Netizens each wrote:
Speak in a low voice and dare not look at other people's faces.
Never or rarely refuse others.
I have always longed to be the person everyone likes. ...
Because of inferiority, I dare not take a step forward, whether at work or in my feelings; Because of inferiority, I am eager to be recognized by others, so I always subconsciously please; Because of inferiority, their hearts often wander on the verge of collapse.
No one is born with inferiority, but there are always some families that are more likely to raise children with inferiority.
As parents, we all hope to cultivate confident children.
However, in the eyes of parents, some behaviors of "doing better for children" have caused many children's inferiority.
Some of them will never see their own Excellence, some always find it difficult to refuse others, some always love to express themselves too much, and some even like to belittle others and be conceited. ...
In any case, children are actually using these methods to cover up their sensitivity and inferiority.
No parents want to raise a child with inferiority, but a child with inferiority is mostly related to these three families. ...
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1
Love to compare children with others.
I have a friend around me who is famous for showing off.
Mingming is beautiful, has a successful career, and her husband loves her. But she always said that she was terrible and often fell into anxiety.
Others teased her: We have earned 5,000 yuan in the past few months, and we have to comfort you every day with a monthly income of 1000.
In fact, she is not showing off, but really inferior.
You said she was beautiful, but she thought she was 1 10 Jin, and she was "dead" and fat. You say that her salary is high, and she envies that someone around her can earn millions a year, which is sour. When you say she is happy, she thinks her husband is not as handsome as her colleague.
Although she is good enough, she can always find someone or something to compare with herself.
It was not until she opened her heart that we knew that her parents always compared her with others when she was a child.
Her grades are worse than Xiaoli's, her figure is fatter than Xiaowen's, and her housework is not as good as Xiaojun's ... No matter how hard she works, her parents will always add new "competitors" to her.
After many years, as her parents wished, she became strong and meticulous.
However, she is not happy at all.
Because there will always be imaginary enemies, she will never dare to relax and be anxious forever. ...
Even if the "competitor" doesn't exist at all, she has to face the only enemy-inferiority.
Part number 1
Families who like to beat their children.
Parents' bad reviews are the heaviest blow to children.
A friend once confided to me:
"My mother hit me at an early age. My grades are in the top ten in the whole primary school stage, but no matter how well I do, my mother is always picking on my shortcomings, which leads to my introverted inferiority and I am not very close to my mother. "
It is understandable that parents attach importance to grades, but there are always many parents, and the usual way of education is to crack down.
"Why is it so simple that you have done everything wrong?"
"Why can others take the first place?"
I once heard a child crying hysterically to his mother:
I know others are very nice. I've been trying. Why can't you see them?
Someone on the Internet asked: What kind of experience is it to be scolded by parents for wanting to commit suicide?
A netizen's answer is heartbreaking:
My parents looked at me calmly and said, "What's the matter?" I don't know how to describe it except despair.
Parents' bad reviews are the heaviest blow to children.
Psychologist Susan Forward wrote in Poisoned Parents:
"No child is willing to admit that he is worse than others. They want to be affirmed by adults, and their understanding of themselves often comes from the evaluation of adults. People who are often attacked by their parents often feel inferior and fall into self-doubt and self-denial. In severe cases, you will suffer from mental illness, leading to many extreme behaviors. "
I prefer the way of education in the movie Miracle Boy.
The film tells the story of a little boy with a deformed face who went out of his family and integrated into society.
There is a touching clip in the movie.
Auggie's heart sank to the bottom when he heard that his best friend would say, "If I were like him, I would kill myself.". For a person born with a disability, nothing is more desperate than the rejection of his best friend.
Auggie cried and asked his mother, "They don't like me because of my face. Why am I so ugly? "
His mother comforted him: "You are not ugly."
Auggie certainly doesn't believe it: "You say that because you are my mother."
Mom said something that changed his life:
"Because I am your mother, what I say is the most important, because I know you best. You're not ugly. We all have marks on our faces. This is a map that records the trajectory of our lives. "
Dozens are not as good as winning the first prize.
The inner strength of a child who has been beaten since childhood is completely different from that of a child who has been properly motivated since childhood.
In the future, in the face of work and people you like, inspired children will fight for it, while children who are hit will only be silent, and even feel unworthy and unloved.
How can such a child be happy?
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the second part
A family that needs to understand
The collapse of the child is silent.
As a psychological counselor, I am most afraid of hearing parents say that "my children are particularly sensible".
