Love in London

Chapter one staying alone in an apartment in London

In the early summer of 192 1, Lin and her father came to Europe.

After more than two months of sea voyage, a 10,000-ton passenger ship sailed in the vast Indian Ocean like a small boat, as if it would never reach the shore. The waves hit the ship's rail day and night, and Yin Hui always felt dizzy in his dreams.

According to the visit plan, Lin Changmin took Yin Hui to visit some cities in France, Italy, Switzerland, Germany and Belgium.

Lin Changmin took her daughter to visit all the cultural attractions, museums, factories and newspapers that developed rapidly after the Industrial Revolution. 16-year-old Hui has little interest in these places, but thinks that it is these places that embody the modern capitalist mode of production and operation and can be used as a reference for the future improvement of China society, so they are "must go".

Besides sightseeing, Lin Changmin spends more time on various social activities. He will attend meetings of the League of Nations, meet people from all over the world, be invited to give speeches in some places, and receive many local students and members of the Chinese community who come to visit him. When he is busy with these things, he often ignores Yin Hui. Yin Hui spent a lot of time alone in her apartment in London.

Yin Hui's feelings are very complicated. She opened her heart to absorb the impressions and knowledge from this new world, and the endless stream of complicated information often made her feel both novel and tired. At the same time, far from her old country and her peers, she often feels deeply lonely and at a loss.

When she is alone, she leans against the fireplace and reads English books one by one. At this time, she was grateful for the rigorous style of study in Beijing Peihua Girls' Middle School. After coming to England, she can communicate and read freely in English without any effort.

The landlady is an architect, and Yin Hui often goes out to sketch and draw with her. Her favorite place to go is Cambridge, where there are endless buildings and scenery. Yin Hui sat on the lawn with a book and looked around. The royal church is resplendent and magnificent, and the royal college exudes a quiet and elegant atmosphere. On the library building of Trinity College, Byron's statue gazes at the distant horizon.

In the conversation with the landlady, Yin Hui learned the difference between architects and people who build houses, and understood that architecture and art are inseparable. Looking back at the temples and halls she saw at home and abroad with such a vision, she really had a different understanding and feeling about these buildings.

From then on, Yin Hui had a vague wish for his future career.

192 1 In September, Yin Hui was admitted to St. Mary's College in London with excellent results.

19265438+65438 in0+654381October+16, it is foggy from morning to afternoon. A young man named Xu Zhimo came to visit Lin Changmin.

Xu Zhimo recently transferred from Columbia University to London. Zhang Xiruo, who came with him, is an international student at the School of Political Science and Economics of London University.

Chapter two didn't expect him to break into his life from now on.

There are many things in life that are incredible. Everyone will meet many people in his life. Some people have lived for decades, but they are strangers and know little about each other. Some people meet inadvertently, but like previous lives, they have forged a lifelong friendship.

When my father and two young people exchanged pleasantries and talked cordially, Yin Hui brought tea and listened to them as usual. She didn't expect that this young man with fair skin and round glasses would invade her life from now on.

After Xu Zhimo and Lin Changmin got to know each other, they soon became friends who met after a brief encounter and talked about everything. He was surprised by Lin Changmin's "unique appearance and unique speech".

With the deepening of contacts with Lin Changmin, Xu Zhimo and Yin Hui became familiar with each other. He found that this little girl with two thin braids hanging down to her shoulders, like an inexperienced middle school student, is not only handsome and lovely, but also a friend to talk to. He told Lin Changmin about his discovery, and Lin Changmin proudly said, "It is not easy to be the father of a talented daughter. You have to lower yourself and make friends first. "

Xu Zhimo found that Yin Hui read a lot, and they often talked about the works of some writers. These conversations excited him. He thinks that Yin Hui's loveliness lies not only in her appearance, but also in her lively thinking and Ming Che's vivid insight. Her understanding and knowledge of literary and artistic works is beyond her age.

Yin Hui is very expressive. Her Beijing dialect has a little Fujian dialect, while her English is an authentic Oxford accent. Her pronunciation and articulation have a sense of music, which sounds very comfortable.

