Soon after I rented a house in this coastal city, the typhoon came. The howling wind brought the humid air from the eastern ocean, tore the buttonwood trees on the roadside, and shook the dilapidated wooden doors and windows Marek Ying Tao. I sat on a single bed covered with blue and white plaid sheets, looked at the cloudy sky through the skylight and occasionally drank two glasses of beer. When the foam burst in my mouth and esophagus, it was a little spicy and a little cold.

I haven't thought about you for a long time, because I have a good life without you. Although I am as poor as you know, at least I am poor. But that night, the typhoon broke my broken wooden window, and cold wind and rain poured into my room. When I woke up in a wet quilt, the room was a mess. My notebook was soaked by rain, and the unfinished Wang Zi was very small. Trees swaying in the wind are photocopied on mottled walls, just like giant marine animals. I was so scared that I burst into tears. I called your name between dreams and waking up, and suddenly I woke up with no response.

It's June 20 10, five years, six months and fourteen days after you left. I am in C City, and you are in the unknown corner of the sea.

After the typhoon, the temperature rose rapidly. The street is full of young girls in vests and chiffon skirts and young boys in white T-shirts and beach pants. The breath of youth is beautiful. I am eating popsicles and waiting for the No.4 bus to go to Binhai University, which is my new school. I will study oil painting there for one year. The teacher is a famous oil painting master in China. After he finished our class, I will never teach again.

I always sit in the last row of the classroom. There are fresh lemons, oil paints and nail polish on the table. Millet Xiao asked me what lemon and nail polish are for, and I replied that lemon smell can cover up a little paint smell, and nail polish is of course used to paint nails.

Gu Zixiao looked at me sideways, and the sun was hitting his side face. His right eye was translucent by strong light, and the fine hairs on his face were clearly visible.

I scribbled a few heavy colors on the drawing paper, and then began to cross my legs and apply nail polish. Red nail polish was carefully applied to my little nails, just like the blush on my pale fingers.

I blow-dried my nail polish and asked Li Zixiao, "Is it nice?" Gu Zixiao looked at me and said, "You are beautiful, but the nail polish is not beautiful."

He seemed to be expecting my reaction, but I raised my eyebrows, said nothing, and began to draw on the drawing paper with a brush.

Someone once asked me what my dream was, and I said, "Be a painter." The person who asked me was my father. He knew from an early age that I could paint a phoenix as a chicken and a mandarin duck as a drowning duck, so he smiled and spoiled my nose and said, "Lili, why don't we change it?" "

I shook my head and shook his hand coquetry and said, "No change, no change." Of course, I didn't tell him that I didn't have any dreams at all, just because your dream is to be a painter, so my dream is to be a painter, and your dream is my dream.

Soon, my father who loved me found the best art teacher to teach me, and of course you were by my side, because I said, "It's boring to take classes alone. Let Gallogo accompany me to class. "

At that time, I was only fifteen years old, and the feminine lines of girls began to appear. You are sixteen years old, as tall and straight as an poplar. I am as cheerful and lively as a bird on a branch all day. You are as calm as a silent leaf in the sun. You once said that my eyes are as bright as stars, but I prefer your silent moonlight gaze.

You are quiet and calm, like the fresh and transparent wind in spring, your eyes are as bright as the moon, your skin is like fine porcelain, your lips are as soft as flowers, and I am deeply fascinated by your slight frown.

In fact, I am a hopeless anthomaniac, no different from other girls who fall in love with you at first sight, except that they don't have many opportunities, but I can take up a lot of your time-because you are a child of my father's subordinates, and he promised to take care of you and your mother before your father went to prison.

I still remember when you first came to my house. At that time, your father had not had an accident. You are round, like a small meat ball, rushing to grab the cake in my hand. I was thrown to the ground by you, my head hit the floor, and I cried at once. You were scolded by your father for a long time.

I sat in a high chair eating cake and shaking my legs to see you scolded. I admit that I was gloating at that time, so you glared at me while your father was not looking, and grinned.

Maybe I should have known you were a child with a grudge, but at that time I thought your tragedy was too happy, because the next second you were slapped on the back of the head by your father: "Don't think I can't see your ghost expression!" " "

I saw you again after your father's accident. At that time, you were thirteen years old, pale, wearing a blue and white striped shirt with a hole in your sleeve. You are standing by my garden alone, while your mother and my father are talking. You stare at a rose alone as if to kill it with your eyes.

Your mother dragged you away after my father gave your mother some money that day. She wants you to say goodbye, uncle. You twisted your neck obstinately and blushed without saying a word.

