He didn't speak fluently at that time, but he had an idea in his heart.
Every time before class, the teacher greeted him outside the door. Other children flew over like birds and hugged the teacher happily, saying, Teacher, I miss you.
When Li Xiaoyu saw the teacher from a distance, he hid. He pretended not to see when the teacher greeted him politely. If the teacher comes to hug politely, he will push away in disgust.
The teacher was a young girl, a little unhappy, but it was soon covered up. My face was a little worried, so I had to greet the teacher warmly and laugh at myself. Haha, my baby is taking the cold route!
Then I entered the classroom. The atmosphere was very warm when the teacher taught everyone to sing and dance. Li burst into tears and dragged me to the door. Want it? Fat people? . No way, I had to hold my fire, say sorry to the teacher and other parents, and take him outside the classroom to appease him. Then I promised him that I wouldn't take part in singing and dancing, just sitting in the corner.
The young teacher sighed softly, as if he had slapped me in the face.
From then on, Li Xiaoyu hated going to kindergarten parent-child classes, and I hated it even more than him.
I began to review myself. Do I usually take him out too little? Is it not enough to interact with children? Do you want to take him to the early education center for exercise?
I feel like an enemy before my parent-child class every day. My son and I rehearsed the scene of meeting the teacher, dancing, singing and introducing ourselves over and over again. The pressure is comparable to the eve of the college entrance examination. But when he arrived at kindergarten the next day, he kept his mouth shut.
I even began to wonder if my son had social phobia. Does he need professional guidance?
2
According to the book, social phobia refers to? In some social occasions, some people are afraid of being watched and evaluated by others, and they have symptoms such as shaking hands, blushing, nausea, frequent urination, and cold hands and feet. ?
In fact, corresponding to his son's performance, he didn't show nervousness, fear and other emotions in the parent-child class, but he didn't adapt and didn't like it there.
After reading so many parenting books, I know that a two-year-old has no need to socialize, let alone the ability to socialize. Just because he is introverted doesn't mean he has social phobia.
But I still can't help feeling anxious.
In this painful separation, I carefully observed my heart and saw my young self.
Strange relatives came to my house. I was so scared that I wanted to hide behind my mother, but I was dragged over.
Will you call uncle? , mother urged.
If I refuse to scream, my mother will be worried. Why is this child so rude? How does mom usually teach you? ?
I worked hard for a long time and let out a cry timidly, cousin? .
My mother breathed a sigh of relief and let go of her hand clutching my clothes. I'm sorry, right? Cousin? Smile? The child is too introverted and has no hope of growing up. ?
I ran away quickly.
Next time someone comes to my house, I will hide in my room early and be caught out and forced to ask? Call second aunt? , call it broken, say? The child doesn't know how to kiss people. He's not likable? .
So I have been afraid to meet new people, afraid that I am not good, worthless and unlovable.
Now, as a mature person, I have no technical obstacles in social life. Many friends who meet for the first time even think I am? Self-cooking Outgoing. Every time I go back to my hometown, I will be praised by my neighbors, saying that I love to say hello and am polite.
However, when I saw the child in my heart in Li Xiaoyu, it immediately triggered? Fear of life is worthless. If you don't please the teacher, you won't get attention and love. The fear of.
So I'm the one with social phobia.
Just, usually the warm and polite person who is afraid of communication under the surface? Me? , was deeply hidden.
three
There's a story in Zhihu? Social phobia? On the topic, many friends poured out all kinds of social pains in their lives below, for example, they were afraid to look others in the eye, go to the store to buy things, and dare not go to the restaurant to order food. They would tremble when sitting opposite each other while eating, and they hated answering the phone. There were only good friends online.
Everyone mentioned that they are particularly worried about those negative comments when socializing.
There are various reasons for social phobia. Genes and genetic factors are irresistible.
However, a large proportion of friends trace back to the source of social phobia and find that their initial worries are negative comments from their families.
Netizen Congnitionofs
My mother is a typical China parent. She hardly ever praises me. Even if I do well, she can pick out bones from eggs. When I was a child, I went door to door every New Year. I was reluctant to leave because my mother always talked about my shortcomings in front of outsiders. She thought it would give me a modest personality, but she didn't know that until now I was very afraid to visit other people's homes. This fear has run through my life for decades.
