When children were young, they regarded their parents as giants and could do anything. They often said, "How is my father?" or "How is my mother?".

A girl studying abroad boiled water in the kitchen and accidentally burned her hand. She didn't know what to do, but she grabbed the phone and called her mother across the ocean. "Mom, what should I do?" A few years later, when she became the mother of a little girl and her little daughter was injured, she responded quickly and took a series of safe and appropriate treatment measures. Afterwards, she recalled that she naturally knew how to do it, even though she had no training.

Yes, parents are not perfect. Only when you grow up can you really realize that parents are not the only source of knowledge and truth, and even many people will overthrow their authority. However, parents have always given their children unconditional attention and support. From parents, children first know that there are people who love and support themselves in the world, and accept themselves while understanding the world. Accepting and loving ourselves is our motivation. Think about it. If a person doesn't love himself, will he still try to change and develop himself? Then he won't love life and love our world.

People's acceptance of themselves stems from their parents' acceptance of themselves. Parental love is one of the most magical forces in the world. It not only builds children's confidence, self-esteem, courage and determination to face life, but also gives parents great strength, especially in the face of danger. So, please cherish your opportunity to be a parent and love your children.

Parents should cultivate their children's tough character.

There will always be many setbacks and failures in one's life. Parents should pay attention to cultivating their children's tough character.

First of all, we should teach children to correctly look at the reasons for their failure. Parents can often analyze their problems with their children and teach them to look at things around them from different angles and grasp the key to the problem.

Secondly, cultivate children's self-confidence and let them know and play their strengths. There are no perfect people in the world, and growing children need more time to experience setbacks, enjoy success and then know themselves.

Parents should not only teach their children to correctly analyze and understand the causes of setbacks, but also help them prepare for difficulties.

As long as parents pay attention to cultivating children to deal with everything around them with a positive attitude from an early age, children's lives will always be full of sunshine, and they will not always feel inferior when encountering difficulties.

After years of research, American child psychologists have found that paying attention to cultivating children's happy personality is conducive to their healthy growth. So how to cultivate children's happy personality? The following aspects can provide you with reference:

First, close feelings with children. Friendship plays an important role in cultivating happy personality. Therefore, parents should encourage their children to play with their peers and let them learn happy and harmonious interpersonal communication.

Second, give children the opportunity and power to make decisions. The cultivation of happy personality is closely related to the guidance and control of children's behavior. Parents should try their best to give their children opportunities to know how to use their decision-making power from an early age.

Third, teach children to adjust their mental state. To let children know that some people are happy all their lives, the secret lies in having a highly adaptive psychological state, which can make them quickly cheer up from disappointment. When a child is frustrated, let him know that the future is always bright, and teach him to pay attention to adjusting his psychological state and restore his happy mood.

Fourth, limit children's material possessiveness. Because giving children too many things will make them have the illusion that "acquisition is the source of happiness", we should educate them with examples that happiness in life cannot be equated with possession of material wealth.

Fifth, cultivate children's broad interests. Pay attention to children's hobbies. Provide children with a variety of interest choices and give necessary guidance. Children have a wide range of interests and hobbies, and naturally have a happy personality.

Sixth, maintain a happy and harmonious family life. Family harmony is also a major factor in cultivating children's happy personality. Some data show that children who grow up in happy families live happier lives as adults than children who grow up in unhappy families.

It used to be said that "a blank sheet of paper can draw the latest and most beautiful picture". In fact, after a child is born, his psychological condition is like a blank sheet of paper. Factors such as parents' psychological quality and parenting style largely determine his psychological development direction. Some parents always tell their children that this is not good or that is not good when they bring their children to consult, but they don't know that many problems are caused by their parents' morbid psychology.

First of all, parents' excessive strength and vanity will put too high demands on their children, which will make their bodies and minds bear the pressure of overload and eventually lead to psychological obstacles and even diseases. For example, a parent spent all his spare time arranging various training courses for a seven-year-old child, such as piano, painting, English, calligraphy, chess and composition. As a result, the child was too nervous and caused Tourette's disease. Other children seem to study for their parents under their close supervision. I usually study for my parents, and I am extremely nervous when I get to the exam. They suffer from insomnia, anorexia and hysteria. Some have to give up when the exam is near.

