The idea of this paper is applicable to INFJ career planning, INFJ interest preference, INFJ entrepreneurship, INFJ self-media, INFJ leadership and management style, INFJ sideline creation, INFJ promotion and salary increase, INFJ interpersonal relationship, INFJ professional choice, INFJ personality analysis, INFJ talents, INFJ money making and financial management, INFJ marriage guide and other topics.
0 1
Basic information
Just call me Xiao Shu. I am 25 years old, female, Aquarius, unmarried and naturally childless. I come from Yunnan. I'm studying in other provinces, and I'm majoring in business administration. After graduation, I tried to develop in Shanghai twice, but I didn't go home for a week. Later, I worked as a clerk in a small state-owned enterprise in my hometown and resigned two years later. Now I am a teacher in Changsha.
02
Favorite since childhood
All along, our family is not very rich, even a little short of money, but our family is very harmonious, very happy, and our parents are also very open-minded, so it has been smooth sailing since childhood. Plus, I have good grades and am obedient, so adults around me will praise me every time they see me. I don't hear any bad comments except my parents (I don't take my parents' criticism too seriously). To what extent? Every time I receive an award and participate in any activity, it must be me. I think everything I do is right, just excellent, and everyone likes me. This also laid the groundwork for future competitiveness, pride and pursuit of perfection.
In fact, nothing is perfect, just a blind spot in a small place, a limited circle. Later, it became more and more stretched, and the smallness and limited ability became more and more prominent. The first time I deeply realized the loss was in junior high school, and the clues of weight gain appeared. There are many outstanding people in all aspects except grades. Even though I am still excellent, this is not the most outstanding. I got nothing but grades, so even my grades dropped. When I worked hard after being hit hard, there was still no progress, and the perfect coat finally showed holes.
03
Feel extremely inferior from the extreme superiority
In high school, I was more indifferent to everyone, and I couldn't be more mediocre. The high school I attended is one of the best in our school. The girls around me not only have good grades and good family background, but also are beautiful and have very good personalities. Most of them are versatile. On the other hand, I am like a clown, becoming more and more silent, probably because of my bad mentality. I am prone to gain weight in adolescence and gain 20 pounds at once. At this time, the gorgeous coat was already in tatters. What should I do? Better late than never, with the dream that you will be perfect again, start to "work hard", go on an abnormal diet to lose weight, be careful not to waste time, be sure to have a good class, insist on reading in the library, and tell yourself that life will be perfect if you lose weight, and everything will be fine if your grades rise. ...
The mentality is obviously a bit stubborn, and naturally it won't really be what you want. The fact is, after two or three days, you will break your work, and then you will start to give up on yourself, even yourself. At that time, there was no independent consciousness and mature mind, and it was impossible to clearly distinguish right from wrong, so I was constantly frustrated and encouraged myself to cheer up, and then I undoubtedly grew up in a big blow.
When I got to college, I seemed to be tempted to vent my pent-up anger for many years. It is a disaster to encounter a confused period in adolescence. Specifically, it is unhappy, often unhappy. There are many things I can't figure out, I don't understand the meaning of my existence, I don't know the direction of my efforts, and I don't like my major, so most of the time I am a little painful. Besides, I am not the kind of person who can indulge himself and be cynical. Especially when I think of my parents' hard work, I can't indulge myself. I must work hard and try again to make them live a good life as soon as possible. Coupled with perfectionism, I have a very high definition of my Excellence, and I am excellent in all aspects. Of course, this is impossible. Therefore, it is really in line with my temperament that successful and inspirational books break into my world in such a strong way. Go to see success when you are confused, and go to see success when you are slack. After reading it, I simply feel that I can do anything, and I will definitely become a big shot. Reading simply hindered my development, so I dropped out of school, stopped in my parents' tears, hid my excitement and confusion in my heart, and always came out from time to time. I don't want my emotions to affect others, especially those close to me, so I stay alone when I am unhappy. But after a long time, my truancy and unhappiness will always be noticed by people around me and become the focus of counselors' attention. If I don't understand, I'm afraid I will do irreparable things.
