In modern society, people are often overworked, lack of sleep and alienate friends and family, so our health and interpersonal relationships begin to have problems. In view of this situation, Dr. Joe Ramicali, a former lecturer at Harvard University, proposed a brand-new and effective method to help people relieve emotional stress. His method combines the theory of emotional ability with cognitive behavioral therapy, telling readers how to use emotional ability to uncover the twisted scars in our brains, how to move from detours to the right path under the guidance of cognitive behavioral therapy, and finally achieve a balance of life under complex social pressure.
About the author:
Arthur. Arthur Ciaramicoli worked in Harvard Medical School, and was the chief psychologist of Chengxi Medical Center, director of Chengxi Consulting Center, lecturer of American Cancer Society, member of American Psychological Society, and chief physician of SoundMindz.org, a mental health treatment platform. Dr Joe Ramicali is also an experienced media expert. He has appeared on CNN, Financial Channel, Fox Boston News, Comcast Radio and New England Cable News. He is also the founder of Facebook's Love and Kindness Project and LinkedIn's Healthy Love Achievement Group. At present, the books published include I understand your feelings, The Curse of Ability, Achievement Addiction and so on.
Wonderful book review:
One:
To listen to the soul story of another person in life,
Listen to him reveal himself to you, find the story behind him,
This is probably the greatest contribution one person can make to another.
? My mother has the greatest influence on me. When I say influence, I mean all positive influences. Since college, I have formed the habit of calling my mother every day. She is born to listen and know how to listen, so that I can be accompanied in any difficult things. Many people call their parents to report good news instead of bad news, but I often pick up the phone when I encounter pressure, anxiety or anything bad. Many people are far less fortunate than me. Many friends around me have not established a deep sense of connection with their mothers, so it is difficult to open their hearts to their mothers. They can't get the sense of security they want from their mother or even anyone, so they become more and more lonely and unwilling to socialize. * * * Emotional ability is a person's ability to understand other people's unique experiences and respond. * * * Emotional ability can make one person sympathize with another person and make altruistic behavior. In fact, * * * emotional ability is an innate ability. But most of us suppress this ability intentionally or unintentionally, and we don't even have time to adjust our emotions, let alone empathize with other people's affairs. Cassirer Ji Bolun said in The Prophet: "When others ask you for help, you'd better give it to them. Of course, even better, when others don't ask you for help, you also give it through understanding. For generous people, finding a recognition that needs help will be more satisfying than giving. " Under the heavy burden of life and the influence of culture, we become more and more selfish, unwilling to pay, just want to take. This makes our emotional ability never play out, so it is like a useless muscle, slowly shrinking. * * * Emotional ability will not disappear, but will only sleep. As a result, we have been reluctant to * * * love, becoming unable to * * * love and pay, and the world is getting less and less. Keren is social, everyone is bound to have a relationship with others, love, marriage, work, friendship, parents and children ... A person who can't love, is not good at dealing with any emotional connection with others, and life will be a mess.
Then, we can understand that people who lack emotional ability have poor ability to deal with negative emotions and will feel more pressure, anxiety and fear.
A friend, whose husband is a full-time white-collar worker, has been married for three years and has no children. Both of them are middle-level leaders, and they are very tired of socializing every day. At work, both of them performed well and their salaries were satisfactory. It is precisely because they are unwilling to give in that they haven't had children for a long time, and no one wants to spend part of their work energy on their families. Every day when I get home, I spread out on the bed to play with my mobile phone and do my own thing. Although I have been married for three years, the taste of love has slowly worn away in my life. When eating together, they pinch each other again and again, which makes the listener have a headache. Even a small problem can turn into a contradiction. Both people think that the other is the culprit and they are innocent. If you don't have the ability to identify who you marry, it will put your marriage relationship in the same situation. They regard the wall of marriage as a battlefield, and the only difference is who they play with. There are not a few such marriages around us. In fact, if either party listens more, pays more, takes more, and puts more affection into the other party, the problem will be solved.
Marriage is not a transaction, it is divided into two parties; This is not a showdown. Whoever retreats loses.
The problem of marriage will always exist if it is not handled. The same is true of stress, anxiety and fear, and passive treatment can also bring diffuse disasters.
Who doesn't have some pressure in this society? The difference lies in the way it is handled. Different ways can stimulate the release of chemicals in the body. For example, eating sweets will release dopamine, and jogging will release endorphins and serotonin. Running can make you feel happier for a longer time than eating. But they are all temporary solutions, not permanent solutions.
Some people overeat when they are anxious. Psychology also proves that when we are under pressure, we tend to choose things that are not good for our health. This group is still a minority, and I will occasionally degenerate. Work pressure, make an appointment; Lovelorn, overeating, especially high-calorie food; Unemployment, make up for loss and emptiness with food. Sadly, under pressure, our bodies will preserve fat. Under high pressure, we will change our perception of satiety, slow down our metabolism and further crave more high-sugar and high-fat foods. Well, if you go on like this, you will lose your job, your love, your beauty and go all the way. How pathetic.