I don't know when Xu Zhimo found himself in Lin Yu not just to find Lin Changmin, but to see Yin Hui and talk with Yin Hui.

It's rainy and foggy in London in winter, and Lin Changmin is out again. Christmas and New Year are next to each other, so Yin Hui has a long holiday. Xu Zhimo came to Lin Zhai with a wet umbrella, and brought endless interesting topics with his usual sincere smile from Wen Ya.

In the living room, the fire in the fireplace jumps brightly, which is the warmest place in the room. On both sides of the fireplace is a comfortable rocking chair covered with Scottish checkered blankets. Usually, Lin Changmin always reads books and newspapers here and chats with visiting guests.

Xu Zhimo and Yin Hui are sitting in front of the fireplace, talking about the unpleasant rain and fog in winter in London, and the description of English scenery in English poems. Xu Zhimo told Yin Hui that his favorite poets were Byron, Shelley, Wordsworth and Keats. He asked Yin Hui if he had read Keats' Ode to a Nightingale, and Yin Hui immediately recited it in English ... This excellent singer is by no means an ordinary bird; He must be the beautiful goddess in the Woods ... "

Their conversation jumped from one topic to another, forgetting the continuous rain outside the window and the gradual weakening of the fireplace flame.

Xu Zhimo told Yin Hui that his original intention of going abroad was to learn advanced foreign technology and take the road of saving the country through industry. I thought that revitalizing the industry meant opening more factories, but after going abroad, he changed his mind. He is sick at the sight of chimneys now, and he sympathizes with the workers struggling for a living in the roar of big industrial machines. Therefore, he now believes in new literature and is interested in politics.

The third chapter spent one cold and long winter after another.

Lin doesn't understand politics. In her inner world, it is more literature and art, which is the life described in the book. She can't figure out the difference between the British Labour Party and the Conservative Party. She doesn't understand to what extent the politics that her father and Xu Zhimo care about can change real life.

The more Yin Hui didn't understand, the more Xu Zhimo wanted to explain his political views to her. He believes that modern democracy in Britain is the best political system from the East to the West.

He said that Germans are too mechanical, French are too headstrong and Americans are too superficial. Only Britain can be called a modern political country.

He thinks that the British are free, but not fierce; Conservative, but not stubborn.

Although Hui is not interested in different political parties and their political opinions, she is still moved by Xu Zhimo's story.

What moved Lin was not only his unrestrained and passionate language, but also his persistent attitude that was almost insane. That is a kind of "childlike innocence".

In the winter of 192 1, London is rainy, foggy and cold. Xu Zhimo spent a cold and long winter in front of the warm fireplace of the Lins.

Spring has come, and the spring in London is intoxicating.

With the deepening of spring, Xu Zhimo has been deeply attracted by Lin. He himself can't explain why he is so infatuated with this girl emotionally.

He likes Yin Hui's eyebrows as light as spring, Yin Hui's eyes as autumn water, and Yin Hui's smiling vortex flashing on his cheek. He prefers to talk freely with Yin Hui. Hui Kongling's artistic feeling and her opinions often inspire his thinking inspiration and sparks.

What excites him most is walking with Yin Hui in Cambridge in late spring.

They walked along the winding river, and the upstream of the river was Lake Byron, where Byron used to play. There is a small dam at the junction of the upstream and downstream of this river. The swift river is shining with broken silver in the sun, the soft water grass brushes the water lazily, and the dense roots of shrubs stretch in the water by the river. On the quiet path, the shade is densely covered with green grass, and a milk truck disappears at the end of the path with a crisp bell. Under the shade, the ancient stone walls are covered with moss, and the delicate and charming roses are quietly open; Thick fallen leaves piled up in the Woods, and wisps of light slanted in like golden arrows. At dusk, the glory of the setting sun hangs over the fields, and the church bells in the distance hit people's hearts. ...

Six years ago, Xu Zhimo was still in high school in Hangzhou No.1 Middle School. Zhang Youyi's brother, a famous political and financial figure at that time, visited a famous school in Zhejiang. During the inspection, he saw Xu Zhimo's Chinese paper, praised it, and went back to ask Xu Zhimo's father Xu Shenru to marry his little sister Zhang Youyi. Zhang Youyi has a good family, and his two brothers are both important politicians. Xu Shenru readily agreed to this marriage.

