1. Teacher: Please play? The horse got away? This sentence is converted into a question. Little Ivan: Can a horse run? Teacher: Correct! Very good! Now turn it into an imperative sentence. Little Ivan: Drive!

2. I once went to play ball and met my math teacher. I scored when he played ball. After a while, I deliberately miscalculated the score. The teacher shouted, "Did you learn math from the pig?" We paused for a while and then laughed for a long time.

There are twins in the class, who are almost identical, but the elder brother is shorter than the younger brother 1cm. That idiot brother often runs to his brother and exaggerates and says, "My God, you are so handsome. The facial features and face are like works of art. " It would be perfect if it were higher than 1 cm.

The cleverest person in our class is either me or him. Comment: Unfortunately, it's not you.

At the morning meeting, the headmaster issued an order prohibiting students from parking their bicycles in the teachers' parking area in the south of the campus. A classmate asks B classmate, where is Nan? Classmate C in the front row replied: Up north and down south, of course, it is the basement. All beings are dumb.

6. One day, my teacher taught me to read-handsome. I'm confused. At this moment, my deskmate MM handed me a mirror. I took a look and suddenly realized? .

7. Teacher: Was it windy where you lived last night? Student: Report to the teacher! There is no wind! Teacher: Please! Then write the words correctly! Don't let me see your homework, just because there was a typhoon!

8. "Hey, classmate, do you know the similarity between defense and shit?" "Of course I know. What are the similarities between defense and shit? 1. The number of words is the same and the pronunciation is the same; 2. Everyone needs paper; 3. The most painful thing is when you can't answer (big); If the time is too long, it will usually be very uncomfortable, and it is generally hoped that it will be resolved as soon as possible. 5. It's cool when it's over. "

9. Recently, a roommate fell in love with the Three Kingdoms. One day, he told us that in the Three Kingdoms, Liu Bei's word Xuande, Zhang Fei's word Yide and Cao Cao's word Mengde all carried the word "De". You say, what should I say? At this time, I slept with another person and said, "You are wicked".

10. Today, while eating in the canteen, my classmate ate a hair. I immediately told him about my association with the chef in the canteen and the endless dish that made my stomach a little overwhelmed. He put down his chopsticks in disgust and looked at me with fierce hatred. I proudly added a chopstick dish, and a strange curly hair came into view.

1 1. In high school math class, the teacher asked me what would happen if I threw coins into the air. I said countless kinds, coins may be taken away by crows in the air, by eagles, or by sparrows. No one has asked me questions in math class since then.

12. Today, the landlord got up early to get an infusion! Passing by the gate of a middle school, I saw an old man lying on the ground, and no one dared to help him. I was about to walk past, but a figure flashed by the landlord, wearing a school uniform. You rushed over with your face in one hand. You are not mistaken. You really helped grandma to the side of the road and sat down with one hand covering her face. Before the old man could say thank you, he rushed into the school again. Well done, class!

13. Do saliva amylase experiment in middle school biology class. We are very puzzled about the source of the bottle of saliva on the experimental platform. After discovering this, the teacher explained: This is synthetic saliva. To strengthen the persuasiveness, I add that the market price is 0.75 cents per milliliter! Just as we were preparing to use it safely, we only heard a boy in the back row scream: Oh, my God! How much do I spend cleaning my books every day!

14. Being a disciple every day, I feel a little possessed. School should do morning exercises in the morning, and he thinks that teachers must also get up early to do exercises, otherwise it is unfair. So I went straight to the headmaster to negotiate. The headmaster paused and said, "Where are you from?" Say lovingly every day, "I was sent by God to save you." Principal: "? ※%()￥? ※%"

15. "I am a geography teacher in high school. Yesterday, I talked about the Volga River in Russia. I said: There was once a very famous painting. Do you know what it is? Student: Tracker on the Volga River. Student: Teacher, do you know another very famous song? Me: Student: The love of the tracker on the Volga River. "

16. At that time, in high school, one person farted in self-study at night, which was slightly tactful, and the four people next to him kept laughing. The new female teacher got angry and snapped it off, with little effect. Then in a rage, let the four of them write a check-up. After a while, they still feel uncomfortable, and let the fart person write one. The child stood up and said, "How can you fart?"

17. Xiaoming wrote an essay for the teacher to comment on! When the teacher saw it, he suddenly became angry! Xiao Ming expects: "How?" The teacher lamented: "Jiangshan has talented people. Your composition is on the same level as Shakespeare! " Xiao Ming was overjoyed: "I'm flattered!" "The teacher said," No, I am absolutely seeking truth from facts! Just like Shakespeare, you don't understand Chinese!

18. There is a list of my new words at the back of the primary school Chinese book. On this day, I suddenly felt that reading backwards was very interesting, so I told my deskmate that all the previous books were read from right to left. Just try it. So the deskmate read aloud: I am born of words. We laughed at him until we graduated from primary school.

19. Teacher: "Today, we all learned the article" Qin Wang Mian ". When I got home, everyone wrote a comment. The next day, the students handed in their compositions in succession. The teacher examined them one by one. Suddenly I found that there was only one sentence in Xiao Mian's composition: "After reading this article, I had a terrible headache." "

20. The exam is coming, and the invigilator's professor is notoriously heartless. When I met him, I basically lost the possibility of cheating. Amid our endless complaints, the head nurse calmly made a cheat sheet and asked, "Aren't you afraid of being caught?" The warden replied lightly: "In fact, this cheat sheet is the same as paper money. It's one thing to use it or not. It is practical to have a heart in your pocket. " . .