Second, parents' picky and perfectionism have caused many psychological obstacles to children. For example, parents have many requirements for their children's homework. As soon as they start writing, they have to trace, wipe and wipe again and again. As a result, they procrastinate, sometimes they can't finish the exam, which will seriously lead to compulsive behavior.

Third, parents' anxiety will be passed on to their children. Some children have been sickly since childhood, and their parents are very worried. They often complain, fret, talk and pay too much attention to their children. As a result, their children become sensitive, suspicious, inferior, withdrawn and neurotic.

Fourth, parents always deny their children and make them lose self-confidence. Parents always want their children to behave as well or even better as they did when they were children. Any small shortcomings will be blamed, and beating and scolding will be a common occurrence. There is a 5-year-old child who often loses his temper and does nothing for a long time. He asked him why he did it. He said that he couldn't do well, and his mother told him to say it three times a day without praise, so he wanted to lose his temper.

There will always be problems when children grow up. Parents should tolerate their children's shortcomings and wait patiently for their growth. When discovering children's problems, first reflect on your own problems and relax. When your own problems are solved, your children's problems will be solved. If you can't solve it yourself, you can find a psychologist to help you analyze and correct it.

Twelve rules for educating children in the United States

1, Attribution Rule: Ensure that children grow up in a healthy family environment.

2, the law of hope: always let children see hope.

3. Law of Strength: Never compete with children.

4. Management rule: Parents have the responsibility to manage their children before they are underage.

5. Rule of Speech: Listen to their voices.

6. The rule of example: The example of children setting an example is huge.

7. Seek common ground while reserving differences: respect children's views on the world and try to understand them.

8. The law of punishment; This rule is easy for children to have rebellious psychology and revenge psychology, so use it with caution.

9. Consequence rule: Let children know the possible consequences of their actions.

10. structural rules: teach children to understand the boundaries between morality and law from an early age.

1 1 .20-yard rule: respect children's independence tendency and keep at least 20 yards away from them.

12. Four W rules: always know who the child is with, where he is, what he is doing and when he will go home.

How to deal with children's unreasonable demands?

When children grow up, with the emergence of various needs, the exploration of the environment will continue to deepen, and some unreasonable demands will be put forward slowly. What kind of sexual behavior will they show? So, how should parents treat their children's waywardness?

At this time, parents have only two ways. First of all, it can never satisfy children's unreasonable demands, and second, it can divert children's attention.

Refusing a child's request may lead to a series of behaviors of the child, such as crying, rolling, threatening not to do what someone should do, etc. At this time, some parents are often helpless in the face of these tricks, and may compromise after a while, and finally end up with their children's victory. This is absolutely impossible. This usually increases the arrogance of children, reduces the prestige of parents, and makes children learn to do the same thing next time. The result is often nothing. Children will become more and more willful. Therefore, parents should insist from the beginning, never give in to their children's unreasonable demands, stand well, and never think that there is only one child, so forget it!

The way to refuse children's unreasonable demands should be as euphemistic as possible, try to state facts and reasons to children and express them in a way that children can understand; It is also inappropriate for some parents to refuse or even physically punish their children in a simple and rude way, knowing that they can't agree to their unreasonable demands. When the child cries endlessly, parents can avoid it. Without an audience, children will be tired of crying. You really need to avoid at this time, but don't hide behind the door and eavesdrop. Once the children find out that you are peeking, they may cry even more. The child is still very clever.

When children cry because their unreasonable demands are rejected, some methods can be taken to divert their attention. For example, other things, but this way of diverting attention should be neutral, not positive reinforcement.

Inference skills between parents and children

Persuasion and full reasoning are important means for parents to educate their children. Reasoning with children requires not only patience, but also

Choose appropriate methods and skills according to children's psychological characteristics.

First of all, we must fully affirm the strengths of children. There is an old saying: "It is better to win a prize than dozens." Reasoning with children should fully affirm their strengths, give timely praise and encouragement to their progress, and then correct their mistakes on this basis, so that children can easily accept the opinions of adults. It is not that it is wrong to blame children blindly, which will only make them feel inferior and rebellious.

