Reading time: February, 2022.16-18

Reading bibliography: proper self-esteem

I see:

First, know your self-esteem level.

1. Three pillars of self-esteem: self-love, self-confidence and self-concept.

1) Self-love: Whether you can accept yourself depends on the love and nourishment you received in your childhood.

2) Self-concept: How to treat yourself? Evaluate your own advantages and disadvantages reasonably.

3) Confidence: Do you think you are capable of taking appropriate actions?

Every child is looking for two things in his life: a sense of value and a sense of belonging. Know that you are loved and you are capable.

2. How to judge whether your self-esteem level is high or low?

How to evaluate yourself?

2) Do you laugh at yourself habitually?

3) Are decisions and actions easy, and vice versa?

4) Is it easier to stick to your choice or the other way around?

Are you particularly sensitive to failure and criticism? And vice versa?

6) When someone talks about the pain, is the blow serious or slight?

7) Pretender syndrome? It's a lie to worry that he really doesn't match the job.

8) Have happiness anxiety? Will it be embarrassing or relaxing to be praised?

3. Advantages of low self-esteem and disadvantages of high self-esteem.

1) Both high self-esteem and low self-esteem have their own advantages, so it is absolutely necessary to judge which is better.

2) Social class is the decisive factor, and perhaps the most important thing is to have a level of self-esteem consistent with the values of people around you.

3) The benefits of low self-esteem

Good at listening, easy to grasp the needs of others, easy to be accepted.

Pay attention to other people's opinions and accept others' feedback with an open mind to adjust yourself.

Be modest, respect others, and don't call yourself superior.

Modesty, don't be carried away by arrogance.

4) The disadvantages of high self-esteem

There is a thin line between self-confidence and complacency.

There is a thin line between persistence and stubbornness.

Willing to take risks, drunk driving, speeding and engaging in dangerous sports.

The first of the seven deadly sins-pride

4. Four types of self-esteem.

1) stable and high self-esteem: little influenced by the outside world, calm and firm.

2) Unstable high self-esteem: easily stimulated and violently reacted.

3) Stable low self-esteem: resigned, unwilling to take the initiative to express opinions, negative.

4) Unstable low self-esteem: After success, we will gradually improve our self-esteem, strive to create a better image, and be cautious again.

Second, fully understand what self-esteem is.

1. Where does self-esteem come from?

Nutrients of self-esteem: feeling loved+feeling capable.

2. Five aspects that affect the formation of children's and adolescents' self-esteem.

1), appearance

2), sports ability

3) popularity among peers

4), whether the behavior conforms to social norms

5), academic performance

3. Advice to parents

1), if the child tells you his doubts and saves, we should listen carefully. Listening carefully is the greatest support for children.

2) Don't rush to comfort and change the subject.

3), don't rush to check, say I'll help you, I'll tell them, and so on. This is intervention.

4), don't guess the child, how parents guess the sieve, especially if you guess right, it will make the child more painful.

5) Help children build a good self-esteem system in childhood.

Love is unconditional, but children can only find security through love, not value.

The sense of value comes from the improvement of ability.

Unconditional love and conditional education can help children find a sense of belonging and security at the same time.

4. Factors affecting self-esteem in adulthood.

1) partnership; If the relationship between partners is harmonious, appreciated and understood, self-esteem will increase, while if the partner is lovelorn or feels unattractive, self-esteem will decrease.

2), children; Whether children are excellent or not will affect parents' self-esteem.

3), friends; Similarity and mutual understanding between friends can improve self-esteem, boasting (high self-esteem) or complaining all day (low self-esteem) will keep friends away from you.

4), work

Important factors affecting adults' self-esteem; But if the proportion is too heavy, people will rely too much on work.

Success at work will boost self-esteem.

Interpersonal communication at work will also affect self-esteem.

5), power

Third, how to repair self-esteem?

1, diseases caused by self-esteem

1) Depression is generally characterized by inferiority complex.

2) Self-deviation, including self-expansion and narcissism in bipolar disorder.

3) Pay more attention to your own defects and worry about whether you will expose some complex that you are already investigating.

4) drinking too much

5) Psychological trauma: psychological trauma caused by physical and mental infringement.

2. Defense mechanism: pseudo-methods commonly used by people (there are only limited ways to adjust self-esteem).

1) Shopping, possessing, showing off, controlling others, violating rules, speaking ill of others, bragging, etc.

Common defense mechanisms of low self-esteem;

1) Success through others and indirect interaction.

2) Stay in the group,

3) Enter the fantasy world

Common defense mechanism of high self-esteem;

1) attribution bias

2) Criticize the judge

3) Decline ratio

The degree of these defense mechanisms is the most important, which can be reasonably grasped and properly reflected.

3, how to really change, how to adjust their self-esteem level to a reasonable state.

People with high self-esteem have more opportunities to act.

Get out of the trap of inferiority

Three aspects:

1), introspection

Use tools such as Johari Windows to know yourself correctly.

2), communication

Maintain normal social relations and know how to seek social support when encountering problems.

Learn to put yourself in the shoes and strengthen relationships for psychological support.

3), action

Take action → get positive feedback → improve self-esteem.

Or take action → fail → face up to failure and sum up experience → act again until success → improve self-esteem.

Don't attack yourself during the operation.

The recovery time of experts is short.

The more action, the more experience.

Strategy:

1) Turn complaints into goals, for example, I am not interested in anything → I want to generate some interest.

2) Choose a suitable goal, such as inviting friends frequently instead of being invited frequently.

3) In stages, such as? I am not satisfied with the reality of my emotional situation and want to have a beloved person. You can embed antiques in your colleagues and learn more about the opposite sex.

Help psychotherapy

I think:

Through learning, I know that I belong to the unstable type of inferiority. Of course, the reason is that there is not much room for self-development as a child, and work, study and make friends as an adult are always in an unstable state. There was a time when I felt that my self-esteem level had been improved to a certain extent, and I became more confident, optimistic and confident. But after that, especially since I started dating my husband and getting married until I had children, my self-esteem level has been at a low level for a long time, and my work performance is average. In addition, the other party is less likely to encourage and praise, but more likely to attack and deny, which leads to the more I want to be recognized, the more I will be denied. Of course, the root cause is that one's self-esteem level is not stable enough, and one relies too much on external evaluation and affirmation. I used to be depressed.

Now facing children, we can't achieve unconditional love and conditional education. In this way, the key time for children to cultivate a complete self-esteem system is likely to be abandoned and even become the next me.

At present, the changes I can take are:

1, psychological counseling

2. Encourage yourself and jump out of the trap of self-denial.

3. Cultivate a hobby, such as fitness? Insist on taking listening notes? Practice writing? get up early

4. Be more patient with children, be more patient, be more patient.

5, the daily schedule is planned ~ ~ at least the general direction is arranged.

6. Less procrastination, more action and less time spent on mobile phones. Don't look at your mobile phone while eating! !

Childhood or those dreams we once had, we should find appropriate opportunities to get them back. In the future, not only children, but also ourselves. Maybe it's just this short three to five years. Planning and action ~

2022.2. 19