I used to think that boys should be naughty and girls should be quiet. Boys like cars and guns, while girls like plush toys. The others are not much different! But when I finished reading this book, it was really different. Their development, intelligence, hobbies, making friends, learning and sports are almost completely different.

Explain the significance of raising a daughter in the author's words: when your daughter grows up, you can see the connection between the childhood you gave her and the strength and quality she now has. You are proud and satisfied. When you leave, an excellent woman will continue to live, and she will pass on everything you taught her to her descendants!

First, girls are early and smart.

Girls develop faster than boys, especially in terms of brain ability. As early as in the mother's womb, their bodies began to secrete estrogen. When they were born, they developed several weeks earlier than boys.

In speaking and writing, girls can also lead boys by 6~ 12 months. In kindergarten, girls are not as anxious and separated as boys. Boys' brains develop well around the age of 20, while girls' brains take two or three years.

Second, the five stages of girls' growth

The first stage: from birth to 2 years old-sense of security, whether I am loved or not, whether I am safe.

Early life is the period when the brain grows fastest. It is love, smiling, singing and all kinds of interesting interactions that help their brains grow. There is a tacit echo between mother and baby. These conversations can help children confirm their mother's love for her, which will help her to perceive the feelings of others and learn to love each other in adulthood.

Babies can't comfort themselves, so they are easily upset, groan and cry (mom responds with her unique voice "What's the matter, baby, mom is coming"). Caregivers help them calm down, pick them up, comfort her and help him relax. She will learn to comfort herself later. After being comforted for thousands of times, her brain gradually formed a channel from stress to relaxation, which is also the channel she will use in the future.

Babies also need exciting and happy company, such as hide-and-seek games and running around with their fathers. Studies have shown that children who grow up playing games with their fathers are much more resistant to stress than children who only play gentle games.

It is very important to play with children. Playing can stimulate their brain potential. People who love to play are good at innovation, and children who grow up in a happy state are not timid, dull and full of vitality.

The author hates all kinds of early education programs in this period. Don't give her children to strangers. Remember that what she really needs is you! )

The second stage: 2 -5 years old-exploring whether the world is interesting and happy.

Girls at this stage focus on exploration, and their artistic and athletic abilities begin at the age of 1~5. For boys, parents may add more concepts such as numbers and space, while for girls, they pay more attention to feeling and beauty. We inadvertently began to instill rational feelings in boys and emphasize perceptual experiences in girls. In fact, you can talk more about numbers and building blocks with your daughter, which is of great benefit to cultivating their digital space ability.

For example, you can tell her one, two, three, four when buttoning. ...

Prepare toys for children, prepare some samples and put them in a convenient box. Just change a few samples frequently. For girls, some waste paper, colored pens, crayons, pigments, used greeting cards and stickers are a very creative toy library.

There is no doubt that girls love beauty more than boys, but mothers should not dress up their daughters too much. It is best to buy clothes that can make it convenient for her to play with water, mud and paint.

Please remember that nature is the most important thing. If learning piano and other learning activities start too early, it will damage her intelligence. Children need their own time, daydreaming and free space, so as to develop their imagination. Turn off the TV so that the children can think and talk to themselves.

Teach girls discipline and rules gently but firmly, and help them deal with their feelings, especially when they are in strong emotions.

The third stage: 5 years old-10 years old-contact with people, can you get along well with people?

From the development process, it is best for babies to play with their parents, and children under 3 years old can get along with each other for no more than a few minutes. But after four or five years old, girls can play fantasy and pretend games together-for example, playing house all the time. These games are the basis of cultivating creativity, and we learn how to communicate with people by playing them.

Friends are as important to girls as oxygen. When a girl is uncomfortable with her friends, she needs her parents to care for her and comfort her. You are her social leader, but in most cases, you can help her analyze and give advice when she asks for help.

Seven suggestions for making friends: be friendly, share, empathize, control aggression, apologize, understand emotions and know who you can trust.

Mom is a role model for girls in society. If you often lose control with your husband in front of your children, she is either completely different from you or exactly the same, then it is very stupid to do that.

In the mother-infant relationship, if there is no safe connection, when mothers are depressed, alienated and angry, she will get closer to her mother and try her best to help and comfort her mother. These girls are also more willing to be with people who are anxious and depressed when making friends, because these people have the shadow of their mother and she wants to help them.

The fourth stage: 10 years old-14 years old-know your heart, find yourself and find true happiness.