04
Pursuing idealized interpersonal tendency
It was really dark for me during my college years, and I was struggling alone in a foreign land. In fact, I had many classmates and friends at school, as well as fellow villagers and people and things that I will never forget. At that time, I joined the women's basketball team, so my friends, whether boys or girls, were heroes, loyal and individual. I am very happy with them. Playing basketball and sweating will also improve my mood. However, for a drowning person, straw is far from enough. I grabbed the straw and treated my friends sincerely, but the result was deep disappointment. Actually, it is understandable. Ordinary people can't communicate better than five points. I used ten points at that time, eager to get the same ten points, and naturally I was disappointed. However, I also met some lovely people who brought a little comfort to my life. However, my preparedness and loneliness have already invaded my bone marrow.
All this time, in fact, my rebellion is not excessive. I have never given up my study. I often read extracurricular books, take part in competitions, take part-time jobs and participate in various activities. I also try my best to lead a normal life and communicate normally. When I am unhappy and can't figure it out, I will eat something delicious to vent, or go to the library to read books, life guidance and philosophy. Then hide the confusion and pain in your heart and treat others with a smile and gentleness. Other people's comments on me are positive and optimistic. I have many friends, busy things and good personality, but only I know my inner anguish.
05
My road to self-salvation
INFJ always seems to think a lot, want to plan his own life, want to make people around him happy, and don't like sameness, which has become an instinct to pursue the value and meaning of life. The experience and mentality at that time made me often fall into depression, which troubled me for many years. When I was desperate, I even had the idea of giving up. I also thought about telling my family that I was ill and needed professional help. But limited by realistic conditions, it is best and most convenient to save yourself. Fortunately, I still can't bear the world. Fortunately, I still have the people I love and the family I love. After stumbling for many years, I think I can come out, because these things find myself:
05- 1
Keep a diary. I
I have the habit of keeping a diary since I was a child. I don't write every day, I just write when I want to. It may not be effective immediately, but it will calm people down and make them feel relaxed.
05-2
Exercise.
I will go out for a walk with my family at home, play basketball at school and take a bath after sweating. And there are many handsome guys on the basketball court, which is pleasing to the eye. But I don't have the chance to play basketball after work, which is a pity, but I will also find time to go for a walk and so on. Don't take it as a task, it's easy to form a habit to make yourself comfortable.
05-3
Listen to songs and sing.
Listening to good music occasionally will really make the soul tremble, and the moment when the soul sings is really the best enjoyment! Singing won't drag your feet and affect others. When I am alone, I can only sing two songs, or hum a few words softly, and sometimes I will go to KTV.
05-4
Read a book.
I like the touch of physical books, sitting in the library or turning two pages in a quiet room. The most wonderful thing is the excitement when you suddenly find something interesting, or the feeling of being completely immersed in it and forgetting everything. Simply put, concentration is also a kind of relaxation. I have read a lot of books, professional books, philosophy of life, inspirational books of past success, but I don't read much now. Inspirational books are not suitable for people who are restless in adolescence, and will give people an illusion of omnipotence. Now I prefer to read books with feelings and certain humanistic feelings.
05-5
Watch the healing animation, and the years are quiet.
05-6
Treat the people around you gently, and treat the world gently.
It is not easy for people to live in this world. Now that they have tasted the pain, there is no need to add another point of unhappiness to others. Smile at each other, and both sides are happy.
7. Eat.
Regardless of weight, I have to thank my appetite at that time. When the outside world makes people lose hope, the most direct and quickest way is to eat, which can make people feel satisfied quickly. In the face of survival, there is nothing to mind about weight. However, don't overeat, just get satisfaction. When you stop blaming yourself for eating less, you can eat normally. Although I didn't lose weight, I didn't grow up and my mood eased. You can make money by thinking about it. Now I am cultivating good eating and living habits. I'm not pushing myself, but I'm improving bit by bit normally, without too much pressure.
8. Let the pet cure you.
My family has kept cats since childhood, so I personally like cats very much. My dream is to have my own house and raise some cats. If I am free, I will visit them in Doby.
9. Talk to someone you trust.
Fortunately, I have someone to talk to when I am unhappy. Although I am not in a city now, I am usually busy, but I can still chat happily and relax with a voice or video.
10, escape temporarily.