? Compared with overeating, running can stimulate the release of chemicals in the body and help us relieve stress. Although it lasts longer than overeating, it has not fundamentally changed your cognitive style and behavior processing style. If you are anxious about public speaking, you will be particularly nervous and scared before speaking, then you can calm yourself down in a short time by running every day. But the next day I will be nervous. Until the end of the speech. And before the next speech, you will still be nervous and afraid. You handled the incident in the same way.
Some people hold "escape psychology", hide when encountering problems, and run when encountering pressure. If the work pressure is high, then resign; Love is too suffocating, then break up; Marriage is boring, so divorce. It seems that if you remove this bad thing from your life, you will be happy and healthy. What's the point of living if you avoid any stimulation that makes you uncomfortable? If you want to solve the problem, you still have to fundamentally change the way your brain thinks, so that the thing itself becomes a stimulus to stimulate you to produce good chemicals. * * * Emotion can obviously do this. When a person is linked by love, his neurochemicals will change. Calm neurochemicals will replace stress hormones and stress will dissipate.
However, whether a person's emotional ability is dormant and whether he can show listening and good perception in life depends on his early experience.
We are all creators of our own stories. In childhood, we form our own stories according to the feedback from the people around us, such as who I am, how I react to get positive love, how I act to avoid injury and so on. But if people who are meaningful to us give us feedback with prejudice, then we are actually facing a distorted mirror, so that all the inner stories we write are fictional. This kind of fiction is still very harmful to yourself. We tend to remember our injuries, but we are not moved by the love and praise we get. These injuries will form emotional memories, which will be stored, and when similar injuries are encountered in the future, the injury avoidance-self-protection mode will be started. Therefore, a person's bad childhood memories will become a bomb factor in his adult life, and will explode when he encounters great pressure.
How to decompress? Find someone who really understands you and makes you trust. We can't heal ourselves. Without the help of others, we can only keep repeating the inherent thinking mode and cannot extricate ourselves from the emotional quagmire of pressure, anxiety and fear. Only when such a person listens to your stress feelings can you eliminate excessive emotions, and then face the reality rationally and think about right and wrong and countermeasures. After all, when we are stressed and exhausted, we don't even think about "self-regulation". If you are not as lucky as me and have a mother with high emotional ability, try to make friends.
? If you want to change your stress management style, you should exercise your emotional ability. Everyone is born with this ability, but many people have not developed the ability of * * * because there is no environment around them and no one who can set an example for them. Stephen Covey said in "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People": "When you show a good impression on others, their awareness of prevention will drop and positive energy will take its place. This means that you can solve problems in a more creative way. "
Try to be a person with high emotional ability. Not only can you gradually improve your cognitive style, but you can also become the buddy that others want to find most under pressure. Isn't this a pleasure?
Everyone needs to be listened to and understood. Stop on the road of growth and be more patient, and then you will run faster.
Two:
Arthur Joe Ramicali, the author of Emotion in * * *, is not only an expert on emotion in the industry, but also a person with super emotional ability in this book, which makes him a very talented storyteller. In the author's view, * * * emotion is a kind of ability to understand other people's unique experiences and respond, and the cultivation of this ability is very important for decompression.
The book * * * Emotion doesn't start with various academic terms, and then instill some seemingly abstruse and obscure knowledge into you in a pedant tone. Arthur's works remind me of Irvin Yalom. He is like an elder sitting next to you and a director who is good at editing. The story is full and full, and the characters are lively and vivid. These stories and characters are all met by him personally. Some of these stories are quarrels between lovers, some people who want to achieve work results but can't calm down because they want to sell their souls, some people who are teased by the outside world because of their own characteristics, some people who have nightmares and recall childhood or traumatic experiences ... There are always a few people who make me feel that I am talking about myself.
As a senior psychologist, he deeply analyzed the current situation that various pressures make modern people particularly tired, and he provided a particularly useful tool, that is, improving one's emotional ability for emotional exercise. Perhaps many people think that CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) is the most recognized and effective therapy in the mainstream psychological school at present, and then the author thinks that CBT can only correct our distorted beliefs from the cognitive aspect, and the counseling effect from the emotional aspect is not lasting. The theory of * * * emotional ability is just a powerful supplement to C B T, which makes him create a new therapy for * * * emotional CBT. Following the stories and exercises in the book, I feel much more peaceful. When I encounter all kinds of interpersonal problems, the emotional power of * * * has also become my armor and shield, which gives me a new perspective to see the relationship, and the nameless anxiety and fear are also much less. Those restless feelings seem to be getting farther and farther away from me, and a relaxed and happy interpersonal relationship gradually embraces me.
Three:
When lovers are together, some people are inseparable, while others are on and off. Generally speaking, unpleasant experiences are always much more pleasant than pleasant ones. But for lovers, happy moments are worth pursuing. Happiness makes people happy physically and mentally, and some people give up their pursuit and dare not love.
