1, focusing on the educational function of the family. The responsibility of educating children should be shared by both parents, and no one can give up his responsibility; At the same time, mom and dad should create conditions for each other to undertake educational responsibilities, and have division of labor and cooperation in educating children, and should not unilaterally monopolize "power"; Only when parents share the responsibility for education and have a harmonious and complementary influence on their children's education can the educational function of the family be brought into full play.
2. Give children more praise and encouragement. Giving children more appreciative eyes is conducive to cultivating children's good moral behavior habits and qualities, and is conducive to enhancing parents' trust in their children. If you give your child more appreciation, you will see her unique advantages and strengths. Seeing her little progress, we will affirm her, encourage her persistently, guide her patiently, treat her peacefully and support her with practical actions. This is very necessary.
3. Strengthen communication and contact with class teachers and teachers. Introduce the child to the class teacher. For example, at the beginning of school, we emphasized to the class teacher that the children were timid and honest, and asked the teacher to take care of them. After that, I often know the situation from the class teacher and the teacher, insist on reading the contact book and signing it every day, and report the child's little progress to the class teacher and the teacher to facilitate timely communication with the class teacher. A teacher's ability depends not only on her teaching quality, but also on how she teaches her children to be human and how she communicates with students and parents. Parents are very important and teachers are the key to the smooth growth of children. This semester, the children have made great progress, and they have been able to raise their hands voluntarily and their voices have become louder. Through the training of class teachers and teachers, children become confident and cheerful, and they also make some friends at school. In this regard, as a parent, I feel very gratified.
4. Pay attention to daily communication with children and help them overcome their shortcomings. We attach great importance to communication with our children, and let her talk about the advantages and disadvantages of her classmates, and what shortcomings need to be improved. For example, our daughter is easy to be careless and always regards addition as subtraction and subtraction as addition. We designed some homework, including many careless mistakes, and specially asked her to be a "teacher" to correct them. After several times of repeated training, the mistakes in this area have been significantly reduced. In view of her bad habit of eating slowly, we will try our best to cultivate her habit of doing things quickly and explain to her that only by doing our own things well as soon as possible can we have time to play or learn other things.
Don't get angry with children easily. We feel that we are often angry with children. There will be two outcomes. First, she's used to it and thinks it's no big deal that you're angry. Second, she will be afraid of you because she is timid, which will make her flinch from you. If she is often angry, she will report good news instead of worries, and parents will not know the real situation of their children, so education will be passive. Educating children is a complex systematic project, which can only be done slowly.
6. Fully respect the child's nature and cultivate her to learn to rest and adjust. Curiosity, rich imagination and competitiveness are the three elements of children's growth. Because children in Grade One are young and love to play by nature, in this respect, we should ensure that children have enough mobile time to play and relax and do what they like. At the same time, children have to attend six classes every day, and it is very hard and tired to go home every day. In this regard, as parents, first, do a good job in various logistics services for her, strengthen supplementary nutrition, and help her relieve fatigue; The second is to teach her to rest and adjust. For example, listen to music, close your eyes and relax for a while (of course, it is best for the school to let junior students study at home every Wednesday afternoon to take this opportunity to make appropriate adjustments). It is an intellectual peak that appears immediately after exhaustion. During the period, she was asked to finish her homework and read extracurricular books.
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How parents educate and train their children is the focus of today's society. Children from kindergarten to primary school, from primary school to junior high school, high school and finally to college are the central topics people talk about. It is not surprising that parents and grandparents often arrange the life of the whole family around a child.
Times have changed, the living environment is superior, and family planning makes a family have only one child. Who doesn't care who doesn't love? This also invisibly gives children a sense of self-superiority. Even if some parents don't spoil their children, this phenomenon in society will affect their children, and children are very aware of their "status" at home. According to the analysis of these phenomena, children nowadays generally have the following problems: (1) There are too many entertainment items and they are not interested in learning; Good living conditions, do not want to suffer more; Too many people love you, but you don't listen to the opposite opinion, and so on. Therefore, educating and cultivating children is a headache. Here, I will briefly talk about my experience and lessons brought by my success and failure in this respect, and also give other parents a reference.
First, communicate with each other.
The problems of education and raising children cannot be explained quickly. It needs a rather difficult, complicated and long stage, and then through this stage, we will constantly sum up experiences and lessons and take measures, which may or may not be successful. But as long as you have been working hard, paying painstaking efforts and costs, and treating everything correctly, there will be good results.