In the senior grade of primary school, girls are very adult, sensitive and mature. You think you can finally relax, but please note that girls at this stage need more attention and companionship, more teaching, more explanations, more inquiries and more meaningful activities, instead of pushing her out to grow up alone and bear all kinds of pressures.

Education is not to fill a bucket of water, but to light a fire. Talent (such as writing and painting), personality (courage and empathy) and undertaking a certain task (such as protecting nature) can bring them great happiness. The task of parents is to find and strengthen the sparks in their children, which can make them behave happier, more confident and healthier in school.

Help them judge right from wrong. Against your conscience, you will hate yourself even if others don't tell you. The soul is creative, it is the true self, and children need to discover it, admit it and get along with it. Girls need an older woman who can set an example and let her know how to be a strong and meaningful woman. Preferably her mother. If her mother can't, she can also be a teacher, her aunt, etc. They should have a warm and calm heart, but not dull, and appreciate and support your daughter.

The fifth stage: 14 years old-18 years old-stepping into the adult world, can I be responsible for myself?

/kloc-a 0/4-year-old girl, she is already very tall, has passed puberty and is very smart. How's it going? Can she let go? Or treat her as a friend completely, so that adults will be much more relaxed. But remember, the answer is no. At this time, the control center of their prefrontal cortex has not been "completed". When she feels stressed and nervous, the "amygdala" of her brain, the center of impulse and emotional response, will immediately control her. Therefore, at this time, they still need parents, not friends. You need to stipulate that she must be at home at night, no drinking, and always know where she is and who she is with. Maybe this is a bit old-fashioned and unpopular, but this is exactly what responsible parents should do.

Children at this stage should learn to be self-reliant, clear-minded, emotionally strong, handle the relationship with others, and do things with a purpose, but this process is very difficult. In one case, 14-year-old Marilla crossed the road with her classmates one day after school and was seriously injured by a big truck. 1 person died and 5 people were seriously injured. After many operations, she can basically live like a normal person, but she suffers from severe traumatic stress disorder. She is very afraid of approaching roads and cars. Her parents found her a stress counselor and slowly established them. On this day, the psychologist thought it was time to talk about the core issues. She asked Marilla who was responsible for the accident. Marilla certainly thinks that the idiot driver ran the red light. At this time, the counselor asked her if she had observed the passing cars at the green light. This suddenly woke Marilla. She realized that she trusted sidewalks and traffic lights too much. She talked and laughed with her classmates and didn't observe the surrounding environment at all. She realized her responsibility. Marilla was successfully cured. She was no longer afraid of roads and cars. This class is called "growing up". Although it is too cruel, tell the girls to be responsible for themselves and stay awake and alert, so as to protect themselves.

I hope each of our parents will tell their children about this case!

Third, danger and help: crossing five dangerous areas

1, don't be sexy too early.

Nowadays, girls grow up too fast. Girls care about beauty, fashion, make-up, making boyfriends and having sex prematurely. They will be obsessed with whether their appearance is beautiful enough, but they don't pay enough attention to mental health.

Girls can barely tolerate boys after 10. When they are 14 years old or 15 years old, they find boys interesting but annoying, and they will gradually find one or two good friends. If they can meet an interesting and kind boy, she will be willing to get along with him, date him and develop a close relationship. But there are too many information channels in this world to let them know the role of sex. They think sex is the way to get love. The University of Melbourne at Laboto conducted a survey on adolescent sexual problems, and found that the number of female students with multiple sexual partners increased from 4% to 20% in 30 years (in 2008), and it was still 10% in 2002.

Teach children to distinguish between like, love and lust. It's normal to tell children that they like the opposite sex and that there will be problems in falling in love, but they should resolutely give up their lust.

Secondly, we must manage the information channels that children are exposed to. As we know, adults watch TV for entertainment, while children watch what is popular in the world. Television tells children that appearance is the most important thing, your figure is not good enough, and it's no big deal to have sex casually. Remember that children should never put TV in the bedroom, and adults should basically not watch TV at home, buy those women's fashion magazines or avoid letting children see them. Manage children's use of the Internet, electronic products and social tools, limit the use time, and use them in an environment suitable for teenagers (such as Green Dam in China).

Perhaps the author's Australia is more open and avant-garde than our China, and there are more problems, but in any case, mothers need to undertake the education of their daughters on sexual issues!

Step 2 stop bad girls

We often see some young sisters bullying people in the media, and some even go too far and take off all the clothes of the bullied girls. You know, about 1/5 children have been bullied at school, which is a phenomenon that parents generally need to pay attention to.