Second, the truth should be "reasonable". The truth you tell your children should be reasonable. You can't talk nonsense or make it difficult for them, because adults talk nonsense and children won't be convinced. Adults' demands are too harsh for children to do. For example, some parents in life like to eat snacks themselves, but they don't listen to their children when they tell them the disadvantages of eating snacks.

Third, give children a chance to defend themselves. When reasoning with children, children may defend their words and deeds, and adults should give them a chance to defend themselves. Understand that defense is not an argument, but an opportunity for children to explain things clearly and to defend themselves, so that children will better understand what you are saying and get good educational results.

Fourth, we should understand the emotional state of children. Children, like adults, are more likely to accept different opinions when they are in a good mood and are more likely to be extreme when they are unhappy. Therefore, it is not effective to reason with children, fully understand their emotional state and educate them when they are in a good mood.

Help children eliminate psychological stress.

Moderate pressure can inspire people to forge ahead. No pressure at all will make people tired and lazy, but too much pressure will cause psychological problems because they can't bear it. At present, not only adults have psychological pressure, but children are no exception. As parents, it is the responsibility to help children overcome the pressure, because for children, parents should be the most important and trusted people.

So, how to help children overcome psychological pressure?

Listen carefully to the children's voices. To help children, we must first understand the children, what is their psychological pressure and where it comes from. Therefore, parents should first listen to their children, spend time talking face to face with their children, and listen attentively to their voices. Only when parents are willing to give their hearts to their children will children give their hearts to their parents. In this way, you can know the real situation of children and give them practical help.

Help children overcome their fears. Sometimes, children will be isolated because they are different from some classmates. For example, some boys don't want to play truant with others, cheat with classmates in exams and secretly learn to smoke. They will be laughed at, even isolated, afraid and at a loss. At this time, parents should educate their children to adhere to principles and not do anything wrong; Let children know that it is not easy to go with the flow. This is a sign of a person's maturity and courage, and it is also a sign of independent wisdom.

Let children share their experiences and let them know that everyone is under pressure and parents often have troubles. This can avoid the suspicion of preaching and make it easier for children to listen to their parents. At the same time, parents should also tell their children how to deal with difficulties, overcome pressure, set a practical example for their children and enhance their courage and confidence.

Cultivating children's self-esteem can strengthen their determination to resist all kinds of bad temptations and help them face adversity and setbacks bravely. Meet some specific things and let the children express their views; Give them something suitable for children to do and encourage them to do it themselves; Respect children's ideas, let children express their opinions in the discussion of some right and wrong issues, and so on; These are all good ways to cultivate children's self-esteem. Children with self-esteem will have courage and courage, and they will have a strong ability to distinguish right from wrong.

Caring for children's growth, encouraging children to cultivate a wide range of interests and hobbies, and participating in extracurricular activities or social practice activities organized by some schools at ordinary times are of great benefit to alleviating children's psychological pressure. Some parents are eager to make their children succeed, and always force their children to learn this and that after class, which often backfires. The correct approach should be to respect children's own wishes and make rational choices and training according to their interests and specialties.

In most cases, as long as parents can find their children's problems early and give appropriate guidance, they will effectively alleviate or eliminate their psychological pressure and make their children grow up happily and healthily.

When a child is at fault, it is not appropriate to blame or scold him when eating, which will affect his appetite and digestive ability.

Because people's higher nervous system activities have an impact on the digestive function of the gastrointestinal tract. When eating, due to the conditioned reflex, gastrointestinal digestive juice is secreted vigorously, gastrointestinal peristalsis is enhanced, and appetite is good. When people are in a bad mood, the excitability of the cerebral cortex to the external environment is reduced, so that the water secreted by the gastrointestinal tract is reduced and the gastrointestinal peristalsis is weakened, thereby reducing the digestion and absorption function of food. In this way, food stays in the stomach for a long time, making people feel hungry and unable to eat. Even if they eat reluctantly, they often feel sick to their stomachs.

In addition, don't let children eat while listening to stories and watching TV, which will affect digestion and lead to poor appetite and indigestion.

