"Put it on," he said. "I have been wearing it for ten years. Very useful. Now I will give it to you. Anyway, I have another pair at home. "
But everything you see after wearing it is distorted.
"It's terrible!" You cried and said, "I can't see anything."
"How come?" The doctor said, "I was fine when I wore it." Try again. "
"I tried," you said, "but my eyes are blurred."
"Hey, what's the matter with you? Can't you think about it? "
"Well, I'm telling you solemnly now that I can't see anything."
"How good I am to you!" The doctor became angry from embarrassment. "How kind!"
Will you see this doctor again next time? I don't think so. How can a doctor who writes a prescription without diagnosis be trusted?
But when communicating with people, we often jump to conclusions by asking indiscriminately.
We always like to jump to conclusions and solve problems quickly with well-meaning suggestions. I don't want to spend time diagnosing and understanding the crux of the problem.
If we can sum up one of the most important principles in interpersonal relationships in one sentence, that is: know yourself.
This is the key to effective interpersonal communication.
"Knowing each other" is a major change in the way of communication, because we usually put letting others know ourselves in the first place. Most people listen not to understand each other, but to respond. This kind of person is either talking or preparing to talk, constantly filtering everything with his own mode and understanding other people's lives with his own experience.
"Yes, I know how you feel."
"I had a similar experience, my experience is ..."
They always instill their own experience into others and treat everyone with their own glasses.
In fact, most people are so self-righteous
The highest state of listening is empathy listening.
Empathy listening refers to listening for the purpose of understanding, which requires listeners to understand their thinking patterns and feelings from the speaker's point of view.
The essence of empathy listening is not to identify with each other, but to fully and profoundly understand each other emotionally and intellectually.
Empathy listening is more than just understanding a single word.
Therefore, in the process of empathy listening, we should not only listen, but also feel; Observe with your eyes and experience with your heart.
This kind of listening effect is remarkable, and it can provide the most accurate information for your actions. Don't judge others by yourself, and don't bother to guess. What you need to know is each other's inner world. Listening is for understanding, and it is a profound communication between hearts.
Empathy listening can provide a kind of "psychological air" and has great therapeutic effect.
Apart from material things, human beings' greatest survival needs come from psychology, that is, to be understood, affirmed, recognized and appreciated.
Listening with empathy is equivalent to giving the other person "psychological air". After meeting each other's basic needs, you can focus on exerting influence and solving problems.
This demand for "psychological air" affects the communication in all fields of our lives.
It is not easy to get to know others first, diagnose them first, and then prescribe them.
Although we have to face risks and difficulties, it is indeed a correct principle to diagnose before prescribing in life. Only when you trust the doctor's diagnosis will you trust his prescription.
How to empathize and listen to others, so as to understand yourself;
effective communication
Explain. I feel it. Not only can you understand each other, but you can also help them recognize themselves and express themselves bravely.
Play a bosom friend at the right time.
Everyone is eager for a bosom friend, so this investment is definitely worth it. It can help you grasp the real crux and greatly increase the savings of your emotional passbook.
You should also talk about expression skills.
Expressing yourself is also indispensable for seeking a win-win situation. It is important to know others, but we also have an obligation to let ourselves be understood. Expressing oneself is not bragging, but expressing one's opinion according to one's understanding of others, and sometimes even changing one's original intention. Because in the process of knowing others, you also have new insights.
One-on-one communication
The next time you communicate with others, you can try to put aside your own experience and try your best to really understand each other. Even if they don't want to tell you their problems, you can feel the same way. You can listen to their voices, feel their hurt and respond-"You are in a bad mood today". Maybe they will be silent, but it doesn't matter, you have expressed your understanding and respect for them.
Don't be too impatient, be patient and respect each other. People generally don't take the initiative to talk to you until you can feel the same way. You should always pay attention to their behavior and show understanding. You should be wise, sensitive, clear-headed and able to put aside your personal experience.
Why not take action immediately from now on, whether at work or at home, open your heart and listen attentively. Don't be eager for quick success, even if you don't get feedback in the short term, you will never be discouraged.
If you really love someone, taking time to get to know each other is good for being honest with each other in the future. In this way, many problems that plague family, marriage and parenting education will be nipped in the bud and there will be no opportunities for growth and development. Even if there is such an opportunity, sufficient emotional account savings can solve the problem.
Get to know others first.
Understanding others before problems appear, before evaluation and judgment, before you express your personal views, is the most useful habit in effective interdependence.
When we really get to know each other better, it opens the door to creative solutions and the third way. Our previous differences are no longer obstacles to communication and progress, but a ladder of coordination.
Deliberately practicing empathy listening and learning to know yourself and yourself is what everyone needs.