Failure, we have all experienced it. Many times we will choose to escape, although these are unpleasant experiences, but these experiences have an important impact on the development of our lives.
Even accomplished celebrities have experienced failures. Let's take a look at how these celebrities who fell off the list made their own counterattack!
Ma Yun: I got a 1 in math, and it took me three times to pass.
1982, 18-year-old Ma Yun ushered in his first college entrance examination. That year, he passed the math exam 1.
Then, Ma Yun began a hard repetition, and at the age of 19, he walked into the examination room of the college entrance examination again. This time, Ma Yun made progress in mathematics and got a score of 19.
From then on, Ma Yun began to study while working. In the third college entrance examination, Ma Yun scored 79 points in mathematics, but the total score was still 5 points worse than the undergraduate line.
Fortunately, the English Department of Hangzhou Normal University has just been promoted to undergraduate level, so the number of applicants is not enough. So the school decided to let several junior college students with good English scores go directly to undergraduate courses. As a result, Ma Yun entered Hangzhou Normal University as an undergraduate.
No one would have thought that Ma Yun would have such an achievement today. Failure is not important, but how to face it.
Murphy: I haven't heard of "the college entrance examination decides fate"
1990, Morphy College Entrance Examination. "Failure is not surprising to me. I face it frankly and never want to repeat the past again. What's the difference? " However, Murphy said that like all young people, he didn't know enough about the hardships of society. After failing the exam, he went to work in Shenzhen. I ran into a wall everywhere and returned to Nanjing in less than a month.
"No knowledge is really terrible. Not being admitted to the university doesn't mean that I don't like studying. I have never relaxed my study. " Murphy said, 1992, he passed the adult college entrance examination and was admitted to the Chinese Department of Nanjing Normal University. Later, I came to the TV station to do odd jobs, help people carry backpacks and light lights, but I have been a temporary worker.
Until 1996, one of his feature films, Flying to Atlanta, made him famous all over the country and became a frequent visitor to TV stations. In 2002, he finally stepped onto the stage in the brand-new 1 hour live broadcast column "Nanjing Zero Distance" created by Jiangsu City Channel. Later, Murphy successfully hosted the program "If You Are the One", which was a national success.
Morphy sent a message to the failed candidates, saying that "knowledge determines fate" and "personality determines fate", but he has never heard of "the college entrance examination determines fate".
Yu: I got 33 points in English, and I took it three times before I went to Peking University.
After reviewing for about 65,438+00 months, I took the college entrance examination for the first time and scored only 33 points in English. In the second year, after hard work, I only got 55 points and failed again.
In the third national college entrance examination, Yu took only 40 minutes to learn English, but he got 95 points, with a total score of 387. Finally, Yu entered Peking University with a score of more than seven points.
Yu Zeng mentioned in Weibo: "The college entrance examination is not the end of the struggle. No matter what your grades are or what university you go to, it is not the key to your success or failure. What determines a person's success or failure is the mind, spirit and courage that accompany him all his life; Life is not a 100-meter race, but an endless marathon. " Finally, Yu founded New Oriental through his own efforts and became the godfather of studying abroad.
Ang Lee: When I failed the list for the second time, my math score was 0.67.
Today, Ang Lee is an internationally renowned director, but his academic career is not smooth.
Although he said to his father very early: "I don't like (traditional science, engineering, medicine, agriculture and other disciplines), I want to be a director." But everyone laughed it off.
In the first year, he took the entrance examination in Taiwan Province Province, and Ang Lee failed with 6 points. In the second year, I retaken the exam, and the math was 0.67 points worse. Ang Lee's father is the headmaster of Tainan No.1 Middle School. Ang Lee's two failures were hard for the Li family to accept.
Ang Lee's biggest emotional vent at that time was to sweep the desk lamp and book on the floor, and then run out of the house to get some air.
Later, after several efforts, Ang Lee was admitted to the Film and Drama Department of the Art College. According to him, it was "the first time the soul was liberated", and it was then that he discovered that life could not be a rigid study and further study. From then on, Ang Lee studied ballet, wrote novels, practiced vocal music and sketching. Ang Lee, a college loser, eventually became the best director of the Oscar, Ang Lee.
Failing the exam does not mean losing your life. Sometimes people's greatness can only be seen when they are frustrated.
Failure is not terrible, but fear of failure is the most terrible.
The road of life is tortuous and long, full of contradictions such as success and failure, prosperity and adversity, happiness and misfortune. For example, failure at work, poverty in life, family separation, physical illness and disability, and so on. Nowadays, young people encounter setbacks such as failure in competition, failure in love, family conflicts and so on.