Father mentioned you at dinner in the evening and said, "Zhou's children are as stubborn as donkeys." I remember you blushing and thick neck, staring at the roses as if they were going to burn, and suddenly laughing and spitting.

Your mother opened a barber shop in the alley opposite my house, and you transferred to my school-later I learned that my father arranged it. He said it was easier to take care of you and your mother, but you were ungrateful. Not only are you extremely cold to me, but you are also rude to my father. You never called me "uncle".

At that time, I didn't understand that everything has a cause and effect. I just think you are such a stubborn temper, a baiwenhang who doesn't appreciate or appreciate. Although you don't talk much and your personality is cold, it is surprising that all the boys and girls in the class like you, and they are very close to you. Girls also find various reasons to talk to you and put on a smiling face.

You are always neither supercilious nor overly enthusiastic, but you have not reached the point of indifference. You just keep your distance from others and don't show any traces. No one can enter your heart except me.

You are almost indifferent to me. When I talk to you, you will still reply to me, but they are all monosyllabic. Everything I ask you will be finished in the end, but only when I ask someone else.

You didn't say anything strong to me, just stood quietly in front of me. I know you don't like me, hate me, hate me-I don't know why.

I am a spoiled child, and your attitude really annoys me. Countless times, I want to step on you and ask you word by word: "Why are you doing this to me?" Why are you doing this to me? "

Later, I began to show my dislike for you, pretending to hate your gentle attitude towards everyone, and thought you were hypocritical: I laughed at your English pronunciation and knew it was a country accent; When other girls showed happy faces when watching you play basketball, I said mercilessly, you only rely on your height, otherwise you only deserve to be the main substitute.

Once the topic of a composition class was My Father, and your composition was a model essay. The teacher asked you to read aloud to the class. I don't know if your composition is plagiarized, but I know that half of your content is made up. Your composition says that your father died in the line of duty, but the fact is that he was eating in a prison 100 km from here.

Of course, I didn't expose you on the spot. I just sat in my seat and looked at you with my chin slightly raised, then snorted and sneered.

You suddenly came at me like a furious leopard, grabbed my neck, pressed me to the ground, and looked at me with bloodshot eyes. In fact, you didn't exert yourself at that time, because I was breathing normally and didn't feel unbearable pain, but your appearance scared me. I lay on the cold ground, looking at you like a beast pierced by a sword, and finally burst into tears in horror.

After that, we completely torn our faces, and from then on we became strangers and ignored each other.

Gu Zixiao asked me out several times to fly kites, go to the movies, or go to the seaside to play.

I cut the lemon in half with a fruit knife that I carried with me, and the unique sour and clear smell of lemon immediately spread in the air. The buttonwood tree outside the window is growing well, its leaves are bright and lush, and it rustles when the wind blows. I have my back to the window, and the sunshine slides on my back, which is warm and itchy.

I took a bite of lemon with a smile, frowned and said to Gu Zixiao, "You will pay for dating me."

Gu Zixiao also smiled and said, "You are really joking." He even tried to touch my head like the hero who thought he was very attractive in the idol drama, and I dodged.

His hand just hangs awkwardly in mid-air, like a bird with nowhere to fall.

I suddenly feel a little unbearable. Gu Zixiao is a good boy, but he just doesn't suit me. I cleared the table, threw everything into my bag, and then turned to him and said, "Are you going to treat me to ice cream?"

Gu Zi smiled, paused for a moment, then sipped his mouth, as if he had been sentenced to death and was suddenly pardoned. "Of course."

Gu Zixiao took me to eat Haagen-Dazs that day. A few tens of dollars is a small ball, which is where the hero likes to take the heroine in literary novels. In fact, Haagen-Dazs is not as delicious as expected, even a little too sweet, just like love is often not as beautiful as imagined.

When Gu Zixiao paid the bill, I glanced at his wallet, which was very informative. In fact, I know that his family is good because a boy with a good family can be so meticulous, gentle, polite and calm. Even if I make things difficult for him to refuse, he still maintains a good manner, because he has a strong sense of superiority, so strong that my refusal or affirmation will not affect his evaluation of himself. Zhou Jialuo, you have no such peaceful temperament. You look like a gentle and introverted boy, but as long as others find your weakness, you will change color instantly.

I don't know why we suddenly let bygones be bygones. When you smile at me, I even feel a little tenderness. It's like seeing spring flowers on the Antarctic continent.

