Little D is now more than 2 years old, and the situation is getting more and more stable. Although everything is still unknown when she is less than 3 years old, we can always see her progress. From the beginning, she was delayed in all aspects, and now she is slowly catching up. We are still recovering very intensively and dare not relax at all.
For more than two years, every time I go to NICU for follow-up, Director NICU will praise my husband and me, saying that he has met too many children like Xiao D in his career, all of whom are in the United States and have these rehabilitation conditions, but the degree of family investment in children's rehabilitation is really different. He said that a good parent should be a coach and will give full play to their children's potential. I see that in you.
To tell the truth, our story with Xiao D is still in progress, and we dare not brag about how well we have done, but we want to share some experiences in the past two years, hoping to inspire everyone.
Don't limit yourself, son.
I took little D 4 to an early education class when she was four months old. At that time, little D couldn't keep up with the activities of any peers. Staring at it all the time, sometimes louder will make her feel scared and cry. The early education teacher learned about the birth history of Xiao D and was extremely "loose" to her. When everyone is about 7 months old, the teacher will let the children clean up the toys together, but only forgive Xiao D.
After class, I found my teacher and told her that although little D really can't do it now, I don't want to deprive her of the opportunity to try. Please don't skip her if you can. Every time you give her a chance to try, whether she wants to or not is her own business. The teacher was obviously surprised and specifically told me that Xiao D was fine (maybe the last part she didn't say was that according to her medical history, it would be good not to show mental retardation).
Later, I continued to take Xiao D to the early education class every time. Sometimes she just watches, so I explain to her, tell her what they are doing, and guide her to pay attention to other people's expressions. She was happy, and he was sad and cried. Slowly, she seemed to suddenly understand what was going on. Once again, she is packing toys, and she has the will to try. I took her to throw the toys into the bucket. Although she was slow compared with other children of her age, she seemed to give up halfway, but she did it. Every child is different, but in the process of growing up, we will "classify" or label them intentionally or unintentionally. Everyone will think that "she can't do it" because of Xiao D's premature cerebral hemorrhage. For full-term healthy children, we will actually do the same, "My building blocks are well made"; My family can't sit still and doesn't like reading picture books.
In the process of such evaluation, we ourselves have closed or opened a door for our children. Because the building blocks are well made, I have been praising them, so I have been buying all kinds of building blocks for my children. Children's building blocks are naturally getting better and better. Because I don't like reading picture books, I nag my children from time to time, and then I try several times, but my parents give up, so my children really don't like reading picture books.
In fact, many aspects of children's first three years, even before going to primary school, are uncertain. Their initial "dislike" may be just a slow personality, or they may just be out of shape today, but they really don't like it later. It may be the attitude of our parents in this process, it may be a negative evaluation, it may be an expression of disappointment, or it may be that we gave up earlier than our children.
Never, never, never set limits for children, but believe in the infinite possibilities of each child.
Help children experience the joy of success.
It is still an early education class, and then Xiao D can gradually integrate, but obviously, her reaction speed is much slower than other children, and many singing games can't keep up. After several times, I found that her eyes, which had just started to light up, dimmed again, and her interest in attending early childhood classes was no longer so high.
Later, I will call the early education teacher in advance every time to ask about the content of the next early education class, and then choose one aspect in advance to give Xiao D a small stove. For example, I learned that the next time I sing, I will sing "Wheels on the Bus". I will sing that song with Xiao D from time to time that week, and I will also ask the rehabilitation teacher to sing with Xiao D, so that singing will become a part of our daily life that week. Then go to the early education class, at least the song of Xiao D can be followed as completely as other children of the same age, and sometimes the action is better than other children. Whenever this happens, she will show a particularly proud look.
Children need to experience the joy of success, and what they must experience is the feeling of "doing it by themselves", which is the most direct motivation and can inspire her to break through herself and do more things. Perhaps some children are gifted and have experienced this feeling by themselves since birth. But there are also "snails" like little D. At this time, we need our help without showing traces. "Stupid birds fly first."
But help is not a substitute. I have met many parents. The child wants to try to climb the slide, and the parents directly hug and say, you can't; The child wants to put on his own socks, and the parents help him put them on directly. Such a "successful" child will not feel happy. On the contrary, they will only feel "incompetent". Maybe they are willing to accept it now, but slowly you will find that children are unwilling to challenge themselves. When in trouble, say, "Mom, help me, I won't."
Until now, I will help Xiao D practice reviewing many things, but I always remember that at the moment of standing on the "stage", the protagonist must be her, and I must quit. If she does, I will celebrate with her; If she doesn't, I will celebrate with her and tell her that we will try again next time. (One of the first gestures that Little D learned was high-five. Give me five. ).
Expanding the comfort zone
Everyone has their own comfort zone, and everyone will feel most comfortable in it, because everything in the comfort zone is what we are best at and familiar with, especially for children. Every time Xiao D has experienced the taste of success, when this successful experience can be replicated more than three times, I know in my heart that she has entered the comfort zone and I need to help her expand this circle.
If the early education class can keep up with the singing session, then I will encourage her to keep up with the game session; After learning to feed herself by hand, I encouraged her to use a spoon half the time and grasp it by hand half the time, and then gradually transition to using a spoon entirely; As soon as I learned to walk independently, I asked her to help me push the laundry basket and wash clothes together. These small challenges are based on her current ability to "jump and get". They are challenging, but they don't scare her away directly.
Every time she starts, she will show no interest and unwillingness, and the joy of her past success is very important. Every time I would kneel down and say to her, "It was really difficult, but do you remember the last time you slipped off the slide by yourself, completely alone?" Now you can do it, too "I will remind her of her past experience with such words, and then encourage her to try. The first sentence that Xiao D learned to speak in English was, I can do it! I can do it! )
To tell the truth, we are really too "precious" for the children of generation D. Many times, we are more afraid of their difficulties than children and can't hide their participation. Now, every time Xiao D meets difficulties, I think it is an opportunity for her to grow. What I want to do is not to help her out of difficulties, but to assess whether her ability can completely solve them. If not, how can I disassemble the difficulties or help her master this skill? We want children to experience success, but we should let them challenge themselves with such a successful experience instead of lying in the past success.
These three points are the main theme of our parenting in the past two years. We prepared for the worst, but we tried our best every time. Actually, I like the metaphor of director NICU very much. Good parents should be good coaches.
A good coach understands that all achievements are usually hard work and exercise, and there is no casual success, just repeated practice;
A good coach knows how to advance and retreat. If you can quit, I will quit clapping. I will accompany you and encourage you when you can't, but in the end you will always finish the game;
Good coaches don't just focus on winning or losing. They are concerned about whether their players are better every time, whether they are willing to challenge their limits and whether they enjoy the challenge.
May we all be good coaches for children!