When in conflict with others, take a step back and broaden your horizons; When chasing a girlfriend, take a step back and go to an empty building. Looking at beautiful women in the street, looking up is appreciation, looking down is hooliganism.

A man's face is his resume, and a woman's face is her income statement.

Couples tease funny sentences

What is cruelty? If it's a man, I'll break his three legs; If it is a male dog, I will break his five legs!

Girls care about the happiness of the second half of their lives, while boys care about the happiness of the second half.

Don't let your right side fall asleep. This sentence is usually used on the wedding night.

Until today, I found that the way to attract a man is to make him not get it; On the other hand, the way to attract a woman is to satisfy her.

Men, the upper body is self-cultivation, the lower body is the essence; Women, the upper body is the bait, and the lower body is the trap.

When you put on the wedding dress of love, I also put on the monk's robe.

No matter how high a woman stands, squatting can only wet the land under her feet; Men are amazing, stand higher and pee farther! Funny sentences between lovers

Is it cruel that the female mantis will eat the male mantis after mating? But some women swallow countless offspring during mating.

The worst character is to stare at an ugly woman for a long time and then sigh, damn it, this dinosaur is too similar.

The sage said: Only Nv Ying is sad, but his wife is hard to find a job!

Professor Yang Zhenning told us that beauty is very important and you need it when you are old.

I am handsome, but handsome is useless! Finally, I was eaten by a chess piece!

Marriage is like eating. Be sure to order what you like, but you can't help but look at other people's plates first when the food comes. What you can't get is the best couple to make fun of.

Five principles of life: smoking is good for your health, gambling is good for your mind, shaking your head is not troublesome, fighting is good for your hands and feet, and you can practice birds in bed. If you follow this principle, you will live happily! ! ! ! !

The couple walked and saw a condom thrown on the road. The wife picked it up and put it in her pocket. Why does the husband want it? The wife is unhappy, and no one can see it. Take it home and wash it before use. Afraid of asking for something.

Dad happened to find his daughter using a masturbator. The daughter said, "Dad, we must face the reality. Because no one will come to me, this is the only way I can satisfy myself. " A few days later, my daughter came home, only to find her father holding a beer bottle in one hand and a masturbator in the other. She cried and said, "Dad, what are you doing?" "alas! Nothing, I just want to have a beer with my son-in-law ... "

The director of the family planning commission came to the door and asked a village man if he was super-living. The villagers said: I love to use condoms. Oh, life is rich, I can buy condoms, and the villagers are ugly. "Bullshit, I used condoms eight times."

A man's neck is thick and big, so he has no choice but to see a doctor. The doctor asked why? The man replied, "I had sex with my wife last night and took two aphrodisiacs." The result was stuck in my throat. " Interesting quotation

1, don't be infatuated with brother, sister-in-law is the legend. If you were a flower, cows wouldn't dare to shit in the future.

3, drive Audi, wear Dior, and eat Oreo if you have nothing to do.

4, my life is not decided by heaven, and heaven will destroy me.

It's not that my brother is obsessed with legends, but that legends are so beautiful.

6. Minimum goal: Nongfu Spring has a little field.

7, brother, I will throw a brick first, and I will come over if there is jade.

8. You play with your customization and I play with my formatting.

9. Cover your crotch and respect others' crotch.

10, high-profile low-key male show, high-profile signs of being beaten.

1 1, it rains in the middle of the night, clouds in the middle of the night, and shouting in the middle of the night is even more scary.

Love is like a fart! Listen, smell and see.

13, dogs are dogs, but sometimes they are not people.

14. You can see my world, but you can't talk.

15, what I earn is selling cabbage, and what I fuck is selling white powder.

16, you don't know what dependence is until you lose your belt.

17, not afraid of enemies like tigers, but afraid of teammates like pigs!

18, women's clothes are called capital, and men's clothes are called perverts.

19, don't challenge the technology of high cough with the speed of playing video.

20. Women are kind because they are stupid, and men are stupid because they are kind.

2 1, loneliness is a person's carnival, and carnival is the loneliness of a group of people.

22, work, take a step back and broaden the horizon; Love, take a step back and broaden the horizon.

23, tell you not to push me, if you push me, I will play dead for you!

24, a woman kissing a man is a kind of happiness, and a man kissing a woman is a kind of luck.