I really don't remember when we started talking again and then gradually became friends, but I remember that my awakening to your hidden feelings began with the biggest sandstorm when I was fourteen years old. Yes, it is awakening. In fact, I liked you from the beginning, just because of your indifference, so I also raised my proud chin and pretended not to like you and hated you.

Because your best boyfriend likes my best girlfriend, they took me and you to cover for them the night they first met and went home together. On that day, they met a once-in-a-century sandstorm, just like the bad guys in the comics came. Suddenly, the wind changed color, the sun was blocked by thick clouds and sand, and the strong wind wrapped in sand blinded people.

There is sand in my eyes and something is blown to my forehead by the strong wind. I cried out in pain. Just when I panicked, suddenly a warm chest stood in front of me, protecting me with open arms, shielding me from the wind and sand, and pressing my head on his chest.

I closed my eyes and listened to his steady and powerful heartbeat. Sniffing is a faint scent belonging to boys. I didn't look up at him. I just grabbed his skirt and knew that the person standing in front of me when the sandstorm came was none other than Zhou Jialuo who had grabbed my neck and almost killed me.

My face sticks to your chest, and a thick layer of sweat suddenly oozes from my palm.

Sandstorm polluted the city and wrinkled my spring pool.

Your best boyfriend and my best girlfriend are secretly in love. They always like to invite us on dates, but they always throw us away soon and don't get together until they are going home. If parents or teachers come to check their whereabouts, they have to make up a confession together.

When they abandoned us for the first time, the atmosphere was awkward. They stood in the street for a long time, not knowing what to say, but then I gradually got used to being alone with you.

Find a book to read in the afternoon, or go to the library for self-study, or go to the amusement park to play video games together. In short, just find something that can distract you.

Later, I got to know you better, and you took me to your mother's barber shop to play. Your mother is a very gentle and beautiful woman. She called me Li, washed my hair with warm water and scratched my head with her fingertips. The strength is just right, very comfortable. Her bangs are always better than others'. Although it's just a simple bangs, she can cut the shape that suits my face best.

After we started to learn painting together, you began to come in and out of my house frequently, because the place to learn painting is in my home, because the place to learn painting is in my studio, which used to be my study. French windows, wooden floors and white curtains will fly with the wind on windy days.

We painted for a long time after the teacher left that day. I drew the lemon on your back, but I lost my mind when I drew it. I only wrote your eyebrows, eyes, nose and lips. Zhou Jialuo, I knew you were handsome from the beginning, but I didn't know until now that you were handsome like the favor of the creator. Without knowing it, I slowly approached you like a smoking woman and held out my hand stupidly.

You grabbed my wrist and looked at me Gherardini. I woke up with a start and blushed with embarrassment. I looked at you for three seconds, but I finally lost and struggled to escape. You suddenly laughed like you could tear the darkness, then lowered your head and kissed my dry lips.

Your lips are cold, really as soft as the flowers I imagined before, and you are still trembling slightly, like being hit by a tiny current.

I blushed, covered my lips and stared at you. You look really good, just like coming out of a comic book.

There is no smile on your face. You just looked at me quietly, like the moon, as if you could melt me with your eyes. You said, "Su Li, will you hate me in the future?"

I thought you were worried that I would be annoyed by your recklessness, so I quickly shook my head and said, "No, of course not." I like you, so I don't hate you no matter what you do.

Later, I didn't say anything, just looked at you, like the little girl in "Seeds of Love" looking at her first lover, because you are my first lover.

When I came out of the Garden Hotel, it was already early in the morning. The dawn on the horizon shines slightly, and the east is a fish-belly white. My head hurts, and my long hair hangs down at will, covering most of my face.

Someone rushed over and grabbed my wrist. I thought it was a robbery. I screamed and was covered by the other party before I found out it was Gu Zixiao.

"What were you doing in there yesterday?" Gu Zixiao seems to be more angry than me, but he tried to suppress his anger.

I looked at Gu Zixiao. He looked tired and changed from his usual gentle appearance. His eyes were red because he didn't sleep all night, his chin was covered with green hawthorn, and his eyes were full of shock and disbelief. He should have waited for me at the gate of the Garden Hotel all night, watching how I got in and out, so that he could guess the whole story, but he still wanted me to say it myself. If I say no, he may force himself.

I broke Gu Zixiao's hand with a smile and said, "Didn't I tell you that dating me costs money?"

Gu Zixiao looked into my eyes, from sadness and disbelief to sadness, despair and calmness. He said, "Is it okay to have money? How much is it? "

Before I could answer, he took out his wallet and threw red hundred-dollar bills in my face one by one.

