The routine mentioned here usually has two interpretations:
0 1. Usually, "routine" is a form of performance in Wushu, which can also be called "performance". Generally speaking, it consists of four or six movements, and there must be gestures of raising hands and raising hands. We often see in many competitions that the international popular competition routines are divided into national standard Wushu routines, traditional routines and sparring routines.
02. Now "routines" mainly come from network buzzwords, which generally refer to a set of skills, methods and procedures. It can also be said that through some carefully planned means, it can also be compared to someone who is not simple, scheming and powerful.
In real life, we often encounter these three "routines":
0 1. mentally: bargaining with the boss when buying things will be very satisfactory, but the boss has absolutely no loss; 02. Material: In the name of free, let you "try to eat, try to eat, try to read, try to play" first. When you get to the middle or the end, you can't help but continue to pay for it. 03. Emotionally: In bus stations and railway stations, a disabled person will often give you a red rope and then take out a sign to show your love. Next, this paper will take you to know and avoid these three common "routines" in life from the "principle of reciprocity" in the book Influence.
Robert Siodini and his book Influence Robert Siodini is a famous American psychologist who has been engaged in teaching social psychology for a long time. According to his professional research on influence, he is very famous in the fields of persuasion, obedience and negotiation, and is known as the "godfather of influence".
The book "Influence" was written by him, mainly from the perspective of practical skills, which deeply analyzed the logic, exchange, explanation, example, avoidance, threat and other elements of influence, so as to comprehensively improve your ability to influence others and achieve greater success.
This book mainly has six secrets, also known as six weapons, namely: the principle of reciprocity, the principle of commitment and consistency, the principle of social identity, the principle of preference, the principle of authority and the principle of scarcity.
Among them, the principle of reciprocity is usually used by sellers. Next, let me explain it to you.
What is the principle of reciprocity? The book "Influence" points out that the "reciprocity principle" is a hidden mechanism deeply rooted in our hearts, because we are often used to repaying everything that others have done for us in the same way.
For example, Lao Tzu once said, "If you want to take it first, you must give it first." The original meaning is to give it temporarily if you want to take it. Now it can also be interpreted as: if you want something, you have to give it first, or give it to others first.
Laozi's Tao Te Ching: "If you want to go, you must lift it; If you want to take it, you must give it. If you want to destroy it, you must learn it first. "
Another example is "reciprocity": it tells us to pay attention to reciprocity in etiquette and treat each other with the attitude and way that the other side treats itself.
"Book of Rites Quli Shang": "It is too noble, and then it is necessary to repay the kindness, and the courtesy is still in exchange, and it is indecent to go and not come; It is impolite to come and not go. "
For another example, "Return what he has done" comes from Jin Yong's martial arts novel Eight Dragons, which is a martial art handed down from the Murong family in Gusu in Wulin. The easy-to-understand explanation is "You give me a dragon's paw, and I will give you a dragon's paw."
In our current language, it is between people, giving first, then taking. There is an interesting experiment in psychology:
A university professor did a small experiment. He randomly selected some people from a group of strangers and sent them Christmas cards. He estimated that there might be some echo. But what happened after that was far beyond his expectation. The holiday cards returned by these people flew back like snowflakes. Most people who returned the card to him asked who this strange professor really was without thinking, and they automatically returned one.
This experiment tells us that in any case, we can't owe others a favor, but should try our best to repay what others have done for us in the same way.
This is the principle of reciprocity of influence.
Three characteristics of the principle of reciprocity: unfair exchange, sense of debt and overwhelming power. The principle of reciprocity will lead to unfair exchange: what is unfair exchange? First of all, we want to talk about an "unequal exchange theory", which consists of Emmanuel's unequal exchange theory, Frank's underdeveloped development theory and samir amin's class struggle internationalization theory. The general idea is that "unequal exchange" will only happen in developing countries, and it is not produced by itself, but imposed by the "international capitalist system", which mainly reflects the essence of inequality, imbalance and inadequacy.
Then we must understand that China is also a developing country, which is why there is such an imposed "unequal exchange". For example, the routine before the article is "mentally: when you bargain with your boss and cut the obviously high price into a very low price, you will be very satisfied." In fact, the boss has absolutely no loss. "
In other words, in fact, the seller set the price high, and then the buyer got a certain discount through bargaining. According to the principle of reciprocity, the buyer naturally bought this thing. But in fact, the value of this thing is not necessarily equal to the price, so this transaction is unfair.
"How much is this dress?"
"500 yuan" (bold offer)
"So expensive? ! "
"Not expensive, you see this workmanship and materials ... little girl, are you sincere? If you really want it, I will give you a discount! 399 pieces! " (voluntary concession)
"200 is almost enough!"
"Oh, the little girl is too good at bargaining, so I don't have to make money ... well, I'll sell it to you at a loss of 300." (Put forward new requirements)
Finally, the little girl spent 280 yuan to buy clothes, and the boss said while collecting money: "The little girl really bargains, and whoever marries is blessed ..."
So, this is the routine we often encounter. In fact, the return paid by the buyer is generally greater than that given by the seller.
