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This time, after the Dragon Boat Festival, I went back to my hometown and met a senior who was several years older than me. I saw him walking around the square alone, occasionally sitting around the flower bed talking to himself, or staring at the distance and giggling. What is even more surprising is that when I came forward to greet him, he was expressionless and didn't recognize me.

I didn't know it was my senior until I asked, because his family interfered in marriage a few years ago. Finally, I was driven crazy.

I heard that now he only knows his parents and sisters, and everyone else is "blocked". Because of his mental state, he could not continue to work, and the unit handled long-term sick leave for him. Fortunately, I was admitted to the civil service that year and successfully entered a local state administrative unit. At present, despite mental problems, there is still income from not going to work.

02

To say that my senior has achieved particularly good academic results since childhood, it is an example for parents to follow.

The senior is the only boy in the family, and his parents have attached great importance to him since childhood. Besides studying, they worry about him and arrange everything for him. I went to the English summer camp in the city that summer, not only because my family had good economic strength, but also because my parents had advanced educational concepts.

My senior middle school went to English summer camp for three consecutive holidays. He is the only one of many sisters in the family. Of course, he also lived up to expectations, and his grades in all subjects have been good. Especially English, oral English is particularly fluent.

I heard that he went to the summer camp, and his mother went to the city to help him wash every week. Only one day was free, and his mother arranged for him to read in the city library, for fear that the children would not study and affect their seniors. Occasionally, I want to go shopping with my friends. I also discussed with my mother in advance and went home on time according to my mother's request.

That's it. Under the expectation of his parents, he successfully studied finance according to his own wishes and was admitted to a good university. Then he was successfully admitted to the local civil servants.

This smooth sailing day was broken by the day when the seniors brought their girlfriends home.

The senior's girlfriend is also our local girl. Girlfriend is a village cadre in a grass-roots town, and their working relationship makes them gradually fall in love. The senior summoned up the courage to take his girlfriend home, but was opposed by his mother and even scolded his girlfriend. Later, the relatives of the senior said that mom was so angry because the senior's girlfriend was not chosen by his mother. On the other hand, it is said that the girl is the eldest daughter of the family and is from the countryside, so the burden will be too heavy in the future.

The seniors still ignore the relationship with their girlfriends, on the other hand, the mother is still arranging objects. The conditions are better than one, and the appearance is better than one. The senior mother learned that the two were still together, and even went to her girlfriend's house, and the unit clamored to break up.

After several rounds of quarreling, the senior's girlfriend couldn't stand the external pressure and couldn't convince herself to let go of this relationship, and finally hanged herself.

It is conceivable that a pair of lovers were separated alive and one of them went to heaven. The seniors who stayed behind were crazy, and no matter how sad and regretful mom was, she couldn't get it back.

03

"I did all this for your own good." How many people choose to put on the coat of love and then be forced to "do as I say?"

My seniors have always grown up under the arrangement of their parents and gradually forgot how to choose. When he met the girl he liked, he was sent away by his mother after considering everything for him.

Hearing this story, many readers must feel the same pain as me.

As experienced people, when parents raise their children according to their own wishes and arrange everything for their children, they often talk about "everything is for your own good" and impose what they think is good on their children. The child accepted under pressure. Over time, children gradually lose their ability to distinguish in a depressed environment, and at the same time live according to their own inner thoughts and parents' expectations.

Parents are always on top, but this sentence will be added to any decision involving choice. They tell you what you should do to create an inequality invisibly. Just like shopping in the supermarket, adults always put their children in the shopping cart. This is safe and labor-saving. But most children don't want to sit, which deprives them of close contact with goods. It is euphemistically called "comfortable in the car, all for your own good." But in fact, children have no choice at all, because they have been forced into the car by adults.

04

This idea of "doing good for you" has gradually become subconscious, and when self-awareness has not been established, it will be done subconsciously. Whatever you do, no matter when, everything has been arranged.

Those paths arranged by others are gradually growing up and becoming habits. After all, if you feel good about what others want to see, it is beyond reproach. If, one day, I look at other people's wonderful lives and feel sad and helpless, it will be too sad.

I kidnapped my thoughts with the bondage of "all for your own good", and I was always worried about disappointing my family's kindness on the way forward, but I couldn't be loyal to my inner thoughts wholeheartedly.

Those parents who are "good for you", under the strong desire for control, make their children look what they expect, and they are still complacent.

Children with discerning ability are not allowed to make their own choices in the family, but are told what to do and forced to cross the border, and they will get more contradictory resistance.

China's family relationship is full of contradictions, which is one of the reasons.

Psychologist Hellinger said: "All happy families have one thing in common: there are no controlling people in the family."

Generally, people who want to control are people who can't control themselves. They need others' affirmation, encouragement and comfort to prove their value and establish a stable sense of value. For example, the senior's mother wants others to affirm her dedication to her son, who is excellent. Once you break this agreement, you will be torn.

04

I remember milk tea Rene Liu said: To really love someone is to let him live like himself.

Both parents and lovers should understand that true love for a person is not to control or kidnap the other person in the name of love.

A person's instinct to live is to live a high self.

Children who grow up under "for your own good" lose many opportunities for exploration and discovery because of "for your own good", and their hearts are more fragile. Always at the request of parents, then primary schools will understand and agree with their parents' painstaking efforts.

Full of anxiety and guilt, live and work carefully. Children lack independent opinions, let alone brave choices. They are busy repeating other people's ideas and will.

We heard the story of "Little Horse Crossing the River" when we were very young. The same is true of the depth of the river, some feel deep and some feel shallow. No matter what others say, good or bad, only you can take a path that suits you.

Even if there are thorns everywhere, it is my own life.

In the face of "everything is for your own good", everyone has different life plans except experience and suggestions. It's enough to be yourself.