Emotional intelligence is one of the basic skills in life.
The topic of "emotional intelligence" is one of the topics that often cause discussion in the process of children's growth, which makes sense. The ability to adjust one's own emotions and understand others' emotions can help children build better interpersonal relationships, consolidate their ability to solve problems and help children develop their leadership skills.
Indeed, EQ should be listed as one of the basic skills in life and an important part of campus study.
A new study in Germany shows that children who can fully understand their own and others' emotions (the performance of high emotional intelligence) can stay focused in the learning environment. In short, accumulating emotional vocabulary can help children better cope with the ups and downs of campus life.
As a child and adolescent psychotherapist, many children used to sit on my sofa and try to understand their emotions. Let's not talk about empathy for others. If children lack understanding of their own emotional state, it is almost impossible for them to accurately evaluate the emotional state of others.
Children should learn how to read emotions. Emotional intelligence can help children grow up healthily in family, school and community. The good news is that it is never too late to learn emotions.
EQ education is an important part of early education. Nowadays, many kindergartens spend their energy on cultivating children's social skills. In fact, many times, EQ education is not limited to letting children learn to share with each other and solve disputes when playing on the playground.
First of all, let children learn to read facial expressions, and then let children learn to evaluate the emotional state in social interaction according to non-visual clues under environmental pressure. Let children learn to understand emotions, so that they can take the initiative to seek help when necessary, learn to understand other people's emotions, and learn to deal with them when emotions are intense.
Although studies are still the most important part of the school education system, there is no doubt that integrating EQ education into the curriculum has become a topic of public concern. Although I firmly believe that it is necessary for children to offer social and emotional courses in schools, I also understand that it is unrealistic to offer such courses in every school at this stage. As parents, there are many ways to help children build this important skill at home.
1. Learn to distinguish emotions
Most children can distinguish happiness from sadness, anger from calmness, but these are not the only emotions outside. At the same time, the child's mood changes quickly. Your child may be happy one second and collapse the next. Learning to understand emotions and their triggers can help children learn how to deal with changing their emotions without any warning.
One thing I like very much is emotional poster (a poster is painted with various expressions and corresponding emotional names. Usually, the poster will ask, "How do you feel now?" )。 Because children can carefully observe various emotions on posters and evaluate several options in their minds before expressing their emotions, instead of simply shouting whether they are happy or sad now. When my daughter/kloc-was 0/8 months old, I put up an emotional poster at home, which we have been using ever since.
You can buy such a poster, make one yourself or even download one from the Internet, and then post it in your usual room at home. Choose to use it when the child's mood is relatively calm (because you can talk about some difficult emotions at this time, such as jealousy and anger), or use it when the child's mood changes. Knowing the expressions corresponding to each emotion can help children deal with their emotions.
2. Establish the connection between body and mind.
For many children, anxiety will take the form of stomach upset, which sometimes causes headache and muscle pain. And rage can lead to a rapid heartbeat and sweaty palms. Jealousy may lead to dental problems (such as grinding your teeth while sleeping).
Emotions often lead to physical discomfort, but most children don't associate emotions with physical feelings. In our family, we will try to draw a "body map" of what emotions affect the body, or you can explain to your children your physical reaction when you experience emotions, so that they can understand the connection between the two. I often tell my daughter that every time I worry, my neck will start to hurt, because it is a signal from my brain, reminding me to take a rest and sort out my emotions. You can also think about the physiological reaction that emotions bring to you, and then tell your child what kind of signals the brain will send to the body.
Confirm the child's mood
Like adults, children need to be listened to and understood. As parents, what we do is to find ways to solve problems, or to deal with children's emotions lightly, so as to avoid children sitting there with negative emotions all the time. We tried to protect them, but in the process we ignored their emotions.
When your child comes to you emotionally, you should listen attentively (no matter how insignificant it is in your heart). Confirm the child's emotions and allow him to express them. You should not only provide solutions, but also tell him your understanding of the problem and give the child a chance to be quiet and adjust his mood.
4. Talk to your child about empathy
The best way to teach children empathy is to set an example. Although some children are naturally more empathetic than others, all children will benefit from observing the compassionate behavior of adults around them in life.
Tell children what it means to learn to sympathize with others. When he is unhappy with a classmate, discuss with him what may cause that classmate to show a negative attitude. Talk to your children and do something to show others your empathy, even if it is not easy sometimes. An empathetic child will pay more attention to the happiness and health of others when he grows up. This is a lesson for children.