I may have laughed at myself like this: I feel that I will never love again, and I don't believe in loving again. I guess I'll be single until I die. These words appear frequently on the Internet. Laughing and entertaining is nothing, but some people really feel that they will never love again. Yesterday, one of my female colleagues was in a bad mood, and when she talked, she said that she felt unable to enter the state of love. My colleague will be 30 years old after the New Year. His family background is enviable, with high academic qualifications, good looks, good personality and excellent work, but his personal emotional problems have not been solved. I have talked about several relationships before, but they all ended in vain. Later, I simply stopped falling in love easily and plunged into my work to struggle, but I felt a lot of pressure when I saw my increasingly embarrassing age. Recently, a colleague met a boy, and he had a good chat with her in all aspects. They are also considered to have a good impression on each other. Some time ago, the boy suddenly confessed, but she was at a loss. Colleagues also want to be with him, but they always feel that something is missing. Although they have a good impression, they are not devoted to love. Although they are also eager for love, they can't seem to adjust the frequency of love. Colleagues said with distress that it seems that they have been single for so long that they have forgotten how to love someone. They are either afraid of being hurt or feel that they can't get into the state. Longing for love and dying alone, I really met someone, but I couldn't devote myself wholeheartedly, which became "unable to love". Why on earth is this? What should I do? To understand this problem, we must first understand why we are obsessed with the feeling of being single. This is not only a change in personal life, but also our ability and condition to remain single. The perfection of various security systems also provides feasibility for a person's life. The younger generation is experiencing rapid social changes. The change of spiritual culture gives us a different understanding of traditional companionship and a new interpretation of collectivism. Since everyone can enjoy the right to be single and it is feasible to remain single, why pursue love and want to fall in love and get married? Love is still valuable today, but its significance is not limited to love, companionship and giving birth to the next generation. If you think you will never love again, you should understand three questions. Question 1: Can you completely entrust yourself to another person? China is experiencing rapid urbanization, the middle class is beginning to emerge in large numbers, the speed of wealth gathering is accelerating, and people's living environment and mode are also changing, which is very complicated. In recent decades, one of the biggest changes is that the living boundaries between people seem to be getting more and more empty, but the barriers are increasing, and truly effective communication and cognition have become scarce. Single, you may have this experience and often feel lonely, but you would rather solve it by yourself than find someone to tell you hastily, and you would rather solve it through others. People have limitations, so it is difficult to find a person with complementary personalities and three views, and the cost is high, which is far less practical and safe than going to the movies. In this contrast between people and things, an important message is revealed: distrust. Nowadays, more and more people live in distrust of others. Even if you fall in love with someone, you dare not give it all, for fear that you will be hurt and cheated one day, and that what you entrust is unreasonable. I don't trust others. I'm afraid of getting hurt. If I imagine this bad ending in advance, I'd rather not start. This is the timid attitude of many people towards love now. Love has three elements: passion, intimacy and commitment. The so-called passion of love is actually a kind of hormone, called PEA in English and phenylethylamine in Chinese, which is simply understood as sex hormone. When it is stimulated, it often makes people lose their minds, go crazy in love and lose their minds. From a psychological point of view, this impulse is dangerous, just as you may blindly fall into a relationship without knowing each other. You are passionate about it, but you are also extremely fragile. But then again, love itself is an impulsive behavior. If everything should be rational and principled, then the passion, the first element of love, will be diluted or lost, and the natural road to love will be dull. Take love as a task to disassemble and analyze whether this person's conditions are suitable and whether all kinds of rules and regulations meet, and then fall in love, then this kind of love is like dancing in chains, which can't be enjoyed, and it will also produce a series of problems of not trusting each other enough and not fully investing. If you use some conditions to consider whether a person can fall in love, it just proves that you don't love him enough. When you feel that you won't love again, ask yourself whether to analyze love as a rational module rather