Monvin Fan Wei

High school is recognized as the most challenging stage in the world. There is a book "What's wrong with our high school", which talks about some common problems around us-

For example, the special status of the only child in the family, many children do not know the rules, do not know how to be grateful, and do not know the responsibility.

For example, single-parent families, family reorganization and intergenerational guardianship lead to some children's introverted, suspicious, inferior, withdrawn, depressed and stubborn.

For example, students are exposed to all kinds of abnormal phenomena in the adult world, which leads to individual students distrust the mainstream consciousness, hate positive education and praise negative things.

For example, some students can't get understanding and help because of learning setbacks, or they can't get care because of lack of emotional communication, so they escape from reality, seek comfort in the network, and even run away from home.

A famous professor of East China Normal University once wrote that basic education is a matter of the whole society, and education is not just a matter of schools. Generally speaking, education can be divided into social education, school education and family education. Today, I want to share some questions about family education with my parents.

1. What is the core of family education?

"The core of family education is emotional education." 20 1 1 Wang, a student studying in Japan, had a dispute with his mother at Shanghai Pudong airport over tuition fees and stabbed her with a knife. After the incident, many people wondered why this 23-year-old boy would hurt his relatives. From the stabbing death of the mother of a student studying in Japan, to the incident of Yao Jiaxin, and then to the poisoning incident of Lin Senhao, a student of Fudan Medical College, a similar factor can be found behind these extremely vicious incidents: family education unilaterally emphasizes knowledge and skills and separates other emotions.

Parents pay too much attention to knowledge and skills, resulting in neglecting emotional education, and children become scoring machines. On the surface, they have achieved good academic results and mastered many skills, but he has become a man without feelings, and his goal is only to surpass others academically. This happened in a primary school in Shanghai. A class in grade four, a math exam, a girl with excellent math scores was suddenly absent. The teacher said that she went to the farewell ceremony because her grandfather died. As soon as the voice fell, the whole class burst into cheers. Some people say that "her grandfather is dead", and some people strike the table and stamp their feet. It turns out that the girl's grandfather is a math professor and often helps her. These children think that now that her grandfather has passed away, they can finally surpass her.

It is terrible for a person to have no feelings. A man without emotion is a machine. Without gratitude and sympathy, he certainly doesn't know how to cherish life.

Second, what should we leave for our children?

On September 10, Xinhua Daily Telegraph said: On September 13, Zheng Yi, a freshman of Wuhan University of Science and Technology, reported to the school, causing a "commotion". Five parents formed a "friends and relatives group", and Zheng Xiaoyou 14 pieces of luggage. "There are 7 towels, and toilet paper says it will last for 4 years." Parents can shelter their children for a while, but not for life. Both children and parents should take a correct position on this issue and adjust their mentality. Parents are actually depriving their children of the opportunity to participate in life exercise. In recent years, Tsinghua University has set up a special isolation zone for freshmen, separating parents from students entering the campus, allowing students to report themselves and complete various procedures. The network gave positive comments on this.

Yu, the founder of New Oriental, is most grateful that his parents left him nothing. He said: "People's happiness lies not in what you have, but in how you have them. Starting from scratch, growing up bit by bit, then constantly gaining a sense of accomplishment through your own efforts, and finally turning a sense of accomplishment into happiness, this process is the most wonderful experience in life. " It is better to save money for children than to make them valuable. What kind of people are valuable? A person who is physically and mentally healthy, grateful, honest and trustworthy, optimistic and skillful is valuable.

Third, what kind of parents do children like now?

The president of a famous university in China once asked his daughter, "What is a good father in your eyes?" The daughter replied, "A good father should be 90% gentle and 10% cold." A good father should be democratic and make friends with his children; But when children make mistakes, they should dare to criticize, dare to punish and dare to sayno. When they get along with children, they should have some principles and bottom lines that children must never violate.