25. My grandfather has been dead for almost two years. Why am I still like a grandson?

26. Some people are destined to wait for others, while others are destined to be waited for.

27, goods have a shelf life, people are tired of watching. How long can you be awesome in my heart?

28, steamed bread is valuable, steamed buns are more expensive, if there are ribs, you can throw them both.

29. The man that women hate most is Chen Shimei; Man's favorite woman is Pan Jinlian.

30. Chatting is valuable and the internet fee is higher. If you sleep, you can throw them both.

3 1, fashion dad is avant-garde, avant-garde dad is alternative, and alternative dad doesn't matter.

32. Brothers are like brothers and women are like clothes. Anyone who touches my brothers and sisters will strip his clothes!

33. Primary school students are teams; Middle school students are piles; College students are a couple.

34. Life is like a green spider, crawling forward slowly, but shedding bright red blood.

35. You can't believe any story. Look at each other and listen to a few words.

36. The poorest men don't bargain when they buy food, and the richest women bargain when they buy food.

37. The grievances that can be said are not grievances; A lover who can be taken away is not a lover.

38, men are used to rely on, so be reliable; Women are meant to love, so be cute.

39. The difference between a lie and an oath is that the listener takes it seriously and the speaker takes it seriously.

40. There should be a better way to start a new day than waking up every morning.

4 1. Even if happiness only reveals a thread, she has the ability to pull it out and knit it into a sweater.

42. Dapeng wandered in the sky after being lovelorn, but he couldn't find a second nest. At first, Pengcheng Wan Li.

43. Different division of labor: before a man goes to work, his wife wears a tie, and before going to bed, his lover unfastens his belt.

44. Where there are plenty of grass in the sea, why do you have a unrequited love for a grass? As long as you look hard, there is always a better one than her.

45. Persistence is a kind of beauty, and persistence is a kind of loyalty; Beauty is not necessarily happiness, and loyalty is not necessarily happiness.

46. It's silly to love only one. Love two is the least, three and five are just right, and ten and eight are handsome.

47. No matter how beautiful a woman is, she will be crushed by men. Even the most handsome man will kneel between her legs.

48. Love that does not feel pain is not true love, and marriage that does not feel happiness must be a sad marriage.

49. My son has to do his homework to 1 1 before going to bed these days. The flowers of the motherland are destroyed like this!

50. Women like to hear men say another woman is ugly. Men like to hear women say that another man is a loser.

5 1, a life without memories is not a perfect life. Just as a woman without children is not a perfect woman.

52. The man who is least afraid of his wife at home dares not contradict his mother-in-law; A woman who fears her husband most at home dares to contradict her mother-in-law.

53. Let them climb the new peak of fashion. Stay here, stare blankly, smile or take a walk.

54. No matter how smart a woman is, she looks confused, and no matter how stupid a man is, she looks sober.

55. Some girls in this world always make people dream, while others, including herself, make people think.

56. In fact, there is no definite pursuit in life, and what you lack most will be what you want most. From this perspective, shameless is glorious.

57. Children have no money to go to school and have money to build temples and worship God; The living have no money for filial piety, and the dead have money for funeral; There is no money in the company account, but the boss has money at home. .

58. Speak well of your boss, speak ill of your subordinates, lie to your wife, lie to your lover, tell jokes to acquaintances and talk nonsense to strangers.

59. The cause belongs to the country, the honor belongs to the unit, the achievement belongs to the leader, the salary belongs to the wife, the property belongs to the children, and the mistakes are your own.

60. The most embarrassing thing for men is that their wives are drunk and pestering friends. The most embarrassing thing for a woman is that her husband's friend is drunk and pestering herself.

6 1, the attitude towards intellectuals shows the degree of civilization of a nation; The attitude towards workers and peasants is to question the conscience of this nation.

62. Hold the boss's hand and bow. Holding the hand of discipline inspection, shaking all over; Take the financial hand, pull it up and walk to the restaurant.

63. No matter how bad the relationship between a man and his wife is, the relationship with his mother-in-law is also good; No matter how good the relationship between a woman and her husband is, the relationship with her mother-in-law is also poor.

64. Four flowers in the hospital: queuing for registration, dizziness; The doctor diagnosed that the goddess scattered flowers; Drug charges, looking at flowers in the fog; If it doesn't heal for a long time, the cost of medicine will be wasted.

