Tao is the essence and technique is the method.

There is a saying that no ability is an armchair strategist, and there is a saying that no ability is blind.

1、

Yesterday, my best friend called me and said that her daughter failed the English exam this month, which pulled the whole ranking down. Between words, full of anxiety.

While telling her story, she asked how our exam was. I said it was ok, except that I didn't do well in the Chinese exam, and everything else was quite satisfactory. Then I tried to enlighten and comfort her, but obviously she didn't listen to a word. All she thinks about is what to do in the face of this situation and how to find the best teacher to make up lessons for her daughter.

Compared with her, all of a sudden, I saw that I was much calmer now.

2、

I was more than just my best friend.

Whether during pregnancy or early childhood, I am full of expectations for my children. I have bought all kinds of books and heard all kinds of early education legends. Vegetables and children's magazines are flying all over the sky, most of them are bought on a whim, and there is no clear direction and goal.

Because there is no pressure to enter a higher school, children basically play at school, playing middle school, without assessment, comparison and feedback, and get along well with their children.

When children go to primary school, I firmly believe in the theory of "love and freedom" and advocate that children should be kept free, let go, and fully respect and trust him.

But I forgot-it is strictly the wisdom of our ancestors, not the dross, that boys' ears grow on their asses.

The most typical example is that when he first went to school, I read an article by teacher Hu Ping to the effect that she had seen a child when she was a school doctor, and she was already running a fever, but she finally hoped for her mother, thinking that she could take her home, but what she was waiting for was a sentence-insist on taking you home after class.

Up to now, I can still remember the disappointment of the little boy mentioned in the article, and I am deeply touched-why do parents ignore their children's health in order to study? Shouldn't health come first?

So, after reading that article, I seriously talked with my children about my discomfort. The theme is: If you are uncomfortable, you must tell your parents. Compared with study, health is undoubtedly the first.

As a result, when I was a naughty child, I always had to go to class once or twice a year in primary school, but suddenly the teacher called in the morning or afternoon and said that the child had a stomachache and various discomforts and asked us to take him home.

At the beginning, we were so nervous that we had to go to the hospital for a careful examination every time we brought it back. Sometimes, because my spleen and stomach are not very good since childhood, I may catch a cold and my stomach is really uncomfortable. But most of the time, it's okay. You'll be fine after a sleep.

Later, we gradually became a little suspicious, whether the little one used what I said as a cover for not going to school.

So, in a similar situation, as long as he doesn't cough or have a fever, he is ordered to stay in bed for half a day or even a day, not playing with toys, watching TV or listening to stories, just drinking water and having a rest.

After so many times, you can of course lie down if you are really sick, but it is obviously painful for a lively and splashing child to lie down hard. He finally found that pretending to lie down for a long time with a stomachache was not as fun as going to school, and gradually put an end to this phenomenon.

When I went to middle school, I grew up, and because of the sudden increase of study pressure, it never happened again. Even if you really have a cold and fever, you should hang water in class. Last semester, because I turned on the tap for my class, the water bottle suddenly burst. Even though his feet were soaked, he didn't miss a day's homework.

In this case, he was embarrassed to laugh when he talked about his "little tricks" as a child.

So, everything in the book is right. This seems to be the truth, but is it necessarily suitable for your children? I'm afraid not. Educate children not to copy all kinds of superficial "techniques", but to adopt the method of "suit the remedy to the case" in Chinese medicine and master it flexibly according to the actual situation of children.

3、

Throughout the primary school stage, we have no feeling about the fierce competition of exam-oriented education, so we have never planned and arranged our children's study in advance. His average score is not bad in our eyes, and he is only a few points away from full marks every time.

At that time, I always felt that it was still early and the child had great potential. I didn't want him to spend too much time in remedial classes, so I took him to watch movies, read books, travel and read famous books. There are many books, such as The Great Learning, The Doctrine of the Mean, The Analects of Confucius, Disciples' Rules, Thousand-character Works and The Book of Changes. I've been studying for a year or two.

On Monday, there is an open English class in their class. In class, the teacher put a picture and asked the students, "Does anyone know what is in this picture?"

The son was surprised and said happily, "Our class doesn't even know each other! I saw it at a glance, it is the eye of the magic school bus! "

He asked again, "Mom, that's weird. How can they never watch the magic school bus? " ? ! In our class, whoever has excellent Chinese scores has never seen Harry Potter! Too long! "

In addition to documentaries, Magic School Bus, Dora the Explorer, Qiao Hu, Miffy Rabbit, Harry Potter and Diary of a Coward Child, as well as movies Home Alone and Disney series are almost his childhood favorites. He has read Magic School Bus many times, whether it is a book or a dish.

I don't know why most children in their class haven't seen it, even the movie "Alone". However, this does not prevent people from getting high marks in the exam, but his Chinese reading performance, which is not narrow, has been dragging his feet.

But now, in the face of children's situation, I seldom feel anxious. Because I always believe that the beautiful seeds we planted when we were young will always take root and sprout quietly in the fermentation of time.

4、

I remember last year I went to seven schools and eight schools for my children, such as learning memory methods, such as buying study materials and Taobao courses everywhere, and I couldn't wait for my children to get fat.

But now I gradually understand, in education, how to recite, how to remember, how to improve classroom efficiency, how to cultivate good study habits, how to find excellent tutors and so on. Are just irrelevant "skills." These "skills" largely cater to parents' anxiety and desire for shortcuts and shortcuts.

Last year, there was a classmate in the children's class, and her parents spent more than 10 thousand yuan to send her to summer camp to learn memory methods. I thought at that time, the children will definitely be more powerful when they come back, and their grades will be greatly improved.

But after one year, the children's grades have not improved. The so-called magic memory method has not seen any effect.

I'm glad I don't have a fever. I signed up for these courses for my children.

My favorite teacher, Hu Zihong, often said that there is no shortcut to learning, only to do the problem and then do it. Xueba swam out of the sea of questions.

Now, I am convinced.

So what we can do now is to feel at ease, meditate, write a diary that children appreciate every day, find out his advantages and progress, study with him, urge him to do his homework, write every homework carefully, do every topic well, and recite every text in a down-to-earth manner. Believe in the power of "water drops pierce the stone" and gradually accept the child's true colors.

I think that parents can calm down and children can calm down slowly; Parents can persist, and children can also persist; Parents are not anxious and patient, and children can get better and better.

The so-called growing up with children, that's all.

Later, on the phone with my best friend, I said: I can't get into the best high school in the senior high school entrance examination, so get into a good high school; If you can't get the second place, go and get the third place. If you can't get the third place, spend more money and go to a private school; If you really can't, go to the county. I don't believe it. Can there be a middle school without our children?

My best friend said, yes.

I don't know if she listened, but when I said this, my heart was quiet.

A teacher once said, how can more than ten years of study be conclusive when educating children? At least "thirty years" is the limit, which shows whether our education is a success or a failure.

There is a saying that no ability is an armchair strategist, and there is a saying that no ability is blind. I really hope that all parents in the world can pay enough attention to the "Tao" of education, find less "skills" of education, spend their limited time with their children to grow up step by step, do not pursue quick success and instant success, do not demand one step to the top, water their children's confidence tree with patience, insist on watering and wait for flowers to bloom.