China culture has influenced us for thousands of years, and we are exposed to Chinese-style success: success or failure is at stake, winners take all, history is written by winners, and so on. What culture and education lack is post-frustration education. ), that is, the ability to withstand setbacks and get rid of difficulties.
Why are we all so afraid to hear the word "failure"? This seems to have become something we can't avoid, and we will cover it up at all costs. What's the big deal about failure? It is always portrayed as a negative thing by us. Even in school, there are often differences between failure and success, but why should we make such a clear distinction?
Many times, failure represents a good learning opportunity and a door to success.
Whether a child will succeed in the future, whether he can tolerate failure and whether he has a strong will is actually not them, but their parents (education), their culture and traditional consciousness.
The so-called frustration education means that when children feel that they are inferior to others, what parents want to give is not belittling and comparing (comparing other children with their own children), but unconditional companionship, even without a word of teaching, just calmly accepting, or playing a joke with their children, and nothing has changed. Then, when children feel safe, they will share their parents' years (when they are the same age as their children). Now: "Even if you don't achieve your goal through hard work, we will still love you as always."
In this way, what children remember is love. This love is real kung fu, something that accompanies them all their lives, that is, the cornerstone of emotional intelligence. That achievement, even if it is not high, will not hurt their psychology.
Everything has not changed because of this small test paper, but parents believe in you, and what children learn from it is self-confidence.
Self-trust is the first secret of success.
Confidence is self-acceptance. When children can't accept themselves, they can only learn from their parents' attitudes towards themselves. In other words, when his parents accept him unconditionally, he will accept himself in the same way. This is self-love and self-esteem, which is the foundation of self-confidence. A confident person must be self-reliant.
In this world, there is never a lack of adversity and frustration. The so-called "life is nine times out of ten unsatisfactory." The problem is that if you don't take the initiative to create setbacks for your children, it is tantamount to giving your children a hard time.
The real frustration education is to guide children's mentality when facing setbacks. This mentality is: accept the weak self, accept the insufficient self, recognize him, care about him, don't condemn him, don't exclude him, so this weak self will become its own alliance (self-integrity), not its own internal friction.
In fact, whether a child is good or not depends not on his grades or his school, but on his family. Numerous consulting cases and examples have proved that some postdoctoral students with higher grades, or talented students with countless layers of gold plating outside, will still be devastated by family and career setbacks and will easily be knocked down by the stones in life.
Many of them are even worse than their old classmates whose grades are not as good as theirs. On the other hand, some grades are not too high, schools are not very good, and even those who failed in the college entrance examination, through the efforts of the day after tomorrow, their later life is full of excitement.
In fact, what dominates this change is emotional intelligence, that is, self-acceptance (which is not learned in school). They have a creed in their hearts: it is better to accept their integrity than to be called perfection.
Like Bruce Lee, they covered their wounds humorously after being knocked down by their opponents, wondering what their opponents had just done-that is, learning from life and not giving up because of inferiority. This is the right way to face failure.
Facing failure is more important than how to succeed.
So, what should we do if our children fail?
0 1
Give the child a hug.
Hug your child deeply and tell your child that mom and dad understand how you feel. As parents, it is not easy to really understand their children's emotions, which requires building a deep trust relationship with their children from an early age and convincing them that you can understand him/her. The success of this step and the smooth establishment of communication channels with children depend on whether you have successfully established a trust/intimate parent-child relationship when your child is very young.
02
Be an excellent listener.
After the age of three, children will begin to be willing to describe and talk about their feelings. After encountering setbacks and pains, everyone needs a suitable opportunity to talk, which is also a necessary stage of emotional relief.
? 03
Help children analyze the reasons for failure.
Use our life experience to help children analyze the cause of things. What we have done is very good and should not be covered up by the result of failure. What should we pay attention to to to avoid failure next time?
Generally speaking, this is a way of thinking and communicating educational ideas, which requires parents to have a clear understanding and self-contained cognition.
Finally, share it with children happily: life is a long road, and failure is a process that each of us needs to go through constantly, and this process will be of great help to our lives.
We can tell the children who tripped over the steps that we fell down this time, but we didn't notice how high the steps were. But next time I will know that I should be careful when I walk here, so that my baby won't get hurt again because of such a small step.
The above is the specific response when things happen, but I think it is more important and longer-term to establish a good and healthy family culture:
As parents, we should keep a positive and realistic attitude towards life and avoid letting anxiety and rigid thinking become our family culture. Let children know that even if they fail, they will not be looked down upon. It is important to enjoy the task. This is a culture that runs through daily family life for a long time.
Official website of Education for All: www.qmin9 1.com.