65. Wear a hat without a brim and pretend to be a chef; Standing on the room to pee, pretending to keep watch; Riding a car and farting, pretending to vent your anger slowly!

66. The more places I have been, the more I feel that the world is very narrow. This is the experience of my life. Listen, but it's nothing new.

67, flat, no temper, sage also; Have a level, a temper, and a sage; No level, no temper, mediocrity; No level, no temper, bad guy.

68. People are really lazy and vulgar animals, but they are cruel and ignorant. Many people know this fact, but we are such animals and such people!

69. You eat like a thief, pretend to be fat, have big ears and strong limbs, carry a pen, can't do accounts, buy a computer, can't surf the Internet, sleep at night, and are allowed to pee in the pit.

70. Ignorance and lack of knowledge are terrible things and situations, which will make people self-righteous and self-conscious, resulting in stupidity and mistakes; What is more frightening is that I know nothing, and I am ignorant.

7 1, with you, I forget all about eating and sleeping, without you, I have nothing to eat and drink, without you, my heart belongs, without you, I wholeheartedly, without your idle and hateful game.

72. Believe a word slowly along the way. Some people in this world are doomed to be lonely. It's not your fault or mine. Who told me that the ratio of men and women who were chopped to pieces was so unbalanced?

73. The beauty of learning lies in confusing people; The beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to cheat; The beauty of a woman lies in being stupid without regrets; The beauty of a man is that he speaks during the day.

74. I can't help thinking about you. I only rely on images to pin my love for you. Don't laugh at my infatuation with you, just because of that wise saying-life is never shit, leave a photo as toilet paper!

75. Occasional forgetfulness does not mean eternity. When busy, a faint yearning lingers in my heart; On the lonely journey, please accept my sincere care and sincere blessing; Miss you, invite me to dinner!

76. If it is a mistake to be beautiful, then I am all wet; If being smart is a crime, I have committed a heinous crime, and it is really difficult to be a human being. But you're fine. You are right and innocent. I really envy you!

77, paratroopers practice skydiving, the coach told me to jump out of the plane and count to 10 to open the umbrella immediately. According to the test results, Dean fell and was injured. The coach called him an idiot, and a soldier said, Coach, Dean stuttered!

78. Pig Bajie wanted to peek while taking a bath in the Seven Fairy Lake, but he was afraid that the Monkey King would pull his ear when he found out, so he pretended to peek at the Seven Fairy while reading the news. Look, look, he's pretending!

Boss: Hello, comrades! Employee: The boss is the best! Boss: Comrades have worked hard! Employee: The boss is the hardest! Boss: It's sunny this summer, and all the comrades are tanned! Employee: The boss is the blackest!

80. Without Pangu's creation, the evolution of apes is hopeless; Without Oracle bones as letterhead, history would be lifeless; Without Daiyu and Baoyu, how could the Red Mansion be circulated for a hundred years? I didn't send you a message. Who knew pigs could read mobile phones?

8 1, it takes a day for sunrise and sunset, a month for a full moon, a season for flowers, a year for the four seasons, and a lifetime for loving someone. Caring for a person is a word: it's cold, don't forget to put more grass in the nest!

82. You and I are both one-winged angels. Only by embracing each other can we spread our wings and fly. It is said that people come into the world to find the other half. I finally found you with great pains, only to find that our wings are smooth.

83. When you were a child, your idea was simple. You ate, slept and ate. When I grow up, my mind is still very simple, just sleeping and eating. I wish you Bajie, eat well, sleep well, have a good dream and have a round stomach!

84. The weather is hot and cold. In this season, I feel calm and always miss you far away. I would like to keep a homing pigeon and let it fly to your place every day, even if all I can do is a simple action: pull a shit on your head!

85. I want to send you some clothes. You are in poor health. I want to send you a drink, and your daughter-in-law nags; Want to give you sugar, your blood sugar rises; I want to send you RMB, but I am not rich myself; I can only send you text messages, but unfortunately your culture is not high enough to understand!

86. I was told that it is the noblest thing to send text messages to the most talented, healthy, honest and kind people; On second thought, I think this person must be yours! If you feel the same way, please give me one!

