Before I graduated from college, I came out as an intern and came to this strange city of Shenzhen. That was the first time I came out to look for a job. I had only 1000 yuan left on me, and I stopped at the residence of a friend and sister. Three days later, I was invited to an office building for an interview through the recruitment information in the talent market. There are many people coming in and out of the office. In addition to the staff inside, there are many applicants waiting for an interview like me. Such a bustling scene, let me see the atmosphere of work, but also very much looking forward to being interviewed.
Half an hour later, it's my turn to enter the personnel manager's office. After being introduced by the clerk, I sat down. The personnel manager is about thirty years old. He is very handsome and energetic. After talking for more than ten minutes about the position of financial assistant I interviewed at that time, the manager made it clear that I met the recruitment requirements. But at the same time, he told me that the company has a rule that all new employees must attend pre-job training, and the training is still at their own expense, and they need to pay 100 yuan. I paid the fee of 100 yuan without saying anything, because I was anxious to make a decision on this job. The moment I got the fee, the manager showed a "gorgeous" smile, which I still remember.
On the afternoon when I returned to my residence, the hiring manager called me again and told me that because new employees had to wear professional clothes, they still needed extra diplomatic service in 400 yuan, which had to be handed in before joining the company, and the company could only reimburse them after working for one year. When I received the payment notice again, I was alarmed by a reminder from the security guard during the interview in the lobby of the office building. He told me to be careful if I asked you to pay or something.
At this moment, I suddenly realized that I might have been cheated. With anger, I came to the interview office again. To my surprise, there are only two or three people in the office. Even the desktop is clean and there are no files. The whole office looks deserted, which is completely different from what I saw this morning. It happened that the manager who interviewed me was still here, so I asked him to take back the training fee I paid 100 yuan. He was a little unhappy when he saw me asking for a refund.
I further stated that it was not my intention to apply for this position, and I had to refund this fee. If I need to write an application or something, I can cooperate. The manager suddenly changed his face when he saw my persistent appearance. He told me that if I want to refund the fee, I have to get the boss's consent. The boss is away on business and can't come back for three days. I stopped forbearing and directly exposed his disguise and asked for a refund. After more than half an hour of stalemate, he finally agreed to refund me 70 yuan. I protested again and again in vain and had to go out of the office.
At this time, I came out to look for a job for the first time, and I felt traumatized. I didn't heal my wounds because of the seventy dollars I wanted back. Because I was angry at the fact that I was cheated, I called 1 10 with the encouragement of the security guard. Twenty minutes later, the police arrived and were preparing to go upstairs with him. Just as a staff member of the fraud company came out, I quickly called the police to stop her. She complained to me apologetically: What a big deal! She also called Yasi and paid back the money she owed me in 30 yuan.
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This is how the whole thing happened. Although it has been more than ten years, it has always been unforgettable in my heart, and I didn't want to understand what happened. How can I be so easily deceived? The book "The Stranger Effect" I read today opened the mystery for me: I was too confident and thought the hiring manager was a trustworthy person because he had a "friendly" face and a "gorgeous" smile. In fact, this is exactly what liars do.
The core of this book is to tell us that when facing strangers, we often trust our own judgment too much. We all feel that we are very picky, and we can make accurate judgments by observing things around us. In fact, strangers are not as simple and easy to understand as we thought. Sometimes, even if you haven't met him, it's better than the kind of wrong judgment after you met him and got the information.
When Chamberlain met Hitler, he recalled the meeting. Hitler shook hands hard, his eyes were firm and full of passion. He talked with him sincerely about his childhood and shared his growing experience, which made him feel very infectious. When they met for the second time, Hitler signed the peace agreement with great alacrity. This confirmed Chamberlain's judgment that Hitler would not wage war.
The fact of World War II later gave Chamberlain a heavy slap in the face. Yes, he was cheated. On the contrary, Churchill had never seen Hitler, but by studying Hitler's books and articles, he came to the conclusion that Hitler was a madman and could not be trusted.
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Seeing this, let's sum up what is the stranger effect. It means that when we meet strangers, we always trust our own judgment too much, and at the same time we will make up a lot of imagination for others. But we need to accept the fact that there is a limit to knowing strangers. We'll never know the whole truth. Be content to know part of the truth and talk to strangers cautiously and modestly. This is the right way.
So how can we avoid the stranger effect? As long as we remain open, admit our limitations, and keep your restraint and modesty. Be careful of your impulses. When you encounter problems, don't simply blame each other. It should be analyzed that there are humanistic problems, cultural problems and environmental problems. Only when these problems are coupled together, the behavior of strangers will happen in the direction we imagine.
The author's purpose in writing this book is to hope that all of us will not be too arrogant and not jump to conclusions easily. It is legal and moral to be able to treat strangers in a modest, calm and routine way. Don't believe it too easily and don't make assumptions. Wisdom and kindness are the best ways to deal with it.
Conclusion: Different people have different growth environment, family education, social experience and so on, which makes the gap between people vary widely. It is obviously unrealistic to want to know each other in a few words 100%. We should open our eyes modestly and wisely and talk about it step by step. Avoid many subjective psychological traps that affect the objective existence mentioned in this book, so as to make wrong understanding and decisions.