I didn't deliberately raise my children, but the necessary care and education were not omitted. The first is to learn how to communicate with each other, how to cultivate the feelings between father and son, and how to talk to him. You needn't talk about the truth. At this point, some parents mistakenly think that telling the truth to their children will have a good result, but it doesn't! Children are born naive and like to listen to happy things. Unhappy things can cause disgust, even alienate you, and you can't communicate. This is very important. I think if my children like me, get close to me and even worship me, this is the first step to success. Next, it is not impossible for him to listen to the truth occasionally. Of course, don't push your luck, or he will be completely abandoned. The reason should be easy to understand, as long as he understands, he will stop immediately, otherwise he will give up the important reason. In addition, after children get along with their parents, they will naturally ask many questions for their parents to answer. Parents must seriously answer questions within their power. If they let their children down, they will ask fewer and fewer questions. At this point, obstacles will begin to appear and crises will begin to lurk.
All children are naturally playful. My measure is to join in and play with him. No matter what game you play, you should look for opportunities to achieve the purpose of education and training in the process of playing. In the past, I seldom played ball. In order to achieve my goal, I often play football, basketball, table tennis and so on with my children. After all, there is a certain gap between children and adults, so I often deliberately let him go when he is about to lose confidence; But when he became proud, I hit him mercilessly. He can at least experience the taste of victory and failure. This is also a way of education, not a lecture, so that he can experience some philosophy of life personally. If you simply satisfy his happiness, he will think victory is easy; On the other hand, if he always fails, he will lose the sense of competition. From a macro point of view, a small stadium is the same as the big "stadium" of life. In short, parents must learn how to "fly with the wind" when their children are interested, even if it doesn't obviously help him. Of course, anyone can tell the truth, but it is not so easy to do it. I often forget myself when I am upset.
Second, be good at discovering.
Education and training are two inseparable parts. Therefore, in the process of educating children, we should pay attention to cultivating children's specialties and interests. I am a mother who loves music very much. I really hope my child will like music like me in the future, so I let him play the piano when he was five years old. In the process of playing the piano, I found his strengths. He has a unique talent for music. Seems very important; Training, first of all, can't make him tired of piano, let alone force him to do what I wish. So when he doesn't want to play the piano, I don't criticize him. I just look for opportunities to tell him some interesting stories and stories about music. At this time, "guidance" should be the main means. Once he becomes interested in a problem, he will immediately seize it, encourage and praise him. Although he plays the piano slowly, the main reason is that he stops for too long, more than half a year at most, but he never gets bored. This is also a success. Since then, he has become more and more interested in music. I am sure that music has become an indispensable part of his life at present.
I am too lazy to cultivate my interest in children. I study piano, percussion and badminton, including extra-curricular classes of Chinese and mathematics, and so on. I don't want to talk about it.
In addition to discovering the advantages of children, we should also be good at discovering their shortcomings. My child has many shortcomings, the most prominent of which is timidity and fear of contacting people, especially teachers. This is a fatal flaw. People's life is mainly about dealing with people, otherwise you will be isolated and lead to abnormal personality. Besides, no matter how talented a person is, if he doesn't get in touch with others, he can't display his skills, and he becomes a waste. So I must work hard to cultivate and train him. I try my best to work with him and let him experience exercise on all occasions where I can exercise him. Speaking of this problem, I want to thank the school leaders and teachers, who have provided many opportunities for my children, such as the performance of Children's Day on June 1 and the performance of the class collective party. As a parent, he tried his best to borrow musical instruments, rent a car, move things, coach and so on, so that his children got full exercise. Although not as brave as other children, they have made great progress compared with the past.
Secondly, children show a lack of logical thinking when doing math homework, so I oppose rote learning in the process of tutoring and emphasize process thinking. Even if the result is wrong, the method must be correct, and thinking must be logical first. When I was in primary school, I induced him in this respect almost every holiday. Similarly, we are less than others, but much better than ourselves.
Of course, raising children is not always such a model. Different educational methods should be formulated according to his own conditions, personality and hobbies, which is the complexity of hunger.
Third, treat it correctly.
All children have their own advantages, but there are inevitably shortcomings and mistakes. How to treat every achievement and every mistake of a child is a key issue for parents to consider.
Achievements should be praised and mistakes criticized, but the scale of praise and criticism is difficult to grasp. It is impossible not to encourage or criticize, but children who are too eager to encourage and criticize often have abnormal mentality. How to treat a few words is hard to say clearly. Here are only specific examples for your reference.
For a time, children did well in school, and almost every subject was A+. In order to encourage him, we not only praised him, but also bought many things he liked to eat, play and wear, and even met his slightly excessive requirements. As a result, the mid-term exam was not ideal. Through this incident, we gradually learned how to grasp the sense of proportion, and we should praise what should be praised, but never go too far.