When they got married, Xu Zhimo 18 years old and Zhang Youyi 16 years old.

After Xu Zhimo came to England, Zhang Youyi also took his son Ah Huan to Bandu, England. It was during this period that Xu Zhimo fell in love with Lin.

hesitate

Xu Zhimo's feelings came quickly and strongly. He believes that his love for Lin is the result of his spiritual awakening, and his pursuit of Lin is the highest embodiment of his pursuit of love, beauty and freedom. He boldly expressed this emotion out of moral courage, humanistic spirit and the spirit of the new era. So he wants to end his loveless marriage with Zhang Youyi in order to get his true love.

In a letter to Zhang Youyi asking for a divorce, he said: "... a real life must be won by yourself! ..... We both have the heart to improve the society and the heart to benefit mankind. It is here to set an example, judge bravely, respect each other's personality, divorce freely, stop suffering and start happiness. "

In Xu Zhimo's view, dissolving this loveless marriage relationship will alleviate the pain. Without such courage, how can we improve society and benefit mankind? He is determined to be "brave and wise" and strive for his true love, happiness and life.

Facing Xu Zhimo's passionate and frank emotional pursuit, Lin was at a loss.

When I first met Xu Zhimo, Lin just regarded him as his father's friend. Zhang Xiruo and Xu Zhimo visited Lin Changmin in Lin Yu. Later, he recalled that Lin had two pigtails and almost called him and Xu Zhimo uncles. Later, with the deepening of communication, Lin also had feelings for Xu Zhimo, although this feeling is not exactly the same as Xu Zhimo's feelings for her. She loves Xu Zhimo's extensive knowledge, independent opinions, unrestrained temperament and frankness. Although Xu Zhimo is eight years older than her and is her brother in age, she regards him as a childlike "real person" in her heart. She is grateful to Xu Zhimo for opening the space for her heart and life, and her spirit has been stretched and sublimated in this exchange. She admits that she likes being with Xu Zhimo, and she has never said so much to any opposite sex except her father.

After all, Lin Cai 16 years old, all her emotional experiences, including confusion, dizziness, joy, fear, shyness, doubt and worry, are the first time for her. She still can't tell. In her feelings for Xu Zhimo, how much is friendship and how much is admiration between the opposite sex. Perhaps all these emotions are intertwined. In the words of Wilma, a friend of Lin's life, "She was fascinated by Xu Zhimo's personality, his pursuit and his warm feelings for her ... She thanked him for opening her eyes and arousing her new yearning." "After listening to her talk about Xu Zhimo for many years, I noticed that her memory is always associated with literary masters-Shelley, Keats, Byron, Mansfield and Virginia. Wolf et al. In my opinion, in his love, he may assume the role of teacher and mentor, introducing her into the world of English poetry and drama, as well as the new beauty, new ideals and new feelings that fascinate him at the same time. "

Lin calmed down after the initial panic. Facing your heart, facing your real yearning, the illusion fades and your desire becomes clear. She said to herself in dismay, how is this possible?

She reflected on herself sadly: at the beginning, only when she clearly knew that Xu Zhimo was a man with a family, could she associate with him without scruple. How can she do anything that destroys other people's families?

Maintain sincere and pure friendship between friends.

At that time, Xu Zhimo's mind was settled. When he replied to Ren Gong, he admitted that he was not afraid of "vulgar jealousy" and did the opposite:

I am willing to take risks that the world doesn't agree with, and those who do their best are not specifically trying to escape the intense pain, but really seeking the settlement of conscience, the establishment of personality and the redemption of the soul.

Who doesn't seek virtue? Who's upset Who is not afraid of danger? However, if you break through this, how can you get it?

I will visit my only soul mate in the vast sea of people, and I am lucky to get it; No, my life, that's it.

1922 February, Zhang Youyi gave birth to his second son Desheng (also known as Peter) in Berlin. In March, Xu Zhimo and Zhang Youyi were formally divorced by Wu Hejin in Berlin.

1August, 922, Xu zhimo returned to China. After returning to China with his father, Lin continued to study at Peihua Girls' School.