87. A man entrusts his girlfriend to his buddy for care, and finally his girlfriend becomes his wife, and the buddy takes care of him; A woman entrusted her boyfriend to her sisters for care, and as a result, her sisters became her boyfriend's wife and could not be her.

88. One monk carries water and two monks carry water. The classic story is unforgettable and deeply imprinted in my heart. Now, there is also a temple in the mountain, and there is also an old man in the temple, but the old man is smirking with his mobile phone.

89. The most romantic thing is to walk slowly with you and watch the octogenarian gently accompany his grandmother on the roadside. The happiest thing is to walk slowly with you and watch your cheerful gait. This is my enjoyment! Run away again, my pet dog!

68 funny teasing quotations _ teasing friends

1 The boy is really crazy, and his breath is bigger than beriberi.

Stab a friend in the back and a woman in the back.

Come quickly when you rob a bank, remember to put socks on your head, and you'd better buy Langsha brand.

4 hate me. It's okay. I don't mind. I don't live to please you.

You laugh that I am different from you, and I laugh that you are all the same.

The sweat and tears you shed today are all caused by the water in your head.

Don't hang yourself on a tree, try to find more trees.

Your shameless appearance has my youthful charm.

You are handsome and handsome, and everyone loves you. You must be the best among scum, the animal among beasts and the fighter among rubbish. Oh yeah!

10 I like that you take the initiative to find me, so I believe you won't bother me.

1 1 Which school did you graduate from? Your annoying degree has been completed as a postdoctoral fellow! !

12 I'm not super Mary. I can't support the RMB you want.

13 Some students' heads should not exceed the intersection angle.

14 After the first kiss, the woman will regard this kiss as an investment, and the man will regard it as a loan to be recovered.

15 God created virgins and I created women.

16 Some people always want to let God know when they do good things, and always want to let ghosts know when they do bad things.

17 Let's get married for a better divorce!

18 The bedside table of a couple is actually a condiment of life, especially for women.

But sometimes, it's not that I don't want to talk, but that I'm a little sleepy. ...

19 everyone says that being a man is very tired, and I feel the same way.

Put on a wig, a mask, glasses and smile.

Put on underwear, coat, coat, underwear, trousers and belt.

Put on socks, shoes and shoelaces every day until you go to heaven.

Go your own way and let the cat and dog talk.

2 1 I want to serve the people, but I can't serve all the people, nor can I serve all the people;

I want to serve people like my relatives, friends, acquaintances and beautiful women.

I'm busy enough. How can I have the energy to serve others and serve others?

It is difficult for rich people to have no money.

A woman kissing a man is a kind of happiness, and a man kissing a woman is a kind of luck.

This world is different from other worlds. As long as it is an official, there is a way.

I am not a casual person; But once you get up casually, you are not a person.

Zhu Yuanzhang is my uncle. Call him out and ask!

I can't close the garden in spring, so I pull an almond out of the wall.

In this life, are you here to borrow money or pay off debts?

What is the way to come out? The sage said: waste.

A man can have sex with whoever he wants as long as he has money.

3 1 Today is a majestic rooster, and tomorrow it may become a feather duster with complete discredit.

Not afraid to drink dichlorvos, but afraid to open the lid and have a surprise, enjoy one more bottle.

Money makes the mare go.

Sorry is a kind of sincerity, it doesn't matter, it's a kind of grace.

If you give your heart, but you can't get grace, it can only show the ignorance and vulgarity of the other party!

Think about the salary, forget it, don't want to live.

36 college students = eat+sleep+fall in love with pigs = eat+sleep, so college students = pigs+fall in love with more college students-fall in love with pigs = that is, college students don't fall in love with pigs.

Hello: Today is International Women's Day. On behalf of the International Women's Federation, I officially inform you that all women's toilets and bathrooms are open to you free of charge. Please come here.

Motto of non-drinkers: Eat your own food and let others vomit.

39 Low-key people In the real world, low-key guys are the most attractive.

I am young and need your advice, but I don't need your advice.

4 1 Thanks to my figure, I can travel around the world even if I am bloated.

Not afraid of opponents like God, but afraid of teammates like rogue rabbits.

You have a big chest and no brain.

It's better than a small chest and no brain.

It takes ten thousand years from monkey to human, and only one bottle of wine is needed from human to monkey ~

You go! Go as far as possible, please don't pester me, I really can't stand you,

You will only bring me harm. The better you treat me, the more painful I am.