Once we accidentally found a lot of B's in his exercise book. I was very angry at that time, but calm down and don't be impatient, so as not to hurt his self-esteem, which backfired. So I asked him calmly, "where did you get so much homework?" Did you accidentally do your homework again? " He made some explanations. Although his explanation is obviously far-fetched, I don't need to expose it. At least he knows that he is wrong, even a slight accusation depends on how he knows. I think grades are very important, but what is more important is learning attitude and learning process. Paying attention to attitude and process will inevitably lead to good results in the end.
Some people may think that my requirements for children are too loose, but they are not. When it comes to the key, be strict. Once I heard that their extracurricular classes were cancelled three times in a row. He lied about going to class, but actually went to play ball. I was rude this time. When I got home, I lost my temper and gave him a good lesson. Playing ball is not a bad thing, mainly for his way of lying. He seldom sees me lose my temper, so he thinks he may have made a big mistake and is a little scared. I seized this opportunity and told him a lot about being a man, and he naturally listened. After that, he never found himself making similar mistakes.
In short, parents should not be too happy when children have some achievements; Don't get angry easily when you make a mistake. On the one hand, you should leave room for your children. On the other hand, you should seize the opportunity to educate him rationally when he knows his mistake. How to treat it correctly depends on the situation at that time.
Fourth, find a way out.
It is also helpful to point out your future direction to your child in advance, so that your child can have a goal and know what he should do. I have made great efforts for my children in this respect.
As I said before, children have a special talent in music. You must make it clear to him that doing other things is probably not your strong point and you will fail. For example, if you like sports, I have no objection, but when you plan to engage in sports, you know exactly what will happen. Children also have self-knowledge. When it comes to this matter, he never refutes it. He knows that the road pointed out by adults is correct, and this goal will not change, but how to implement it in action.
Compared with ordinary children, my children have much more things to do every day. Practice piano, percussion, music, solfeggio, listening, notation and so on at noon, evening and weekend every day. Although he felt too stressed and sometimes seemed passive, he didn't find any reason to relax. In fact, I see it in my eyes and sympathize with it in my heart, so I can't talk about severity. Finally, I can only make a slight adjustment on the weekend and take him to some activities he likes, so that he won't feel so bored.
In the past two years, children have mastered a certain skill without affecting their academic performance, which is a skill acquired by hard work. In other words, he is trading the pain of the present for the happiness of the future, which he has long understood. He once said to other children: You play less now, so that you can play more later. Parents must have played a certain role in the formation of his consciousness. Therefore, the behavior of adults does have a great impact on children. This shows that education and training are our parents' unshirkable responsibilities and obligations.
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Family education guidance
Family is the first place for children to receive education, and parents are their first teachers. Therefore, family education is extremely important for children's growth and even affects their life. Then guiding family education is an important task that school teachers can't ignore.
Daughter is 23 years old. Last year, she graduated from Harbin Institute of Technology and taught at Shanghai Jiaotong University. She took the TOEFL this year and went to study in the United States in August. My son is 2 1 year-old and is now studying for a master's degree at Tongji University in Shanghai. How dare he say that I should be a successful mother! Ha ha! Looking at the growth process of children, I mainly cultivate children from the following aspects.
First, create a harmonious and democratic family atmosphere for children.
With the development of society, the divorce rate is rising day by day, and such a family will do great harm to children. These children are often withdrawn, willful, psychologically fragile, with low endurance, strong revenge and poor academic performance. Therefore, our family is good at appreciating others, learning to understand and tolerate, never losing his temper in front of children, and letting children live in a stable, happy and harmonious environment. Children will be well trained, learn to appreciate others and get along well with classmates. At home, parents seldom scold their children rudely. When he makes mistakes, they always patiently reason with him, be reasonable and understand, and be emotional. And tell him that if his parents are right, he must listen; If he is right, his parents will firmly support him. They strive to be friendly and equal to their children and never oppress others by seniority.
Second, words and deeds influence children subtly.
What they ask their children to do, they should do it first, try to give them the best influence, and let them develop good living habits and study habits. They ask their children to be as clean, hygienic and fond of learning as their parents. As long as the child does well, they always praise him; Bad habits are slowly corrected, and good behavior habits are gradually formed. They attach great importance to cultivating children's interest in reading. From the pictorial of one or two years old to the story of reading pictures of three or four years old, children have a strong interest in books, and they have been reading many books since they were very young. Before children go to primary school, they can already calculate the addition and subtraction within 1000, and they can read many ancient poems and more than 2,000 Chinese characters. On Sundays and holidays, we will take them out to play, go to parks and amusement parks, and broaden their knowledge horizons. Children are naturally happy and prefer Xinhua Bookstore. They are as obsessed with books as I am a teacher.