Many years later, in the grief of the death of Xu Zhimo's plane, Yin Hui wrote a letter to Hu Shi, in which he talked about his feelings for Xu Zhimo. From this, we can see Lin's true intentions:

My education is old and I can't change anyone. I just need "worthy" people-my parents, my husband (a person who loves me and treats me well), my son, my family and so on. And I will be worthy of another person who loves me in the future. My own heart sometimes makes my temperament difficult to get along with. ...

I miss him very much these days, but if he is still alive, I'm afraid I can't change my attitude towards him. In fact, it is impossible. Perhaps this is the reason why I don't love him enough, and this is the proof that I love my present home above all else. The island also admitted this.

Lin, who was sixteen or seventeen years old, listened to the call of reason when faced with major choices in life. Her rational choice makes her life calm and complete. She solemnly treasures Xu Zhimo's feelings, and she will always stare at this beautiful emotion with deep affection.

In the later years, Lin always maintained a sincere and pure friendship with Xu Zhimo. Her understanding and respect for Xu Zhimo's feelings made her always have Xu Zhimo's respect and love.

Lin has returned to China, and Xu Zhimo is tossing and turning in thoughts, love, disappointment and hope. He began to write poems. He was moved to tears by the brilliance of the stars and the moon, felt lonely by the flowing streams, felt sad by the trees covered with frosty ground, and was burned by the strong idea that there was nowhere to vent. His poems were covered with pages of manuscript paper.

People say that Xu Zhimo's "Accidental" is a poem written for Lin:

I am a cloud in the sky,

Occasionally projected into your heart-

You shouldn't be surprised,

There is no need to be happy,

It disappeared in an instant.

You and I met in the dark sea,

You have yours, I have mine, direction;

You remember it well,

It's best to forget the light released from each other in this tryst!

In Beijing, couples don't want to be disturbed.

192 1 year1October Lin returned to China with his father. 1922 10 Xu zhimo returned to China, stayed in the south for a while, and came to Beijing in early February of 65438.

Hurry back to China, because he must know that Lin has been betrothed to Liang Sicheng. He left London for home with the intention of coming back, which can be seen from his famous poem Goodbye at Cambridge. "If my star is blessed, I hope to be rewarded,/I will come to the spring flower season, when I return to the west,/I will pick up my poetry needle and thread again,/I will embroider the flowers of my ideal life,/I will realize the charming traces of my dreams in the past years,/I will spread fragrant and rhythmic festivals and increase the romantic flow on the river."

Will studying in London together be Yin Hui's promise to Zimbabwe?

However, as soon as he arrived in Beijing, he knew that things were not that simple. First, Liang Qichao sent him a long letter (Liang is in Shanghai), advising him "Don't exchange other people's pain for your own happiness, which is duty-bound. This move by my brother is almost at a loss as to whether he will be happy in the future, but he has given many people infinite pain. " Although this is said to the Zhang family, it is not his personal feeling. After all, it's his son because his wife wants to marry back.

Liang also lamented: "Alas, there is no perfect universe in the world!"

If Liang Qichao doesn't intend to marry Yin Hui as his wife, there is no doubt that these words are inspiring words, and anyone will be grateful after listening to them. However, in this context, these words seem pale or even pitiful.

Even a teacher, Xu Zhimo won't buy this account. It's not hard to imagine how he would answer. "I will visit my only soul mate in the vast sea of people. I am lucky to get it, but I can't, that's all." So let's have a game.

The letter was received almost on the day he arrived in Beijing. At this time, I haven't seen Lin. After seeing Lin, I won't be so confident. Lin is studying in Peihua Middle School, so it is not easy to find him. The Lins live in a courtyard called Xuechi in Jingshan Backstreet. You can go there, but Yin Hui is often away. The relationship between her and Liang Sicheng is fairly stable, and they often fall in love together in their spare time.

There is a short story that can illustrate Zhimo's persistence and embarrassment.

