With the liberalization of the second child policy, many families now have two children, but many problems that follow are gradually exposed.

The original intention of many parents to have a second child is to "let their children have a companion." Indeed, when brothers and sisters grow up together, they will not be lonely when they grow up, and they can take care of each other when they grow up.

But in fact, after having two children, not only are the two children "accompanied", but the problems of rejection, contradiction and even hatred when the children get along also make parents extremely distressed.

Sister is not friendly to her sister.

Dabao and Bauer of Zhang Ling's family are two sisters, and the difference is less than two years old. Since Bauer was born, Zhang Ling has been troubled by "the two children don't get along well".

At home, all the clothes and toys are exactly the same, even the styles are similar. No matter who has a birthday in the family, Zhang Ling will order a cake with a mixed taste of mango and strawberry, because my sister likes mango and her sister likes strawberry.

In order to make the two children feel the same love from their mothers, Zhang Ling strives to create a fair environment.

However, things are moving in the opposite direction.

Growing up, my sister was not friendly to her: she often beat her sister, destroyed her toys, refused to play with her sister, and even refused to let her attend her birthday party.

At the beginning, Zhang Ling always patiently taught: "My sister is my mother's daughter like you, and my mother loves you very much." But my sister didn't listen at all, and she still went her own way, and it became more and more serious.

Regarding the contradiction between the two sisters, Zhang Ling was puzzled: "I have always treated the two equally, and I have never taken sides. Why can't the two children live in harmony? "

Many parents of two-child families, like Zhang Ling, try their best to treat their two children fairly with the concept of "a bowl of water is flat", but they don't get along well with their children.

Brother rebelled in advance.

Liu Yang lives in the Cheng Hongyu community in the Canal Zone and has a son and a daughter. She said that her Dabao and Bauer are seven years apart. It stands to reason that there should be no dispute between the two.

However, since Bauer was born, 7-year-old Dabao seems to have entered the rebellious period ahead of schedule: Dabao wants to buy toys, and if he doesn't buy them, he will cry; At the dinner table, all kinds of picky eaters; I just want to bully my sister if I have nothing to do.

Dabao often makes some strange moves: try the baby's milk powder and fruit and vegetable puree; In the middle of the night, I held a pillow and drilled my mother's bed; Spoiled and unwilling to go to school ...

Bauer grew up day by day, trying to please her brother. Although he ignored her, she followed her ass.

Dabao's attitude towards his sister is always uncertain. One second it's windy and rainy, and the next it's windy.

Liu Yang also understands that Bauer's birth has brought estrangement and pressure to Dabao. Therefore, since Bauer was born, Liu Yang and her husband almost gave Dabao everything he wanted. Dabao tried to give him the best food and clothing. Bauer wore his brother's childhood clothes and picked up his toys.

"As the old saying goes, Dabao keeps accounts and Bauer raises pigs. Even so, Dabao still feels that his parents are eccentric. " Speaking of these, Liu Yang looked helpless.

Two children "fight for love"

Duan Jingjing, a 34-year-old primary school teacher, has studied child psychology. She was very confident when welcoming her second child. From the psychological preparation for the boss in the early stage to the arrival of Bauer, their family made a smooth transition. Duan Jingjing naively believes that there is no problem of two children "fighting for love" in their family.

However, the conflict broke out during a trip. At that time, Duan Jingjing and her husband took their eldest daughter, who was over 3 years old, and their youngest daughter, who was over/kloc-0, to Hainan for a holiday. Play during the day and go back to the hotel to sleep at night. Here comes the problem. My sister wanted her mother to sleep, and so did my sister, so they cried noisily. Duan Jingjing first calmed the emotions of the two children and told Dabao: "Let Dad tell you a story first. My sister is hungry, my mother will nurse her sister first, and my sister will accompany you when she sleeps!"

My sister pouted and walked away full of grievances.

Half an hour later, Duan Jingjing sat by the window with her sister in her arms, so there was a conversation between them: "Baby, mom loves you. Did you miss your mother just now? "

"I am very sad and feel wronged. I really want my mother to hug me. I don't want my sister. I want to put my sister back in my mother's stomach. "

"Why don't you like your sister?" Mom asked.

