Now, aunt secretly squints at me. I can't leave this door without leaving the second door, but she doesn't want me to go out. Last summer, she told me not to go out for too long.
Finally, she couldn't help it, and quipped, "You should go out for a walk, too."
I smiled contemptuously and didn't respond to her words. I turned around and squatted back to my room.
She-my aunt, and that group of people-my parents, teachers, classmates, brothers and sisters and my TV are birds of a feather. As soon as I go out, my family is under the pervasive surveillance of that group of relatives. When I walked out of the house, passers-by pointed at me with different eyes. From time to time, a dump truck will block my way and watch me fall into the puddle before driving away again. Wherever I go, people follow me, stare at me and make strange noises, for fear that I can't hear them. They want to show that they are just, stamping the floor, screaming and acting like gentlemen.
It's really exhausting to face all this. Hide. The nightmare is over.
The first summer was when I was angry with my mother. I don't want to see her again. Let her take care of me. I asked my father to send me away and send me to his hometown to be with his ex-wife and my half-brothers.
I gave up my studies, played with my mobile phone, and tore off the pages in class to write poems. It's all ugly things. When I showed them to my sister, she was sure that I would want to destroy them in the future. At that time, I insisted that these were wonderful chapters that had never been seen before, and Li Bai and Du Fu would sigh in front of my poems.
It turns out that my sister is right.
What an arrogant teenager that is. He always thinks he is the best in the world, but he is actually a self-exiled person. In the original city, he had his parents, sisters, classmates and teachers, which was the most common social circle at his age. He is obliged to study and play games. His mother always prevents him from indulging in games, and his father even forbids him to touch the computer. But these are not the reasons why he left his mother. It was a farce of a naive ghost. Naive ghost skipped a semester's class and felt guilty, so he began to destroy himself. He wanted to prove his strength and escape from the situation that made him feel weak, or there may be many other reasons ... He fled from his mother and made up his mind never to see her again. He has nothing in this country. He won't really talk to people because he is a rootless ping. He lived a muddled life, riding a bike for half an hour every day to go to school and finish his last year of junior high school.
It is summer again. He is in high school. There is no doubt that he failed in the middle school entrance examination and went to a good high school with his father's relationship. When he first entered high school, he felt very weak: he didn't understand chemistry at all, and he didn't understand English. He proved his mediocrity. When he got home, he cried and made up his mind to catch up.
That's senior one. It's not too late. It took him a month to make up the chemistry in Grade Three. He memorized all the chemical equations and the colors of all the materials. He picked up the knowledge left by himself bit by bit, and no one could guide him.
Finally, in the summer of the following year, he went from grade 800 to age 2 1. Every stroke of this achievement is earned by himself, without any moisture. After the exam, he never dropped out of the top 80 in his grade.
The teacher who despised him smiled and congratulated him. He wanted to cry several times. At that time, he didn't know that what he was going to experience after this summer was a nightmare of eternal life.
That summer, he was about to enter the summer of senior two. He went back to the city, to his mother, and knelt down to apologize to her. He hasn't seen her for two years, because of his ridiculous self-esteem in the third grade, he ran away from her, and he didn't go to the family photo of his mother's house last summer. In his heart, he doesn't want to accept his mother and her home. His uncle came over during the Spring Festival, and he didn't want to see him. But he still wanted to apologize to his mother. He doesn't know how to get back. His roots are in his mother's city, not his father's hometown. He knew what he was doing was not a good thing, but there was nothing he could do. He can only study in China and can't go back.
He didn't want to communicate with his mother, because he felt embarrassed, so he returned to the countryside.
The teacher in that high school found him somehow and didn't give him a good look.
The tonality of rumors is one-sided and arbitrary. A good thing is a good thing, a bad thing is a bad thing, and there is no such thing as a bad thing.
If someone says to you, "That man hasn't seen his mother for two years, that's bad."
You follow his bad side: how can a person who doesn't respect his mother be gentle with others? Mom gave birth to him, and even those who gave birth to themselves had the heart to abandon him. What kind of scum is this? Doesn't he know how painful his mother was when she gave birth to him? Don't you understand your mother at all?
