In recent years, with the emergence of "4+2+ 1" families, problems such as intergenerational parenting, excessive doting and early education have aroused concern and anxiety from all walks of life. Education experts call on the parents of the only child to change the way and method of education for the second generation to avoid going astray.
Parenting: a more common lifestyle of the second generation.
At 7 o'clock every morning, 54-year-old Wang Kexin takes her little grandson to kindergarten by bus. At 4 o'clock in the afternoon, Wang Kexin appeared at the kindergarten gate on time, waiting to take her little grandson home. "I can't help it. The young couple are busy with their work. It's better to give this belt to me as a grandmother than a nanny. " Wang Kexin told reporters.
Since the implementation of the family planning policy in China for more than 30 years, a large number of only children (referred to as the only generation) have entered the age of marriage and childbearing, and their only children are called the "only second generation". Most of the only-child parents are in a period of rising career and busy work. "Who will take care of the children" has become a problem that puzzles them. As a result, it is common for grandparents to raise the third generation.
According to a survey by China Women magazine, more than 70% of young parents "only have children but don't raise them", and the responsibility of raising children is entirely borne by the elderly at home. Among them, 42% are taken care of by grandparents, 30% are taken care of by grandparents, and less than 20% are raised by parents themselves.
Liu, a kindergarten teacher at Nanning Kindergarten in Shenyang, told the reporter that before the parent-child activity day was held in the kindergarten, less than 30% of the 130 children were accompanied by their parents, and the rest were grandparents. "Many interactions and games were not suitable for the elderly that day, and the activities did not achieve the expected results."
Never spoil the second generation in the name of protection.
Zhou, director of Shenyang Youth Psychological Counseling Center, believes that in today's family model, grandparents pay more attention to the cultivation of traditional virtues, such as frugality, humility and filial piety, while taking care of their children's normal daily life. Compared with young parents, they are more tolerant and patient with their children, which makes the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren closer.
"But the love of the elderly for their children is the biggest problem in the growth of the second generation." Zhou said to him. For many old people, raising grandchildren is their only spiritual sustenance, so they can easily meet their children's demands and sometimes cover up their shortcomings when their children do something wrong. "This is not conducive to the growth of children. Children will become willful, greedy, self-righteous, and even learn to shirk their responsibilities at a young age. " Zhou said to him.
Yu Haijing, who lives in Heping District, Shenyang, complained to reporters that the children's grandparents always love to sing against themselves. "I wouldn't let her eat puffed food such as shrimp chips, so she went to her grandparents to cry. The old man was soft-hearted, and she agreed to everything. Now the child is particularly willful and has developed a bad habit of crying. "
Zhou believes that the poor independence and anti-frustration ability of the rich second generation are also caused by pampering. Parents' excessive care exceeds children's needs, which makes children depend on their parents for everything, which is particularly unfavorable to their development. A parent was forbidden to run since he was a child for fear of wrestling. As a result, He Zixiong, a junior high school student in Shenyang, couldn't even walk fast. The damage to children's self-confidence is obvious: children feel that they can't do anything, that their abilities are low, and they are very depressed.
"From the perspective of child psychology, children are willing to try it themselves, and they will get happiness in trying. At the same time, the process from failure to success is conducive to children's sense of accomplishment and enhances their ability to resist setbacks. Return the world that belongs to children to children, and don't deprive children of their right to happiness in the name of protection. " Zhou called on parents to learn to let go and give their children a chance to grow up.
Premature education that values wisdom over morality will be counterproductive.
"Give the child the best conditions, let him receive the best education and send it to the best kindergarten." Li Bin, a citizen of Shenyang, and his wife are both working-class people. There is a kindergarten in the community, and children can go to the nursery nearby. But Li Bin sent her children to a private international bilingual kindergarten. The monthly child care fee is 6000 yuan, plus the weekend cram school, and the monthly expenditure is not small. "We adults have nothing to suffer from, and we can't let our children be worse than others since childhood."
It is understood that the only-child parents are highly educated and pay more attention to instilling knowledge and material satisfaction in their children, hoping that their children will get ahead. With the psychology of "can't let children lose at the starting line", parents take their children between various early education classes. Many children have to learn not only English and calligraphy, but also piano and painting. The "high-priced early education", which costs nearly 10,000 yuan, is sought after by many young parents, and even babies wrapped in diapers appear in early education classes.