In Roger Dawson's book Advantage Negotiation, we mentioned negotiation skills:
1. Conditions for higher-than-expected quotation: In fact, the seller's quotation is definitely higher than the buyer's psychological expectation. Never accept the first quotation: it is difficult to make a one-time deal, so you can make a counter-offer. 3. Learn to win by surprise: in the process of negotiation between the two sides, you can add points with "micro-expression". 4. Avoid confrontational negotiation: Tell us not to make a fuss. Do not take the long-term negotiation route. 5. Unwilling sellers and buyers: Even if you feel that you have reached your expectations, you should pretend to be unwilling. 6. Pliers strategy: Generally speaking, it is to "clamp" each other's thoughts and follow their own ideas, which becomes a routine. The principle of reciprocity can produce a sense of debt: the so-called sense of debt is actually similar to gratitude. In the above situation, "material: in the name of free, let you try to eat, read and play first, and finally you can't help but continue to pay for in-depth purchases." In this case, if we get some or more for free first, we will feel indebted. Those who are light have worries and bad feelings, and those who are heavy have difficulty sleeping.
Then, we will go further to eat delicious food, use good or cheap food, have fun, and so on, so that we will fall into the trap or trap set by others. From the marketing point of view, if you have memories and feelings about my brand, products, etc. Then you have achieved your goal, and the difference is your "return".
We often hear Hawking like this:
Don't miss it when passing by. Have a look and taste. If it's not delicious or sweet, it's free.
This is "amazing", even in many places, almost "brainwashing". Further analysis, you have tasted it. If it's really good or ok, shall we buy it? The answer is that 80% people will choose to buy. Buying and selling are unified, so the "principle of reciprocity" has played a great role.
The principle of reciprocity has overwhelming power: the overwhelming power mentioned here can generally be considered more practical and irresistible than other "five weapons", and it has accidentally entered the routine. Psychologically speaking, if you accept something or help from others, you must compensate them.
At the beginning, I said, "Emotionally, when you meet a disabled person at a bus stop or a railway station, you will often take a red rope and then take out a sign to woo you." In fact, it was overwhelmed by the other party at once. Without hesitation, many people will feel sympathetic to buy it. It is difficult for us to judge whether it is true or not. Moreover, if you don't have cash, then the other party will take out the QR code and scan it for you. Is it advancing with the times?
Actually, there are many similar examples. We can often see people singing, playing guitar, playing erhu and other "entertainers" in subway entrances or underground passages, causing others to stop. Here is actually telling you explicitly or implicitly, "donate some money after listening." If people are moved, or see others take the lead (perhaps entrusted), then good conformity behavior will naturally occur.
Therefore, this "principle of reciprocity" is the most effective and convenient "routine" to persuade others and make them obey.
Why do we "routine"? That is, the principle of reciprocity. Each of us is educated by parents, teachers and society. We must repay the kindness of dripping water, or repay kindness, not ingratitude. This is a moral requirement and a legal constraint.
Please read this short story:
During the First World War, there was a German soldier whose task was to arrest the enemy for interrogation. This master has successfully completed this task many times, and this time he was sent out. Once again, he skillfully crossed the front line and appeared in the enemy trench, scaring a single soldier. A single soldier is unarmed and still eating, so it is easy for someone to hand over his gun. The frightened prisoner only had a piece of bread in his hand, but what he did next was probably the most important attempt in his life: he gave some bread to the enemy. After receiving this gift, the German soldier was moved to fail to complete the task. He spared his benefactor and went back empty-handed and was scolded by his boss.
In fact, this story contains the psychology of "reciprocity", and the human subconscious is like this. Especially on the battlefield, when people are highly nervous, they often react from the beginning, and the other party touches you with a small gesture. So the prisoners escaped, and although the German army failed in its mission, it got bread and spiritual comfort.
This also shows that the principle of reciprocity can influence strangers or enemies to achieve their goals. Then imagine that changing your identity and changing your environment naturally means wanting to "repay" each other.
When you are familiar with the principle of reciprocity, what can you do to avoid the "routine" 0 1? Always keep a high degree of vigilance: as the old saying goes, "If you harm others, don't harm them; if you prevent others, you can't prevent them." This sentence makes sense. When others give us small favors or help us for free, you must be grateful, but at the same time you should be alert. Because, there is no pie in the sky, and people who are greedy and cheap often lose more.
02. Always be rational and don't be impulsive: the reason for impulsiveness is that the reason is suppressed and the whole person is too emotional. So we should remind ourselves from time to time, form the habit of thinking, face all kinds of sudden "stimuli" and ask ourselves, "Can I have it? What should I do? Can I not? " . Only by learning to change the "subconscious" can we control ourselves.
03. Learn to refuse or even give up: It is too difficult to refuse, and it is even harder to give up. However, everything can be exercised. While accepting, learn to refuse slowly. If we can't afford it, then give up decisively. If it is broken, it will be constantly disturbed.
You gain wisdom after eating a graben: you can't be bitten by a snake, let alone bitten by the same snake twice. So draw lessons from the past, analyze the reasons, find countermeasures and prevent the future. In layman's terms, it should be.
Conclusion: After reading this article, some people may ask, "Can we go against the rules?" And "will anyone be familiar with and execute the routine?"
If I have such an idea, it goes against my original intention of writing. The reason why we share the "principle of reciprocity" is to let everyone recognize and avoid these same or similar "routines".
Knowledge and tools are never good or bad. Only in whose hands will one choose "good" and "evil"!
Although it is easier said than done, I still hope that people will be more sincere and less "routine".
refer to
"Influence" Robert Siodini
Super master Cao
Roger Dawson, advantage negotiation
The Psychological Law of Changing Life Wuhan Publishing House