Case:
One of the favorite things that Xiaojie, a 3-year-old boy, does at home is to go barefoot under the table and "hide and seek" with his mother. On this day, Xiaojie took off his shoes as usual, only wearing socks, and was about to hide under the dining table in the living room, calling his mother to come and find him.
As a result, the accident happened. He accidentally broke his mother's new vase. Mother saw her beloved glass vase broken all over the floor and asked Xiaojie angrily, "How did the vase break?"
Xiaojie said timidly, "Doudou (the family's pet cat) just climbed onto the dining table when it touched the vase." At this point, mom knew that Xiaojie was lying, so she was even more angry and punched Xiaojie in the ass.
Analysis:
Knodt, a famous American child psychologist, once said: "Children lie because they are afraid of being scolded for telling the truth." Judging from children's psychological development, 2-3-year-old children already have some basic abilities to judge right and wrong. When children of this age find that they have made a mistake, they will choose to escape punishment out of the instinct of self-protection.
For those children who have been severely criticized and violently punished by their parents for doing wrong many times, their experience of punishment is even more painful, so "lying" becomes an automatic response to seek protection. In fact, these children are telling lies to express regret and release pressure.
Second, the confusion between imagination and reality
Case:
Niu Niu is two and a half years old and goes to school in an early education center. She is usually a happy and lively child. One day, Niu Niu saw a blinking Barbie doll brought by Jessica Hester Hsuan in the early education center, and said in front of teachers and friends, "You Barbie doll, my mother just bought me one as a birthday present last week!" "
In fact, Niu Niu's birthday hasn't arrived yet, and her mother didn't buy her a Barbie doll. Having a Barbie doll is Niu Niu's inner desire and an imagination.
Analysis:
According to Piaget's theory of children's psychological development, 2-3-year-old children are still in the pre-operation stage, and children in this period largely rely on imagination to understand the world.
As they have seen and heard more and more widely, their feelings have become richer and their language ability has been enhanced. The wings of imagination lead them out of reality and fly higher and higher. Therefore, they are often keen on fantasy, replacing the real world with an illusory world.
Because these children's thinking development level is low, they often can't grasp the essence of things, so their description depends on memory and is dominated by emotions. At this time, the child's "lying" behavior only expresses his will, which has nothing to do with his conduct.
The third lie to please parents
Case:
Xiaoyu's mother always praises her beauty, singing and dancing and playing the piano in front of her neighbor's little sister, but rarely praises Xiaoyu in front of outsiders. Therefore, Xiaoyu is very sad. She often feels that in the eyes of her mother, other people's children are the best, and she has neither advantages nor advantages in her heart.
On this day, the kindergarten teacher taught the children to cut the five-pointed star, and Xiaoyu secretly stuffed a cut five-pointed star into his pocket. After returning home, she told her mother, "Today, the teacher praised my good performance and gave me a five-pointed star!" " Mom was so happy that she praised Xiaoyu again and again: "You are really a good boy of mom! " "
Analysis:
The psychological characteristics of children in early childhood are "self-centered", so they often like to listen to "good words" rather than "bad words" and are eager to be praised by others, especially parents and teachers.
However, some parents are very strict with their children. If their children behave well, their faces will shine and meet all their requirements. If children don't live up to their expectations, they will reprimand and punish them.
Even, some parents are very keen on one thing-comparing their children with other people's children. In the long run, children will "lie" to their parents in order to attract the attention of adults and please their parents. If parents can't find out in time, children will be forced to repeat this behavior.
No.4 lied under the example of his parents.
Case:
In order to ask for leave, Liangliang's mother called the unit leader in front of the children: "* * *, sorry, I suddenly caught a cold and had a fever today, and I want to take a day off to rest at home." Liang Liang, who stood by, asked doubtfully, "Mom, are you sick?" Mother stretched out her finger and hissed to remind Liangliang not to talk. In fact, mom is not sick at all.
One night later, the little friend rang the doorbell downstairs and asked Liangliang to play together, but Liangliang said, "I'm sick, so I won't play with you." Mother was very unhappy and criticized brightly: "Lying is not good for children. Don't lie next time! " Unexpectedly, Liangliang said to her mother, "Then you weren't sick last time, and you said you were sick!" " "
Analysis:
Children in early childhood have strong imitation ability, and a lie blurted out by parents in daily life may be seen and remembered by children. If parents often tell lies in front of their children, children will follow suit and learn from adults when they encounter similar scenes.
What if parents lie to their children? The book Child Behavioral Psychology points out that white lies in early childhood will not be an obstacle to children's future development, but will be beneficial to children's intellectual development. Because the brain works in a complicated way when lying, this process exercises the children's management thinking well.
Therefore, when children lie, parents should not easily equate lies with children's quality according to adults' thinking, but should communicate with children more to help them find the reasons and guide them according to the situation. Parents can specifically start from the following aspects:
0 1 Parents should set an example.
Parents are children's first teachers, and their words and deeds are examples for children to learn. If parents lack self-discipline in life, can't regulate their words and deeds, and often tell lies in front of their children, it is a natural consequence for children to learn to lie.
Therefore, parents must set an example, set a good image in front of their children, don't lie to others in front of their children, let alone to their children, and set an example image of "keeping promises and keeping promises" for their children.
Even under special circumstances, parents should respect their children's feelings and explain the reasons to them in time.
Provide a relaxed environment for children.
For those children who lie for fear of punishment, parents should adjust their mentality and educational methods. We should fully understand children, communicate with them from their perspective, and provide them with a relaxed "dialogue" environment:
■ Describe the facts directly and let the children know how to solve the problem. When a child lies, you just tell him that you know the truth, so don't lie. It should be noted that describing the facts is not to blame the children, but to let the children see the truth. There is no need to cover up the truth with "lies". At the same time, it is also conducive to children to get a positive experience.
■ Understand children's unintentional mistakes. It is common for children to accidentally break vases and cups. If parents always treat their children with scolding and punishment, children are likely to lie to escape punishment.
At this time, if parents can stop complaining and scolding, tell their children, "The vase is slippery and you don't want to break it." In this way, children will know that they are understood, and they will be more willing to tell their parents if they make the same mistake in the future.
■ Use comfort instead of preaching. Children often lie because they are afraid, so parents should put themselves in their children's shoes instead of interrogating and preaching.
Understand children and satisfy their desire for expression.
Every child has a desire to show. For those children who want more attention, parents should encourage and praise their children and provide them with more opportunities to show themselves.
Parents don't have to worry about lies that confuse imagination with reality, let alone blame and reprimand their children. Because the emotional reaction of adults will make children feel at a loss, and it will also affect the development of children's imagination and thinking.
This kind of lie is only the product of the child's immature physical and mental development, and it is purely an unintentional lie. Parents can guide correctly, help children distinguish between "reality" and "imagination", and teach children to express their inner wishes in the right way.
At the same time, parents can encourage their children to write and continue to make up stories, and often play various games with their children to provide space for the development and release of their imagination and creativity.
When parents master their children's secret psychology of lying, they find a scientific way to correct and guide their children's behavior. With the correct guidance of these methods, children will become more and more true and brave and become a person who dares to tell the truth.