From the moment the child is born, many parents have high expectations for their children, such as musical instruments, painting, dancing, swimming ... learning all kinds of talents and hoping that their children will be proficient in everything; Chinese, math, English ... attend several remedial classes, hoping that all subjects of children are among the best.

Undeniably, parents' high hopes can sometimes be transformed into the motivation of children's efforts, but regardless of the excessive expectations of the actual situation, it will become a great pressure on children: an ordinary student, parents must let him be elected as a class cadre; Children who barely get into ordinary high schools are forced into key high schools by their parents. ...

After hard work, these children still can't meet their parents' expectations, and they will have a deep sense of frustration and even lose confidence. Parents' accusation and saying that the church makes children feel bored and rebellious, and even leads to disastrous consequences.

Parents' expectations of their children are naturally good, but in reality, few children can fully meet their parents' expectations. Sometimes, children's behavior even runs counter to their parents' expectations.

Most parents are angry and think their children are disobedient.

But few parents reflect: Do they expect too much from their children? Parents who have high expectations for their children always want their children to be perfect and don't allow them to make mistakes. However, everyone makes mistakes, even adults make mistakes. Therefore, it is a painful thing for children and parents not to allow them to make mistakes and mistakes.

When a friend's children go to primary school, they will feel anxious about their future whenever they see them doing something unrelated to their studies. Once I finished my homework very late because Dabao played games. His friend suddenly got angry, lost control and shouted at Dabao. Friends say to their children over and over again, "If you don't study hard, your grades will not be among the best." . If your grades are not first-class, you will not be admitted to a good middle school. If you can't get into a good university, where can you find a good job? Didn't you ruin your life? "

Parents expect too much and are easily divorced from reality, which leads to their anxiety. Anxiety causes parents to always associate their imperfections with their children's lifelong happiness.

This anxiety exaggerates the child's mistakes and faults. It seems that if the child is not perfect, life will be a mess. As a result, anxiety blinds parents' eyes and prevents them from seeing their children's inner needs. Faced with parents' unrealistic high expectations, children are either stressed or anxious; Or escape the pressure and slide to the opposite side of parents' expectations.

It is true that everyone who has just been promoted to be a parent once had high expectations for their children. But as children grow up day by day, we find that our children are becoming more and more mediocre. And we gradually fell from the high mountain of expectation to the deep valley of disappointment. The only way for parents to return to the peak of hope from the bottom of despair is to change their mentality. In other words, as parents, we must realize: "Our children are not geniuses, they are just ordinary people like us." Therefore, don't expect too much from your child at first.

There's a problem on Zhihu. Why do friends seldom bask in babies above the fourth grade?

The following Gao Zan replied: "When the child was 3 years old, he scribbled in other people's eyes. In the eyes of the old mother, every painting is creative. I thought this child would be a great man like Van Gogh and Picasso in the future.

When the child was 6 years old, he took the math exam for the first time and got 100. The old mother thinks the child must be a genius. But she forgot that 40 people in the class and 35 people got full marks.

The child is 9 years old and speaks English fluently. His father said that he would be a translator in the future.

Child 12 years old, with average academic performance, scrawled handwriting and no artistic expertise. Parents really can't figure out why other people's children are so excellent;

Child 15 years old, with little ability and temper. Mother said bitterly, "I didn't expect him to make a mistake with such a simple question." I really doubt if he was born to me ... "

Every parent who no longer basks in the sun has experienced disillusionment from "My child must be a genius in the future" to "My child turned out to be an ordinary person".

A professor named Li Meijin mentioned in his speech that his daughter is not a genius, but an ordinary child. In order to explain his idea, the professor told such a thing.

Once, after the exam, my daughter read the exam results to Professor Li Meijin.

From high score to low score, I finally read math, full score 120. My daughter only got 15.

For many parents, most of them will be furious, but Professor Li Meijin joked with his daughter: "Your poor math is purely related to your father's genes."

In Professor Li Meijin's view, children are ordinary people, which does not mean the failure of education.

The essence of education is to find the bright spots in children and let them step onto their own stage.

So, she helped her daughter think of many ways: "accompany her daughter to exercise, maybe her daughter can be a tour guide;" Encourage my daughter to learn music, so the requirements for cultural classes are not so high ... "Finally, my daughter discovered her artistic talent, was admitted to an art school and became a music teacher.

Parents' attitude towards their children will change from excessive expectation to disillusionment, and then to learning to let go. After all, we must understand that the truth of the world is the bright spot at the top of the pyramid, and it will always be a minority.

Zhuoxun Education wants to tell parents that what we should do is not to cultivate every child into a "genius" or a "great man". Instead, we should see the reality clearly, accept the ordinary, create all possible conditions for children, and guide them to run on their own tracks, so as to reach their ideal destinations.