Netizens are rampant and thin.
When I was a child, I was reprimanded or even beaten for doing something wrong. If a relative visits without greeting and says something wrong, he will be severely reprimanded afterwards. Therefore, I feel inferior, worry too much about my words and deeds in social activities, feel nervous and anxious when I speak in front of everyone, and even have difficulty breathing.
Netizen Ali sauce
Of all the children in my family, I am the least likable. I don't call people voluntarily. Mouth is not sweet, don't like to laugh. Nobody likes me. I hate myself. When I was in junior high school, I was laughed at for being fat, and I was nervous all day. I'm afraid of going out, going out on the street and talking to people. I feel that the whole world is laughing at me, and the worst thing is to shut myself in for two months.
4、
Since 2006, Beijing Normal University Documentary Center has tracked and recorded a dozen post-00 children in a kindergarten called Ba Xueyuan, from kindergarten to primary school and then to middle school. We can see in this documentary called "After 00" that in the past ten years, children with different personalities have grown into different people under different educational models.
What moved me most was a child named Yiyi.
One is an introverted child, eating alone, sleeping alone and playing alone. Yiyi's parents are both intellectuals, and their personalities are relatively withdrawn, so they are not anxious about Yiyi's silence.
Facing the adult's question: Why do you always play alone? ?
Three-year-old and one-year-old answers are mature and certain beyond their age: I just like to play alone, okay? 、? Everyone has their own choice? 、? My right not to make friends? .
Teacher Li, the head of the kindergarten, expressed her concern to her parents. She believes that children should enter and serve the society in the future. If children go on like this, they may encounter problems in their future survival.
Parents listen to the director's suggestion and usually take one more to visit. Mom also took a week off to accompany the kindergarten. I hope I can drive Yiyi to the kindergarten to play with the children.
But neither the director nor her parents showed anxiety in front of her, forced her to join the group, and no one scolded her: she would not associate with others and was worthless.
Slowly, Yiyi made a friend in kindergarten and enjoyed the happiness brought by friendship.
10 years later, 13-year-old Yiyi is a caring, clear-headed and motivated child. She has her own good friends and has no problem getting along with others.
She is still introverted and likes to be alone, but she has her own position in the group, so she is very comfortable.
5、
One day, on the way home from school for a parent-child class, Li Xiaoyu asked anxiously, Mom, did I behave well today?
The baby is doing very well! I said something against my will and suddenly realized that although I didn't criticize him like my mother did? Children are so introverted that there is no hope of growing up? But my anxiety has deeply infected him.
If my stress is not released, then in time, my son will become a real social phobia as he was a child, and even this fear will come back? Infection? For his next generation!
This thought woke me up like an electric shock, and I soon realized that to keep my son away from social phobia, I must first cut off reincarnation from myself.
I calm down and tell myself? Fear of life is worthless. If you don't have a good relationship with your teacher, you won't get attention and love? It's just an opinion, not an objective and true situation.
I decided to relax, learn from my parents and accept Li Xiaoyu's introversion.
When I went to the parent-child class again, I told him that we were just going to have fun. It doesn't matter how comfortable you are.
When she was two and a half years old, Li Xiaoyu suddenly learned to hug the teacher when she went to kindergarten, and she was able to introduce herself completely.
He still doesn't take part in singing and dancing, but I think maybe in the future, he can get more fun from painting, handicrafts or other quiet hobbies. It doesn't matter if he doesn't sing or dance, just let nature take its course.
And I, through the process of learning psychology, really began to love myself and accept myself.
When dealing with people, apart from basic courtesy, I no longer force myself to deliberately show enthusiasm, friendliness and perfection, but only show my true state. Surprisingly, when I stopped? Too hard? On the contrary, I enjoy this wonderful relationship.
six
So, to a large extent, son? Social phobia? Etiology and medicine are both parents.
When parents really accept themselves, they are no longer afraid.
Only when parents are not afraid can they really accept their children.
Accepted children can be truly confident and relaxed.
The cycle of social phobia can really end!
Maybe, everyone asks? Why does my child have social phobia? Parents should ask themselves, Do I have social phobia myself? Do I really accept myself? ?