I read it when I was a teenager, just like Lu Xun was listening to Xiao Dan singing opera. I just feel endless and impatient. Or "love is the center and essence of life, and the success of love is the success of life", or "love is a great event, a difficult thing, a matter of life and death", Zuo is just a narrow confession of love. When I grew up, I found that when I was young, I only saw the resulting love from books, but I ignored the poet's hard argumentation process. Xu Zhimo completed the annotation of the whole process of love with love eyebrows.

"Before God, love is the only glory."

This is a sentence in Xu Zhimo's poem The Last Day. All Xu's poems can be compared, and the central theme of this poem is Ai Za. Xu Zhimo was never a perfect lover, just as he was never a perfect poet. In his previous relationships, Lu Xiaoman was always selfish and mean. But it is precisely because of this that the other party is the most naive love warrior. As he himself said, "my chest is not big enough to hold all or even part of the universe;" The heart is not deep enough, and there is often sorrow that shows the bottom. "Ex-wife Zhang Youyi, son, parents and morality should be all or even a part of the universe. His little universe is the universe of love, and Lu Xiaoman is the Lord in his little temple.

In Xiaozha, the words and expressions are gorgeous, the emotions are beautiful, and the selfish world is narrow, but the purity is surprisingly high. Compared with other literati in the same period, such as Sun Dayu, Hu Shi and Yu Dafu, Xu Zhimo's personal world is the narrowest and most naive, so he is also the hardest worker. "Xiaozha" is not only an expression of love, but also what we teenagers see; There is also persistence in love, proof of confidence, disdain for precepts, struggle against despair, and persistence in giving up, all of which are often overlooked in our adolescence. When the poet convinces his lover, he also convinces himself and the world: "From now on, you and I have the obligation to be perfect in the life of love." We should work hard. Our love is not shallow. Even if there is a moral gap, it is the purest and most perfect. "

In addition to the original Essaomeza, this book also selected many letters and diaries of the poet before his death. If 1926 10 month is the boundary, there are a lot of vague information from 1925 August to 193 1 year 10 month. The whole process of love from occurrence to decline to helplessness is also among them. Even in 193 1, there is no resentment in the poet's letter:

I can bear it if you blame me. If your family cheats on you, it's cheating on me: it's true, I can't love my beloved wife, and I can't protect myself: I'm also very angry and have nothing to say. I don't have any attachment to this family, so you must first understand that you don't blame me too much. Take care of yourself and work harder.

The decline of love happens from time to time. Compared with Yu Dafu's hesitation, Hu Shi's initiative to let go and Guo Moruo's selfish cool thin, Xu Zhimo is the only one who goes forward bravely. From this perspective, Xiao Za is his monument. He wrote about his love and his own dignity. In the field of love, he is indeed a high point. Even later, in the face of Lu Xiaoman's self-abandonment and opium addiction, he gently persuaded him. What he always talks about is "You must work harder and be more careful", sometimes even to the point of compromise. "If you are willing to sacrifice something for your child, try to quit smoking. Even if the child grows to a certain extent, you will eat again. "

If the love written in Ai Xiao Mei Za is an ideal love without dust, then what is written here is the realistic and firm secular love. The former shows the enthusiasm of animals, while the latter shows the tolerance of philosophers. Only by understanding the transformation of these two words can we really understand "Little Zagreb".

In addition to love, the literary world at that time was also the place seen in this book. Ling Shuhua and Hu Shizhi are the two names with the highest frequency in Miscellaneous Works. It is not difficult to understand why Xu Zhimo's last manuscript exists in the former, and the friendship between Hu Shi and Lu Xiaoman is also clearly visible. Writing Bing Xin is very interesting, which can be compared with Liang Shiqiu's memories of her: "Go back to Yanjing and meet Ms. Bing Xin;" Thank you, don't give up, your voice is full of enthusiasm. Totally different! "

Information about Lin is also revealed from time to time, such as "I went to Xiangshan again, but she is still not well." She has had a fever for ten days recently, and she is quite tired. The child is very handsome and cute. Eyes are Lin's and face is Liang's. " At this point, the bustling "promise me a future" has finally come to an end. This poet, though he mentioned "Yin Hui" and "Cheng Si" repeatedly, has a very peaceful attitude. This story ends here. Later, many speculations about the old feelings in the world seem to be superfluous.