"One is not enough? Two? Three ... ten ........... "

Gu Zixiao lost one, I picked one up, and then smiled and said to him, "Thank you, what service do you want?"

Xiao Gu slapped me hard and said, "I don't know why you are like this, but have you ever thought about how sad you will make the people who love you?"

Gu Zixiao had an unscathed body, but his heart was already broken, and I stayed where I was, holding my heart, and walked step by step to my rented hut. I took a step and my tears fell.

Gu Zixiao is right. I will only make my relatives hate their enemies soon. I just want to bet that Zhou Jialuo loves me after all. I will know that I will become who I am today because of you, and I will regret what I have done to myself-after all, I didn't give you all your pain, and I am completely innocent cannon fodder to you.

My first time happened in the afternoon after the college entrance examination. On the floor of my room, my father went to work, my mother and friends went shopping in Hong Kong, and the servants were sunbathing in the garden downstairs.

Now think about it, maybe you already have a plan. On that day, you brought a bunch of fresh roses, tore off the petals one by one and spread them on the floor to make a rose petal mattress. You put me gently on it and look at my eyebrows carefully. My eyes and eyes are full of complicated attachments, and they slip through my skin inch by inch.

The sun was warm that day, and the light fell on my retina, which was gorgeous. I bloom like a flower under your tenderness. I thought love was like this.

When I was young, I always thought that love was the sum of all beautiful words. It is warm, sweet, fragrant and full of vitality, just like a plant with huge roots. It always stays in one place, constantly sprouting and growing, but I don't know that love can actually be dirty, mixed with wealth, fame and hatred.

You got up and got dressed before I was fully awake. You look a little nervous. I see your fingers shaking. I hugged you from behind and asked you, "What's the matter?"

Without any warning, you suddenly broke my arm like a different person, turned around and looked at me with a sneer and asked obscenity, "Are you happy?"

I look at you with a frown. I don't know what you are talking about. You packed your clothes, stood barefoot in front of me, looked down at me and said, "Su Li, did I ever tell you that one of the animals I hate most is Miss Jiao from a rich family? Your arrogance and inexplicable superiority make me sick. "

Before leaving, you said, "Remember to tell your father that you made me fight for nothing."

If I had poured cold water in the first place, I would have been completely stupid there. I grabbed your trouser leg and looked up at you. I also asked stupidly, "Did you love me?"

There seems to be an unbearable flash in your eyes, but it flashes too fast, I'm not sure. Finally, I only saw your back and didn't look back.

You sent me to heaven easily, and gently pushed me to hell.

Forever.

I haven't seen you since. You and your mother suddenly disappeared, but the bombs you left for our family exploded one by one. First, my mother received an anonymous express, which told me about the affair between my father and your mother, and the facts in a pile of photos to prove the letter. I witnessed this loving couple wrestling in front of me regardless of their image 17 years, cursing each other with the most vicious words and hurting each other with everything they can get.

I can't imagine how young Zhou Jialuo felt when he found out this secret, and how he suppressed his hatred and approached me step by step. I can't imagine how he pressed the camera shutter with trembling hands when he watched his mother and my father making out in the barber's chair. More ironically, the camera was borrowed from me.

After the family fell out, it was my father's turn to go to work, and everyone received an anonymous email. In addition to keeping a mistress, there is also an anonymous email to report his private use of public funds and accepting bribes. Although my father was not punished by law for lack of evidence, his future was ruined, and later he was excluded by his colleagues, and gradually our family declined.

But even so, our family still has enough ability to support me to study abroad, learn painting and live happily and carefree. I am not short of money, but I am who I am today because one day after you left, a strange QQ on the Internet added me. He calls himself Zhou, 32 years old, and works as HR in a multinational company. After I made a video with him, he asked me, "Are you coming?" You don't have to worry about air tickets and hotels. "

Zhou is certainly not Zhou Jialuo, but I feel pleasure in the pain of depravity.

I always fantasize about what kind of clothes I will wear, what kind of hairstyle I will comb, what kind of expression I will bring, what kind of day I will meet you, and where I will meet you again.

And what kind of expression will you use to repay me for the harm I have suffered from you and myself over the years?

I know I was stupid.

Actually, he proposed to me a week later. He moved his heart in the game. Although I am a girl he can get with money, he stubbornly thinks I am virtuous. He said because I have the brightest and most transparent eyes in the world, just like a clear lake.

A girl with such beautiful eyes can't be a material woman who can see everything.

I buried my face in front of him and cried myself to shame, but I left him.