Third, strictness and kindness complement each other.
Today's children are really happy and enjoy many products of modern civilization. Not only do we try our best to provide him with a superior environment, but we also don't forget to educate our children to work hard and stand on their own feet; We will give him all kinds of novel toys, and we will often tell him the story of the Red Army's Long March crossing the grassland to eat grass and bark. We care about children's growth, but we don't just look at their grades: we will strictly point out mistakes when we check our homework, but we will never scold him; We love him when he has an argument with his classmates, but we will never protect him. We are trying to shape him. We hope that he will be self-respecting and self-reliant and be a strong person in a strong and brave life.
Fourth, cooperate with teachers to do a good job in school education
Family education and school education are both important. Only by working closely with schools and teachers can parents educate their children better. After the children enter school, although we are very busy with our work, we often get up early and go to bed late, and we don't have much time to spend with our children. However, we often learn about his situation in class and school through our children, and we also find problems in our children's study through contact with teachers and checking their homework. For the requirements of the school, our teachers love their students just as parents love their children. Children thrive under the hard cultivation of countless teachers, from primary school to junior high school, high school, university to graduate students, with excellent results along the way. Here, as parents, I would like to extend my most sincere thanks to the hard-working teachers!
This friend, I don't know my opinion. Can you agree with me? I sincerely hope that your child will be better! I hope to achieve academic success under your correct guidance! At the same time, I hope you can adopt my answer. Oh, thank you!
Children's education should be artistic, depending on children's characteristics, and there is no same educational model. If your education method is wrong, it is difficult for him (her) to have a rebellious attitude towards you. My experience is that when children are very young, that is, when they seem to be sensible and ignorant, at this time, children have almost no ability to distinguish right from wrong, so they will tell them some right and wrong very clearly. Parents should be firm and ask their children to obey absolutely, so as to cultivate their children's ability to receive education. The foundation of this stage is laid, and the education of children will be more worry-free in the future. This is why most children can listen to their teachers better.
Obviously, your child has passed this age. I suggest you communicate with your child when he is happy, preach, tell him (her) what to do and what not to do at this time, and illustrate your interests with examples around you. Don't strictly master it, don't say much, and don't make your child disgusted, otherwise you won't be given a chance in the future. It doesn't matter if you don't say toya once, as long as you have the chance. Parents should also observe their children, find a point of interest (which is beneficial to their health, of course) and talk to them. Believe in love and patience, and you will succeed. Good parents try to do three things well.
In education: excellent parents only do three things. There are three ways for parents to treat their children: one is to take care of everything and do a lot of things, but the effect is not good; Second, doing nothing, doing nothing, the result is even worse. Third, it is also a tube, but not a full tube. Not much has been done, but they are all to the point, and the children's growth is also very smooth.
Obviously, "doing everything" and "doing nothing" are too extreme, biased and undesirable. Excellent parents always choose to "do something and not do something", more specifically, only do three things.
The first thing: cultivate a good parent-child relationship
A good relationship is better than many educations. When parents have a good relationship with their children, the education of their children is easy to succeed; When the relationship with children is not good, the education of children is easy to fail. The key to establishing a good parent-child relationship lies in "orientation";
1. Learn to be a lawyer instead of a "judge"
Some parents can't wait to become "judges" when they see that their children have problems, which is very dangerous.
Children's inner world is rich and colorful, and parents should actively influence and educate their children. Without understanding their inner world, there is no way to talk about it. The first key to understanding children is to care about their self-esteem, safeguard their rights and become their trusted and respected friends.
That is, parents should treat their children like "lawyers", understand their inner needs, and always take safeguarding their legitimate rights and interests as their sole purpose.
2, improper "referee", learn to be a "cheerleader"
In the arena of life, children can only work hard on their own. Parents should be the "cheerleaders" of their children, not only be good at discovering and praising their children, but also guide them to face failure correctly and be their comrades-in-arms before setbacks.
3, improper "animal trainer", learn to be a "mirror"
Children can only overcome themselves by knowing themselves, but usually they can only know themselves according to other people's feedback. At this time, the "feedback" role of parents, that is, the role of mirrors, is very important.
Learn to be a "mirror" instead of an "animal trainer". Only in this way can children improve their self-awareness and communicate with their parents instead of being afraid of their "authority".