than an emotional will. Question 2: Can you "live somewhere else"? When I say "other places", I mean completely different from your present situation, or even completely different. To live elsewhere is to break your existing lifestyle and accommodate another person, not only into your life, but also into your heart. This involves a life inertia problem, which I call: the centrifugal force of life. Give you an analogy: living alone, like a fully automatic single-cylinder washing machine, relying on centrifugal force, only washing clothes and throwing all the water out. People are like this vat, just washing clothes and throwing out everything else they don't need, which is simple and neat. But living with two people is more like washing clothes by hand. You need to work hard. The cleanliness of washing clothes depends not on external forces, but on your own hands. Clothes will not be twisted particularly thoroughly, and sometimes they will not be cleaned. At first glance, the efficiency of washing machine and hand washing is very obvious, but life is not only efficiency, but also other factors, such as romance, mood and rhythm. On the other hand, in the process of dehydration, the centrifugal force of automatic washing machine is great. If the lid is forcibly opened, it will be forced to stop, but it will not stop at once, but it will still maintain inertia and turn for a while before stopping. So is the inertia of life. It takes a while to get out of the single stage and enter the process of love, so as to change slowly. It doesn't mean that falling in love today can immediately enter the state. The longer the single time, the longer the single inertia will last after the transition. But many people will ignore this and fail to realize the inertia of life. To get rid of the centrifugal force of living alone, it takes a period of adjustment, not as fast as changing channels, but a gradual process. Some people are still single when they first fall in love, so they can't devote themselves wholeheartedly. At this time, don't exaggerate the problem, don't think that you can't fall in love, but think about whether you are at the stage of getting rid of the existing inertia of life. At the same time, you should also have a sense that single life is self-centered, and everything that doesn't belong to you can be simply dumped, but it can't be so simple in love, so you need to think more about each other and even lose yourself occasionally. This adjustment of mentality is very important. It will make you get rid of the original inertia faster, switch the frequency to love mode, and the bond that keeps you alive will change, and you will no longer continue to live by centrifugal force. The bond is a mode of living alone, but the lives of two people are more like gears, which bite each other and go hand in hand, maintaining the normal operation of love life. Question 3: Can you overcome "inability to love"? Many people are saying that they are "unable to love", but in fact they are not incompetent, but incompetent. There is a disease called myasthenia, which is muscle atrophy and loss of strength, but it is not muscle weakness and muscle disappearance, but the loss of normal muscle strength movement. So is love. It's not that you don't have love in your heart, that you don't expect love, that you can't give love, but that there is something wrong with the way and method of love and the degree of love is not enough. On the basis of solving the problems of "entrusting" and "elsewhere", the problem of weak love is gradually considered. The emergence of this kind of problem, to put it bluntly, is the deep effect brought by the first two problems, that is, when we face life, our cognition is not thorough enough and our understanding of our lover is not comprehensive enough. Modern society is fragmented, life is fragmented, people seem to have lost a lot of complete time and life, and countless trivial things have separated time and life, so we are tired of coping. In fact, modern people, love is fragmented. You think it's not bad for others to come to you, but this kind of "good" cognition is very shallow. You want to fall in love, but you have no idea, because you haven't taken the time to fully understand this person. We have a pre-separation mechanism for many things. If we don't have a complete understanding of a person, this mechanism will be discounted, natural love will be discounted, and the ability to love will decline and become powerless. To improve the ability of love, we must first improve our understanding of a person and piece together the pieces of love to become a complete love. At the same time, you should also clarify your inner thoughts. People's feelings are mutual. If you treat others with separation and suspicion, others will feel that there will be bad feelings and can't show you 100%. If you want to fully show your love ability, the first thing to do is to show 100% yourself and improve your self-defense ability. You should not only devote yourself to love, but also have a fortress inside to resist possible injuries. The inner fortress is not the initiative to defeat the enemy, but an inner peace. Even if you love wholeheartedly, you won't be hurt to pieces. Overcoming the powerlessness