Fly away, dead mosquito!

Everyone says I'm an actor, because my eyes roll at the sight of beautiful mm.

I am poor, and so are my servants, gardeners and drivers.

48 when work and love are not going well, you can take out your little brother, stare at it and meditate on its spirit:

It can be long or short, thick or thin, extensible or bendable, soft or hard. Learn it, and the immediate difficulty is a bird!

49. A woman chooses a gesture that makes her life irreplaceable.

As long as your feet are on the ground, don't look down on yourself; As long as you live on earth, don't take yourself too seriously.

5 1 I will have a son with a handsome name, so others will say handsome dad when they see me.

52 people can't judge a book by its cover, and a small night can't be measured.

I must appear in your household registration book. I can't be your husband, but I can also be your little father.

In love, someone dies; In marriage, some people regard death as death.

I don't look down on you, but I don't care about you at all.

It is not necessarily a good thing for everyone to stand on one side, such as standing on the side of the boat.

57 men are used to rely on, so be reliable; Women are meant to love, so be cute.

Many people love someone by mistake because of loneliness, but more people are lonely all their lives because of loving someone by mistake.

Smart people are unmarried, and married people are hard to be smart.

I am in the Jianghu, but there are no legends about me in the Jianghu.

6 1 true love is like a UFO-only heard of it, never seen it. Even if I did, 99.9% of them were fake. If you really meet that 0. 1%, then congratulations, you have found an alien!

The highest state of eating buffet: help the wall in, help the wall out.

Men who have one-night stands are romantic, while women who have one-night stands are lewd.

Next time I meet you, I will definitely pull you to the bedroom and lock the door.

Quickly push you down on the bed, cover your head with a quilt, and stretch out my big hand.

Look, my mobile phone is blue.

There is an dissatisfied wife behind a man who has a lot of entertainment, and a super dissatisfied wife behind a man who has no entertainment at all.

Corrupt officials are everywhere, spending money like water.

Don't fall in love with me, hypocrisy! Get married if you can!

If I give you a pair of wings, you should be braised.

20 19 funny quotations

1, once love collapses, it can never be found again. 2, don't cry, don't make trouble, Zhenzi will accompany you to the sedan chair.

3, beautiful women are pleasing to the eye, and mature women are happy.

4, a person has a good life, why go in love.

5. Life is like a catwalk: one left and one right.

6. I don't regret knowing you, let alone falling in love with you.

7. Don't always lie in bed unless you can make money in bed.

8. I want to keep a turtle, and I can play with it when I am bored.

9. I still can't control my heart. I'm to blame for my disappointment.

10, ask what is the most boring thing in the world, that is, the most boring thing at this moment!

1 1, I stood in the hands of fate and never escaped.

12, I am afraid that others like you, but I am more afraid that you like others.

13, you asked me how much I love you, and I killed you on behalf of the moon.

14, making money like a needle digging the ground, spending money like water seeping into the soil.

15, if life is the first time, I will definitely not look at you for the second time.

16, if you have anything unhappy, just say it to make me happy.

17, your love for me, like the memory of a goldfish, is fleeting.

18, time will prove, will prove that I love you is not a whim.

19, everything has changed since that year, and I don't want to mention it again.

Even if the heavy rain turns the whole city upside down, I will give you a hug.

2 1, even Oreo's sandwich, he is lonely sometimes.

22. We always want to escape, but we can never escape from our hearts.

23, gradually learn to look on the bright side, so you won't be so silly and sad.

24. You said you would never part, but now you leave first.

25. I just long for eternal love without lies.

26, I just want to fly, fly in my sky, I know you will be by my side.

27. How much friction you have left in my heart for so long!

I'm not sure about my direction, but I hope I can go further.

29. Degeneration is because heaven is boring and hell is painful, so it is reduced to earth.

If you want to test my patience, please prepare your patience first.

3 1, does not belong to my happiness, choose to let go. I hope you feel better.

32. Those who won a quarrel with their girlfriends are basically single now.

33. If you have got it, you should understand that love is giving, not taking.

34. How many children have been hurt by exams and how many honest children have learned to cheat.

35. Don't rob me. Although I can't be coquettish, I can wrestle.

36, torture yourself unscrupulously, how can't you feel a little distressed.

