Maybe we can understand the good intentions of parents and teachers now. On social media, all the emotions and feelings of adolescence will be amplified: anxiety, jealousy, competitive consciousness and so on. On social media, the relationship between friends has also become subtle, especially girls. Their unique fears and passions are gradually amplified on social media. If there are contradictions between friends, there is no need to deal with them head-on. They just need to type a few words and tap the keyboard, which seems to solve the problem, but the fact may be just the opposite.
It is even more difficult to educate children in the digital age, partly because the media and culture make parents think that children are "digital aborigines" who conform to the trend of the times, while parents and teachers are just "digital immigrants", which is actually a fallacy. Parents and teachers are fully capable of helping girls to use social media correctly and avoid possible dangers. The articles shared today are some feasible strategies put forward by Rachel Simmons to her parents in the underground war for girls.
How to raise girls in the digital age?
From Rachel Simmons' The Girl's Underground War.
0 1. Clear responsibilities as parents
There are three guiding principles for raising girls in the digital age. First of all, you are the parent. You have the right to say no and you have the right to set limits. When communicating such issues, your daughter is not an equal partner, so you can choose your own negotiation space. She can enjoy science and technology, and she doesn't deserve it in 2 1 century. Although your child lives in your home, it doesn't mean that she is naturally entitled to own a free smartphone or create a Facebook account.
Second, the duty of parents is not only to protect her from harm, but also to guide and regulate her behavior. Do you remember? When I was a child, my parents would explain the rule you hated like this: "It's not that I don't trust you, I just don't trust others." But I want to give a different suggestion: you can't trust your daughter completely. This does not mean that you should treat her as a criminal, but you should be realistic and understand that the temptation of social media will bring out the worst of us, and adults will not be spared. The frontal lobe of teenagers is still developing. They are really not good at reflection, and they are more used to doing things on impulse. They grew up in a cultural environment of idolatry and media addiction. There is almost no privacy here, "all forgiven". We help them by assuming that they will make mistakes.
Third, some people think that parents need to have the cutting-edge and mysterious "digital expert" skills in this field in order to discipline their children efficiently, which is a big misunderstanding. The values you constantly instill in your children-moderation, safety, responsibility, respect for others, courtesy and so on. -also applies to her online life. Remember, in Forever Being Best Friends Version 2.0, it is very important to guide girls and keep calm and rational. We must not give up on this. Think of it this way: in real life, if your daughter encounters a problem that you don't know much about, you will never let it go because of confusion.
Of course, there is still a difference between virtual world and real life, and it will be helpful to know something about social media. But the essence of raising a child is to let the child know how to get along with others: to form healthy habits and help her develop in the world outside the family. In this section, I will outline how to extend the basic values of family education to the virtual world, and I will also provide some strategies to help your daughter explore the dangers of cyber bullying and cyber attacks.
Please note that this article does not involve the problems caused by technologies such as online hunters and online pornography.
02. Help them explore strategies for surfing the Internet.
Lead by example. Children say "please" and "thank you" because we asked them to say so, and we did it ourselves. Similarly, they learn to talk and watch their mobile phones while eating because we will do the same. In class, I once asked fifth-grade girls to practice asking friends to put down their mobile phones and listen to others. A girl raised her hand and made a suggestion. "When my mother is busy playing with her mobile phone," she told her classmates, "I am like this." Evidence can be seen everywhere: parents sat in the stands during the game, obsessed with mobile phones, and many parents themselves were addicted to Facebook, or couldn't resist the temptation to send text messages while driving. Obviously, when it comes to technical etiquette, children are not the only group that needs to learn and improve.
Make it clear that you are the parent. Being a parent is not easy at any time, but in the 2 1 century, parents still have to face a unique dilemma. Many parents are puzzled by the indiscriminate bombing of new media and various scientific and technological products. In addition, parents' work is busier than before, and there is less and less time to discuss parenting issues. Many children take this opportunity to tell their parents that if they don't know the latest technology or electronic equipment, they will become losers, be excluded or encounter more terrible situations. Parents are afraid that their children's predictions will come true, or they don't want the "World War III" to happen at a rare family reunion time, so they are more willing to listen to their children's statements. They go against their instinct to protect their children in exchange for peace at home and help them keep up with the trend.
When doing research all over the country, there are always women who think they are "mean mothers", that is, parents who can say "no" and pull me aside to chat. This is a worrying sign of our times. If people equate parental authority with meanness, then parents who set rules for their children will be considered as very few or contrary to common sense. "Bitterness" is the attitude that parents need, and I won't spend too much time convincing everyone in this respect. In fact, if your daughter agrees with your policy of using science and technology, you may have done something wrong. This may be a general statement, but as far as the use of technology is concerned, children really need to be disciplined, needless to say.
Hearing "no" and "not yet" is a compulsory course for growing up, and some things are purely non-negotiable. These rules that disappoint children should also constrain all kinds of technology and network products. Conflict-a topic that has been discussed a lot-is itself a form of connection, a way of loving children, and the rules come from caring.