When you are really miserable and don't have the courage to face it, just run away, read novels, watch variety shows and watch TV, leaving your head empty. Eating snacks and watching TV is such a happy thing, worry about it, and then solve the problem when you regain your strength. It can't be worse anyway.
1 1, and gradually reconcile with yourself.
Admit that your ability is limited, but don't give up on yourself, but find a balance between despair and giving up, and be the most comfortable yourself. It takes time and process to find this balance point and recognize yourself. There's no need to hurry, you'll find it one day. Sometimes I have the cheek to comfort myself. The reason why I will work harder than others, experience such a thing and suffer such pain is because I will get more than others. Maybe a lot of wealth will come to me in the future. Only in this way will I feel guilty because I deserve it.
06
Hobbies and work experience
I want to start my own business in college, because I want freedom, soul and financial freedom. So I began to try to start my own business and do things in e-commerce. But because my personality and appearance are easy to get along with, in fact, my heart is very dull, and I can't open myself up. Everything depends on oneself, impetuous and eager for success, so he must be a loser. At that time, I was also influenced by the theory of success and felt very powerful, but in fact ... I won't say much. I also tried writing, which is the lowest cost, but I gave up for a while and picked it up for a while, and now it is much more stable. Other people also like music and painting, but I think I like all the arts, mainly to excite the soul to sing.
After graduating from college, I tried to work in Shanghai for the first time, but I couldn't keep going in less than a week. Feeling hopeless and gloomy in the future, I still haven't found the value of myself and my life, so I went back to my hometown and worked in a small state-owned enterprise. Everyday life is dull, and the gap between ideal and reality makes me a little unwilling. I took several civil servants according to my family's wishes, but I was secretly planning other directions. Meanwhile, I kept asking myself, what do I want? What kind of life do you want? What kind of person do I want to be? I am more and more determined that I want to be a freelancer, but it takes a long time to accumulate and a little luck to realize the benefits. Therefore, considering the realistic factors, I have never been able to simply do what I want to do, so I take into account the reality and my own ideals, and I am physically and mentally exhausted.
Moreover, the place where I live is too small, and my thoughts and actions are always out of tune with my surroundings. Fortunately, I didn't show much personality, but I lived peacefully. However, I am very grateful for the quiet life in the past two years, which has sharpened my temper. Moreover, my daily life is simple and my work is ok, that is, newcomers have the lowest salary and the most work. I'm not too worried about it. Compared with greater trouble and pain, this is nothing. Just do more work and learn more. Moreover, my leading colleagues take good care of me. In the past two years, I finally got more opportunities to get along with my family, but I am still eager to move.
Finally, after working for two years, I resigned and went to Changsha, where I met a group of lovely people. It's just that I haven't been here for a long time and my foundation is not deep, so I often feel lonely, but fortunately, people I knew from the beginning are here and can adjust themselves. In fact, when making a choice, entanglement is the norm. What if something goes wrong? INFJ is often the kind of person who wants to make a decision once and for all, and is more afraid of making mistakes. In fact, making a choice really needs to be cautious, and there are many factors to consider. It's normal to struggle, and you may go astray or go back on your word. Even if we go right, change will come. Therefore, as long as you make a careful decision and are ready to bear the consequences, you must summon up courage to cross that step. If realistic conditions don't allow it, then you should stay dormant for a while and save more strength before you start. If not, then live a good life now and feel the beauty around you with your heart.
I have been fighting for myself all these years, but I can still feel the maturity of my mind bit by bit. Especially after I came to Changsha, the changes became more obvious, and I made clear my way to go, and people became more mature and stable. Although I still feel sad, confused and painful occasionally, it's not that serious. I learned to treat myself more gently and treat people and things around me. It's not how much this breakthrough has changed me. I think it should be the effect of many years, and now it is finally going to change qualitatively. Now I am a teacher, engaged in teaching related to my major. I really didn't like this major at first, but now I have found one that suits my temperament.
In the future, I will give myself two choices: one is to continue my studies, try to know more about my major, be a qualified teacher, and spend more time with my family in winter and summer vacations; The other is to continue writing while doing a good job, and quit to be a freelancer when writing can support yourself. It depends.
