It may be that the concept of parenting is different, or the lifestyle is different. Although they live together, they hate each other. Old people often scold their daughters-in-law when they come out for a walk. It's not good for a daughter-in-law to walk her baby and someone to talk to her about her mother-in-law
There is a skeleton in the cupboard. I have a relative's house, but the opposite is true. Old people often think that their daughter-in-law is too aggressive. When the child was a few months old, she gave it to her mother-in-law, basically asking nothing. Anyone who takes care of children personally knows that it is very hard to take care of children. If you don't accept it well, you have to be told by your family. Therefore, the old man is also full of resentment and often tells us: How can a mother ignore her children! Just like this child has nothing to do with himself! Look what you brought. You can teach anything, but children are different!
Today is different from the past. Now, as long as most families have a proper job and their families are healthy, their lives will not be bad. Unlike before, the whole family went out to work and didn't earn much. Therefore, at that time, women had to work after giving birth, even before they were born.
Many old people still have the original mentality, thinking that it is natural for the elderly to take care of their children, and it is even "obligatory". However, they don't know how to keep pace with the times. Young people naturally don't want such old people to help with their children unless they have to. Similarly, if young people take it for granted that old people help them take care of their children, then it is inevitable that conflicts will arise when they meet "avant-garde" old people. Because the old people will think that educating children is the obligation of parents, not grandparents. On the other hand, we don't know a few Chinese characters, and we can't give children early education.
In fact, no matter what kind of contradiction, there is a solution, and that is serious communication!
What is serious communication is to put aside all grievances and sit down and communicate calmly.
For example, for this group of families who don't like that their daughter-in-law doesn't go to work, young couples can discuss whether Ma Bao goes to work or works full-time. If they decide to work full-time, they must do a lot of things, such as picking up and dropping off their children, participating in campus activities, taking care of them when they are sick, playing games with them, reading to them and attending interest classes with them. If the elderly don't live with them, full-time nannies usually have to do housework, which is endless. In addition, of course, Ma Bao also has his own plans in his spare time, such as studying and charging, doing part-time jobs and so on.
If the old man doesn't listen to his daughter-in-law, let the pillar of the family come out and make it clear, tell the old man that his daughter-in-law is busy at home and not idle, and let the old man stop urging her to go to work. Early education and companionship for children are priceless, and many people can't earn it back after three to five years of hard work.
If so, the old people still feel isolated and can choose not to live with them. If possible, you can live in the front and back buildings, or some old people who like the countryside all their lives can go back to their hometown and do something they like. Don't always feel uneasy, children and grandchildren have their own children and grandchildren.
Speaking of which, I think of my grandmother. Her old man was very wise at the beginning, and her two sons let her live there. She just won't go. She said that she might as well live in her own house. Grandma's house and mine go back and forth, very close. We usually take care of each other and share delicious food. The relationship is not generally good.
If, after discussion, I feel that my husband is working hard alone and the family expenses are not enough, it is ok for the elderly to get along with each other and it is no problem to help with the children. You can also try to go out and look for a job. It may be difficult to find the original job, but there is still a chance to do something else. There is a treasure mother in our community who delivers takeout when she is free. When she didn't have a list, she went home and left the children with her grandmother. Not bad, she earns more or less.
Life is too short to be easy, so don't put so much energy into the dispute between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law! Not worth it!