while, so the child has become a rope for her to ease her anxiety about the future.
Whenever the child can't fulfill her expectations, she will be more anxious and constantly put pressure on the child. In the long run, the child is tired and she is tired.
And with the growth of the child, her control is getting weaker and weaker, sometimes even worse.
We have advised her that the child will leave her after all. Children need independent thinking and personality, and can't take care of them all their lives. In our life, the only thing we can control is ourselves.
But she wouldn't listen. She can't let her previous efforts be in vain, and she can't let her children ruin her expectations.
As a result, she and the child will go further and further.
Some people may say that children are still young and have no willpower, and they need parents to supervise them, otherwise they will accomplish nothing in the future.
If it is simply for children, we can guide them and make rules for them, but in this process, we need to take into account their feelings and analyze their advantages.
Blindly imitating others and blindly pursuing things that are not suitable for your children will only be counterproductive. Parents spend material and financial resources, children spend time, and finally have little effect. This kind of effort is meaningless.
It is enough to give full play to children's specialties, guide them to be curious about the future, let them learn to be responsible for their actions, and let them have the ability to think independently and live independently.
We control what we can and are responsible for our own lives. As for the child's life, let him be responsible. If children can't control their own lives, it's because parents intervene too much and use the wrong methods.
"Looking forward to a child becoming a dragon and a woman becoming a phoenix" is the biggest long-cherished wish of most parents in this life. After being parents, we all hope to do our best to train our children, provide them with all the conditions and train them well enough. For example, famous teachers, famous schools, school districts, etc. It has been heated up all the time, but it is gradually derived from the fact that more and more parents want to do their best to plan for their children and strive for a better future for their children.
It is the parents of "Jiwa" who have been heated up in recent years. In order to train their children, many families not only choose to find famous schools for their children, but also buy school districts in advance. More and more parents will give up their careers, train and take care of their children wholeheartedly, take their children to this training class every day, sign up for that special class, ask famous teachers for guidance and accompany them in person.
Parents' love for their children is understandable, but it is really difficult for most parents to give consideration to both getting good grades and making their children happy every day. Moreover, in the process of "chicken baby", if you can't adjust your mentality well and have a lot of unrealistic expectations for your child, it will not only make you more and more anxious, but also probably lead to children's anxiety.
Strictly speaking, I am also a negligible member of the "chicken baby" army. My Bao Er is three years old now. Personally, I always pay more attention to the cultivation of children's abilities in all aspects, so I can be regarded as a slightly experienced "chicken baby" mother. Let me talk about my own considerations and anxieties:
1. Why did you take the road of "chicken baby"?
At the beginning, I chose to be a stay-at-home mother because I wanted to accompany my baby to grow up, so that children could always feel the love of their parents, feel safe inside, and maintain strong confidence in their future life.
In the process of accompanying the baby to grow up, I will continue to learn how to recharge myself, not only how to take care of the baby more scientifically and reasonably, but also how to cultivate the child scientifically.
(1) The more you learn by yourself, the less willing you are to let your baby be mediocre. I hope that through my careful training and children's own efforts, children will "win at the starting line" and gradually embark on the road of "chicken baby";
(2) People who have secular desires are inevitably vulgar. They take their babies out to play every day, visit relatives and friends on holidays and so on. And unconsciously, I can't help secretly comparing with other people's children, hoping that my baby can be better than other people's children, and making children better than others is inseparable from the parents' intention of "chicken baby";
(3) In today's society, talented people come forth in large numbers, and mediocre people often have great employment pressure and are at risk of being replaced by others at any time. Parents, even if they don't expect their children to be "dragons and phoenixes among people" in the future, can't help but worry that their children's survival pressure will be greater in the future than now. If they don't train their children well enough, can their children have their own place in the future society and live a stable life?
Poor inheritance, as an ordinary wage earner, has no rich property, no prominent family background, only a heart that loves his son. Although my ability is limited, I still hope to do my best to train children, let them grow into an independent and outstanding youth, make some contributions to the great rivers and mountains of the motherland, and strive for a good future for myself.