Later, I saw the enrollment information of the leading oil painting industry on the Internet. The registration fee is so expensive that I almost lose my shirt. However, I filled in the registration form and mailed some works. I received the admission notice as I wished, and went over the mountains to the strange Binhai.

I think if you remember your dream, you will come here to meet me.

Gu Zixiao is still sitting in the seat next to me. We have classes together every day. The old gentleman praised him for his great progress, bold colors and his own style, but he did not show a happy look and became more silent.

During recess, he will stay by the window for a while, and his side face is always sad. Some girls who like him approached him carefully, looking for a topic carefully, and then he turned them away.

Gu Zixiao hasn't spoken to me for a week. When I thought he would never talk to me again, he actually stopped me and said, "Can you have a drink with me?"

At the stall next to the clean Binhai Road, we ordered a plate of assorted fried shellfish, a braised pomfret, a plate of cold cucumber, a plate of laver peanuts and a dozen beers. The sea breeze is a little cold, and the waves beat the rocks on the shore for thousands of years.

At first, everyone ate their food silently. Gu Zi smiled and drank a lot, but he didn't drink much. He soon got drunk, slapped the table and cried and asked me, "Can you tell me how to be less painful?" Is it really painful to like you? "

Actually, I really want to find someone to ask me how to make it less painful, Zhou Jialuo. It's really painful to like you.

I took a sip of beer and ate a small peanut. In the corner of the food stall, under the dim light, I told my story for the first time, the story of me and you, the story of Su Li and Zhou Jialuo.

Gu Zixiao is different from Zhou. Zhou is an adult. He has seen some storms, loved some women, and will recover soon after being injured. Gu Zi Xiao is as simple as a blank sheet of paper. Maybe I was the first person he really loved. This is the first thorn in his heart. Very painful and impressive. It is difficult for him to recover.

Maybe in some ways, Gu Zixiao is just like me. I can't bear to see his pain, because I saw my obsession with love in him.

After the story was finished, Gu Zixiao didn't speak for a long time. I thought he was asleep, but he looked up at my eyes and said, "Su Li, if Zhou Jialuo loves you, you are just hurting the people you love, and there are other relatives and friends who love you. If Zhou Jialuo doesn't love you, he still hates you. You will only make him happier. " Live a healthy and happy life. If Zhou Jialuo loves you, he will feel at ease and be happy for you. If he doesn't love you, he will suffer more. Your kindness is the greatest revenge on him. "

I was cold and then I smiled.

I always thought Gu Zi was drunk, but I was the only one who was drunk.

I left Binhai soon. Although my course is not over yet, my teacher recommended me to attend the French newcomer oil painting exhibition. There are many things that need to be prepared by the author himself.

After reading my painting "Falling Pear", the oil painting master said that I was probably the most talented of the thousands of students he accepted. He also told me that talented people have to work harder to be worthy of themselves.

I always keep in touch with Gu Zixiao, occasionally chatting on MSN, and more often by email. I told him that the chlorine in Paris is really bad, but the men here are really handsome and the women in the street are very fashionable. I am like a peacock without feathers among them.

Gu Zixiao said, you are always the most beautiful in my heart.

I read that sentence for a while, and then I logged off.

I don't deserve Gu Zixiao's pure and noble feelings. He deserves a better girl to find and discover the joy of life with him and go through every process together. I am like a flower that blooms prematurely and withers prematurely. Although young in appearance, but decadent in heart.

I seem to have seen you once in Paris.

I said it seemed because I didn't see your face at all. Just in the crowd watching the art exhibition, I saw the back of an oriental boy with a flat head and a black coat, which is far from the boy in white in my memory. But when I saw that back, I suddenly thought of you, and the tendon near my temple jumped, as if a voice had been saying, "It's you, it's you, it's you."

I called your name, and through the layers of people, the figure hesitated after hearing my voice, as if to turn around, but finally chose to run.

Quickly through the crowd and disappear into the vast sea of people.

My eyes are so sour that I can hardly open them. I just stood there, but I couldn't cry.

Zhou Jialuo, is that you? Did you come to my art exhibition? Did you love me a little before? Now, a little guilty?

Zhou Jialuo, a little, I just need a little. As long as you say that you once loved me, and you say that you have a little regret now, I can forgive you and choose to forgive you, without principle and backbone.

Because after all these years, I love you forever.

I have begun to believe that some people never have to wait, because they will never come, but I will wander endlessly on the pillow for countless nights and let myself cry in the dim light.

Zhou Jialuo, I hated you for six years, but I loved you for twelve years. What is deeper than hatred is love. Even if I don't want to, I still remember all the details about you so clearly.