Compared with the current situation of excessive intellectual development, parents pay insufficient attention to their children's moral education. Shanghai Women's Federation conducted a survey on 1054 parents of minors. When asked "Which of the following aspects do you attach most importance to in family education", 80% of parents preferred "intellectual development and knowledge education", which was higher than 64% of "physical quality training" and 54% of "moral quality and life education".
Zhou expressed concern about the current situation of early education. "0-6 years old is a critical period for children's behavior habits and personality formation. At this stage, parents force their children to participate in various training courses, and their wishes are not respected, and they are often in a state of being accused, which is very harmful to their hearts. " In recent years, the proportion of teenagers who are tired of learning has increased year by year, and it is obviously showing a trend of younger age, even causing physical or psychological problems, which must be paid attention to by parents.
Zhou believes that parents should master the general laws of children's development at every age, understand their personality characteristics, and give them enough space to make their children develop healthily and comprehensively.
In terms of educational methods, experts suggest that, first of all, parents of only children can try to change their roles, adopt an equal attitude and become their children's friends. For example, when talking to a child, it is best to kneel down and let the child learn to help with simple housework instead of blindly accommodating or blaming.
Secondly, parents can unite several families to form a small social circle for their children, and often take their children to places with many children, such as playgrounds, to increase the opportunities for children to communicate with their peers, and to avoid problems such as children's withdrawn personality and lack of communication with their peers.
Early education should lay the foundation for children's lifelong development.
With the rapid development of society and the progress of the times, people's cognition and attitude towards education are constantly updated and developed. The word "early education" is no longer strange in modern families, and the concept of "not letting children lose at the starting line" circulates in the hearts of parents. "Early education" actually refers to educational activities carried out by preschool children aged 0-3. Children at this stage are in infancy, which is a critical period for the development of life intelligence. Some people think that children aged 2-3 are the best age to learn spoken English. Grasping early education can improve the learning effect, which is also the result of the interaction between heredity and environment. Therefore, it is very important to seize the opportunity of education and learning in early education.
Parents pay special attention to their children's preschool education and hope to develop their intelligence and potential in the initial stage of education. However, many parents blindly follow the trend and simply don't understand the concept and significance of "early education".
In fact, early education refers to the preschool education that children receive. But as we all know, children aged 0-3 belong to the category of early education. It is generally recognized that the education of children aged 0-3 is called enlightenment education or children's education. Zhou Hanmin, an expert in baby-friendly early education, said that this period is the most critical period for children's nervous system development and various potential development, and it is indeed a good opportunity for education. The core of early education is to provide an educational and nutritious environment to "activate" children's brain development and personality growth, thus laying a solid foundation for their future development.
In recent years, the state has also given recognition and support to the implementation of early education, encouraging children's intellectual development and education at this stage, thus greatly promoting parents' awareness of early education. From the country to the family, we can fully realize the importance of early education to children.
Parents should also follow their children's interests in the course selection of early education. In infancy, children's interests are difficult to grasp, but after a period of time, children slowly begin to look for their favorite images or sounds, and parents can find their interests from these details. We can't expect a 23-year-old baby to study hard, but as long as the child is interested, he can concentrate on an activity for a long time. As long as parents discover their children's interests, they can create many situations and teach their children to learn literacy and reading. When interviewing the parents of children who participated in early education, Ms. Zhang said that children were "fans" when they were very young. They heard the phone ring and followed. After the observation, they signed up their children for music lessons. The children not only listened carefully, but also accepted the course content happily.
Zhou Hanmin, president of Baby-Friendly Early Education, suggested that parents should first choose brands when choosing early education institutions. The brand behind it represents the quality of education and years of experience, and education must rely on the accumulation of time and good ideas to continuously improve; At the same time, it also depends on the educational philosophy of this institution and course. Nowadays, parents' ideas are diversified, the curriculum system at home and abroad is in institutions, and the classification is also detailed; In addition, ask parents who are already in class to see their comments and word of mouth.