Chapter II Growing up with Children
Positive discipline: create a free and disciplined family style.
The whole book "Positive Discipline" runs through an attitude-kind and firm, or "gentle and firm", or "gentle and bounded", which means that parents let their children know clearly that their parents love them, and children can learn the skills of survival and the methods of interacting with others with their parents.
There are roughly three ways for parents to interact with their children.
The first road is called "severity". Children who are strictly controlled will have many ways to resist. It is obvious that severe methods bring four problems: resentment, revenge, rebellion and retreat. The deep-seated problems are weak sense of responsibility and poor self-discipline. A person's self-discipline comes from his self-esteem level. This strict education method greatly reduces the level of children's self-esteem.
The second road is called "arrogance". Arrogant ways will make children lose confidence. The child seems very happy and thinks he can do anything. In fact, he has no confidence in himself because he doesn't know where the boundary of his behavior is.
The third way is called "positive discipline". How to be kind and firm?
The performance of kindness and firmness is that parents turn around and go first. This means that parents can't ask their children to respect themselves at this time, but at least they can respect themselves. When you don't feel your child's respect for yourself, calm down. A person can't deal with problems kindly and firmly when he is emotional. When you can show a peaceful attitude and solve problems with your children in a constructive way, your children will soon learn this way.
In the process of making rules, be sure to invite children in.
Independent and complete self-esteem system
True self-esteem is to make children aware of their sense of value. We should pay attention to the difference between winning a child and winning a child. What many parents do is to win a child. The most effective way to win children is to listen with empathy. We should turn every child's mistake into an opportunity to learn, instead of turning every mistake into an opportunity to condemn.
There are four kinds of bad behaviors: 1. Seek excessive attention; 2. seeking power; 3. retaliation; 4. Give up on yourself.
The most basic solution to the above four behaviors is that you should establish feelings with your child, express your appreciation for him, pay more attention to his advantages and praise him, and let him know that his parents love him unconditionally.
1. For children who seek excessive attention, you can try to give them some definite tasks, and when they pay attention to that task, they will have a sense of accomplishment; Hug him often; Create some special time, such as making an appointment with parents and children, without being disturbed by anyone.
2. For children seeking management, an effective measure is to quit. Parents quit, calm down first, and then solve the problem when their emotions are stable. Decide your own behavior, not dominate your child's behavior. Another trick is to involve children in solving problems. Always express love and concern for children.
When children resort to revenge, the advice in the book is not to fight back. When there are contradictions in family education, parents should not argue with their children and always maintain a friendly attitude. You can withdraw it and reflect your feelings. Then, parents invite their children to work together to solve the problem.
We need to learn to spend time training a child who gives up on himself. For example, teach him to do some simple tasks first, and then give him enough encouragement and affirmation when he finishes a little.
There are many very unique tools in the book, so the relationship between length is unknown.