So, what is the essence of maternal love? American psychologist Harry? The answers given by Harlow: touch, exercise and play.
Touch-careful care, gentle hug and timely response.
Exercise-shake slightly and interact with children more.
Play-often play games with children.
People think that as long as a woman gives birth to a child, she will have maternal love when she becomes a mother. This is an ancient concept. In modern times, it can only be said that she has maternal love, which is not equal to maternal love. Motherly love refers to a mother's loving ability, and the ability to love needs to be learned and cultivated, and this kind of learning does not need to cost money, as long as parents accompany them attentively and pay patiently. In fact, after a child is born, parents don't need money to buy natural nutrition, such as breast milk for physical nutrition and maternal love for psychological nutrition.
Let's compare the views of two famous American psychologists and understand the importance of maternal love to the healthy growth of children.
Watson, an American psychologist and founder of behavioral psychology, adopts the parenting model that "mothers only need to provide their babies with enough food, try not to kiss and hug their children, and don't satisfy them easily." Even if the child cries, he must not be soft-hearted, so as not to form the habit of relying on his parents ... ". He believes that excessive intimacy will hinder the growth of children, making them very dependent on their mothers in adulthood and difficult to be independent and successful. The theory of training and shaping children was popular in the United States in the 1930s and 1940s, and corresponding methods such as crying immunity, delayed gratification, and independent sleep for infants came into being, all of which originated from this. Sadly, however, Watson's three children eventually suffered from depression.
American psychologist Harry? Harlow's famous "surrogate experiment for rhesus monkeys" is known as "the greatest psychological experiment in the 20th century". Harlow made a famous conclusion through a series of experiments that love comes from contact, not food. To sum up, there are four viewpoints. First, the sense of security brought by contact is the most important element of maternal love. Secondly, exercise and play can promote brain development, which are two other important factors of maternal love; Third, independence is not cultivated by "isolation" and "cruelty"; Fourth, the six months after the birth of a child is the most important period for obtaining maternal love and establishing parent-child relationship.
Harlow's experiment proves that only food and hugs are given, and children are not given enough exercise and play. The sensory system in the brain that controls movement and balance, as well as the emotional system associated with touch and movement, are not well stimulated, which leads to abnormal brain function development and ultimately abnormal psychological behavior.
1958, at the annual meeting of the American Psychological Association, Harlow gave a famous speech "The Essence of Motherly Love".
This speech not only shocked the whole United States, but also subverted the way of feeding babies that American society has always advocated.
"The essence of maternal love is definitely not simply to satisfy children's hunger and thirst. Its core is contact care: hug, touch and intimacy. "
Parents can't just feed their children. In order to make children grow up healthily, psychological nutrition and love are also necessary nutrients for children, that is, mothers provide their children with care for touch, vision, hearing, smell and other sensory contacts. Let him feel the existence of parents, and the child's mind will develop healthily. If the psychological nutrition is insufficient, that is, the child lacks love, it will affect the growth of the child's life. Children who are carefully cared for, embraced tenderly and responded in time are more likely to leave their mothers' arms to explore independently and become more independent and adaptable adults. In other words, the more pampered children are, the more they will open their hearts and become cheerful and confident. Children who can't get the attention of their parents, that is, children with mental malnutrition, will close their hearts, ignore the surrounding environment, and be withdrawn and unsociable.
Children's physical and mental development has a critical period, Harry? Harlow's experiment tells us that within six months, babies need their mothers' warm arms and gentle eyes most. If you miss the critical emotional period, the door will be closed forever, the emotional bond will never be established, and the ability to love will be lost.
Many parents always think that their children are young, ignorant and have no memory, but parents remember that children are also flesh and blood when they were young, and they have the need of affection and love. As we all know, if children don't get enough touch, exercise and play in infancy, when they grow up, they tend to be introverted, unsociable, poor in stress resistance, low in self-worth and weak in social skills, and even become depressed, autistic, self-destructive and plump. It is not difficult to understand why many parents say that I have paid so much for my children, but have raised indifferent and ungrateful children, and even children are addicted to the Internet, puppy love and violence. Therefore, parents, especially mothers, are advised to avoid long-term separation from their children after they are born. Long-term separation will cause great psychological harm to children.
Now merchants often say a word-don't let children lose at the starting line. As a result, many parents go into a misunderstanding of the starting line, thinking that the best education for their children is not to lose at the starting line and spend a lot of money on their education. However, most parents don't know that this is just a trap for businesses. In fact, the real starting line is to give enough maternal love in infancy, especially within 6 months of birth. The real enrichment of children is not to give the most money, not to give the best food, not to attend early education classes, but to give warm companionship to maternal love.