"Lack of fatherly love education" is very common in our real life, and the important task of educating children often falls on the shoulders of mothers. But some mothers are also embarrassed. One child wrote, "I have a lot to say to my mother, but my conversation with my mother is limited to study." It seems that in my mother's dictionary, achievement is the equation of love. When my grades drop, my mother will be rudely reprimanded. " "In the most difficult time, what I need is encouragement and warmth, not indifference and blow. Is maternal love to be exchanged for grades? " The tenderness that children yearn for is not only superficial and formal things such as gentle tone, gentle language and intimate actions, but also a heart that can tolerate, understand and observe them.

A mother had a good idea. She said, "When there is no good idea, ask yourself to stay calm and find solutions and answers through books and online communication. Only by constantly enriching and improving yourself can we better educate our children. "

Fourth, some misunderstandings in family education.

According to a survey conducted by Beijing Normal University, most people in China say that teenagers are psychologically healthy, but there are still 16.4% of primary school students, 14.2% of junior high school students and 14.8% of senior high school students with psychological abnormalities. The proportion of "among the 340 million minors in China" is quite amazing.

There is no right or wrong for children, and the wrong education of adults is an important reason for children's illness.

Misunderstanding of family education 1: Pay more attention to grades than emotions. As long as children study hard, everything will be fine and they can know nothing about the world. To this end, the performance war between parents and children at home has never subsided. You know, the more authoritarian the education, the more rebellious it will be. "Relationship determines the success or failure of education." Parents should respect and understand their children, give them a space to grow up, and let them enter their own hearts, so that education can play a role.

Misunderstanding 2 of family education: attaching importance to material rather than spirit. Some parents agree to all the requirements put forward by their children, which makes it easy for children to be overbearing and arrogant when communicating with other countries. Once others fail to meet their requirements, they will feel depressed, angry and even have thoughts and behaviors of revenge.

Misunderstanding 3 of family education: parents' expectations are passed on. In the eyes of some parents, children seem to be a tool for them to realize their ideals. They always expect children to accomplish what they can't. This will often make children feel depressed and even resist in various forms.

Being a parent is not easy. Not only have to bear the difficult educational expenses, but also face the increasingly elusive children. As important partners of students' growth, parents should constantly update their family education concepts, strive to improve themselves and become role models for children's personality. Again, "parents are children's first teachers and families are children's first schools".

Five, contemporary children are

All three abilities are indispensable.

People will always face all kinds of problems in life, and solving these problems requires all kinds of abilities. Of all the abilities, three are indispensable.

The first is the ability to learn independently. The knowledge learned from textbooks in students' time is the practical experience accumulated by predecessors in solving practical problems in production and life, and many of these empirical knowledge are far from our real life. People will always face new problems in their lives. In order to solve these new problems, we must keep learning. By learning to update their knowledge structure, produce the ability to solve new problems. From this point of view, learning knowledge is not the most important thing in school study, but the ability of autonomous learning cultivated through the process of learning knowledge is the most important. With the ability to learn, we will constantly enrich and update the original knowledge system through autonomous learning. With the ability of autonomous learning, you have the basic tools to solve new problems. Not only books, but also learning, communication and failure at work.

The second is communication skills. Everyone is not isolated, especially in modern society, where the division of labor is becoming more and more detailed, so people must communicate with each other. Through mutual communication, they can exchange ideas and share methods, thus promoting each other's work. Especially within a group, effective communication between them is a necessary guarantee to improve the efficiency of group work. It is often found that the lack of communication skills or communication skills has brought unnecessary losses to the work. What is even more frightening is that misunderstanding in communication or information loss in the process of information transmission will seriously reduce the work efficiency of the team.

The third is self-regulation ability. People can't be satisfied with everything in life and work, and setbacks and failures are inevitable. In life and work, there is often a gap between self-design and reality. At this time, we must have the ability to adjust our mentality. Adjust your mind and make it peaceful. If the long-term mentality is unbalanced, it will produce the psychological phenomenon of depression. If this psychological phenomenon is not self-regulated in time, you will have mental illness in the long run. Psychopaths not only have a low quality of life, but also affect the work efficiency of others in the team. Therefore, it is very important to master the ability of self-regulation mentality.