of love is actually overcoming the powerlessness of self. This weakness comes from one's own weakness, suspicion, concealment and incomprehension of others. If you are not sure enough, the full capacity of love will be out of the question. what is love ? Love is the dignity of each other, the harmony of the soul, the operation of two gears, the tacit understanding and the running-in. Only a perfect fit can work efficiently. If a place is damaged and the lubrication is not enough, the gear of love will become inefficient and eventually break down. You have to understand that love is not only to analyze and judge with reason, love is not a job, and that person is not a machine. Many times, it is almost impossible to say anything that is necessarily accurate. Fundamentally speaking, love is a world. For you, it may be a whole new world. What that person brings you is a world different from the inertia of life now, full of unknown, uncertain and changeable factors. But the more uncertain you are, the more you need the determination and persistence of two people. There are many differences between people, but the process of being together is to find the same process from the differences. Only by seeking common ground while reserving differences can we recognize each other and create the same world. There are arithmetic progression and intersection formulas in mathematics, and love is also a series, so we need to remove the redundant items and leave the same items. Love is also an intersection. It is the expression of love to maintain the original differences and to maintain and expand their similarities. Finally, I have another suggestion: don't feel pressured just because others are in love. This is actually an invisible "spiritual aggression" against yourself. I also don't encourage you to regard love as a job or task, and you must finish it, because the more you regard it as important and indispensable, the less you have a sense of accomplishment and taste. In the face of love, you should relax a little, but also think seriously. The so-called feeling of not loving again may be that I am not ready. Or maybe you are just lost, not only for love, but also for yourself. What should I do if I feel I won't love anymore? Half an hour before 5: 00 yesterday, the editor-in-chief sent a message: Leave late after work. I just rewrote every word of a sweet article about the wind chimes of youth, including the opening of the confession of hilarious laughter, the help of God, and the abrupt and peaceful breakup. This story is not melodramatic, the characters are real and bloody, and the love is pure and full. At such a happy moment, in the face of the direct and frank retention of the leaders, who can not be tempted? So, after the time, I have been waiting for the arrangement after work. Unexpectedly, before I got off work, the office network had collapsed and I couldn't open the webpage. I didn't persuade and shake the only two male colleagues who worked overtime in the living room. One of them is slowly sorting out the picture material, arranging the pots and pans one by one, and starting to prepare dinner. The perseverance and ability of two boys to do it themselves for every meal made me candidly admit defeat. What greeted me was a long wait. When my colleague Taohua waited for me, it was gone, and my mobile phone was dead. The last stubbornness is not charging. Her obsession with the game "Moore Manor" also exceeded the time to complete today's task. I'm still waiting. I looked all over the office, but I couldn't find the editor-in-chief of the meeting. Obviously, the door of the conference room has been locked. After listening for a few seconds, there was silence. Maybe she forgot what she said and forgot me by the way. After waiting for an hour and a half, the webpage struggled to open. In the middle of a colleague's meal, Taohua and I decided to escape. Pack your things in three seconds, turn off the computer and go out. Smiled and walked to the door, looked up and saw the editor-in-chief on the phone. Going? Or walk? She stood in front of Domino's shop and waved to us. There are a group of students, parents and teachers in the shop. Yes, it should be a group building. After the phone call, she began to arrange work. After finishing my work, I ordered takeout on the bus. I had no appetite at first, but I prepared food and grass for the coming melee. Back to the dormitory, it is conceivable that I was disconnected from the internet, and God knows why I am still here. I use mobile phone traffic to open hot spots and queue up again and again. The speed is exciting, but I can't fight at the last second. After several rounds of revision, it finally achieved zero. Colleagues in the next department said, finally, I feel I won't love anymore. Don't fight unprepared, just like always reviewing all subjects before the exam, but some sudden and enthusiastic scenes will mobilize more dopamine. If we don't travel around the world, we don't know what our spiritual and emotional sustenance is, but once we go to the world, we find that we can never go back to that beautiful place. When we start looking, we have lost it, but we don't start looking, and we simply can't know how precious everything around us is.