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What kind of experience is it to have a infatuated boyfriend?
Sort of. This man is my male god

I like my male god for a long time, and I have a good impression on him from the first time I saw him. At that time, I thought he was awesome and everything was awesome. Everything seems easy. Originally, I thought my academic performance was very good. At that time, when I saw someone better than myself, my first feeling was that I really wanted to know who this person was. But with the deepening of understanding, I fell in love with him. At that time, I didn't dare to confess, because I felt that my grades were not good enough, my knowledge was not wide enough, and my popularity was not good enough ... Anyway, I felt very inferior at that time and felt that I was not worthy of him. I want to confess when I am worthy of him, so that I can be friends and stay with him for the time being.

One semester, I happened to have a physics class with him just before, and I got an A in that class, so he would come to my house to review before the mid-term, sometimes until the early hours of the morning. Every time he comes to my house, I am very happy because I can be alone with him. In order to teach him physics well, I will always review what I have learned before, and I will also learn the physics class well at that time, because I know he will take this physics class next semester. If I can learn well, he can review physics with me in the future, and I can spend more time with him.

But, but ... he ended up with a girl he didn't know for two months. At that time, I was sad for a long time, afraid that he would not come to me or review physics at my home. I later found out that he didn't go to cs class either, and skipped class to accompany his girlfriend. He and I are both eecs majors, and many professional courses are taken together. But I later found out that he gradually asked me not only physics, but also mathematics and coding. This discovery let me know that he will still come to me for review. In order to keep him looking for me to review, I have to work harder and be better than him so that I can teach him. From then on ... I changed from a headmaster to a great god. Wherever I went, people would call me a great god ... Later, he said that I was a great girl he knew. This definitely makes me happy, but it also makes me depressed. The reason why I want to become so fierce is because I regard him as the target to catch up with! So that when I comforted him not to feel sad because he was rejected by the dream school, he also asked me if I was accumulating character. I didn't realize that I usually respect him so much. Yes, I have hidden myself for a long time. The title of great god gives me every reason to help him, but in fact I want to have more opportunities to contact him.

Sure enough, as I expected, he will come to my house to review before the mid-term of $ TERM in recent semesters. Sometimes he studies too late and gets tired, so he sleeps in my room. But every time he sleeps, I dare not sleep. I just sit at my desk and continue to study, or sleep at my desk, because he is not my boyfriend! ! ! How many times, I want to hold him and sit beside him and watch him sleep, for fear that he will hate me.

Sometimes I joke with him. I have taught him for so long that he won't refuse to sell himself to pay the tuition. But many times I am afraid that if I cross that line, I will stop. In order to have more topics with him, I began to pay attention to The verge, learn to watch cars, watch football, watch his favorite cartoons and learn about the latest technology. So now I can talk about anything with any boy, but! But! I am too nervous to speak in front of the male god, so I can only be an audience.

This is our last semester, and next week is the final term, which is also the last time he came to my house to review. I really want to hug him once before graduation, but my reason tells me that I can't. Speaking of which, I actually feel very helpless. But thanks to the male god, he made me better than before, and he transformed me. I haven't seen him. I'm just that little girl who has no popularity and only reads all day, with a gray head and a gray face. Recently, I read a sentence that has been in my heart for so long: I am not trying so hard to live better than you, but I am afraid that if one day you need my help, there is nothing I can do.