Aauto Quicker's funny jokes are short and pithy.

1. One or two students are sleeping in class. The teacher went to wake him up at once and asked, why don't you attend class? He replied: because I don't understand! Teacher: Why don't you understand! He replied: because I didn't listen! Teacher: Why don't you go to class?

2. After class, a male classmate invited a female classmate to confess in the flower bed. The girl asked: Is there a room? The boy said, yes, my dad's! The girl asked again, Do you have any savings? The boy said: Yes! Seven digits, my dad's! The girl said shyly, why don't we fix mother and son in private?

3. A classmate is making trouble below, and our teacher said, stand on the blackboard for me! ! This is very difficult.

4. "This is a true story that happened in the dormitory of senior year: Fage made a new girlfriend, and everyone praised how beautiful his girlfriend was. One day, Fage sat at his desk alone and looked at the photo of his girlfriend with envy. He said, "It's like a fairy coming down to earth. My roommate was curious for a moment and couldn't help but want to borrow photos to see the fairy coming down to earth, ready to be surprised;" As a result, there was only one question after reading it: did you land face first when you came down to earth? "

In high school, when we didn't have enough to eat, the school cruelly deducted our meals. The porridge cooked every morning is very thin and can be used as a mirror, so a classmate said a wonderful metaphor that I can't forget so far: my parents are not as clear as the porridge at school.

6. I still remember the class of June 10 in Senior Two. My deskmate was sleeping when the head teacher suddenly came in. The first sentence is: "You are a senior three now!" My deskmate sat up in fear and stared at me with big dog eyes and said, "How long have I slept?"

7. On campus, men and women go in and out hand in hand. Everyone comments: Beauty and the Beast. In the middle of the night, a man and a woman embraced each other. A commented: Beauty and the Beast. B retort: no! Don't! This is the beast and the beast.

8. I found more and more fans. The teacher asked me to sign, the staff asked me to sign when the bank withdrew money, and the courier asked me to sign. I didn't wear a helmet yesterday. The traffic police comrades chased me for two kilometers and asked me to sign it!

9. From small to large, when raising the national flag, the attention is not on the national flag, but on whether the national flag stops at the top of the pole when playing the national anthem.

10. Teacher: "Students, how much homework is there today!" "more" "then leave more." Teacher: "Students, is there much homework today?" "Not much" "Well, I'll reward you a little more."

1 1. One day in class, the teacher asked me: What if I was stabbed by a gangster one day? I said, that depends. The teacher said, What if you don't get stabbed? I said: then I will give him a bottle of pulse, and the key moment is not in the state. The teacher said again: What should I do if I am stabbed? I went on to say: then I will give him a box of dazzling, and he can't stop at all. The teacher's face suddenly turned black.

12. One day, I saw a colorful tropical fish on the cover of Reader magazine and said to my roommate, look, what a colorful fish, but theoretically, it should be poisonous. Roommate asked why. I said: many bright things are like this. I like spiders, mushrooms and snakes, when my roommate interrupted me: I like beautiful women! !

13. Senior three once hit the landlord in the dormitory. Suddenly, the director of the guidance office checked the bed and was found, so he was taken to the office for strict interrogation. "Give me a reason, I can consider not remembering you." "Director, it's our fault. We didn't pay attention to our study. We want to use this witchcraft to speculate on the fortune of this year's college entrance examination. "

14. When my son came back from school, he muttered that the teacher was so stingy. When I asked the reason, my son said, "The teacher outside came to our class. Our teacher has prepared many lovely small gifts, saying that when asking questions, whoever answers them will definitely give them to them. My classmates and I are vying to raise our hands! " I said, "It's nice to get a small gift by answering questions!" The son added: "As soon as the teacher left, our teacher announced that all the small gifts would be handed in, which would be useful after the class!" " "

15. I lost the bet today and bought sanitary napkins for my female deskmate. I was about to enter the classroom when the teacher saw me. Ask me what it is. I said tactfully, is it bread? The teacher dumped me: don't come in until you're done.

16. A classmate of my second grade primary school wrote: "I went to my grandmother's house in the country this weekend, and the mountains were full of ripe potatoes, hanging from the branches and shaking in the wind."

17. There is an old middle school student with a wet black belly. In this class, Lao Shi said, "Do you know why you smell shit when you go to the toilet?" We: "I don't know ~" Lao Shi: "Because excreta molecules volatilize and become tiny little excreta, you have already sucked them in when you breathe, which is equivalent to eating excreta."

18. Teacher: Wang Xiaoming, please tell me the name of a mathematician in China. Student: Sue. Teacher: I know there are countless mathematicians in our country. Student: Teacher, I mean Sue. Teacher (angry): I asked you to name a mathematician! Student (word for word): Sue! Step! Green! The whole class is sweating!

19. The day before yesterday, I secretly changed the number and name in my deskmate's mobile phone to "Dad" and sent him a short message in class: "Come back, son, we are at home100000, and went to fart school!" After reading at the same table, he ran away directly, and the class teacher asked him why he wanted to go. He said without looking back, "It's none of your business!" And then it was gone.

20. Xiao fen and Xiao LAN fell in love with a boy Xiao Ming at the same time. After the negotiation between two women, Pink finally won. The content is as follows: Xiaolan: "I tell you, my uncle is a member of parliament, my family is very rich, and my father is a gangster." You can't steal me at all. Pink: "I have nothing else, I'm just a chemistry student ..."

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