There is a fairy tale in ancient Greece: the handsome and beautiful boy Narcissus found his shadow in the water one day, fell in love at first sight, and no longer cared about other people and things. He stayed at the water's edge and couldn't bear to leave. Finally, he languished and died. Later, people named narcissism after narcissus. Narcissistic personality disorder refers to all self-centered, regardless of other people's feelings, and as their own code of conduct.

express

Narcissistic personality is similar to hysterical personality in many aspects, such as emotional dramatization and sometimes sexual teasing. The difference between them is that people with hysterical personality are extroverted and enthusiastic, while people with narcissistic personality are introverted and indifferent.

The egocentric characteristics of narcissistic personality are self-esteem, exaggeration, lack of sympathy, being too sensitive to others' evaluation and so on. They are complacent as soon as they hear compliments from others, otherwise they will fly into a rage. They are very jealous of other people's cleverness, and they have a mentality of "I am not good, and I will not let you be good". When getting along with others, we seldom put ourselves in others' shoes to understand their feelings and needs. Due to lack of compassion, their interpersonal relationship is very bad, and they are prone to loneliness and depression. In addition, they have unrealistic high goals and are often prone to failure in all aspects.

Diagnosis and self-test

If the symptoms meet at least five of them, it can be diagnosed as narcissistic personality disorder:

1. The reaction to criticism is anger, shame or shame (although it may not be immediately revealed);

2. I like to instruct others and ask others to serve me;

3. Too arrogant, exaggerating one's talents, hoping to attract special attention;

4. I firmly believe that my concerns are unique in the world and cannot be understood by some special people;

5. Have unrealistic illusions about infinite success, power, honor, beauty or ideal love;

6. think that you should enjoy the privileges that others don't have;

7. Longing for lasting attention and praise;

8. lack of compassion;

9. Have a strong jealousy.

situation

Shen, male, 34 years old, doctor. It has been smooth sailing since primary school and has been sending me to college. I recommend a master's degree. About half a year ago, when he was writing his graduation thesis during his postdoctoral period, one thing made him very upset. The reason is that he has written a paper that he thinks is valuable, and he is convinced that this paper will have a great influence on the whole country and even the world. But when he was halfway through, it was difficult to continue. Because his tutor didn't take his article seriously and said his research wouldn't work, he advised him to stop. And he thinks this is because the tutor is jealous of him and afraid that he will surpass himself and lose face. For this reason, he is nervous during the day and insomnia at night.

According to the survey, his tutor and classmates all think that Shen's paper is very general, with little new ideas and incomplete arguments. Usually, he always gets along with others with a sense of superiority. When he is slightly inferior to others, he will be jealous or belittle others. Shen suffers from narcissistic personality disorder.

Treatment and adjustment

Eliminate self-centeredness

The main feature of narcissistic personality is self-centeredness, and the most self-centered stage in life is infancy. As a result, the behavior of narcissistic personality disorder patients actually degenerated to infancy. Judith Vilster said in the book Necessary Loss: "A person who is obsessed with the cradle is unwilling to lose his childhood, so he can't adapt to the adult world." Therefore, to treat narcissistic personality, we must understand those childish behaviors. You can make a list of personality traits that you find unattractive and other people's criticisms of you to see how many elements of infancy there are. For example:

Longing for lasting attention and praise, once ignored, take extreme actions;

I like to tell others what to do and regard myself as supreme;

I am drooling over other people's good things and extremely jealous of their success.

By recalling one's childhood, we can find that the above-mentioned personality characteristics had a prototype in childhood. For example:

Always eager for parents' attention and praise, whenever parents ignore this, they will play hooligans, make trouble or do some whimsical actions to attract parents' attention;

When I was a child, my clothes came to my mouth to open my mouth;

Always want to have everything, other children have it, and they want to have it themselves.

Knowing that your behavior is a copy of childhood childish behavior, you should always tell yourself:

I must study hard to attract others' attention and praise with excellent results;

I am no longer a child, and I have to do many things by myself.

Everyone has their own good things. I will fight for what I deserve, but I won't be jealous of what others deserve.

You can also ask someone close to you to be your supervisor. Once there is self-centered behavior, you will be warned and prompted to urge you to correct it in time. Through these efforts, egoism will be gradually eliminated.

Learn to love others.

For people with narcissistic personality, it is not enough to just abandon egoism, but also learn to love others. Only in this way can we truly realize the importance of giving up egoism, because you have to give love first to get love. Fromm expounded the following viewpoints in his book The Art of Love: Children's love follows the principle of "I love because I am loved"; Mature love follows the principle of "being loved because of love". Immature love thinks "I love you because I need you"; Mature love thinks "I need you because I love you". Vilster believes that through love, people can transcend life. Narcissistic love is like children's love, immature love, we should try our best to correct it.

The simplest act of love in life is to care about others, especially when others need your help. Send greetings in time when others are sick, and patients will sincerely thank them; When others are in financial difficulties, you will pay as much as possible and naturally get respect from others. As long as you love others more in your life, your narcissism will naturally be reduced.