Encouragement is the most important part of raising children. Perhaps the root cause of children's bad behavior is lack of encouragement.

Although parents are basically aware of this now, they will subconsciously attack their children in life. Let's take a look at the following examples:

Mom just came back from shopping and is putting it in the refrigerator. The four-year-old son next to him saw his mother putting eggs, and he reached for them, trying to help put them in the refrigerator. Mother suddenly said, "You can break eggs, so I'll break them." . Will you help your mother play when you grow up? "

The three-year-old child is wearing a coat and going out to buy clothes with his mother. When his mother was ready, she saw that the child was not dressed yet. At this moment, her mother said, "come here, let me help you put it on." You dress too slowly. "

My three-year-old son wants to help his mother pour water for everyone. When he picked up the water bottle and tried to pour it into the cup, his mother grabbed the bottle and said kindly, "honey, don't touch this." You are not old enough to pour out the water easily. Let you fall when you grow up. You help your mother ~ ~ ~ "

These situations are very common. Parents will think that their children are too young to do some things well, so they often say "wait until you grow up ~ ~ ~".

However, it is these unintentional words that pour a pot of cold water on the child's head, and the child will think in his heart: "I am too incompetent, I can't do anything, I can't do anything well." In this way, children will actually become more and more discouraged, and more and more parents have no confidence in what they are doing.

In fact, if you think about it carefully, are "breaking a few eggs", "wasting a little water" and "dirty the table" so important compared with your child's confidence?

Some parents are aware of this and will always encourage their children to take more risks. When they do this, they will say, "You are great!" ""How clever you are! "Wait a minute, but this kind of encouragement is really the best?

Xiaoming is an impetuous child. He usually has a fever of three minutes, and everything is anticlimactic. One day, Xiao Ming was trying to assemble a small piece of furniture, which was almost finished, as if thinking about something. At this time, his mother was worried that he would give up halfway again, so she encouraged him to say, "This home is really beautiful, Xiao Ming, and you have done a good job." But Xiao Ming didn't work harder, but angrily pushed down the furniture and cried, "What is this stupid thing?" Not beautiful at all. "

Xiao Ming's mother used the most direct encouragement method, but it didn't play an encouraging role. Instead, it backfired. Why?

First of all, Xiao Ming had high expectations for everything at first, believing that he would do it perfectly, but many times he didn't finish or achieve his goal. When Xiao Ming thought he might not be able to finish it, his mother's praise and encouragement made Xiao Ming feel that his mother was actually mocking him. Therefore, how to encourage children, there is no uniform standard, should depend on children.

Looking at an example of life, encouragement is also a science!

Two children went home with their report cards. My sister ran to her mother happily and shouted, "mom, look!" Mine are all A's. Mother looked at the report card and looked very happy.

Then my brother quietly went back to his room. Mother came to the room and asked, "Honey, how was your grade?" My brother said, "Not so good. Two of them just passed and some failed." . Mother said angrily, "You are so stupid. How can you get such a result in the exam? You can't learn more from your sister. You see that her grades are so good, she won't have to go out to play in the future, and she will study at home every day! "

With the increase of two-child families in China, this situation will become more and more common. Some parents may say that in this case, they should say to their younger brother, "Don't lose heart, just do well in the next exam this time, and study hard at ordinary times. Mom believes that you are also the best. "

In fact, this kind of encouragement will not play a very good role, because your expression still makes both children feel that only by studying hard can they be valued in this family. My sister will think that "I must keep this leading position forever, or I will become a loser", which will easily make her set unrealistic goals for herself, while my brother may have a great rebellious attitude and deepen his frustration.

In fact, children with poor grades should be encouraged at this time, and children with good grades should not be taken as examples. They should know their own advantages and interests, and generate learning motivation from the inside, so as to really help him.

A better way to deal with this situation is as follows:

Mother saw her sister's report card and said, "Great, I'm glad you are so interested in learning!" " "

Please note that the focus of mom's comments is not on grades, but on learning itself. Mom changed her previous compliment and started talking about things.

Mom came to my brother's room and said, "Mom, can I see your report card?" My mother saw that my brother got good grades in one subject (such as Chinese) and said, "You did well in the Chinese exam. I'm glad that you are interested in Chinese. Is Chinese interesting? " . The younger brother said, "My sister is all A's, and my sister just passed." At this time, my mother should say, "can you be as unimportant as your sister's grades?" Although your grades are different, you can also be interested in learning. You can also do well in the language you are interested in! "

The above examples illustrate the importance of encouragement, and also show that praise, as a part of encouragement, should be used with caution. If the child regards praise as a reward for himself and is praised for everything, then without praise, the child will feel degraded and a loser. After all, other people don't praise their children as much as their parents do.

Suggest some simple words of encouragement, such as "I'm glad you did it", "It's really good", "Thank you for doing it" and "Look, you can do it" ~ ~ ~