On the one hand, it is because the house in my hometown is too rustic and shabby. There is no decent furniture at home. There is not even a minimum TV set. I don't know what I can do to please my friends.
On the other hand, self-esteem is at work. I don't want my classmates to see my sunny and cheerful personality. My house is short and dark, and I feel inferior.
When I was a child, my father was the only pillar in my family. The family of seven people, old and young, all depend on their father's hard work and earn a meager salary to make a living. It's already very hard, how can we increase the pressure on his life?
Father in my impression: leaning against the wall, smoking all the year round. Frown and say nothing. ...
Our brothers and sisters dare not make a hullabaloo about during his lunch break, or even dare to take the children home to play, for fear that he will beat us up and be embarrassed.
I still remember when I was in primary school, everyone formed an unwritten rule that I would go to your home to do my homework today and go to his home to do my homework tomorrow, but it was never my turn to do my homework from beginning to end. For this reason, at the beginning, I always finished my homework at school before leaving school. Avoid the embarrassing scene when it's my turn to do my homework at home.
Fortunately, during the whole primary school, my grades were not bad, and my children accepted that I could not take them to my home to do their homework. They went to their classmates' home to do their homework, and they all wanted me to go with them.
Childhood memories, a long period of primary school time. Father supports his family by fishing. Go out at 9 o'clock in the evening and ride a bicycle with dozens of pounds of fishing batteries, go home at 4-5 in the morning, and take a break to sell fish early in the morning.
Mom and we are responsible for sorting out the fruits of dad's one night's labor and putting them into barrels. It's convenient for dad to go out and sell before 7: 30.
Peeling frogs became more important than going to school every morning at that time. At 5:00-6:00 in the morning, we got up with our mother and cleaned the frogs weighing more than ten kilograms. At that time, there was a clear stream in the small river at the head of the village. I often go back and forth here to help wash barrels. ...
Many times, before dawn in winter, we discredit our work. The night is full of fishy smell and the joy of sorting out the fruits of labor.
Sometimes, my mother will reward us for being smart, give us 50 cents each and take them to the school gate to drink camellia or steamed stuffed bun, which was the most delicious breakfast in my childhood.
Sometimes frogs can't be sold. After school in the morning, you will see a plate of fried chicken on the table. Because frog meat is popular, leftovers are rarely sold. So compared with fish, we think frog meat tastes better.
Also, because my father fished all the year round, there were often fish left that could not be sold. Besides fish, there is fish soup on our dining table. However, at that time, what we wanted most was shredded potatoes and vegetables.
In retrospect, the fish eaten at that time are now scarce. No matter it is pure wild, the freshness is first-class. Monopterus albus, loach, crucian carp, frogs, and sometimes even rare turtles and turtles can be seen. ...
It may be because of drinking fish soup all the year round. Although the skin on my face is very dry because of the wind and the sun, and I haven't maintained it, and my body is stained with the rusticity of a country girl, my skin is extremely smooth and even tender, which makes people feel particularly tender, not as rough as rural children.
Under the influence of family environment, brothers and sisters formed a tacit understanding when they were young. They get up early in the morning to help peel frogs, finish their homework at home after school, and spend the rest of the time in the fields and in the Woods and wheat fields not far from home. Generally speaking, we will go to other people's homes to play, or drag a bunch of children to the Woods, wheat fields and rivers. In short, we will never bring our children to play at home.
This situation continues from primary school to junior high school and even to senior high school. Later it became a habit of silence.
Until now, I still remember the first time I brought my junior high school classmate Heiyan to our house for porridge:
On a Friday morning meeting in late autumn, the headmaster failed to control his passionate speech on the podium, which lasted for two hours. Although I complained, I didn't learn to resist that meeting. However, Yan Yan, who hasn't had breakfast for a long time, fainted in the crowd at the morning meeting. Looking back now, the early meeting ended in darkness and drew an imperfect full stop.
I think if she hadn't fainted, the headmaster would have talked for at least an hour. I shook my legs numb with gratitude and turned to look at a group of students who helped her up. ...
Black Yan was originally named Yang Liyan, which gave me the impression that it was black. I secretly gave her this memorable name and called it privately. I became friends with her, and I didn't know that she broke my glasses at school until long after she graduated from junior high school. In addition to early fainting, there is another record that has always amazed me. In the three years of junior high school, she was not late, did not leave early and did not ask for leave. Even if she sleeps in class, she hardly dozes off and resolutely refuses to bury herself in a deep sleep, but even so, she can't hide the fact that her grades are not good.
Her situation is in sharp contrast to mine. I am free and loose, sometimes I am sleepy after work, and I am inevitably sleepy in class. I thought that instead of taking a nap all the time, I might as well just open my eyes and listen carefully in the next class. As a result, I did sleep well in this class, but I was refreshed in the next class, but I played with my spirit.
When Heiyan fainted that day, I was kind enough to know that my mother traded wheat for potatoes yesterday, and there must be shredded potatoes for breakfast today. He said to Heiyan, you can come to my house for dinner after school today. Although there is only porridge, it is at least a little more oily and nutritious than paomo. I saw surprise in her surprised eyes. I don't think she has ever been invited to dinner at home by an excellent student.
Haha, I am narcissistic here. Compared with her academic performance, I am really excellent ... in the whole primary school, I always have a share in issuing certificates. Even if the school organizes the Mathematical Olympics, I am honored to be the only female classmate who won the prize. As the saying goes, a thin camel is bigger than a horse. Although my English score in junior high school has always exceeded my bottom line, I am ahead in other subjects, and my total score has never been lower than the top 20 in the whole grade. There were more than 200 students in a grade at that time. So she was surprised, and I can understand.
Later, Heiyan and I became friends because I took her home for a bowl of porridge.
Then she went to high school and went to work in Guangdong. ...
I went to high school smoothly, but the habit of not bringing my classmates to my house has always been there. None of my classmates from the whole high school came to my house for dinner.
It just makes me feel inferior. I can hardly find the shadow of inferiority when I was a child.
Although I exclude friends from coming to my home, I still hope to have friends who are familiar with me. The poop classmate is one of the students who strongly urge to come to my home.
She didn't resist her request. One year during the Spring Festival, she came to my house by bus.
After that, I felt my friends were more comfortable coming to my house. Later, after graduating from college, my friends climbed Huashan Mountain in groups of three. Even if I slept on the floor with a mat, I didn't feel bad.
The shadow of childhood may have some influence, but the formation of personal character is related to Otawa's own personality.
Since then, I am not only afraid of friends coming to my house to play, but also eagerly looking forward to their arrival, even if the food provided is not delicious, even if the environment is not very beautiful.
I like to look around and see people I know get familiar with each other. I feel very good. Now, I have become a child who loves to make friends and play.