2. Bitterness and joy on the road of "Chicken Baby"
Many treasure mothers have already carried out prenatal education "chicken baby" early during pregnancy, and even spent a lot of money and time and energy to cultivate children after the baby was born. I didn't realize the importance of early enlightenment education until my baby was ten months old, and I began to pay attention to cultivating my baby since then.
After ten months, I will accompany my baby to read Chinese picture books for about half an hour every day and listen to some English enlightenment music. In the process of growing up, she gradually increased the difficulty of reading picture books and tried to learn many commonly used English words, nursery rhymes and English short sentences. Later, with the growth of the baby's age, he gradually joined the thinking ability training, three-character classics, temperament enlightenment, independent self-care ability training, emotional intelligence training and so on.
At present, the baby is three years old and has good language skills. Wherever she goes, people praise her language ability. This may be the pride of the old mother, but also a little harvest of the "chicken baby".
The enlightenment of Chinese studies will also recite some catchy three-character classics, temperament enlightenment and so on. And she doesn't like Tang poetry very much. Every time I want to teach her, she won't listen. Although I really want her to learn, I am not reluctant, for fear that if I push her too hard, my children will be more disgusted with poetry in the future.
In English enlightenment, I know hundreds of commonly used words, I can understand the general meaning of some short sentences, and I am willing to watch some English enlightenment animations. As the mother of a chicken baby, I deeply feel that English enlightenment is beyond my power. Due to the limited ability, it is impossible to give the baby a pure bilingual learning environment in the way of mother tongue acquisition. Every time I see some children who can speak fluent English since childhood on the Internet, I can't help feeling a little guilty about the baby ~
At present, the self-care ability training, thinking training, emotional intelligence training and so on are all ok, but sometimes in the dead of night, you can't help but doubt yourself. I always feel that I am not doing well enough and I am not training my baby well enough. I always feel that other people's babies are better trained …
Finally, I want to say
As a mother with limited ability, she is often anxious about "chicken baby". Sometimes Bao Dad will say that it is good to let children grow up naturally and happily without too much training. Teachers will naturally teach children when they go to school. However, as an old mother, she is always full of anxiety about her children's future, fearing that if she doesn't train enough and do well enough, her children's future life will be too bumpy.
Sometimes I think, maybe I worry too much, and my children and grandchildren have their own blessings. Parents should do what they can, leave it to fate, and others don't have to be too demanding. Sometimes looking at the current employment pressure and survival pressure, I can't help but worry that children may be eliminated by society at any time if they are not strong enough and not good enough.
Being a parent is really hard. Chicken Baby has a long way to go, and it is bittersweet in Xiu Yuan. I hope our children will have a safe life in the future.
A family without money like ours has no anxiety, as long as it goes to any school.
I think middle-class parents are the most anxious, because they have some spare money, so they want their children to get a better education and a better future, so they start to seek ways for their children to become talents, and they become the main force of raising chickens.
He applied for six courses, and I only applied for four courses. Can you not be anxious? They began to receive English enlightenment education when they were two years old. Will it be too late for us to be four? The key energy is spent and the money is spent. In case the child fails, can you not be anxious?
As a mother who once had a little anxiety and finally let go, I want to tell this friend who is studying that it is easier to be a chicken father than a chicken baby.
I think Jiwa was chosen because of parents' anxiety, especially in first-tier cities such as Beishangguang. Other people's children are fighting, and no matter how good their mentality is, it is difficult to calm down in the big environment. Because there is nothing wrong with trying.
I work near the best school district in Qingdao. Most of the parents here are intellectuals, and many of them don't buy TV at home. I asked the students, and they said they were too busy to watch. I am busier after school than at school, not to mention on weekends. The parents of these children are more anxious than one. Talking to anyone can give you a laundry list of theories. This is not a first-tier city. But I feel that although my parents are anxious, they are also very happy.
So I think there is no problem with anxiety, as long as the children can accept it and the family relationship is harmonious.
Yes, if you weren't anxious, you wouldn't choose to keep giving your child chicken blood.
It is difficult for a mother who is not anxious at all to understand Jiwa's behavior.
To be sure, Jiwa's nanny is a little anxious. Why is everyone so chicken? Due to the increasing pressure of social competition, parents pay more and more attention to their children's education. No parents want their children to suffer in the future, so let them suffer now.
