From the program, I learned that family education in Yang Wei should be strict. If Yang Yangyang does something wrong, he will be kept thinking 15 minutes. He was dishonest and his parents were not satisfied, so he had to do it again. There is a wall in his house. In the documentary, I saw that Yang Yangyang was punished for eating badly. Mother Yang Yun also revealed that once Yang Yangyang lost his temper and said that he didn't want his father, so his mother took him to a garbage dump and left him there to punish her son. Mother's philosophy is that children must know that they are afraid and can't do things they can't say. After severe punishment, they won't dare next time.
I suddenly felt very upset about Yang Yangyang. In the program "Where's Dad?", Yang Yangyang is particularly sensible and has a mature and steady personality that surpasses children of the same age. He always carries out outgoing tasks well, keeps in mind the division of labor and has a sense of responsibility. After reading this issue of Everyday, I seem to understand that there is still a fear behind children's understanding.
Yang Wei and his wife are both athletes. Perhaps they all grew up in the harsh demands of coaches, and they shoulder more responsibilities and honors than ordinary people. We must compete with others everywhere and do our best, otherwise we will be punished if we don't do well. So they add this way to their children consciously or unconsciously. Yang Yangyang seldom laughs in the program. Although he doesn't cry much, once he does, he is full of grievances or anger, unlike "sister" or "brother" who wants to cry mercilessly. Yang Yangyang's nervousness in Travels around the Flying House or his unrelenting attitude in Where to Go is because children are afraid of being compared, abandoned and not accepted.
Belle is completely different. She is totally playing on the show. She is absent-minded about the task assigned by the village head. When she sees something she likes, she will forget to buy a present for her grandmother. Running around talking nonsense in the program Up, giving the books on the shelf to the audience at will, and Lu Yi and his wife also let her enjoy it crazily. Lu Yi said that his daughter eats well, and if she has any requirements, she can satisfy them as much as possible. So Belle's heart is safe and unconditionally accepted, and her world is completely open and bright. She is childish and eccentric because she has no fear and never has to worry about being compared and abandoned. Her parents gave her enough love. She is the most child-like child.
Dear Mu Zi:
I am reading a book recently-"Good boy hurts the most". Somehow, your figure always comes to my mind.
Whenever I walk into the classroom, you always sit upright, meet my eyes and never feel tired. Even if you are reading a book with relish, as long as I clap my hands to signal my classmates to sit down and listen to me, you will immediately put down the book and listen. Even though I reiterated the old class rules or school rules over and over again, your focused eyes never left me. I always praise you strongly for your excellent performance to encourage students who don't listen carefully. But, dear child, why are you so cooperative?
Since the first grade, you haven't had an argument or been unhappy with a classmate. There is no classmate who doesn't like you and doesn't say hello. At the end of the term, you are always at the top of the "Campus Star" contest or the "Excellent Students Without Examination" contest. Only once, Xiao Wu, the "naughty king" in the class, made things difficult for you in every way. You couldn't bear it. You gave him a push and he hit you hard. Finally, you couldn't help crying. When the class cadre told me about it and I asked you about it, you kept saying, "Nothing, nothing, my fault, too. I pushed him first. " I know, he can irritate you, which means he has gone too far? But, dear child, why are you so restrained?
I remember once, as a math class representative, you forgot to collect your homework in time, and the teacher said angrily that you would remove your class representative. You were so scared that you cried on your desk for a long time. I comforted you that the teacher was a knife in his mouth and tofu in his heart, just to scare you. Later, you kept your position as a class representative with your own strength and ability, but you wrote me a long thank-you letter in the composition class, thanking me for my comfort and encouragement. Actually, I didn't do anything. For a teacher, comforting a crying child is the most important and common thing. But, dear child, why do you care so much?
Every break, as long as I see the teacher, I will always greet the teacher respectfully. Politeness is good, but I always feel that this greeting lacks the inherent truth of children. Dear child, why are you so humble?
In class, as long as I pass by you, you always have to reach out and cover the exercise book you are doing. Are you afraid of my praise or criticism? Dear child, why are you so sad?
……
For you, I have so many "why" in my mind. Today, I vaguely found the answer in this book.