"I feel that with my sister, my mother no longer likes me, and I am no longer my mother's intimate' little cotton-padded jacket'." The eldest daughter's words were full of grievances.

I feel that love has been taken away.

Feeling that love has been taken away is the idea of many Dabao.

Honghong is a girl in grade six. She has a five-year-old brother. She feels that since her mother gave birth to her younger brother, her parents have been around him every day, feeding, bathing, dressing and asking questions.

It's red's turn One of the things that Mom and Dad ask most is: Have you finished your homework?

After having a younger brother, Honghong's greatest feeling is to start a "one-person" life. Go to school alone, do your homework alone and sleep alone. ...

When Honghong argued with her brother, her mother always said, "My brother is still young. You are a sister. Can't you let him go? "

In her red eyes, her brother is an intruder, an enemy and a follower, so she has always rejected him.

"In the eyes of parents, everything my brother does is right, and many things I do are wrong. Now he has taken everything from me. He always says this is his and that is his. Yesterday, he said grandma was his ... "Speaking of which, his eyes were red.

Why did Dabao refuse Bauer?

Since the liberalization of the second child policy, many families have had the happiness of adding children, but there have also been many tragedies that parents do not want to see.

"14-year-old girl jumped off a building and threatened her parents to kill her newborn brother", "4-year-old child jumped off a building with her brother who just had a full month" ... similar news happened frequently.

Why do the first children in many families reject new members so much?

Lan Xiang, vice principal of Yingbin Road Primary School in Cangzhou City, a national second-class psychological counselor and a writer of children's literature, said that in the eyes of parents, fairness means that two children are 50% each. It is fair to treat every child with the same care. But for children, their sense of fairness is different.

Lan Xiang said that for Dabao, after he was born, the whole world revolved around him, and at this time he got 100% love. Even if you take 10% or even 5%, he will feel damaged. For Bauer, many things don't completely belong to him after he was born, so he will be happy to get a little.

A questionnaire shows that after a family has a second child, most Dabao will have a negative attitude and even have psychological problems.

These psychological problems are mainly manifested as follows: first, jealousy is easy to appear; Second, it is easy to produce rebellious psychology; Third, it is easy to have inferiority complex.

Parents should do this.

As a parent of a second-child family, how can we make the two children love each other and be brothers?

Spearmint gave advice:

First, parents should pay attention to communication with Dabao.

When parents are ready to have a second child, they can infiltrate Dabao first and tell him why they want another child at home, what kind of fun he will have after having this child, and his parents' love for him will not decrease, so that he can be psychologically prepared before Bauer arrives.

Second, parents should understand Dabao's rivalry psychology.

If parents discover Dabao's psychology, they should give Dabao more care and comfort, and let Dabao know that their parents still love him very much. But at the same time tell Dabao that you should love your brother or sister, because you are a big brother and a big sister. Parents' love for Dabao cannot be reduced. Dabao should be taught to love his younger brother and sister, so that the two babies can get along well.

In addition, no matter how busy the parents are, they should take some time to get along with Dabao alone, so that he can relive the 100% love before Bauer was born. When there is no gap between Dabao's inner feelings and sense of security, his heart will slowly settle down.

Third, parents should create opportunities for their two children to get along.

For example, when Dabao is playing with toys, his mother can bring Bauer to play with Dabao and let Dabao show it to Bauer. After Dabao shows, mom can clap her hands with Bauer. In this process, not only Dabao and Bauer are closer, but also the parent-child relationship of the whole family will be closer.

Fourth, parents should pay attention to reconciliation when two children have conflicts.

When two children quarrel, many parents will be on the verge of enemies, and often subconsciously criticize Dabao: "My brother or sister is too young to be sensible, and you are not sensible?" "You are the boss, you should make way for your brother or sister."

In fact, in a second-child family, it is normal for children to quarrel and fight. Parents should not be too nervous or angry. They should pay attention to the reconciliation between children, let them solve their own problems first, and let them learn how to live in peace and tolerate each other. If it can't be solved, parents will participate in the coordination again, and remember not to take sides.

(The party in this article is a pseudonym),