So when I see this person again, my mind is full of this person's unfilial and preconceived ideas. After seeing this person, I will deny it without thinking. Even this disgusting feeling will only increase day by day. When I look at him, my face will become more vicious and my words will become more and more inferior.
I am indeed the unfilial son who hasn't seen his mother for two years. My teacher in nine subjects treated me the same way. How can I defend myself? At that time, I was just a child and I couldn't go back! I can't go back to the high school in that city. I can't pass the high school in that city. I'm ashamed to see my mother. After all, I did something out of line. I was just running away. It seems unfilial, but there is really nothing I can do.
The teachers at that time were all-stars, and I was really scared by their righteous words. You can try to spend ten hours every day facing that face, that expression and all kinds of strange accents that match it. Even the sound of stamping the floor conveys this righteous anger, which is tantamount to insulting personality. You can't look people in the face for ten hours a day for 365 days. Even if I look in the mirror, I can imagine the expressions of those people from this face. No one could give me any support at that time.
Is there no human right without being a dutiful son? I am a dutiful son. There's nothing I can do. Can I only die?
There was a time when I was going to die at school. I bought 502 glue in the school canteen, but I couldn't find a knife in the canteen. I tried to kill myself with 502 glue. I wondered if I would die if I swallowed 502 glue, but then I thought of a more convenient way: starve myself. As long as I don't eat or drink for three days, I will die. As a result, at noon on the third day, I was still timid. You can't even die after eating bread and drinking mineral water.
Later, I tried to die twice.
Next semester of Senior Two, before the mid-term exam, I decided to skip classes for a few days and go to my mother's city, which might save the reputation of my unfilial son and become filial. I have knelt down to apologize to her before, and now I just want to show her the article I wrote about our memories. Then I decided to meet her in that city every weekend during the school holidays.
After the midterm, I went to see her again. Actually, I get carsick. Come on the first morning every weekend and leave the next afternoon. My life is still very hard. That carsickness was really terrible. Our school has to study at night. I just go back to my hometown by bike and go to school by bike. I was really tired and couldn't stand it. I couldn't get over the performance of the all-star team at school, so I rode to the stationery store to buy a art knife and rode into the mountains.
It was night and the siren suddenly sounded. The all-star team should have found out I didn't come. They were too anxious to insult me any more and called the police. Really, when I get back, they will continue to insult me. Let me die and I'll be safe.
It should also be a summer. I wore short sleeves and went to a grave. It was someone else's grave. My name was called all over the mountain, and I hid. The temple on the mountain is brightly lit, the monks in the temple are singing, and the stars are shining in the sky. I took out the art knife, cut off the school badge on the school uniform first, and scribbled on my face with a knife, but I couldn't make up my mind. There is a rustling sound in the grass nearby. I saw a white shadow and thought it was a scorpion, so I ran away. After three days in the mountains, I wanted to starve myself and finally went back.
I live because of my cowardice.
The last time I asked for death was in the late summer of the same year. After comprehensive inspection, the All-Star team retired two players. I thought it would be easier in the future, and I was a little crazy about the all-star lineup. I looked at them derisively, and my eyes seemed to say, "You can't kill me." They should really want to kill me. They told my classmates about me in private, and some of them joined the all-star team. Then the news spread, and all the teachers in the teaching building looked at me with new eyes. My uncles and aunts who cook in the canteen will also yell at me, and I will be shocked when I meet some monsters. My little sister in the canteen is embarrassed to see me, and the cashier who often goes to the bookstore coughs when she sees me.
That night, I slapped myself with a hanger in the dormitory. The next morning, the all-star team happily boarded the platform, and the last class was the chemistry teacher's class.
The chemistry teacher is good at humiliating me with all kinds of chemical knowledge, such as removing impurities and how to remove sulfur dioxide with carbon dioxide. Carbon dioxide is what we want, and sulfur dioxide is what we don't want. We can't use calcium hydroxide to remove impurities, because it will remove what we want, keep what we want and remove what we don't want. So what do we need ... magenta solution or manganese dioxide solution? We can get the carbon dioxide we want by oxidizing this sulfur dioxide. Why should we remove sulfur dioxide? Because it's harmful to us. If it is harmless to us, such as water, then there is no need to remove impurities. But this sulfur dioxide is harmful to us, so we must (emphasize) remove impurities.
