There's just a chance this time. At 4pm on July 7th, in Shenzhen Nanshan Bookstore, I participated in the sharing meeting of my good friends Grace and Pinkie's new book "Life is Infinite, Bloom Better Yourself" as an interview host.
Every time I communicate with them, I feel a kind of power, moving and subverting.
I want to organize my questions and their wonderful answers into articles and share them with you. I'll try to restore it. There will be some deletion.
This is my first time as an interview host, which is a brand-new experience. My question is very sharp. Grace and Pinkie are both very real and frankly sharing their experiences along the way. They have a direct inner power.
There are many ways to do things in the Q&A set of this interview, which subverts my cognitive concept.
The first four questions, we are more about how to do things better;
The last four questions are about ideas, such as how to solve conflicts and how to treat divorce.
Opening:
Hello, everyone. I'm Xiao. I'm glad to have the opportunity to participate in the new book sharing activities of my good friends Grace and Pinkie. This time, I will interview them. You must have faith in me. I want to dig a lot this time.
I have lived with Grace and Pinkie, and I have had many in-depth talks. I'm surprised at the many ways Grace educates her children.
(From left to right: Xiaomi, Little Finger, Grace)
So, I won't say much and get to the point directly.
Q:
Grace: I want to thank my good friend, knowledge management expert Xiao Qiushui. She thinks Pinkie and I get along in a special way, which may inspire others. She suggested that we write such a book. Pinkie thought it was good, too, and we decided to do it at that time.
Pinky: I want to write a book to commemorate time. I am afraid that when I grow up, my mother will stop writing, or we will forget what happened before and want to record it.
Q:
Pinky: My mother and I thought it was meaningful and decided to act immediately.
We did online and offline research first to determine the topic, that is, what kind of book we want to write.
It happened to be the weekend. My mother and I visited many bookstores in Shenzhen, including Xinhua Bookstore and several boutique bookstores, to see what differences these bookstores have in product selection, and which books are the best sellers and most loved by everyone.
I took a lot of photos and bought a lot of books to go home. I found that some books are particularly good and I especially want to be an author. I don't think some books are well written, and I hope I can surpass her in the future.
After returning home, we spent the evening studying online platforms such as Dangdang and JD.COM, thinking about which category and users we were targeting.
We need to determine whether this book is written for children or mothers, whether it is educational or inspirational, what the design of this book should be, and how to attract people there.
We have listed many topics and discussed them one by one to see what these topics can fill in. We have made many versions of the catalogue, given many names and written several sample chapters.
This book is a souvenir of my mother and me. I hope it is a very good book from content to appearance.
Have a meeting with the editing teacher, and we will determine the title and catalogue.
Because I want to go to school, so I chose a weekend. My mother and I flew to Beijing and invited teachers from the publishing house to come out for a meeting. Everyone speaks freely. After finishing these topics, we stayed in the teahouse for 9 hours, and gained a lot that day, and decided on the topic and catalogue.
When we came back, we made a plan.
My goal is to write 654.38+ 10,000 words in three months and select 60,000 words carefully. Because I am a resident student, in order to have a quiet and independent space, I applied to the school for a small classroom, which is a warehouse with no windows. Stay inside and write after school every day until the lights go out.
The book was finished on schedule.
three
Q:
(Pinky shows her own notebook)
Pinch: What you do and what you plan every day will be clearly listed. Before I do something, I will do research, plan and implement it. I will review it every night and score myself to see where I can do it better and whether there is room for optimization.
I'm not as good as you see. These things are not done at the same time. I didn't do so many projects at first.
Do things with a sense of rhythm.
Three years ago, I wanted to practice writing, so I applied for a WeChat official account "Pingtianxia". When I was a child, I talked to my mother for a long time and asked her to help me register.
At first, I managed to write an article for two weeks. In retrospect, the quality is not very good. Slowly, my writing ability has improved a lot. Now I can write an article every day.
When it was not a problem for me to write Chinese, my mother suggested that I could write in Chinese and English. At first, I wrote in English for fear of misleading people. I always ask my friend to check it for me. Now I don't need it. I can translate a Chinese article into English in half an hour.
Later, in order to practice oral English, my mother suggested that I could open an audio column in the Himalayas and read the original classics in English. These books are hard to buy in China. I borrowed them from the school library. At first, an article had to be recorded many times, but now it is very fast.
When I am proficient in one thing, I will start a new one, so there is no pressure.
