At the beginning of this semester, I discussed with my child and set several small goals about study habits, hoping that she could improve or improve. One of the small goals is that the homework left by the school must be completed when leaving school flexibly, and at the latest before mom comes home from work. Once the goal is set, plus my reminder and supervision, it will be implemented very well in a month, and almost every homework will be completed.
It only takes 10 minutes to check after meals, and the error rate is extremely low. Occasionally I will leave a topic or something I can't do. Let's discuss and explain. In addition, dictation requires my presence, and basically I can finish my child's homework in half an hour. The rest of the time is reading books and adding meals.
For a long time, the children lived well. Every day after work, I push the door and go home. Her first sentence was, Mom, I have finished my homework. After listening to this sentence, the old mother's fatigue disappeared after a day's work, and she was relieved.
But it didn't last long. In recent days, I have checked her homework for three days in a row. The handwriting of Chinese homework is sloppy and perfunctory, and the error rate of mathematical calculation is obviously improved. This has never happened before. After I found the problem, I reminded her many times, but it didn't improve for a week.
Last night, looking at my math exercise book I filled out again, I asked her to revise it, but she was absorbed in reading comic books and ignored me. I suddenly raised my decibel and called her to come over. I yelled at her and asked her if she really couldn't, or didn't do it seriously? She was speechless. I patted her ass, but she still didn't answer. I guess she was scared.
I obviously feel that there is something wrong with this study! Either there is something wrong with the attitude or you are not sure about the content. I managed to restrain my emotions and accompany her to revise her homework. I found it not impossible.
I cleaned up my emotions, and then apologized first and said, "Mom yelled at you just now, it's her fault. But do you know why mom is angry? "
She whispered, "Yes."
I said, "Tell me, why?"
She then replied, "Because I made a lot of mistakes in my homework, and I scribbled."
I said, "Then why don't you write well?"
Answer: "I write too fast."
I then asked, "Why did you write so fast?"
Answer: "Because I compete with my deskmate for homework, he is always fast, and I want to be faster."
Having said that, I have a general understanding of the reasons for the abnormality during this period. I thought about it and answered her: "Students should do their homework and make progress with each other. You're both great. But do you know what the most important purpose of homework is? "
The child looked at me with wide eyes and shook his head.
I said, "Doing homework is to consolidate what I have learned during the day. We know a lot of words by doing our homework. We should check what we can't do during the day, instead of finishing our homework quickly to improve our speed, right or wrong. " ? Next time, if you don't compare speed with your deskmate, compare with him who is more accurate and whose handwriting is better and cleaner. "
The child replied, "Then I will write slowly. I haven't finished my homework after school."
It seems that I must finish my homework before I go to school. I had to say, "Mom asked you to finish your homework before going to school, so that you can improve your efficiency and not be distracted by other things." Do other things after finishing your homework. "
The child said thoughtfully, "Oh, I see."
I looked at the child and said this pile of sermons. I don't know if she really understood. When I woke up this morning, I looked at my child's sleeping appearance, remembered last night's yelling, and suddenly felt a little regret.
Think about it carefully, every abnormality of a child is actually traceable.
Recently, when I go home, I always ask if I have finished my homework first. As long as my homework is finished, I will be happy. The child likes you to be happy and praises her for finishing her homework so early. So I try my best to finish my homework. Therefore, right and wrong and the requirement of neat handwriting are ignored.
From the child's point of view, she is only fulfilling her mother's requirements and has no ability to understand that doing homework is a help to consolidate knowledge. She only cares about finishing her homework quickly and playing with her friends at school the rest of the time. When I get home, I can have my mother's praise and spare time to do what I like.
From the perspective of parents, I ask my children to finish their homework at school and expect them to develop the habit of finishing their homework independently; It can save some time and facilitate the arrangement of extracurricular study; Leave some time for adults, and don't spend time with children to do homework in class.
Obviously, due to the cognitive deviation between them, they failed to reach the ideal state. Then how can we make our demands infinitely close to the wishes of children and ultimately promote their growth?
I think, first of all, we should understand what is the ultimate goal of making a rule or making a request with children. Understand the purpose, meet the requirements, and encourage in time.
In fact, when new problems arise, we should communicate in time, understand the reasons clearly, listen to the children's understanding, then talk about our suggestions, find out the source of the problems, and then find out the countermeasures.
Finally, recognize the reality. Cultivating children is not a once-and-for-all thing. You need constant attention, guidance and encouragement. We can't solve a series of problems just because of a temporary improvement. Many times, we should accept that if you solve a problem for a child, there will only be more problems. As children grow up, the problems you face will become more and more difficult, so that one day your ability is not enough to help children solve problems, then the moment when children grow up is the moment when children are completely independent.
At that time, you just need to look at her back and tell yourself silently that you don't have to chase!