I started from my primary school. At that time, I read many books, including martial arts romance novels. Because I am young, I have a smart mind and a good memory. Although I am a little stubborn, I don't do my homework, I don't listen carefully and I don't read novels, but it never affects my grade in Grade One every semester. When I was in the fifth grade of primary school, I was exposed to British indecent martial arts novels. Because I was ignorant at that time, I didn't know the love between men and women, and I didn't know the details in the novel, but I seemed to feel very good and curious. It was also at this time that the curse was cast. After entering junior high school, I came into contact with more books and magazines. I was driven by curiosity to look for romance articles again, immersed in the pleasure of imagining English over and over again. I can't help myself. At this time, my grades are still excellent, and the first place is still ordinary.
It was also at this time that the physiology of adolescence changed, and wet dream mentioned in the physiological health care books appeared. Because the foreskin is too long, although wet dream changed his underwear, he can still smell an unpleasant smell. I accidentally tried to open the foreskin and found dirt. After cleaning, the odor disappeared. So I often do circumcision. Because I often have some romantic pictures in my mind, and I have a foreskin. By chance, I learned English in the second semester of Grade Two. I felt very comfortable at that time and kept pursuing this feeling. Then I remember it took a lot of effort to get it out. It felt more like a great feeling, so I became addicted and got out of control.
Since then, bad luck has come. Every time I win, it's cool, but then there's fatigue and brain emptiness. There are hands almost every day, with two heads every three days. From this time on, the grades began to decline. The reason for the decline in grades is not that I can't. These topics usually exist, but in the atmosphere of the examination room, there will be a short blank in the brain, and the error rate is high. The mistakes made are all low-level mistakes. For example, the topic can't be seen clearly; For example, the addition and subtraction of the most basic two digits in the operation process is wrong, which leads to the calculation error of the result; For example, you did the right thing on the draft and copied the wrong answer on the test paper. I also found that hand shadow has less influence on liberal arts than science, because liberal arts basically rely on memory. During that time, I was under great psychological pressure and shouldered a huge mental burden. On the one hand, I am immersed in fantasy and cannot extricate myself. On the other hand, I know this is not good, so I forced myself to give orders to stop this fantasy and English. Over time, I suffered from delusions and fantasies; And obsessive-compulsive disorder. Coupled with mental stress, it almost reached the point of psychological collapse. I am also determined to get rid of this bad habit, but I am so poisoned at this time that I can still touch English during the day, but most of my touching with English occurs in my sleep, when I am half asleep and unconscious. Every time the clever hand shoots out, my brain immediately wakes up, so I sit up and scold myself. I understand that the clever hand has penetrated into the subconscious, so I have thought of many ways to overcome it, such as giving orders to the subconscious, saying no to the clever hand many times before going to bed; Tie your hands with a rope when you sleep (if you feel uncomfortable, you will break yourself), and all methods end in failure. During that time, I was going crazy. At that time, there were physical problems, such as frequent urination, but I couldn't urinate for a long time when I went to the toilet, and eczema and acne appeared at the root of my thigh and buttocks. I've been suffering. Near the senior high school entrance examination, I stayed in a hotel, and cheated in my sleep the night before the math exam. I knew then that I was going to fail the exam again. Sure enough, I got 70 points in the math test the next day, and I made mistakes in the operation of two big questions. Under normal circumstances, I should be able to get 98 points. Thanks to the scores of liberal arts, such as English 98, the results are not too bad, but in the end, I didn't get into a key high school and went to an ordinary high school with more than 20 points.
After graduating from high school, I was still haunted by demons. I was tortured by English, and I was determined to get rid of it. English is like opium. Drug addiction is hard to get rid of, and English happens in his sleep. I really can't help it. I even think it is better to castrate like a eunuch and completely cut off this curse. Until one day, this bad habit was discovered by a buddy in the dormitory (the buddy couldn't sleep), so he made fun of me the next day. I felt ashamed, so I just kept silent. During high school, paranoia and obsessive-compulsive disorder, as well as hand ying, have been tormenting me, which has always been the biggest privacy in my heart and is very painful. Fortunately, the results are still among the best in ordinary high schools. Ying accompanied me through high school until the college entrance examination. This bad habit once again dragged me to the abyss. I didn't do well in the college entrance examination again. I got 60 points in math, and the total score just passed two lines, so I went to two universities. You know, in that year, 60 points in mathematics was very low, with a perfect score of 150. Those who get good grades can pass 140 or above, and the grades are generally over 90, but I only got 60. Why? Those questions are all miscalculated. If it weren't for liberal arts, I couldn't have read two books. Without English, I could have gone to a better university.
After entering the university, the pressure is not so great. I've been exposed to too many things and I'm tired. My hands are not so strong, but at the same time I have been in contact with Huang Tu and Huang Tu. Downloading porn on the internet is really a ying. During my college years, I never got rid of the bad habit of holding hands while sleeping. It's always like this every few days. It's just that I'm numb and I don't take it seriously. Later, I applied for graduate school, because the bad English is too heavy, and the direct consequence of English is that I made mistakes on the spot. Finally, I went to the graduate school of an ordinary college. After graduation, my job has been unsatisfactory, I got sick, and I was ruined by money and cheated, so that I was deeply in debt and trapped in trouble. The road to feelings is also bumpy. I didn't realize my true feelings until today. I tried several times, but I didn't succeed. So far, I haven't had sex with a woman. I don't know whether to be happy or sad.
I didn't understand why I didn't do well in the exam until I came into contact with Chinese medicine. This is a typical "deficiency of vital energy can't transform qi, and deficiency of vital energy can't transform spirit", which will directly lead to a blank brain, rigid thinking, operational errors and even a brief concussion. Unfortunately, there is no turning back in life, and it is too late to regret it.
Thanks to the virtue of my ancestors, I was admitted to the university and studied as a graduate student, although I was not very satisfied. Because of the compassion of Buddha and Bodhisattva, I came into contact with Buddhism two years ago and realized that it should be a great evil. I realized that my karma was heavy. However, I have not paid much attention to it. Although I also recite the scriptures and hold spells, it is always intermittent. I think the karma for my evil deeds from generation to generation must be extremely deep, so I have developed the habit of being evil at an early age, so that 15 can't be broken. Hand Ying has brought me many misfortunes, disasters, financial ruin and bad luck.
This is my whole evil life, meaning ying, fantasy, hand ying, dragging me step by step to the abyss of depravity. The reason why I am in such a down and out situation is that everything is the original sin of evil Ying. I am grateful that Buddha and Bodhisattva did not give up their disciples and let me get in touch with Buddhism. Disciples have never seriously repented. Disciples today confessed their sins to the ten buddhas and bodhisattvas and decided to turn over a new leaf and start a new life. May Buddha and Bodhisattva bless!
Disciple understood today that Hand Ying is a kind of spiritual opium, which will drain your bone marrow, and the pain that Hand Ying experienced is a hell on earth. Disciples say so much because I hope my brothers who are destined to follow my example will take a warning. If there were no clever hands, my life would have been infinitely bright. Why did I fall into such a bleak situation today? I'm in tears now: the hero of all evil is a dead end!
In front of Amitabha, Avalokitesvara and Earth Treasure Bodhisattva, the disciples sincerely repented of the evil English. Disciple once made a vow in front of the Buddha to recite sutras and hold spells for 100 days continuously, but I failed to do so and kept on and off. Disciple confessed to Buddha and Bodhisattva today, and I know I was wrong. I pray that Buddha and Bodhisattva can give disciples another chance to help them repent, do more merits and eliminate bad karma. I must study hard.