People have many faces, and those in love letters are often the cutest. Wang Jingzhi, Hu Shi and Xu Zhimo are all the same-Wang Xiaobo in the newly read love letter is by no means Wang Xiaobo in the Bronze Age. However, others will always return to the face outside the love letter, and only Xu Zhimo insists on living in the scene of love letters and small letters. He confused the boundary between poetry and the world; In other words, only he has the courage and responsibility to bring the enthusiasm and persistence in poetry to life. He does this when the moon is full, and he still does it when the sun goes down and there are many holes.

In the end, the reality was not penetrated by his love, but he died in exhaustion. Therefore, it is reasonable to believe that the young poet's death at the age of 36 was not the result of an accidental plane crash. He is a tired lover, too tired to carry the signboard he set up for love. "Before the Lord, love is the only glory", so he flew away.

"Not easy to get" and "Love Eyebrows"

Because of the TV series April Day on Earth, the romantic diary Ai Xiao Mei Za by Xu Zhimo and Lu Xiaoman is not only famous, but also a new favorite of collectors. 1April, 936, the publishing house photocopied the thread-bound book Ai Xiao Mei Za 100 according to the author's manuscript. A few years ago, this book was a flash in the pan at the auction, and the transaction price was as high as 2600 yuan.

Love Xiao Mei Za was published by Lu Xiaoman to commemorate the 40th anniversary of Xu Zhimo's birth, with a total of about 200 pages, mainly focusing on Xu Zhimo's diaries in Beijing from August 9 to 365,438+0 and in Shanghai from September 5 to 65,438+07. There are also Lu Xiaoman's diaries from 1925 March 1 1 to July1,which account for only a quarter of the whole book, but the weight is not light. Although Lu Xiaoman specifically claimed that "she can't write an article" in Introduction to Amy's Essays, in fact, her works are fresh and smooth, just like those written in the advertisement of Amy's essays, like "flowing essays". Xu Zhimo's writing is full of fun, and his poetic language is inadvertently mixed with a few words or a sensational English, just like a beautiful snack, which allows readers to "eat" and has endless aftertaste. The readability of Al Xiao Mei Za lies in that between the lines of the diary, two fiery "loves" in love collide vividly, just as the preface of Al Xiao Mei Za writes: "The confession of love revealed in our blood is hard to get in life".

In fact, before liberation, Ai Xiao Mei Za was a paperback, which was published a little earlier than the paperback. There are two kinds of paperback edition and popular edition. The former was published in March 1936. As for the popular edition, the author kept a copy. The author can find this "love eyebrow", which can also be described as "not easy to get". About 10 years ago, I read a biography about Lu Xiaoman, and I made up my mind that if I happened to meet an old edition of "Love to Punch" in the future, I must buy it. Later, I visited a lot of second-hand book markets and never got rid of "Ai Xiao Mei Za". One day, I happened to know that an old man in my hometown had a copy. So I went to my house and found that the copyright page of Aimeixin had been torn off for a long time, leaving only the word "Republic of China". I was still willing to pay a high price, but the old man refused to give up my love, so I had to come on impulse and return disappointed. Many things happen. When I was studying abroad, I came across this book by chance, just like meeting two authors for the first time. I finally found my long-cherished "lover". The book has 32 editions and belongs to "No.24 Companion Literature Series". The author signed Xu Zhimo's posthumous work,1June 3, 940, published by Shanghai Liangyou Fuxing Book Printing Company. The price is set at 80 cents, but the price tag is printed with the purple words "sell at current price plus 50%". The cover design is quite interesting: two or three blue geometric patterns with a frame of Xu Zhimo's half-length black and white movie-the poet's temperament is vividly on the paper.