She discussed the inspiration brought by Crazy Chicken Baby's "Haidian Mom", saying that Haidian Mom has strong systematic planning ability and is good at pushing back from the goal and disassembling it to the key points of each stage. She said that from the story of Haidian's mother, she learned how to get along with anxiety, either increasing her efforts or lowering her expectations, and concluded that laziness and greed are the sources of anxiety.
In fact, I have always agreed with her parenting attitude, insisting on independent thinking and not being trapped by the big environment, which often brings me a sense of cleanliness in the hustle and bustle. But I really don't agree this time. Only when she could say such a thing did I realize that she was still on top, and she could not empathize with the real ordinary parents.
Take myself as an example. In a double-income family, parents can help pick up and drop off their children, but going to work, working overtime, taking care of the baby and doing housework make me tired like a dog and sleep for 6-7 hours every day. I dare not say that I have been busy, but I don't think laziness is so great. I know that many parents face more specific situations than I do. Without the help of the elderly, without weekends or even long-term business trips, they often feel helpless in taking care of their children: they can't afford to lose their jobs and can't accompany their children when they take up their jobs. How can anyone have the heart to characterize them as "lazy"?
Giving is one thing, ability is another. There is a saying that the gap between people is sometimes really bigger than the gap between people and monkeys. Whether through the internet or in real life, we have seen some great gods, which makes us sincerely sigh that the gap between ourselves and them is the gap between monkeys and people. So we can't do it, not because we don't want to pay, but because our spare capacity is insufficient!
Speaking of "greed", what a shameful word it sounds, as if it is wishful pursuit of something, as if a toad is coveting swan meat. Isn't it normal to pursue progress and hope that the next generation will be better than themselves? Class solidification and even class decline are also true stories that are being staged in this era. If there were no panic about the crisis, how could human beings have evolved to the present!
Parenting anxiety is not a mistake that should not be made, nor is it a shame. It's just an emotional feeling that needs to be faced up to and dealt with.
In yesterday's article, I answered a reader's question: how to face others' dazzling treasures calmly? I talked about three strategies in it: first, calmly think about whether people's lives are really as dazzling as theirs; The second is to ask your initial heart. What is the purpose of giving birth to this baby?
The third point is the most important: pay attention to yourself and your children, pay less attention to other people's babies, seriously think about what you need to improve, and improve bit by bit. We spend too little time with our children, so we will find ways to improve the quality of getting along with them. If you can't communicate with children, then learn some skills to get along with children, practice more and find the most comfortable way to get along. Children can't help with their homework. Is it possible to find some learning resources from the Internet? In a word, thinking will only make you more anxious, while doing it will make your anxiety drop bit by bit.
Positive discipline is a set of family education concepts and methods that I am particularly interested in, and it has also taught me many tools to accompany and cultivate children. I hope I can continue to share these effective things with you, so that we can become parents who are anxious but not afraid of parenting.