Education is divided into three parts and seven parts. "Wait a minute" is very useful. For example, if we are bitten by mosquitoes, we will get well soon, but if we always scratch, it will take a long time to get well. The reason is that the human body has a certain self-healing function. Being bitten by mosquitoes will soon get better, and applying external force will only be counterproductive.
The same is true of education. Stop, wait, give the child a chance to speak, communicate effectively with the child, and solve the problem without education.
The second thing: cultivate children's good habits.
Habits determine the fate of children, and nothing is more important than habit formation. If parents don't pay attention to cultivate their children's good habits, they are undoubtedly ruining their children's bright future.
1, everything starts with habit formation.
Cultivating education is lifelong education. Intellectual education is a good habit of thinking, moral education is a small habit of behavior, and quality education is more reflected in people's small behaviors.
A large number of facts have proved that habit is a tenacious force that can dominate a person's life. Everything about children begins with the cultivation of habits.
2. Habits are not built in a day.
Habit is a big problem and great wisdom. The formation of good habits is not a day's work. Its main principles are: low starting point, strict requirements, small steps, fast pace, more activities, change, quick feedback and diligent reform.
The key to habit formation is decided in the first three days and one month. Parents should fully respect their children's rights and let them play the role of masters in habit formation.
3. Cultivate casting character through habit.
Education is like sailing on the sea, so we must follow the correct route, otherwise, the bigger the ship, the greater the danger of hitting the rocks and sinking.
People's quality determines the development direction of people. One of the core tasks of family education is to train children to become real people. However, the cultivation of personality is usually difficult to implement in specific operations.
However, the researchers found that habit and personality are complementary, habit affects personality, and personality affects habit more. Decent, honest, responsible, caring, cooperative spirit, efficiency and other qualities can be cast through habit cultivation.
The third thing: guide children to learn to learn.
It is an important duty of parents to attract children to love learning and guide them to learn to learn, which is also the real charm of parents.
1, children are tired of learning for a reason.
Let it go, let it be chic; If you don't care, you will get beans; Nagging and cursing, beating and swearing at will; Don't arrange things, but create "machines" ... If parents take this unwise approach, they will only make their children less and less fond of learning.
Children's dislike of learning is only a superficial phenomenon, and there must be a reason behind it: haven't they developed good study habits? Don't you see the best in your child? No scientific brain? Are parents hindering their children's nature of "playing middle school"? But children don't realize that learning is their own business ... finding the reasons behind it can help children get out of the shadow of being tired of learning.
2. It can stimulate children's curiosity and learning potential.
Children's lack of curiosity is usually not due to the influence of parents or lack of strict requirements, but because their interest is hindered.
Interest (curiosity), dreams, sense of accomplishment, questioning, gratitude, enthusiasm and anger are all channels to dredge and stimulate children's thirst for knowledge. For children, the so-called competitive advantage is the effective development of potential. Mood, enlightenment, suggestion, reverie, perseverance and planning are the six principles to stimulate children's learning potential.
Although there is no absolute "timetable" for potential development, it is important to have steps, such as setting goals, controlling emotions, sharpening the will and focusing on one point.
There is a way for children to be the first in the exam.
Love of learning is the premise of learning, and learning is the guarantee of love of learning. Only learning can "learn well".
If children want to be the first in the exam, they must master some decisive methods, such as completing the exam as planned, writing carefully, reading textbooks slowly, sorting out wrong questions, taking notes at will, helping their classmates selflessly, taking exams efficiently and writing freely.
Now many parents have entered a new misunderstanding in educating their children, that is, blindly following or even infatuating with the so-called successful parenting experience, but these experiences sound easier said than done. Because they are not "portable", if you just clone and imitate them blindly, you will not be able to implement them on your own children, but you will easily "learn to walk" and have the opposite effect.
The most useful and real things need to calm down and think about refining. Educating children is not as complicated as parents think. It is not a distant dream to grasp the three major events of parent-child relationship, habit formation and learning. Parents become excellent parents and children become excellent children.
Look at those with children.
First, let the children do their homework on their own initiative.
How to make children obedient and sensible
How to guide children consciously?
How to let children learn to manage their emotions
Chapter 5 How to Make Children Love Learning
How to eliminate children's learning tension
Chapter VII How to Make Children Concentrate
Chapter 8 How to Eliminate Children's Learning Confusion
Article 9 How to make children change from negative to positive?
Article 10 How to Cultivate Children's Self-confidence
Chapter 11 How to Eliminate Children's Sense of Inferiority
Chapter 12 How to Turn Children's Disadvantages into Advantages