Research on bullies shows that although their families are rich, they lack care and know themselves poorly. Only by transferring their pain to others will they feel better, and these people have a high proportion of depression and are prone to suicidal tendencies.

I don't think it's a good way to deal with bullies, because if she dares to bully you, it means she is better than you, or she has a small gang. Tell your child to speak out loudly about his dissatisfaction and make it clear that you are angry and ask for help. These are all useful measures. A global project "Rock and Water" initiated by the Netherlands suggests that children should be taught to stand up straight, make strong eye contact with each other, loudly tell each other to stop and then walk away. Fear and obedience will only encourage bad girls, and she will always choose you as the target of bullying. I remember Napoleon was bullied by a tall bad boy when he was a child. Napoleon's choice was to fight back and fail again and again until the tall man finally gave in.

We should also tell our daughter that when her friends are bullied, we should stand up bravely against bullying, not avoid it weakly, so that those bad girls will not dare to bully her, and even if it happens, her friends will help her.

If the child's measures are useless, parents need to do something, communicate with parents such as schools and teachers in a calm, friendly and firm manner, follow up the treatment effect, and resolutely transfer to another hospital if it is ineffective! Fathers should stand up in such an event, cheer for their daughters and be their backing!

Let's lose weight and get out of here.

At present, most poverty-stricken countries are faced with two weight-related problems: one is that about14 children are "overweight" or "obese"; At the same time, many people have eating disorders and eat nothing, and more and more girls fall into the latter situation. In fact, we shouldn't pay so much attention to weight. Health is more important than weight! It is best to enjoy food and exercise.

In order to lose weight, people will choose dieting, but 50 years of research have found that dieting is almost ineffective, and 95% people will regain their weight within 2-5 years. You know, we have only been out of famine for 200 years. The mechanism we evolved from the Stone Age is that you are always hungry, and your body thinks you are in famine, so you must gain weight quickly! In the body of dieters, Greelin, which stimulates appetite, will increase by about 20%. And repeated dieting will make us fatter and do more harm to our health. Those who control their weight in adolescence will be significantly heavier than their peers in adulthood. It is very unscientific to measure health with body mass index.

Remember that laughing at fat people is a morbid behavior. Obese children are more likely to be bullied than ordinary children by 63%. Letting children go on a diet can't solve the problem, but it will make them feel their own fault. Some children even smoke to go on a diet, and even 8% girls smoke in adolescence to lose weight.

Mom should be a healthy role model, don't care too much about weight, don't discuss dieting, don't watch those TV programs, and never consider losing weight. There are no soft drinks in the refrigerator. Families should eat together. Don't turn on the TV. Only discuss positive things when eating. Don't divide food into "good food and junk food", but "daily food and occasional food". Don't feel guilty about eating those high-calorie foods, which will only make you swallow them. Remember that the whole family will form a love for sports when they exercise together.

Once your daughter pays too much attention to her weight, her mood changes greatly, and her eating is very picky and painful, then you should be alert to eating disorders. Early intervention is very important, so you must choose a professional therapist. Remember that eating disorder is a serious mental illness, not an ordinary eating problem.

Step 4 stay away from alcohol and drugs

In Australia, about 35% of alcohol is consumed by school-age children, which is illegal. Alcohol is provided by their parents. Many parents think that it doesn't matter if their children drink less wine, and there is a so-called "Mediterranean way" to let their children have a sip of red wine while eating. This is completely wrong. Studies have confirmed that teenagers can change their brains in a very amazing way even if they drink a small amount of alcohol. Their kidneys and liver are not fully developed, so they can't absorb alcohol as quickly as adults, which has caused serious damage to their brains. Moreover, teenagers habitually drink alcohol, and the possibility of drinking alcohol in adulthood is 60% higher than that of people who have never been exposed to alcohol in adolescence. Not to mention something as dangerous as drunken promiscuity. Therefore, it is very appropriate for the United States to take 2 1 as the prohibition age. Of course, not to mention the dangers such as drugs.

The distance between children and alcohol and drugs has nothing to do with wealth, education, intelligence and ability. The only factor is the supervision and guidance of parents. Parents need to let their children know the harm of alcohol and drugs to their health, know where their children are, the rules and bottom line of who they get along with, let their children know their responsibilities through friendly but firm negotiations, and ensure their ability to ensure their own safety.

Remember not to give children alcohol. Parents should have a drink once in a while, and it is enough for holidays, especially when they are stressed, otherwise she will see that you "need" alcohol. A bad example is far more important than words and deeds.