"Mary is trying to get rid of the pain of her early years. Because she insists on resentment and clenches her fist, it is difficult to give up the negative example and block all opportunities for love and friendship. " This sentence comes from the psychologist Arthur Joe Ramicali's Emotional Power-You are stressed because you don't have emotional power, which shows different clinical psychotherapy cases and reveals the positive growth and change of individuals. By cultivating * * * emotions, people learn to enjoy intimate relationships and get to know themselves again.
Arthur Joe Lamy Kelly worked in the famous Harvard Medical School, and later joined the American Psychological Association, Chengxi Medical Center, American Cancer Society and soundmindz.org Mental Health Treatment Platform as a consultant, speaker and doctor in charge. For the first time, he combined emotional ability with cognitive behavioral therapy and advocated tapping the innate emotional ability. Media publicity helped him attract many learners who came here. He personally launched the "Love Group" and "Kindness Plan" on facebook, which influenced many readers and guided people to discover the power of love in life.
First, * * * emotions bring you the life you really want.
Everyone has a different philosophy of life. Ms. bonneville, an Australian writer, communicated with patients during her eight years of hospice care and summed up five things that the deceased regretted most: 1, having the courage to live the life she really wanted; 2. Not so hard; 3. Have enough courage to express your feelings; 4. Be able to keep in touch with your friends; 5. Make yourself a happy person.
There is no doubt that there is only one chance in life. Regrettably, some people chose the wrong direction and their efforts were in vain. Inner mistakes cannot be solved by the outside world. Fame, money and beauty are not enough to give a person inner pleasure. To achieve the balance between personal success and professional success, it is necessary to lay a good personality foundation of love and connection.
The book Emotion says that everyone can relax and calm down when they get along with Arthur's mother. On the contrary, his grandfather was rated as "giving people a lot of pressure" in the eyes of others. At my grandfather's funeral, no one shed tears; At his mother's funeral, many people were heartbroken and left sad tears. Compared with my grandfather, whose material achievements are small, my mother's life is simple but profound, and the beauty of her heart gives her a loving heart. The giver can experience pleasant feelings and leave precious spiritual wealth. Is this the life of the rich? The life you really want is created by yourself. If you love and connect, you can get unlimited energy.
Second, the ability to care for and nourish children * * *
A person's experience will have an impact on his cognition. Some time ago, the news that "China students sent thousands of words to attack their parents" was screened, and "filial piety comes first" is gone forever, and many people showed deep sympathy for the students. He has not broken through the shackles of thought for many years, which has a lot to do with his parents' demeaning education.
Mo Yan wrote an article asking, "What is the most important thing in a person's life? Money? Love? Family? Career? Status? Is reputation healthy? ..... A happy family is the most important thing. If you don't have a good family, even if you have more money, even if your career is brilliant, you will not be happy, cherish, and have a good attitude. "
A family that makes children mentally miserable is undoubtedly very lacking in affection. This kind of family background makes children feel inferior and insecure, which is directly manifested in low emotional intensity. Many parents will give their children a good material life, but they do not pay attention to spiritual growth. Some parents scold their children for going to school while playing mobile phones, and some give them a lot of money but are too busy to see anyone. These are not acts of loving children.
Only when a person deeply accepts who he is and realizes who he is not can he bravely break through himself. This requires a loving family to give children a brave and optimistic attitude.
Third, * * * emotion has a positive interaction in emotion.
The influence of family background is a cliche in the psychological circle. Due to past injuries, people's brains have formed conditional self-protection. Pain prevents you from having a correct understanding of yourself and others. Once these pains are solved, you will no longer be affected by them and let the distorted thinking mode return to the right track.
The emotional psychotherapy initiated by Arthur Joe Ramicali encourages the emotional interaction between people: for the listener, treat others with a kind nature and find a way to return to balance by understanding their feelings and inner loss; It is a rare experience for the confidante to open his heart and show his true self in such a calm and free expression atmosphere.
Older women have been urged to get married on holidays. At the family gathering, I overheard my grandfather tell my mother not to rush me. In a flash of inspiration, he chatted with me again and told me that I must find a good one before getting married. I think grandpa understands me very well. Going home for the New Year is to enjoy family happiness, and inner anxiety is not good for anyone. Strangely, I heard that grandpa and other elders wanted me to find happiness as soon as possible, but his expression was different, full of love and care.
Babies and animals can use emotional abilities, which is our nature. Adults are more superstitious about logical reasoning, thinking that they can solve all the problems in life, and it is easier to solidify their cognition of life mistakes when they grow up. However, the induction of love does not come from logical reasoning, but from entering other people's hearts and connecting with others.
A person who knows himself knows what the right partner looks like and has the ability to plan his life's happiness. If love is blind, * * * love is a pair of eyes, purely understanding others, not affecting others, take good care of this feeling.
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