Liang Qichao is the curator of Songpo Library. Songpo Library has two courtyards, one is at No.7 Shihu Hutong near Xidan, and the other is at the Quick Snow Hall in Beihai Park. Fast School is a quiet and elegant courtyard, which is closed to the public on Sundays. Liang Sicheng has a special relationship and a key to get in and out freely, so he invited Lin to meet here. Xu Zhimo also found Lin here. He is a disciple of Liang Qichao and a friend of Lin Changmin. Even if Liang Sicheng were here, he couldn't say anything was wrong with Lin. Go to the number of times, will naturally cause Liang Sicheng antipathy, Liang He posted a note on the door, big book:

Lovers want to be alone. ..

When Mo Chi saw it, he had to be disgruntled. (Pearl Buck by Liang Shiqiu and Xu Zhimo)

Even if it is a prank, I'm afraid Liang Sicheng didn't write it behind Lin's back.

During Tagore's visit to China in April and May, 1924, Xu Lin got the chance to get in touch, received together inside and outside the venue, and performed an English drama together, which restored her old feelings. On May 20th, Tagore and his party left Beijing for Taiyuan accompanied by Xu Zhimo. At the station, many people saw me off, including Lin. The bus is about to start. Xu Zhimo was writing a letter to Lin at that time. Before he finished writing, the car was already crawling. Xu Zhimo rushed over and handed it to Lin under the car. Tagore's secretary was so sad to see him that she was very kind and grabbed him and hid him. Later, Shima never mentioned this matter again, so he saved it and brought it back to England. It was not until the 1970s that Liang Xihua visited and showed the original work to Liang. The letter wrote:

I really don't know what to say. I tried to write several times, but I couldn't write it every time. I have only been in a daze in my mind these two days. I opened my eyes and closed my eyes, only to see the dim and bleak moonlight the night before, slowly retreating into the wilderness according to the vehicles we didn't want. Parting! How can you believe it? It's crazy to think about it. Who can cut so much silk? My eyes are black again!

From this letter, we can see that they were together the night before yesterday. It was in this meeting that Lin told Zhimo that she would soon go to the United States to study with Liang Sicheng. She can't be his wife, they have to leave.

Lin Hui cherishes it very much, because she chews out the true feelings of Zhimo to her after she came to the United States. In a letter to Hu Shi on March 5, 1927, she said: "Please tell Zhimo that I have had enough of loneliness and disappointment in the past three years, and now I can find comfort and satisfaction in loneliness and disappointment. Tell him that I absolutely don't blame him, but I hope he will forgive me for my ignorance. However, misunderstanding is inevitable and he should forgive me. "

This is the best summary of the relationship between the two sides in the past few years.

1In August, 928, Lin returned to China and was employed as a professor at Northeastern University with Liang Sicheng. 193 1 At the beginning of the year, Xu Zhimo heard that Zhi Lin was seriously ill and made a special trip to visit Shenyang. After the school started in the spring of this year, Zhimo came to Beiping as a professor of Peking University, and Lin Hui returned to Beijing to recuperate due to a serious illness. There are many contacts between the two. Zhimo and Xiaoman have a bad relationship and often walk around, which tends to rekindle old feelings. For this relationship, Lin and Liang Congjie, the son of Liang Sicheng, have the following views:

I've been thinking about Xu. He died in a plane crash at 193 1, which is a good thing for him. If he lives a few more years, it will be a tragedy for him, and he will definitely not survive with Lu Xiaoman. If divorced from Lu, Xu will definitely return to Lin emotionally, and it will be difficult for everyone to be confused again in the future.

Lin also sympathized with him and couldn't bear to hurt him. Xu was deeply involved. Therefore, I have always felt that Xu's sudden death is also an arrangement from heaven.

It is really inappropriate for the younger generation to say such things. For the sake of one's family, it is good to say that others are burned to death, unlike what educated people say. This is a passage that Mr. Liang Congjie answered the reporter after the broadcast of April Day on Earth. It was published in the fourth edition of the newspaper on May 6th this year. Without reading these words, I didn't know that Xu Lin's feelings had developed to such a dangerous level in Peiping 193 1.

