Young parents should be wary of causing anxiety. In today's life, many young parents will educate their children very early in order to keep their children from losing at the starting line, fearing that they will not teach their children well. The following are the things that young parents should be vigilant to improve their anxiety!
Young parents should be alert to parenting anxiety 1 How much love should I give to my children? Without it, will children become withdrawn and timid? Too many, will children become willful and selfish? What books should children read, Saint Amethyst and Disciple Rules?
Will children internalize their spiritual temperament after reading it, and they will be knocked down as soon as they enter the society ... Now, many parents often struggle with similar problems, leading to poor diet, unstable sleep and very grumpy.
Yang, a postdoctoral fellow at the Research Center for Children and Adolescents' Physique and Behavior, School of Public Health, Sun Yat-sen University, said that this is a very common "parenting anxiety" for novice parents.
This symptom only exists in novice parents, and the source of anxiety lies in the ignorance of new parents.
Parenting anxiety
1. The baby is crying. Should I hug it? Hugging, will it form a conditioned reflex, and the baby will cry to gain the attention of parents? If you don't hug, will the baby become insecure and lack confidence in the future?
Some books say that the first hug, the first hug after crying for one minute, the second hug, and the second hug after crying for five minutes can gradually release the baby from the parents' arms.
Some books say that babies should be hugged when they cry, because it shows that babies have needs. The needs of babies at this time are basic physiological needs and should be met. Which book is right?
2. Which brand of milk powder should I choose for my baby? Domestic department? Japanese and Korean department? European and American departments? Which is suitable for the baby's stomach? Which nutrition is more balanced? How many meals should I eat a day?
3. Should I give my child an interest class? If you don't go, all the dolls around you will go. Will you let your child lose at the starting line? Come on, will it deprive children of a happy childhood? If so, what interest classes should children attend?
4. Is my parenting style correct? I want to do my best, but I don't know if I'm doing well now.
Teacher analysis: Dr. Yang said that the higher the education level, the higher the anxiety level of parents and families with fewer children.
Because parents are more likely to project their expectations on their children, they lack self-confidence because of their lack of parenting experience. They are afraid that their children will not get the best education, and they put all their energy on them. In fact, this does not give them more love and security, but it is easy for them to be kidnapped by parenting anxiety.
Advice to parents
Dr. Yang said that it is normal for novice parents to have parenting anxiety, but it is only a matter of weight. How to evaluate parents' anxiety in an acceptable range? Mainly depends on whether parents' anxiety affects parent-child relationship and communication with children.
Parents of children at different stages should take different measures to deal with parenting anxiety. Parents must believe that they can raise their children well and give them enough trust to make mistakes, instead of giving them guidance too early.
In fact, if most children are properly guided, there will be no major problems in their growth. When helping children experience the sense of accomplishment of growing up, parents can also help them reduce their parenting anxiety.
Never compare your child with other children, such as "What do you think of other children?" This will put pressure on your children and yourself.
Infant stage: At this time, the most common problem faced by parents is the feeding method, such as which milk powder to choose. What should I do if I can't meet my own requirements?
Tips: Parents should have confidence in themselves. There are many ways to eliminate anxiety. Parents can first know the characteristics and development indicators of children in the next age group in advance. For example, when they are one year old, they will know the knowledge of two years old, so that they are psychologically prepared for the growth of their children.
Secondly, we can use social resources to communicate with parents of children older than our own children and learn better experiences from them.
The experience of ancestors can also be used as a reference to have a general understanding of the child's growth process. But first, I must convey an idea to my grandparents: I want to explore a parenting experience myself. After all, I can only take charge this time; In order to prevent grandparents from interfering too much in the upbringing of children, we should avoid the disadvantages of intergenerational education.
Children's health care teachers and children's parenting teachers are also the objects that novice parents can turn to for help. Parents should always interact with these educators in order to acquire more scientific, advanced and targeted knowledge, and improve children's self-confidence and educational efficiency.
For example, consult your doctor about parenting advice when you have baby insurance or vaccination every month. It is best to avoid turning to some profitable early education institutions in the market, because their knowledge is not systematic and they often make mistakes of generalizing.
Kindergarten stage: The most common parenting anxiety is whether to enroll children in interest classes, and what to do if children have improper and abnormal behaviors in kindergarten.
Tip: communicate with kindergarten teachers more and stick to your own parenting principles. No matter what others say, you must make sure that what you are doing at this time is the best for your child.
As for children at this time, it is not a big problem whether to participate in interest classes. Because of the skills of interest classes, children can follow them in the future, and children will soon reach the same level as those who participated in interest classes in the early days.
Primary school stage: The anxiety that parents are prone to encounter is that children are partial to subjects and children can't keep up with their studies.
Tips: For children in lower grades, the development of children's various abilities is different. For example, math ability, some children know addition and subtraction within ten in kindergarten class. Some people can't understand until the first or even the second day of junior high school.
But this does not mean that children are stupid, because each child has a different development ladder. When his brain develops to logical thinking, he will naturally understand that his parents don't have to worry.
At this time, parents need to cultivate their children's social adaptability and behavioral ability, accompany their children to face difficulties, give them time to grow up, and also give themselves time to grow up.