5. Tear off the veil of the online world

Our life is inseparable from the network, but the negative aspects of the network world also follow:

Virtual communication has replaced real interpersonal communication. Young girls don't want to go offline anymore. Update information on Facebook, Instagram, WeChat, Weibo and QQ at any time, and never leave the pillow when sleeping. Because it is a virtual world, vicious comments are prevalent and do great harm to children. For example, there is a comment on obese girls: "You need a hug ... around your neck ... with a rope ..." And suicides caused by cyber bullying also occur frequently.

Pornographic information on the internet is flying all over the sky. In Australia, 53% of girls under 13 have seen pornographic pictures, and the proportion of girls under 16 has reached 97%. When they do their homework, they will use search engines to pop up countless irrelevant pornographic information. This is a generation of children who have seen sexual violence but have no sexual experience. Studies have shown that this will induce boys to think that they can force girls to have sex, and girls will be confused. Whether a woman is a man's tool, even if a girl doesn't like it, she will be confused. According to pornography, she should enjoy it.

What parents should do: you should have an in-depth conversation with your child, let her know the convenience of the network, and also know the traps and dark sides that exist everywhere on the network; You can help your child register for a social account, but it should be set to the maximum privacy protection. You should be their friend and tell their parents that they only care about your safety. Install a web filtering system for your child's computer, and you should pay attention to her online records; Limit their time using electronic products, especially using electronic screens before going to bed; Most importantly, you should keep a smooth communication channel with your children. She will tell you anything that makes her unhappy. You should be patient and alert.

Three. Girls and their parents

1. Girls and Mom

A mother is a role model for her daughter. For 95% of girls, the same sex has the greatest influence, and it is usually the mother who makes them understand the meaning of becoming a woman. At different stages of her life, she may worship, hate, admire and accuse her, but no daughter will think she is unimportant.

We have talked about "mirror neurons" many times-unconsciously transforming the behavior we see others into our own way of doing things. So get ready, your daughter will be you! How do you get along with your friends? How do you face the pressure? How do you relax? Especially how do you get along with your lover? Are you a road rage patient? Did you suddenly have an emotional outburst? With children, it is necessary to install a detector for various behaviors.

Let children know your values, such as paying attention to safety, being considerate of others, keeping promises, making necessary concessions and compromises, short-term and long-term attitudes, diligence and gains. Although she may disagree, they will gradually adopt your opinion.

After girls enter school, if you can create a regular and rhythmic life for them, it will help children calm down from the noisy and competitive environment in school, such as eating with the whole family, sleeping at a fixed time (reading before going to bed), regularly arranging some outdoor activities, some quiz activities (crossword puzzles, crossword puzzles), birthday parties, and talking or traveling alone with their parents.

Remember, letting go is inevitable and part of helping her grow. When 16 years old, she won't want you to accompany her too much. The better you raise her, the farther she will go, but you must know that the more a child nourished by love grows up, the closer she is to her mother, although the space is farther.

2. Girls and dads

Research shows that if fathers invest more in training their daughters, their daughters will show more self-confidence and better grades, and there will be few problems of teenage pregnancy, alcoholism or drug abuse. If fathers do more housework, their daughters will be more confident to choose some challenging jobs, such as becoming leaders and scientists.

When children are young, they will judge whether this tall and strong guy at home is a threat or a safety. If you want your child to feel safe, you need to speak in a gentle voice at home, not only to her, but also to all family members. If you want to wrestle with him on horseback and pretend to be defeated by her, she will be very excited and think you are protecting her.

Psychologists have found that the roles of mom and dad on girls are complementary, with mom reassuring girls and dad giving them confidence. And the relationship between father and daughter is the basis for her to get along with men in the future. If her father respects her and listens to her opinion, she won't accept that other boys don't respect her. If dad often jokes with her and discusses some profound topics with her, she will be more confident and will not be manipulated by others; If dad is always happy to play with her, she will know that she is attractive and liked!

Many adolescent daughters will be against their father, who is not pleasing to the eye and wants to be themselves; Dad wants to control his daughter, and her daughter treats control with hostility. However, it is suggested that dads should know something. Adolescent daughters are difficult to control their emotions. Her prefrontal cortex is being reconstructed and her amygdala controls her brain. She will either fight back or run away. She is hard to listen to other people's opinions and likes crazy things, but that is short-lived. If you want to help her, you need to show your listening, patience, gentleness, humor and empathy, not reason and blame.

I hope everyone can cultivate a caring daughter.