Speaking of teachers, I was uneasy at first, because I felt different from ordinary people. Although I have never done anything wrong to others, I am always afraid of hurting the pillars of the future. But since the interview, I will try my best to do this job well and try not to hurt them, haha. And getting along with students is also a very healing thing.
07
My emotional and marital values
Maybe it's because I've been struggling with myself, so the emotional aspect has been blank. A few years ago, I felt that I was not good enough. I always wanted to make myself better before I remembered. At the same time, I am always unstable, my mentality is unstable and my place is unstable. When I am depressed, I usually choose to stay alone in order not to be disturbed by others. After a long time, my fever has slowed down and I feel a little heavy. It is estimated that it will take a long time to get close to a person.
Now if you continue to change yourself, you will also consider emotional things, hoping that the other person is a gentle, mature and responsible person. However, after so many years, there has been no such person around me, and there are almost no suitable people. I feel that I may really be lonely. But let's live a good life first. There will be bread and love.
08
Leave a message at last, and be warm and virtuous all your life.
Personally, I still feel lucky to have such a family, such an experience and some lovely people and things. I'm glad I'm who I am now. I am not perfect, but I have reconciled with myself and the world. In the future, I will calmly face right and wrong, separation and harmony, sadness and happiness, sadness and happiness, happiness and happiness, and I will continue to be a person who treats the world gently.
Sharing my experience doesn't mean how great I am or how different I am. This letter from home was brewed long ago. Seeing so many people like me has aroused my inner desire to share with you, so I wrote so many words and worried about the disclosure of personal information. What should people around you do when they know? But these are not what I want to express, so I'm sorry that it took yeyu so long to read this letter.
Finally, I want to say to my friends who are still in deep confusion and pain: sadness is temporary, and the sun shines on your heart forever. Don't worry, don't give up hope, there will be a great gift waiting for you in the future.
2018 65438+February 22 winter solstice night
Your present state is pleasing to the eye, and you have vividly outlined the appearance of "inner peace". This is a high-scoring topic for INFJ friends and everyone who needs to practice: transcending inferiority, self-acceptance, and obtaining a peaceful spiritual order. I don't know if you have found out, especially the readers of INFJ type:
Insecurity, need to control the whole life (J), strong creativity, good grasp of the essence, good vision, good overall thinking (N), therefore, usually make a cost-effective plan. As long as they can follow the plan, INFJ is even better than INTJ because of NF's enthusiasm (everything is called learning hegemony). Unfortunately, most INFJ are too emotional and even run counter to their goals, so it is naturally difficult to achieve the desired results. And INFJ also knows that it's not that he is incompetent, but that he is often influenced by negative emotions. Failure to reach the goal will accelerate INFJ's sense of insecurity (J nature). This insecurity forced INFJ to intensify its efforts and make a tougher plan for itself, so as to go back and forth. After several rounds, INFJ has been exhausted by himself. In the end, I can only watch Jiangshan perish helplessly and let myself go sadly.
The most beautiful thing about the little book is that although her heart is objectively occupied by the feeling that the meaning of life is boring, she still hasn't given up doing what she should do. Her point of view is "admit your limited ability, but not give up on yourself, but find a balance between the two extremes of despair and giving up."
The best way to overcome fear and meaninglessness is to act. The principle of curing fear and meaninglessness through action is just like adjusting the consistency of emotions and changing the state of limbs through exercise. This principle is the key to the success of the little book. This action has two meanings: first, it can temporarily put aside the focus of the problem and effectively divert attention during the action; Second, there is a gesture of facing the pain directly.
Then, why didn't Xiao Shu indulge his pain, let alone give up on himself? The core reason is love-"I am not the kind of person who can indulge myself and be cynical." Especially considering that my parents are so hard, I can't indulge myself. I will work hard to make them live a better life as soon as possible. "For INFJ, we can list 10 gratitude lists, from which we can learn more spiritual strength similar to faith. At the same time, INFJ is a visionary, and foresight can provide INFJ with almost paranoid energy. Therefore, whether you are going to school, working or starting a business, you must be clear about your clear vision and mission. Why is the vision so mysterious? Because NF is the personality type that values self-realization most (superego).