This passage has so many twists and turns that it is actually suggesting that I am the harmful sulfur dioxide. Although I have such a good side of carbon dioxide, I must remove impurities and not pollute other excellent varieties in my class. I am harmful.
That day, he talked about removing impurities again happily, and then talked about Charette's principle, saying that the greater the external pressure, the better he would do. This passage is about reducing volume and increasing concentration, and balancing in the direction of reducing concentration. I said this on purpose just to be happy that I was painted by myself. I was led in a good direction.
This is the last class in the morning. The teachers seemed to know what happened that day, and I had no privacy at all. I cried. I deserve it. I don't know why they are so happy Do they hate me? What I did was too much.
After I finished crying, he seemed to panic and said, "We still put too much pressure on him, and he can't stand it."
I'm really in distress situation.
At noon I climbed to the top of the school bell tower. My only support at that time, that classmate, pointed to the bell tower and laughed with me, saying that it was the highest place in this school, so if you want to jump off a building, you should jump off it. The handrail on the roof is not stable. If I slip, I may crush it and fall. The bell tower is seven stories high, and the teaching building opposite the building reads the scarlet letter "Cultivate a new generation of young people with ideals, ambitions, abilities and responsibilities". At that time, I was particularly hostile to my country. Seeing this slogan, I stood up and wanted to remove the side, realizing the scene in the history books that people received relief under the slogan "Everything is the best" during the American economic crisis. I fell back to the ground at the thought that it was painful to jump.
I skipped all classes in the afternoon, where I struggled with the unstable handrail and finally finished school in the afternoon. The voice of the female vice principal came as if to say angrily, "Jump if you dare." The vice principal often scolded me on the radio during invigilation until I was scolded and cried, and she never stopped her aggressive tone.
I didn't jump in the end. I slept there until the evening and was found to take it back.
Last summer, I was full of expectations. This summer, I tried to die three times in a row and failed. At this time, the justice of this world is so evil in my eyes that all just people seem to be my enemies.
I transferred to another school this summer and can't stay any longer. I moved to another country and became a new rootless duckweed. The all-star team found me again and took pains to expose my shortcomings. The teachers in the new school also know that I am an unfilial son who hasn't seen my mother for three years, and began to compete with the All-Star Team in Grade Two to see who is more angry with me. I morbidly began to compare the anger values of all the subjects, who was the most angry with me and who was the most upright. I found that math teachers always hate me the most, followed by Chinese and English. When they saw me on the road, they turned their heads or made a detour. They regard me as a jackal, a tiger leopard and despise me. I just clicked, ouch, as if I saw something with spicy eyes.
Compared with the all-star team I can't describe, they are good.
I go home 24 hours a month in my senior year. Go home by car on the first morning of the weekend and go back to school the next afternoon, and go home five times a semester. I don't know how I persisted. It may be that my brain sympathized with my experience, so that I didn't feel the pain of being insulted by others and helped me forget the most painful memory automatically, so I was not deeply impressed by senior three. Maybe my senior year is scarier than my sophomore year, and then I finished the college entrance examination.
I think maybe every student who finished the college entrance examination this summer has a bitter story. The college entrance examination is just an exam, it's no big deal, but the number on the report card of the college entrance examination is heavy, and there are many scars behind it ... These are all things that people who have never experienced can't imagine how people who have experienced it will feel.
The college entrance examination ended long before the college entrance examination, and everyone just waited. At least that's what I thought before and after the college entrance examination.
This summer, I was admitted to the university in my mother's city, which I planned since my sophomore year. I went straight to my mother after the college entrance examination. This is my root, and I have always belonged here. But the admission notice was sent to my father's hometown in the country, so I went back and waited.
Maybe God finally smiled at me. I met a girl online and she accepted my confession.
There is a growth period from childhood to adulthood. Some people call it adolescence, others call it eagle trying its wings. However, it is undeniable that people in this period can neither be regarded as children nor adults, and they are in an embarrassing position. They have to know and understand the world by themselves. No one can help them, but at least, don't let them feel the cruelty of the world. They may really die in drifting.
My rootless ping-pong will return to its roots. Boys and girls who are slowly changing should also believe that suffering will come to an end and all troubles will disappear in the summer when you are declared an adult.