When Beth Hofmann Brendle picked up her fifth-grade son from school, she found him depressed. She asked her son, "What's the matter?" "Today is Candy Day, but I didn't receive any candy." On Candy Day every year, children can spend 50 dollars to buy a lollipop for their friends. )
Hearing her son's lost words, the mother felt very sad for her child's loneliness at school, but before she wanted to say something sympathetic, she heard her son smile and say, "But my friends really like the candy I gave them." Beth suddenly sighed in her heart: "My son is really an optimist!" " He can immediately change from negative emotion to positive emotion and see half a glass of water.
In the latest survey of parents in Parents' World, only 3% of parents think that optimism is an important quality of children's growth, while others such as compassion (30%), honesty (26%), self-confidence (26%) and independence (10%) are more valued by parents.
This may be because our definition of optimism is too vague, and we just think that optimism is to see the bright side of life. But experts show that children who are more optimistic in life tend to be more confident, stronger and more open-minded. They tend to be more brave in trying more choices to solve problems.
Karen Reivich, a doctor at the Institute of Positive Psychology of the University of Pennsylvania, believes that "the best way to cultivate a child with lofty aspirations is to teach him to face life positively and optimistically". A large number of studies show that optimistic children often perform better in study and sports, and they are healthier and happier.
Parents play an important role in shaping children's character, so please remember the following points:
1. Stop complaining and show the children the sunny side of life.
Mellissa Baldauf complains loudly every day while driving her two sons-one is 2 years old and the other is 4 years old. We are always late, and there are always some small situations. A typical pessimist always likes to pay attention to the negative side of things. If parents always complain about the financial crisis at home or how hard the work is in front of their children, your children will soon learn to complain from the beginning.
Try to show children the bright side of life, "I finished a big project at work today" and "I met a particularly friendly clerk at the coffee shop today". At dinner, Jenn McCreary, a mother from Philadelphia, likes to play "Roses and Thorns" with her children. Every family member came to share the happiest and most irritating thing that happened today. The purpose of this trip is to make everyone pay more attention to the bright side of life. In the end, they will pray for tomorrow together.
2. Let children prove their worth.
Before Priscilla Baker's sons entered kindergarten, she wrote a timetable in front of their house, reminding them to make quilts, get dressed, brush their teeth and tidy their rooms every day. Blacksburg, Georgia, said, "My children are not allowed to go downstairs for breakfast until they are dressed and tidy up their rooms." In order to reduce the burden on children, Baker began to let children dress themselves and fold quilts, but she found that children became the greater beneficiaries of this behavior. They would excitedly run downstairs and say, "Mom, I made the bed very well!" " "They will be very proud of their actions.
Children need opportunities to prove their worth, so as to cultivate their self-confidence and optimism. Dr Tamar Chansky, a child psychologist, believes that giving children trust and letting them complete some tasks alone can make them feel valuable. 2-year-old children can pick up their own toys, 3-year-old children can put dirty clothes in the laundry basket, 4-year-old children can help take out the garbage, 5-year-old children can help sort out the garbage, and 6-year-old children can help open the washing machine.
3. Encourage children to try bravely and take appropriate risks.
Parents always tend to protect their children from any harm. It is parents' nature to protect children, but if you prevent children from taking part in these activities because skating and climbing parallel bars are dangerous, it will hurt their self-confidence. Dr. Michael Thompson, a special expert in Parents' World, suggested that parents should learn to let go and let your children and other children run in the yard instead of being under the supervision of their parents forever. Gradually, encourage children to do some challenging activities, such as rock climbing or camping. Dr Thompson said, "You don't want your children to be afraid to try new things. You want them to go home happily and say,' Mom, I did it!' "
4. Think twice before you act
When Re i v i c h heard another child calling her daughter Shayna Fat at school, her first reaction was to call the child's parents, but she didn't act immediately. "I want Xia Na to solve this problem by himself." She explained. She first discussed with her daughter what she would do if another classmate did it again. Sure enough, Xia Na said to the classmate who called her fat again, "First, I'm not fat. Second, you are rude. " Sure enough, the classmate apologized to Xia Na. After returning home, Shayna proudly told her mother the whole process. She is very proud of herself.
Parents should restrain their desire to control their children. We know that when a child is solving a difficult problem or writing a new word spelling, parents can finish these simple things quickly. However, letting children complete tasks independently will enhance their self-confidence and make them more optimistic that they can solve difficulties in life independently.
5. Accept difficulties and challenge them
When my daughter does her homework, she always complains angrily: "I'm really bad at math!" " "A simple definition of words will make children recognize their own shortcomings to a certain extent." I'm not that smart. ""I'm a terrible football player. " "I can't draw. "
In order to avoid such conclusive negative words, try to make children think from another angle. Psychologist Andrew Shatte has developed a training program to help children build confidence through challenges. You can try to say to your child, "It is always difficult to learn a sport at first." Or, "I know you can't do this math problem now, but you can do it after a break." Help the child maintain confidence and guide him to try to challenge difficulties.
6. A truly optimistic child can bravely accept failure.
When Tracy Reinert's family moved to Florida, her 6-year-old son Matt had a hard time adapting to the new environment. He complained to his mother that he had no friends here. In order to cheer her son up, she wanted to tell him, "You have many friends in your hometown. After the new friends here know how cool you are, you will have many friends here. " But she didn't. She doesn't want to give her son unrealistic hopes. Dr. Shatte thinks this mother is doing the right thing. A truly optimistic child does not always expect that everything will have a good result, but can accept the reality and bravely accept failure.
After all, if children in Florida don't like Matt very much, then Matt may suspect that he is not a cool person. Rehnert gave up his previous words of comfort and said to Matt, "It takes time to make friends." After that, Matt stopped complaining and put it into action. He asked his mother to take him to the community playground and ride a bike in the community, so that he could meet new partners. Matt made many friends in less than a week. Reinart said that Matt often taught me how to be optimistic after making new friends through his own actions.