These things can promote each other.
I have written in Chinese and English for a long time, and I have also shown you English. Now the school curriculum is very relaxed and there is no pressure. Also, in the process of reading the original English classics, I will look up words I don't understand, and I will also look up information and ask the teacher for some cultural background knowledge I don't understand.
four
Q:
Grace: Children are not educated, but infected. In fact, the greatest gift parents give their children is their good environmental creativity.
My parents don't understand business either, but they have taught me a lot. My mother cooks in the kitchen and cleans up when she has time. When she cooks, the kitchen is spotless. I have seen many families, and the kitchen is a mess. After dinner, we clean together.
This is not good, it's just a habit.
I also saw my father. When growing vegetables, many people scatter seeds casually, and even the seedlings look at their feelings. My father will take a ruler to measure them. Fertilizers and tools are also sorted neatly, and there is no messy scene at any time.
This makes me develop a very strict style of doing things. Children are copies of their parents. We should live a good life. If you turn yourself into a lamp, children will chase after you.
In my daily life with Pinkie, I never treated her as a child. She is the girl of my dreams. I have my dream, and she has her dream. We support each other, trust each other and do not depend on each other. We will teach her to treat work, life and projects with business rules every day.
She can apply for odd jobs when our family has a meeting. At first, she just provided services for everyone. After that, she can take minutes of the meeting and participate in our meeting. At the end of the meeting, she also drew a mind map of the business model.
Finally one day, she said to me, "I also want to use what I have learned to do my own business practice."
Pinky wants to do something to get my support. She wants to do research, write a report, ask me out, and tell me what she is going to do, what resources she needs, and if not, how to solve it.
I will emphasize that once you start something, you must finish it. Now that you have decided to do it, you must do it well.
Q:
Grace: There must be contradictions. My husband and daughter and I grew up in different ways. When I was 8 years old, I joined the army and became a literary and art soldier. We performed on the stage, swinging in the air without a safety rope, flying from side to side to grab my companion's hand. If I can't catch it, the performance will be discounted and our lives will be in danger.
So I was trained to do things right at once since I was a child. Everything must be planned and executed well, and there can be no flaws.
This habit will continue in my future work and life. For work, this is a shortcut to success. The people I work with are not tired and do things right once. I can not only do it right, but also think of what to do next.
The underlying logic is the habit of the body.
But in life, I'm a little forced. For example, if we want to eat, I can't stand eating the melon seeds on the table and then sweeping them into the trash can later. Why can't we do things right once and then eat them in the trash can? However, my children and husband serve the table first, although they will clean up in the end. For me who is a neat freak, my heart is very tormented.
I think my husband and daughter were sent by heaven to "play" me. This is my life lesson.
Pinch agreed very much and shared another time they spent together:
Once, in Chiang Mai, Thailand, I saw a delicious egg roll, smelled the fragrance and told my mother that I wanted to eat it. Mom said yes, we'll buy it, but I touched my stomach and thought it was too fat, so I didn't want it. As a result, I said I would not eat.
My mother was angry and criticized me for being so indecisive, why I couldn't be decisive. I eat if I eat, or I don't eat if I don't eat.
This puzzled me, and she turned away angrily. She is a road idiot, she doesn't remember the way, and in Chiang Mai, she doesn't know the local language and her English is not good. I don't know who gave her courage.
I was so wronged that I cried, but I was worried that she would get lost, so I followed her all the way.
Grace: Our family has a good tradition. When we disagree, we have a family meeting. My husband organized a family meeting, at which everyone expressed their views. Finally, I ended up being educated by everyone.
I clearly remember my husband telling me, "Why can't children like this one second and not like it the next?" This is a normal thing, this is her freedom. What's more, we adults sometimes like a person one second and don't like it the next. We are allowed to have such a big thing. Why not eat such a small thing? "
This is really my life lesson, demanding perfection is itself an imperfect character. Life should be comfortable, and now I will force myself not to force others, haha.
six
Q:
Grace: I'm not good at this. I didn't balance my family and career. Pinky's father and I separated when the child was five years old. Pinky didn't live with me for various reasons.
I was absent from Pinkie 12 years old. At that time, I worked 15 hours a day, all year round, and achieved one success after another in my career and realized my ideal. Now, I think, after seeing the world, you should know how to repay.
I (Xiaomi) asked: So, you are worried that this will hurt your child's growth, and she is not close to you?
