Two Core Competencies of Counseling Counselors (Notes on Teacher Wang Xiaodan's Micro-class)

Two core abilities of counseling counselors: how to listen? How to ask questions forcefully?

With the development of society and economy, education should also be updated.

Different age stages have their own unique characteristics, and supporting education should be implemented according to the characteristics and educational laws of different age stages. What we can do is to ignite, wake up and let it grow into what it should be.

First, how to listen effectively.

(A) to distinguish between the two major problems in the growth of college students.

1. Emotional and academic troubles

For example: emotional distress, dormitory conflict, relationship with teachers and so on.

2. Enjoy the current and academic confusion

For example, I am addicted to the Internet and have no plans for the future.

(B) How to hear the voice behind the problem

Three levels of listening:

1. Small ears Listen: The communication between two people is in their own dimensions, and there is no good blending. I only pay attention to the voice I want to hear, but I can't hear the voice that the other party wants to express.

2. Listen with big ears: turn off the sound relatively, hear the information transmitted by the other party, and say that you may hear the other party comprehensively. This kind of listening will hardly produce contradictions and conflicts.

3. Holographic listening: We can not only hear what the other person is saying, but also feel the emotional state of the speaker and the voice and intention behind the other person's speech.

How to do holographic listening? 3F Listening

Facts, feelings, intentions.

Emotional expression = language 7%+ pronunciation 38%+ expression 55%

You don't need to be happy. Listening feedback mode is a conflict handling mode. When communication is in a state of conflict and contradiction, structured listening mode is often used.

Three steps: 1. Feel emotions; 2. fact playback; 3. Clear intention.

Only by letting go of yourself and putting your heart on each other can you really feel each other's emotions and voices.

When we take the initiative to feel each other's emotions, we can calm ourselves down, calm down and put it away, and then we can enter a state of listening with big ears. The second stage is to let our client answer the facts. (For example, when students have conflicts, we often listen to the descriptions of the third party, the fourth party and the fifth party, and also listen to the parties' own views on this matter. When students state the process of what happened, we can feel what he values most, what makes him angry and what makes him feel wronged, so as to solve the problem better. In the third stage, anyone who deals with others has a goal and intention that he knows or doesn't know. In communication, he often forgets his intentions and is manipulated by emotions, so we need to hear what the other party really expresses.

Summary: One heart is everywhere; With one heart and one mind, we can do anything.

Second, ask questions forcefully.

(A) the motivation to ask questions to stimulate thinking

Socrates: The most effective education method is not to tell them the answer, but to ask them questions.

Asking questions is a very useful way of education. In our educational methods, we listen a lot and talk a lot, but there are relatively few dimensions to ask.

One person's question often determines the next communication and topic between two people, so asking questions is very important.

Harvard: The real purpose of education is to make people keep asking questions and thinking about them.

What have you done to make your children explore the future more and ask excellent questions for each other to think and explore?

(2) Two types of problems

1. Open question

2. The issue of closure

There is no difference between the two types. The key is to know what you want and then ask relevant questions.

If the other person's negative behavior is too long, it's best not to ask too many "why" questions. The question of "why" often makes a person feel defensive, makes the other person fall into preparation, and fabricates reasons and excuses to prove it, which is not conducive to getting the result. It's better to ask more open-ended questions.

Always ask "what" questions to make the other person more open and explore.

Ask questions to focus on the goal, not the question.

Don't go back to the current obstacles and problems, but focus on what we want to do and what our goals are.

The core of coaching: ignite dreams and focus on goals.

Ask more "what" and less "why".

When we interact with students, we should have a goal in mind, keep pushing the problem forward, and don't be dragged down by students or hindered by the present on the way to the goal.

In this process, there will be no perfect situation and no ideal thing, so when dealing with things, even if there is no ideal situation and even if there is only a little gain, we will focus on the goal, otherwise negative emotions and internal friction will be very unfavorable to our growth.

Pay attention to good places, pay attention to goals, act from goals, and then promote growth and progress from actions.

Q: What have you gained the most in the past 1 1 month?

Who did you create value for?

Who did you contact?

20 17 what kind of milestone memories do you want to create in the last month?

Time, energy and money are seeds, and they grow where they are planted.

Almost all human abilities are acquired through study and training.

Coach Training: There is a positive motivation behind every action.

Two common problems: 1. what do you think?

Do you have any good ideas? What do you suggest? what do you think?

How did our conversation help you just now?

What have you learned (inspired)? What does this mean to you? What value does it bring to you?