It's not your fault that you are ugly, it's your fault that you are terrible! When there is no girlfriend-a good citizen; When you have a girlfriend-get a bail pending trial; When engaged-temporary residence; After marriage-life imprisonment. A farmer boasted about his farm: I drove along my farm from south to north for two days! A listener expressed deep sympathy: yes, I had such an old car back then. Want to commit crimes from behind, want to retreat from the side, and want to defend themselves from the front. There are no beautiful women on the internet, except those who chat with themselves; Girls from foreign schools are always more beautiful than those from our school, and girls from foreign departments are always more beautiful than those from our department. The similarity between a wife and a computer: the error prompt means that you don't know why I am angry, so I won't tell you why! If I find my wife is wrong, I must be wrong; If I am not mistaken, I must have made my wife's mistake; If the wife doesn't admit her mistake, she is not wrong. When you doubt your wife, she will cheat you; If you don't doubt your wife, she will doubt you. The young man who signed up for the navy was asked, "Can you swim?" He froze. After a while, he said, "What's the matter? Are there not enough boats? " Please send a message if you like me, call if you like me, and keep silent if you love me! You are fine, you are fine, you are the best in the world! Wearing a pair of sandals, wrapped in a few leaves and tied with two braids, don't think you are a monster on the ground, but you are actually a fairy lower bound! A group of pupils; Piles of middle school students; Couples of college students. The ugly girl turned around and scared a cow to death. The ugly girl turns back again, and the Yellow River flows backwards. The ugly girl turned three times, and Tai Sen went to play table tennis. Bragging is like a donkey, flattering leaders is like a pug, reprimanding subordinates is like a tiger, working is like a monkey, and encountering difficulties is like a loach. The marriage proposal network is busy, please call and wait. After marriage, feelings are shifting, fate is in arrears, and feelings are out of service. Please wait with the phone (infatuation)! I practiced 13 kinds of smiling faces. When I see you again, I will come up with the best one. When you don't have a girlfriend, you are a hound. When you find your goal, you are a pug. When you get it, you are a German shepherd. When you lose it, you are a dead dog. Love is powerful! Even a fool knows! What do I say in the face of love! In a word: I would like to be a fool in love! Worry: workers are worried about being laid off, farmers are worried about paying IOUs, businessmen are worried about losses, and investors are worried about being quilted. How to make leaders obey you? It's actually quite simple. Send him a message. To marry a wife should be to marry Xiao Zhao, to make friends should be Ling Huchong, and to be a man is best to be Qiao Feng, and to hang out with Wei Xiaobao. A man lost his address when visiting relatives in other places, so he sent a telegram home: Do you know the address of his uncle's house? A few hours later, I got a call back: I know. A girl who wants to be a singer asked the music teacher, "Does my voice have a future?" "Oh, well, in case of fire, your voice can come in handy." A thief went to a house and found nothing. He was about to leave. The shopkeeper said, please close the door. The thief said disdainfully, your house doesn't need to be closed at all. One day, a drunk took a taxi home, stretched out his hand and stopped a patrol car, shouting: even if it is one kilometer, there is no need to write that big! A man was walking at night, and another man said to him, Sir, can you lend me some money? I am old and young. Have pity on me. This gun is all I have left. Women are like clothes. When you really want to chase a woman, just like you really want to buy clothes, you will often be killed. When you don't care about buying or not, you can get it at a low price. Women are really strange: they know everything they shouldn't know; You should know, but you don't. The biggest problem for women is that they never treat men as human beings. They always think that women deserve to make men suffer, and men deserve to die if they make women suffer. Childhood is an ideal, youth is a dream, middle age is a delusion, and old age is a memory. What is an optimist? This ... is like a teapot, its ass is burning red, and it is still whistling in the mood! In geography, the coal is Fushun and the iron is Anshan. Coal is () and iron is (). Someone replied that coal is black and iron is hard. You know what, honey? When we looked at each other, that moment was the most beautiful moment in the world. Even if I were given a village head, I wouldn't do it. Single brothers and sisters: Did you see a movie last night? There are: The Bridges of Madison County, I have a crush on a flower, and the advertisement that you are lazy at home and only watch "Qingzui Buccal Tablets". School notice: two girls want two boys to go to Huangshan to play. The next day, they replied: Please tell me the weight of your luggage-two boys. Men say I love you, women can forget it. When a man tells me what is wrong, I will change it. When a woman says: What do you like about me, I will change. Beggar: I used to give one hundred, but now I only give fifty? Good man: I used to be single, but now I'm married, so I must save some money. Beggar: How can you support your wife with my money? Someone walked into the credit union and paid the last installment of the crib. The manager asked: How is the baby? The man replied: I'm fine. The new employee stood in front of the shredder with a blank face, and his colleague asked: Is there a problem? Stuff the paper into the shredder. "But where did my manuscripts and copies come from?" Asked the newcomer. That fat man wants to lose weight. The doctor advised him to run 8 kilometers a day and lose 34 kilograms after running for 300 days. 300 days later, the fat man called the doctor and said that I really lost weight, but I was 2400 kilometers away from home. When someone meets a fairy, one of his wishes can come true. He asked if it was possible to build a bridge between China and the United States. Patient: The dog outside my house barked all night, and I'm going crazy. The doctor prescribed some sleeping pills. A week later, the patient was even more haggard, saying that I chased the dog for five days and it didn't take sleeping pills. The bus driver stared at me as if I didn't buy a ticket, and I stared at him as if I bought a ticket. The manager asked the secretary why she wanted to ask for leave. The secretary blushed and said, I have a friend who got married and he invited me to be the bride. Women, 99% like chocolate, 50% like chocolate very much, 25% like chocolate very much, and 2% can't live without chocolate! King of Cheating: Teacher, was the exam paper written by BCBDA today? The difference between men and women: the older women are, the more enthusiastic they are about women's affairs; The older men get, the more they avoid women's affairs. Ajie walked through the cemetery and was very scared when he heard a knock at the door. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw a man touching a tombstone. He asked what you were doing, and the man said they carved my tombstone wrong. Doctor, I drank a can of gasoline yesterday. What should I do? It doesn't matter. Just don't smoke today. One day, my husband came home late and forgot his key. He couldn't wake up when he called his wife. The husband thought about it and pretended to be a child's voice. Mom, I went to the bathroom. My wife woke up at once.