For senior children, don't take grades and future development as the same thing. Personality, will and quality can determine how far a child can go in the future.
Adolescence: What parents are most worried about is communication with their children.
Tips: Parents should understand the reasons for children's psychological and behavioral changes. Don't interfere with children too much, and you can't force them to act according to your ideas. Otherwise, children will suppress their own personality, and the chances of emotional problems in the future will be more serious than other children.
Young parents should be alert to parenting anxiety. 2. How should young parents relieve their anxiety about child-rearing?
Since the reform and opening up 40 years ago, the parent-child relationship and social development in China have changed synchronously. With the implementation of the one-child policy and the state's emphasis on quality education, parents in China focus on their children and spend a lot of time, energy and money on them.
Under the market economy order, the responsibility of raising children is transferred to parents step by step. Whether it is a relatively wealthy family or an ordinary family, in order to let their children win at the starting line, they all participate in parenting competitions to varying degrees, and the whole society is filled with a kind of parenting anxiety.
Relieving parenting anxiety requires the joint efforts of the whole society. Taking the family as the center, the government, the society and the individual Qi Xin work together to provide spiritual or material help and support for parenting families, which is conducive to alleviating the negative emotions of young parents in parenting.
Government: Strengthen top-level design and build a healthy and fair social environment.
The problems that need to be solved urgently at this stage in China, such as the high cost of family parenting and the fierce competition for quality education resources, are closely related to the anxiety of young parents about parenting.
On the one hand, the government should constantly improve the birth support policies and supporting measures to reduce the pressure of family rearing in all directions. Taking the family as the basic welfare unit, we will promote the introduction of relevant subsidies and preferential tax policies, explore the establishment of a childcare subsidy system, and reduce the cost of family childcare.
At the same time, vigorously develop the care service for infants aged 0-3 years, and build a care service system led by the government, with universal care institutions as the main body and extensive participation of social forces to solve the care problem of young parents.
On the other hand, in view of the educational anxiety of young parents, while attaching importance to economic and social development, the government should increase its support and investment in education, make great efforts to promote educational reform, and adopt measures such as "entrusted management" to strengthen schools and help the weak, and "group running schools" to jointly build high-quality resources.
Enrich the supply of high-quality educational resources, promote the balanced distribution of high-quality educational resources, fundamentally break the unhealthy educational ecological environment, and alleviate the educational anxiety of young parents.
Community: Strengthen the integration of parenting resources and enhance the social support ability of scientific parenting.
Community is a bridge connecting family, society and government. Taking the community as a platform, absorbing the power of multiple social subjects and constructing multi-level social support models and channels can alleviate the pressure of family rearing.
On the one hand, in view of the lack of public welfare care services at this stage, communities can use community public service facilities to establish children's extracurricular care service centers.
According to the characteristics of parents' work in community families, half-day and temporary custody services are provided to meet the balanced needs of parents' work and family to the greatest extent. On the other hand, strengthen the guidance of young parents on scientific parenting.
Set up a team with rich parenting knowledge and experience in the community, provide knowledge training and ability training for parents at all stages of children's growth, help parents correctly understand the importance of scientific parenting, and constantly enrich their children's physical and psychological knowledge.
Make use of various communication channels of the Internet to develop corresponding parenting resources and enhance the implementation effect of parenting guidance services.
Family: establish a family-friendly environment and establish and improve the family's parenting ability.
The core of building a family-friendly environment lies in providing perfect parenting support services through a series of policy designs, and promoting the husband and wife to participate in parenting together. On the one hand, promote the creation of a family-friendly parenting environment.
First of all, we should advocate parents' parenting, explore more flexible and diverse welfare security models, and provide parents with more parenting time.
Employers provide more friendly flexible working system, provide "parental leave" for fathers, encourage fathers to participate more in parenting, and mothers accept, encourage and enjoy their fathers' participation, thus promoting equal interaction within the family.
In families raised by generations, it is necessary to strengthen the communication between grandparents and young parents, promote the organic integration of parenting concepts between the two generations, enhance the level of intergenerational cooperation, and reduce family conflicts in the process of parenting.
On the other hand, establish and improve family parenting ability. Government, community and market can provide diversified parenting services for parenting families, assist parents to raise their children, give full support to parenting families, and effectively enhance their parenting confidence and ability.
Families themselves absorb grandparents' parenting experience, learn new parenting concepts, constantly reflect and summarize parenting knowledge in parenting practice, and actively participate in and promote the improvement of family-friendly parenting support policies.
Parents: Don't blindly follow the trend and establish a correct family parenting concept.
Parents of the younger generation attach great importance to the cultivation of their children and always try to explore some parenting rules in various "scientific parenting methods", but they often fall into the misunderstanding of "over-parenting".
Parents should treat parenting calmly and rationally. On the one hand, they should enrich their parenting knowledge and realize their own growth while accompanying their children to grow up;
At the same time, we should improve our information literacy, screen the parenting information spread by various media, think rationally according to the law of children's growth, make independent and correct judgments, and plan the parenting plan reasonably. Minimize the negative impact of external stimuli on yourself and your children.
On the other hand, parents learn to distinguish between their own needs and children's needs, be good at introspection and reflection, learn to perceive and adjust their emotions, learn psychological knowledge appropriately, and relax and decompress themselves.