"Good boy, often have to pay the price of self-confidence and self-esteem to please adults.
Please take a good look at this child around you-is he trying to be your ideal child? When children make such efforts, they have given up the opportunity of "introspection" and lost their self-confidence and dignity.
I just sigh that there are too many abused children in the world who grow up to be violent adults.
Perhaps when they were young, their awareness of violence or manipulation did not get enough support; Maybe his environment can't let him learn other better ways to deal with it. Over time, children will doubt their own consciousness and even feel that violence or manipulation is right. "
Dear Mu Zi, here are some passages from the book. Maybe you can't understand them. It doesn't matter. I can understand them. I know you are a good boy, obedient, good, sensible, polite and knowledgeable. I have also talked to your parents many times about your personality. The day you had an argument with Xiao Wu, I told your mother how much I wished you could give Xiao Wu a good beating in front of me, but you didn't. You chose to endure or even admit your mistake, and my heart is very painful. After listening to my story, my mother shed tears unconsciously. She said that since childhood, she has been asking you to be a good boy in the eyes of others. Every time you have an argument with your partner, my mother always tells you to take a step back. Even if you are reasonable, even if all the toys you want are yours, you have to give in, otherwise you will be bad. If you are not good, my mother will feel humiliated, have a bad upbringing and be unhappy. Therefore, you should force yourself to be a good boy, a good boy who pleases adults, a good boy who is lovelorn for fear, and a good boy who avoids punishment and trouble. You give up yourself again and again, and you don't get understanding and respect again and again. You give up self-confidence, self-esteem, thinking ability and even freedom.
I guess, in my mother's mind, there must be an "ideal child" template. She holds a magnifying glass and examines your every move, so that you can listen to your parents and teachers honestly, do not disobey adults, and firmly obey their orders. Therefore, you strive to meet your parents' expectations, eager to get their approval, and consciously or unconsciously use the "ideal template" to trim yourself. As a result, you have become a good boy who never makes trouble and worries his parents. You are even willing to hide all your worries and play a happy and smiling child in front of your parents. Such children, wearing masks expected by their parents, are always "playing" with themselves. When trying to cater to someone, I also gave up the opportunity of self-discovery and lost my confidence and self-esteem. Because you will never have the opportunity and flexible space to know yourself and build yourself, that "ideal template" is like the Monkey King's curse, which makes you dare not cross the line. Therefore, in the face of school discipline and class rules, you abide by the convention; In the face of classmates' bullying, you submit to humiliation; Faced with the help or praise of others, you are at a loss ... because you don't allow yourself to be accused of being "naughty", you can't face your true self.
Do you know that?/You know what? Do you know that?/You know what? More often, I long for you to talk back to me like Xiao Shao, pout and be angry with me like Xiao Wu, and argue with me plausibly like Xiaoyu … even if they are really naughty sometimes! But I forgive their misconduct, because Aunt Li Yaqing said-
No matter how smart an adult is, as long as he still has the idea of "wanting children to be good", he is the executioner who prevents children from thinking independently and developing themselves.
I would never dare to be such an "executioner", even though I was a "good boy". When I was growing up, I also deeply realized the harm caused by the manipulation of adults, even though I unconsciously inherited the same coping style to treat you and my own children as an adult. Perhaps it was these repeated manipulations that made me accept this memory in my childhood and became the code of conduct in adulthood! But from now on, I will tolerate your "disobedience", because I know that when a child talks back to me or opposes me, he is not disobedient. He is just exploring himself with infinite possibilities in his own way, not the "perfect child" shaped by his parents or teachers. In the growth of children, exploring and building themselves is far more important than catering to parents and teachers!
I will remember the words of the author of this book-
"As long as you have an' ideal child' in your heart, you can't look at your child without criticism, comparison and criticism. So you ignore the child's natural temperament and intelligence, and are busy with your expectation of "hating iron and not turning into steel".
I hope there will be no more good children in this world. Everyone tries to be a good boy with self-respect. In this way, children can stand up from the language magic of adults and grow into indomitable adults. "
? I hope you can be a person who truly respects the group, but still be loyal to yourself and dare to pursue your dreams!
? Dear teacher Lin, who doesn't like "good boy" anymore?
? March 12