Make using technology a privilege. The use of scientific and technological products should be defined as a privilege that needs to be won, just like staying up late, driving, and going out with friends-once it is found to be abused, it will be deprived immediately. The specific terms of rewarding the use of privileges are usually negotiated between you and your child. For example, to stay up late, the daughter needs to maintain GPA；; If you want to drive, you must abide by the speed limit regulations and special rules for teenagers; If you want to go out with friends, you must call your parents first and tell them where to go and where to change trains.
Using social media, your daughter must also abide by the terms and conditions, and be safe, responsible and ethical online. It's all up to you to convey to her. In this regard, rosalind Wiseman has a wonderful description:
Technology is very interesting to use, and it makes us understand the world, which is amazing. But this is a privilege, not an ordinary right. Because this is a privilege, we need to use it with a sense of responsibility and morality. In my opinion, using technology ethically means not using it to do the following things: insulting others, embarrassing others, publishing personal information, presenting false information about yourself or others, using other people's accounts without permission, sharing embarrassing information or photos about others, playing tricks on others (primary school), sending photos of yourself naked, semi-naked and wearing a bra (junior high school) to degrade your image. Remember, things can easily get out of hand. You know it, and I know it. Therefore, I will reserve the right to monitor your online life, from SMS to Facebook. If I find that you have violated our agreement, I will confiscate all scientific and technological products until you regain my trust. This is my unbreakable and unshakable principle.
Adjust the usage rules according to age. Most parents gradually let go of the privilege reward, which depends on the development of children's self-control ability. This is especially true in the field of science and technology. It is hard to say that giving a fifth-grade child an iPhone is a father's love for a mother's love. Her first mobile phone should only call her family or call the police, and she can neither send text messages nor take photos. As children's self-control ability to use mobile phones safely and responsibly grows, you can gradually add new privileges. Remember, mobile phones are not just mobile phones, but also computers. Many girls use mobile phones to send text messages much more frequently than to make phone calls. They also use their mobile phones to take photos, send and receive photos and surf the Internet. When parents give their children mobile phones, they often ignore that children can use other interactive functions on this device. Be sure to understand the function of your child's mobile phone, talk to the telephone company about how to supervise your daughter's mobile phone use and activate age-related restrictions.
Make rules. Teenagers who use electronic devices without restrictions are more likely to fall into online farce and browse websites that are not suitable for children. The use of technology is not one of the biggest challenges parents need to face. Although you need to choose the direction of the battle, it is worth fighting for.
Parents who have restrictions on their children's movies, diets or clothes only need to extend this healthy sense of restraint to the use of technology. Maybe it's best not to use the word "technology". It sounds scary and strange. It is best to use "social media" to collectively refer to what daughters do online and on their mobile phones. In fact, monitoring social media is the same as monitoring other media in children's real life for a long time: some books, TV programs, movies and magazines are gradually liberalized. Access to social media and its affiliated products must also be gradually liberalized. Children must fight for it themselves. If the child uses it improperly, he needs to bear the corresponding consequences.
Of course, there is a big difference between social media and watching TV programs. Watching programs and other behaviors are only one-way activities, while social media can make children connect with others. To some extent, it's like the difference between playing football and riding a horse. You can play football at will and do whatever you want. But riding requires sensitivity, and you have to interact with it when riding. This is the relationship. The same is true of using social media. Allowing devices or websites is by no means a simple right or wrong question. Children will get more and more privileges, not just pressing buttons, but interacting with people. This kind of entertainment has higher obligations and needs to set different standards to measure responsibility.
Explain your choice. We need to explain to our children why we want them to be safe, responsible and ethical in the online world. It is difficult to make rules or simply refuse and tell children "I have the final say". Intentional parents will explain "why" to their children while saying "no", communicate with their children in a respectful way, and regard their children as individuals who have the right to know the reasons for decision-making. Besides, knowing the real reason behind the rules, daughters will be more willing to implement them. Having said that, it needs to be clarified that the reasons for interpreting the rules do not mean that there is room for discussion. After the explanation, there is no need to repeat it. Yes, maybe you are the only parent around you who has made these unique rules. But it doesn't matter, this is your home, not someone else's-here, "I'm in charge" works perfectly.
When explaining some restrictions, you can say, "Nothing can go too far. A healthy life is balanced. So we only eat dessert occasionally, not every meal. We try to avoid uninterrupted work, so that we can make time to rest, not always be with friends, and not have our own time. So is online life. We also need moderate internet access, which is part of a balanced life. "
To explain why you attach importance to network civilization, you can say: "In our family, respect is the core value, and respect is the premise of building a safe and humanized community-whether at home, at school, at my workplace or online. Without respect, people can't learn, develop and even be themselves. On the Internet, you are also a member of the community. I hope you are the same online as you are in real life. The behavior of everyone in the community is very important. "
The dangers posed by social media are another reason for setting restrictions, and it is equally important to explain these to girls. Lori Gates, an expert in network security, suggested that parents explain to their children that the development of the frontal lobe of teenagers' brains has not yet been completed, so they do not have mature rational, logical and impulsive control abilities. She wasn't joking.