Speaking of which, I don't care about baby chickens. According to my personality, I must be a member of the chicken baby army. Maybe it's my dad's baby chicken. My experience scares me, but I can remain normal about it.
Dad's anxiety, I can clearly feel it, which also increases my anxiety and pressure. In the end, I didn't get into what he called Tsinghua Peking University. I often dream about exams for so many years, which may be a sequela. Chickens should be modest, otherwise more harm than good.
Some children have no time to go out and play with friends at all in a week. After school, they are remedial classes. When they go home, they do their homework. On weekends, they will learn talents. Their schedules are full, as if they were studying except eating and sleeping.
It's not easy for children. Parents ignore their children's feelings. They are eager to have time to laugh with their friends and to breathe free air.
Rebellion, inferiority, unsociable, grumpy ... Under heavy pressure, all kinds of sequelae will appear immediately, and the missed happy childhood will become a lifelong regret for children!
Jiwa's parents always think, "My children will be better than me in the future"! It is said that it is for children, but it is actually that the mind controller himself is unwilling to be mediocre. He must bring up his children as adults, so that he can feel at ease.
Strive for strength and be brave and strong, but parents should not be masters of their children's lives. Excellence is not necessarily happiness, and mediocrity is not necessarily unhappiness.
"If you want to change your life's destiny, there is only one way out for the college entrance examination", as my teacher often told us when I was in middle school. Now I don't know how many children have been hurt by thinking the wrong concept!
"If you can't get into Tsinghua Peking University, don't take it." My father's words put a lot of pressure on me.
And I want to say, dear children, as long as you work hard and all roads lead to Rome, there are still many possibilities in life!
It's not necessary. My husband and I both graduated from junior college. Will he be admitted to Tsinghua Peking University in the future? What kind of fruit to grow. You are not good, force the child to be good?
So, I just ask him to be better than us. There are thirty students in the class. I don't ask you to be the first in the exam, and you can't count down, at least not in the middle.
In fact, I keep telling myself "irrigate with your heart and wait for the flowers to bloom", but I am still a little anxious. Otherwise, I wouldn't show my children all kinds of picture books or English enlightenment when they are so young. Proper anxiety is actually beneficial, as long as I can control my mentality and not collapse.
Don't take a chick as an important part of your life. A chicken is not as good as the chicken itself. We all keep an active life. Usually we play less mobile phones and read more books. Children have a strong ability to imitate, and they do whatever we do. A pair of parents who love playing mobile phones can't educate a child who loves reading.
Therefore, parents who are on their way to the chicken baby don't have to be particularly anxious or concentrate on the chicken baby. This way, the baby is also very stressed. They can pay more attention to the chicken itself and set a good example for their children. Come on, duck!
Who is not anxious? Jiwa's mother's anxiety is only light and heavy, without existence and nonexistence.
What is the cause of chicken baby? In order to make children better, in order to make it easier for children to go to school … whatever the reason, they will only become more and more anxious.
When you think children should learn knowledge in advance, you will collect all kinds of information, sign up for classes, self-coach, and go into battle in various ways. Join the ranks of chicken baby mothers, find friendly forces, WeChat groups, big V, and then see how good other people's babies are. If you don't work hard to grow up now, you will even feel sad. This is a vicious circle.
Today's mothers are not anxious, just a matter of how much. You can avoid early education, "When is the best time for children to start early education", you can avoid the overwhelming promotion of online classes, you can avoid outstanding children in the neighborhood, you can avoid the conversation between parents when children are playing, and you can avoid the comparison between seven aunts and eight aunts. Who can hide? Once you hear it in your ear, pay attention, and the road to Jiwa's anxiety begins. What's more, today's society is selling anxiety. Whether to be young, children can't keep up with school, textbooks are getting harder and harder, and the anxiety of excellent children in online classes is the foundation of entrepreneurship. How can I pay for class if I'm not anxious?
Anxiety is anxiety, you know it and control it.
I think I will. In fact, I will unconsciously transfer the pressure to the children. I feel that the society is under great pressure, so I will imagine that she is under great pressure; If I don't get along well with my colleagues, I will worry about her interpersonal tension. . . In fact, the child is still young and has not faced these difficulties. Don't be overly nervous. Let them enjoy this wonderful childhood, ok?