Because being sensible is often an illusion, and inferiority is behind it. When parents are deceived by illusions, we also miss the best period of children's personality development.
I saw an anonymous sharing by a netizen on the Internet.
She said that when she was a child, like other children, she liked many things and would cry for her parents to buy them. Later, his parents always stressed to him "be sensible", and he only remembered saying it many times.
Later, I don't know when she saw something she liked, and she never dared to say "I want this" to her parents. When she grew up, she habitually brainwashed herself: Why did you buy such a good thing?
Isn't this inferiority complex?
She kept repeating two words: dare not.
I dare not be selfish, willful or unreasonable.
Many children with low self-esteem care about being sensible all their lives, but never know themselves.
They suppress their own needs and dare to say "good", "ok" and "never mind" to the outside world. They often please others, finish their tasks seriously, and live a well-behaved life, but they are often inseparable from themselves.
Behind the sensible is a deep sense of inferiority, wrote:
Reason is a poison. Once this impression is formed, it will kidnap you and stick to it.
Because as long as a Xiong Haizi does a warm-hearted thing, he will be praised; And if a sensible child does something out of line, his parents will be disappointed, and all previous efforts will be wasted. Therefore, sometimes we must stick to the end with the aura of "sensible" and be patient.
Behind being sensible is a deep inferiority complex. I feel that I may lose at any time and dare not fight, so I have been living carefully.
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the third part
Emotional kidnapping of families
"I worked so hard for you."
Many parents pin their hopes and spirits on their children and constantly emphasize that they must engrave their children in their hearts.
In their view, only by making children feel guilty can they be more motivated to learn.
"You are the hope of our family."
"You don't have to worry about us. You just have a good life."
"We did all this for you."
......
My friend Jason Chung has been doing well since she was a child, but she is always passive to Nuo Nuo, like a little mouse hiding in the corner. I always thought she was born like this.
Until one day she said to me:
"You know, I had depression in middle school and wanted to commit suicide.
"My mother always told me that I was all she had. Every time I hear this, I feel suffocated.
"In the third year of high school, I couldn't sleep all night, afraid of making mistakes and not doing well in the exam. Once I didn't do well in the exam and ran away from home. I dare not look into her eyes, as if I had stolen all her money. "
Later, Jason Chung was found by her mother. Her mother said, "What are you, running around like this ..."
There is no comfort.
Jason Chung said, I feel that I have been tied to my mother since I was a child. I always have a pair of eyes staring at her I dare not do anything. I'm afraid of making mistakes. Can I not feel inferior?
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part four
The way out for children with inferiority complex
As an adult, how can we get rid of inferiority complex?
In other words, how to pull children out of inferiority complex?
In the movie "Good Will Hunting", the hero Will has the talent of a talented mathematician, but he fights everywhere and can only work as a cleaner in the university. No one wants to save him.
It was not until he met Sean, a psychological counselor, that Sean was sensitive to the boy's buried inferiority complex.
After many rounds of contests, Will finally spoke of the dark past in his heart:
When he was a child, he was abused by his inhuman adoptive father, injured by sharp weapons, burned by cigarettes, beaten from time to time, and even raped. ...
Sean looked at him tenderly, leaned closer and patted him on the back. "Son, it's not your fault."
Will pushed away angrily, and Sean said, "Son, it's not your fault. Fuck them, okay? "
Sean assured Will again and again.
At a certain moment, Will's eyes lit up.
He began to accept Sean's advice, re-study, eliminate interpersonal barriers and find himself and love.
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I'm thinking, why can a "not your fault" dissolve the shadow of Will's childhood?
Because he realized for the first time: I deserve to be loved. It's not my fault not to be loved, it's someone else's fault.
For a long time, he has been treating himself in the way that his father abused him, feeling that he is not worthy of being loved and should not live in this world and give up on himself.
We may not have such childhood trauma, but we can't escape the shadow of inferiority.
Because when you don't meet their expectations, they will deny your full value as a person.
How to get rid of inferiority is very important:
Like Sean, I can learn to pay attention to my inner children unconditionally and actively, and also to our own children, to see him, to love him and to accompany him.
Then he will know that no matter what I am, someone will love me.
In this way, he will not wear defensive armor and live only to satisfy others all his life.
Click "Watch", I hope we can all have strong self-confidence and get rid of the harm from others.
Not afraid of losing, get out of the shadow of others and live your own life.