Grace: I'm not worried. I am a decisive person. I made a decision without hesitation or regret. I have been living alone since I was 8 years old, making my own decisions, and there are 5-year-old actors in our group, so I think children have their own lives.
Also, I think parents' company should be more efficient and valuable, and should lead the children instead of doing everything.
Xiaomi: This question should be asked to Pinkie. She has the most say.
Pinky: I like the way my mother works. My mother has been with me. I had already gone to school at that time. Every day after school, I run to my room, close the door and call my mother. I was still a landline at that time.
Whenever I call her, she will pick up within 3 seconds, and I can contact her at any time. Every time you call, you will be encouraged and get energy.
Every time before hanging up, my mother would say to me: No matter where we are, you must remember that my mother loves you.
Besides, every promise my mother made to me has been fulfilled. She promised to come to see me at any time and pick me up on time no matter how busy her career was. That time is my exclusive, and we will do something meaningful together.
It makes me feel safe.
Q:
Pinky: Mom and Dad have their own lives and choices. I should respect their lives. What kind of life they want, they should pursue it. In the process of getting along with them, there are many unhappy people, and I will be unhappy with them. After their separation, each of them has a new life and is very happy. I am also very happy with them.
Grace: Divorce is more harmful to children, because the relationship is not handled well, so children will have various reactions. Divorce is like doing things, and it is also the optimization and correction of life. It's not that bad.
Just like drinking water, if the cup is broken and stuck, it may lose its function of drinking water. We should allow ourselves to buy a new cup.
The happy life of children has nothing to do with whether parents are divorced or not. For those parents who are worried that divorce will hurt their children, I want to say, please don't live in the world you think. Children are far more powerful than you think.
Your bad day is the reason why the children are not doing well enough. If you live better and better, more and more wonderful, more and more blooming, children will understand.
Xiaomi: Many people choose to hide their children when they get divorced. What do you think of this?
Grace: Every family has different ways to deal with it. I have nothing to hide from my children. I presented her with a real world. I even told my children every emotional experience.
I want my children to understand that if they make the wrong choices in life, they can start all over again and still be happy.
Pinky: I think mom used to be stupid.
Q:
Grace: Anxiety is useless. The problem will not be solved because of your anxiety.
It seems that I am a handsome mother. The fact is that I can't read children's homework and textbooks. My father often teases me. You dropped out of school at the age of eight and only had a third-grade diploma. I have never received a systematic school education, and I have no idea about it since I was a child.
My life experience tells me that there is more than one road to success. There are more possibilities in life without limits, so I don't set limits for children.
We and our children are independent living beings, and we can't replace each other's life experiences after all. When you have a sense of boundaries, your children will behave appropriately and have a sense of boundaries in the future. When you want your children to be polite to others, you should also be gentle with the world. When you want your children to love reading, you should also put down your mobile phone.
I still insist that children are not educated, but infected.
In fact, we should trust children. Children are smart. She is our teacher. Pinky taught me a lot. We are dream partners and help each other.
I went out to give a lecture and wrote a good manuscript in word. Pinch did all the PPT. The audio class we sent with the book was recorded by Pinkie, and the noise was reduced. I don't know what happened to her.
I don't pack my children for every trip. Instead, she helped me pack later. I hurt my waist, and when my aunt had a holiday, she mopped the floor. During the trip, she came to pick up the big suitcase.
A trick, I say I can't, I can't, someone will say I can, and there will be a small sun around you.
Parents should be role models and leaders for their children.
Write it at the end
Grace and Pinkie and I mainly discussed these eight issues and left a lot of time to communicate with friends on the spot. This time, I was very surprised. Many children take the initiative to ask questions and are very active, rather than being forced to ask by their parents.
Someone asked Sister Pinkie how to learn English? They find memorizing words a bit boring. Pinkie shared her methods of learning English, telling them that there is no shortcut to learning English.
Some friends are also worried that if the mother is so excellent, will the daughter be under pressure?
Pingji said that she wants to be a woman like her mother. She will work hard and do better than her mother.
What surprised me most was that I saw friends sharing it with their friends. They said that on the way back, the children took the initiative to help move things, and several mothers took care of the children themselves, which was very stressful. They feel that divorce is very harmful to their children. After listening to sharing, I feel that I think too much. Be yourself and set a good example for their children, and their children will grow up happily.
This is the value of sharing, and we gain strength through deep communication. People have different growth experiences, and we can all live different lives.