After the Babel incident, Lin made no secret of her feelings for Xu Zhimo. 1932 lunar new year letter to Hu Shi said:

I will always be "me", and being praised by poets will not add beauty and energy. There is an unfortunate and tortuous ancient history, there is nothing to be ashamed of ... I think this incident is really unfortunate in terms of personnel. Mentally, this incident may have made Zhimo a poet, but it also helped me temper my character and insight. Shima inaway (to some extent) does not regret having such a painful history. I think my life is at least not very satisfactory, which is not a bad thing. Zhimo woke me up, and he became a kind of stiff in my life, either hate or anger, or joy or sadness, or sadness or bitterness. I don't regret it, I'm not proud of my stubbornness, and I'm not ashamed.

Are you in love? There must be. "An unfortunate and tortuous old history" is definitely not a simple friendship. Lamenting that this incident "seems to be unfortunate in personnel" is tantamount to lamenting that lovers have jack, jack shall have Jill.

How deep is it? Deep enough. It is the reason why Zhimo became a poet, and it also helps her temper her personality and knowledge. Zhimo became an inspiration in her life and made her stubborn. She will never be ashamed of it. For a woman with a husband and children, what can she say and how?

You still have to believe that there is an echo in the valley.

Always with Tagore

1924 In April, the Indian poet Tagore was welcomed in Beijing.

Tagore was invited by Liang Qichao and Cai Yuanpei to visit China in the name of Beijing Lecture Society.

The Toastmasters Club entrusted Xu Zhimo with the reception and accompaniment during Tagore's visit to China, and served as an interpreter. Wang Tongzhao is responsible for recording and editing Tagore's speeches in various places.

Members of the Crescent Society arranged Tagore's poetic drama Zidra in English.

On April 23rd, Tagore's train arrived at Qianmen Station in Beijing with deafening firecrackers. Liang Qichao, Cai Yuanpei, Hu Shi, Liang Shuming, Gu Hongming, Xiong Xiling and Jiang Menglin went to the station to meet them.

During Tagore's stay in Beijing, his schedule was very full. He attended welcome meetings and symposiums from all walks of life, gave speeches at several universities such as Peking University, Tsinghua and Yanjing, and called on the last emperor Puyi. Lin has been with Tagore and participated in all these activities.

May 8th is Tagore's 64th birthday, and some cultural people in Beijing held a birthday party for him.

The finale of the birthday party is to watch colleagues from Crescent Society perform Tagore's Zidra in English. In the play, Lin plays Princess Zidra, Prince Ashuna, Xu Zhimo plays Madana, the goddess of spring, Wasenta, and Liang Sicheng designs the stage set. Before the performance, Lin dressed up as a girl in costume looking forward to the new moon in front of the curtain, and presented the performance group-the New Moon Society in the form of sculpture.

After the performance, Tagore stepped onto the stage. He was wearing a plain gray Indian cloth robe with white hair and beard, and his deep eyes swept away the fatigue of the past few days. He embraced Lin's shoulder lovingly and praised: "Daughter of King Manipur, your beauty and wisdom are not borrowed. It is a gift that God has already given you, not only for a day or a year, but for your whole life, so you radiate brilliance. "

On the night of May 20th, Tagore left Beijing for Taiyuan, then went to Hong Kong and returned to China via Japan. Xu zhimo accompanied him all the time. Lin, Liang Sicheng and many others went to the station to see me off.

Yin Hui and Sicheng have gone through all the formalities for studying in the United States, and they will leave soon. Looking at Tingting's emblem outside the window, Xu Zhimo had mixed feelings. This parting will be a real parting. During these days of receiving Tagore, he had many opportunities to be with Yin Hui. They organize various activities, attend various parties, rehearse and perform together. When we are together, Zhimo only feels busy, happy and leaving soon. He strongly realizes that he still loves Yin Hui deeply. After returning to Beijing from England, he was deeply hurt and lost when he learned that Yin Hui and Sicheng were in love. I also wanted to pursue it, but Yin Hui's attitude stopped him. In fact, he can only accept the reality as an English gentleman. But these days, getting along with each other day and night, the feelings he suppressed in his heart burned violently again. He looked out of the window, and the people who saw him off outside the window were chanting treasures. The emblem is close at hand and far away. He only felt that his insides were burning until Hu Shi whispered, "Zhimo, why are you crying?" He realized that he was in tears.