37. I was bored and sang to the computer. After singing, the computer suddenly crashed.

38. When you are in a bad mood, take the bus and sit behind your long hair to cut your hair.

39. Don't tell me that you are virtuous. You are just too lazy to do anything.

We put on the wrong mask for each other, so we parted in a hurry before meeting.

4 1, where you are, it is particularly fresh, and the corners of your mouth will rise when I miss you.

42. The most attractive person is Master Kong, and thousands of people hit on him every day.

43. The running of life lies not in the sudden outbreak, but in the persistence on the way.

44. Crying is a catharsis, because you are happy, you are sad, and because you are surprised, you are disappointed.

45. I told my mother that I was in love, and my confession was successful. Mom said not to get too deep.

46. Go ahead, don't stand in the distance! You can find your direction.

You know, even if the heavy rain turns the city upside down, I have to go back to school when school starts.

48. Are you dazzled by boring advertisements? Why can't I stop?

There is no point in giving our feelings to others. Why bother? It feels so good to be alone!

50. Being single is not terrible. What's terrible is those who try their best to make you end your single life.

5 1. If two heads are better than one, there are at least 100 million Zhuge Liang in China.

52. After the negotiation, we had our own territory, but we didn't expect the happiness ratio to be negative.

53. I have always been a rotten person, loved a bitch, trusted scum and told myself only once.

54. When men make money, they want to divorce their wives. When a man can't make money, his wife wants to divorce him.

55, because you are different, because you are special, sometimes you have to get used to loneliness.

56. Sometimes I suddenly forget my young self. Because of love, I lost my playful look. .

57. Young people don't work hard and grow up to carry cement. It's terrible to have no culture Touched heartache.

58. Eating food is kind, because I just want to eat every day and have no time to calculate others.

59. I tried to turn the salted fish over during the exam. Damn it, I didn't expect it to stick.

60. When I was a child, I cried when I was sad. When I grow up, I will laugh when this happens.

6 1, boredom invades people, like a rolling tide, and people's reason suddenly becomes pale and powerless.

62. Brushing your teeth is a bittersweet thing, because you have a cup in one hand and a washing utensil in the other.

63. If I said I could give up everything for you, would you turn around and leave me?

There are so many complicated mathematical formulas, but none of them can calculate the distance between you and me.

65. My mother said that when I was playing games, whoever disturbed me would give him a bottle of Fuyanjie.

66. One of the scariest things in the world is to watch horror movies with people who are afraid of watching them.

67. I suddenly want to say sorry to myself. It's a pity that I will never find my original self again.

68. At present, the only thing that can't be put down is chopsticks, and the only thing that can't get out is the quilt.

69. You always say that I don't understand you don't understand. I want to ask who I don't understand!

70. Although I am not good at math, I will write my domineering solution in my homework first.

7 1, study If you study, how can you still take the exam? ! How can there be no trust between people!

72. I didn't understand the nonsense of the cloud, so I didn't leave people in time. And lost the immortal ending.

You know, I've never given so much to one person, and what I gave you will never be given to the second person.

74. Sometimes you can't get what you want most, and sometimes the most unexpected thing happens.

75. The person who has always had a crush on me came out to kiss me. If the tongue goes in, congratulations. I like you too.

76. I thought a lot when I was bored in class. I came back after school to prepare for publication. I'm just sitting in front of the computer, and my head is blank.

Sometimes when I say something that hurts you, I don't mean to hurt your heart, but I want you to know that I still care about you.

78. Even if I lose everything, I can still be indifferent. I won't give up and I won't regret it. I won't look back.

79. Men say that women are troublesome and women are shit, but men are mean, men love to make trouble, and men just love to eat shit.

80. It is lovers who end the chat with goodnight, friends who end the chat with bye-bye, and real iron who end the chat with rolling calves.

8 1. If the waiting between Russia and Germany can only become waiting, then love is ahead. I want you to bow your head, your love is no longer safe.

82. Without respect, love will disappear. Without care, love will be boring. Without honesty, love will not be happy. Without trust, love will not be strong.

Too many quarrels make me tired. Maybe I'm tired and don't have much strength and energy to waste. So I will choose silence.

84. Many long-term family members fall in love at first sight. I can't say where I like it, but it touches a chord in my heart and I can't stop it.