03. Open the "chatterbox"
Continuous dialogue can make the other party confirm that you are serious about these rules and make them part of family education. You can choose an example of a celebrity in an awkward position on the Internet to talk about the harm caused by social media, or you can discuss people's online words and deeds with your daughter to start a dialogue. Don't forget to ask her why she likes social media! Ask her how fast she can text or type, and enjoy the chat between you. It's a good choice to start a conversation with such a question:
What do you like best about it (choose her favorite social media)?
Do you think people's behavior on the Internet is the same as their behavior in real life?
Why are people more likely to be mean or rude online?
Technology has brought friends closer together. Will it also make you more insecure in friendship?
Will technology cause misunderstanding?
Do you think friendship without science and technology will be better or worse?
As soon as the chatterbox is opened, it is easier to introduce regulations. The following are some measures that can be used to regulate home technology products.
Put the computer in a public space. Doing so can naturally limit the use, which can not only ensure a certain degree of privacy, but also allow you to observe the situation closely enough. Although this may be a little difficult for older children, it is really unnecessary for primary school students to put computers in their bedrooms. If you walk up to your child, she is narrowing the window, which may be doing something inappropriate. You have every right to ask her what she is doing and let her open the window for you to see.
Putting the computer in public space has other advantages: you can see the children. "If we put computers and televisions in their rooms," said Lori Gates, a network security expert, "they will be addicted to them and alienate us."
Create a "parking lot" for family mobile phones. Create a space at home, set a time period in advance, and let all mobile phones charge there (mute if possible). It can be a predetermined homework time, lunch time, or both. Although this practice is a bit difficult at first, most people will find it very relaxing not to use their mobile phones at certain times. Without external stimulation, family members can focus on each other and the important tasks at hand.
It is forbidden to take your mobile phone to sleep. Girls have no reason to sleep with their mobile phones. Some girls will hide their mobile phones under pillows or put them on their chests when they sleep, so that if someone sends a message, they can wake up in time. If a farce happens, those late-night messages are often irrational and explosive. In addition, it will also make girls lose valuable sleep time. Ask your daughter to put her mobile phone in a designated place before going to bed (if she can't bear to put her mobile phone downstairs while sleeping, you may be able to hide it like some parents). If you are not sure what your daughter is doing with her mobile phone at night, you can find the answer from the latest mobile phone bill. Every number and number of contacts she sends and receives text messages are easy to find.
Restrict the use of electronic products during meals. It is easy to see such a scene in the restaurant: adults are chatting and two children are addicted to technology products. The waiting time for serving may be boring, but it is a good opportunity for family to communicate. Turning off reality and relying on electronic devices will hinder children's ability to manage impatience, discomfort or other embarrassing emotions. If parents don't guide their children to learn to chat, it will also delay the development of this skill. If children are allowed not to participate in the conversation when eating at home, they will do the same in other places in the future.
Let the family dining time at home or out become a sacred moment that technology cannot infringe. During this time, don't call back or send messages on the computer, don't use electronic devices at the dinner table, and try to ask each family member how their day is going-each family member should briefly describe the best and worst things of the day. You can turn it into a dinner ceremony.
Limit the use of social media when doing homework. In 20 10, a study by Kaiser Family Foundation found that half of the children aged 8 to 18 used the Internet, watched TV or used other forms of media occasionally or for a long time while doing their homework. When the mobile phone vibrates or the online conversation window flashes, children will be interrupted from time to time, which is not conducive to persisting in long-term study and cultivating children's habit of working long hours, paying attention and thinking continuously. Learning mathematics or reading is a more demanding thinking task, and scientists call this learning time "concentrated learning". If social media is used in homework, children will handle multiple tasks at the same time or switch quickly between different tasks.
Multitasking is not conducive to concentrated study, but also leads to serious distraction. Allison miller, a senior one student, sends and receives 27,000 messages every month. She told The New York Times that she had been struggling between her social life and her studies: "I was reading my homework when I suddenly received a text message. I stopped reading, put down my book, picked up my cell phone and replied to the text message. Twenty minutes later, I suddenly remembered:' Oh, I forgot to do my homework.' "
Researchers at Duke University have found that if parents don't supervise the use of computers, children will choose to play rather than do their homework. 20 10 Only three out of ten parents of teenagers restrict their children from using technology products. Compared with their peers who have no corresponding family rules, these teenagers spend an average of three hours less time using the media. Parents need to set such restrictions for their children. Although teenagers rely more on the internet when doing some homework, as far as I know, at least there is no homework that needs texting. Let children keep their mobile phones in a fixed place when doing homework, and only use them at designated time (for example, take a break every 45 minutes 15 minutes, and then you can check your mobile phones). This practice can help children to reduce interference when doing homework.
Lori Gates suggested that children should try: social media should be allowed to be used when doing homework one night, but not the next night. After two nights, ask your daughter about her experience in learning, efficiency and effectiveness. When implementing these measures at home, remember that it will take some time to change habits, and children will almost always have some resistance ("Then I don't know what's going on" and "If I can send text messages, I will be more focused"). After the initial anger, many girls will find that it is actually a relief to disable technology regularly. When they grow up, they may appreciate the lonely and quiet homework time you brought them.
Editing/typesetting: nine tubes