Whether a child is lazy or not depends not on genetic factors, but on the environment. Among them, parents' factors play a decisive role. Some parents, children look like pearls, and children want to do something by themselves, not afraid of doing it badly, not afraid of dirty clothes, and not afraid of wasting time. As a result, when the child develops the habit of reaching for clothes and opening his mouth to take food, it will be too late to regret it.

Cultivating children's work habits and hands-on ability should start from a very young age. When children are young, they are curious about anything new and always eager to help adults sweep the floor and wash dishes. At this time, parents can let their children form good habits as long as they pay attention to guidance.

First of all, when a child does something by himself, no matter what the result is, no matter how small it is, parents should enthusiastically encourage it, so that the child can appreciate the fun of doing it himself.

Let children participate in their own labor, for example, when mothers wash clothes, they are also required to join in and wash red scarves to make the work more interesting; At the same time, it also takes the opportunity to teach children some labor skills.

Make full use of the role of role models and closely cooperate with teachers' activities. Children especially like to imitate. You can praise other children's diligence in front of them appropriately, and don't forget to tell him, "You can be like him if you want. Let's try it together? " In this regard. Teachers often do well. Many children are diligent in kindergarten or school, but they do nothing at home. At this point, parents should learn from teachers and guide their children correctly, but enough is enough, set an example and don't cause children's rebellious psychology.

If we want to observe whether the spontaneous development of children over four or five years old is smooth, parents should pay attention to whether their children are willing to play with them. If you play lively and naughty with your child, then you can think that the spontaneous development of your child is smooth.

When such children are playing, they often have conflicts of opinion with friends, quarreling and fighting. This situation proves that children have their own opinions, and parents should pay attention to it with trust. Even if the children quarreled fiercely, they would play together again the next day as if nothing had happened.

At this point, children are obviously different from adults. If there is a quarrel between adults, it will be difficult to make up and sometimes even cut off communication.

When children find that playing with children is more interesting than playing alone, they will use their own way of thinking to find out such and such solutions to contradictions.

What if mom showed up when the children were arguing?

Most mothers will arbitrate who is right and who is wrong. But fighting between children is by no means a bad thing, so the party who is designated as a bad boy will leave a wound in his heart.

Other mothers will play fifty boards each, that is, let both sides say "sorry" to each other. But because fighting between children is not a bad thing, this practice will still leave a shadow in the hearts of the two children.

Energetic children will learn how to get along with friends in quarrels. Quarrel, then make up-so repeatedly, children can gradually understand each other, and at the same time learn to make each other understand themselves, thus establishing a relationship of mutual trust between friends.

In the past, children playing in groups were often seen in open spaces or parks. Without the intervention of adults, they quarrel and fight with each other in the group, and then make up by themselves. In the process of going back and forth, children's ability to make friends has been exercised. However, there is no such place now, children rarely play in groups, and there are fewer and fewer opportunities to exercise their ability to make friends.

Speaking of quarreling and fighting, many families are worried about it. Between brothers and sisters, the younger and closer they are, the easier it is to quarrel and fight. But this kind of quarrel will gradually become less and less with the increase of age, so as long as there is no danger, parents should not interfere.

For example, when my mother saw older children beating younger children, she said, "My brother started it. My brother is not good. " Then let the older children admit their mistakes. But this is wrong. Because the older child was just seen by his mother when he shot, and before that, the younger child had kicked his brother. This kind of thing often happens.

Events are constantly developing, and it is impossible to judge only part of them. This judgment itself is incorrect. If there are referees, one of them must be a "bad guy", but parents should not treat their children as bad guys.

In addition, children who develop spontaneously and smoothly will show interest in housework, especially cooking, and want to help their mothers. At this time, if you don't bother to give him the opportunity to be a helper and teach him to cook, the child's skills will gradually improve and he can even cook simple dishes by himself.

When children can easily make poached eggs by themselves, their self-confidence is suddenly enhanced. However, when the child wanted to be a helper, the mother refused: "Stop it." In this case, the child will lose interest in doing housework and become unwilling when his mother wants him to help.

Adolescence is the most beautiful period of life, and it is also the most critical period for a person's psychological growth. Experts pointed out that a healthy family education method should pay attention to three aspects: first, parents should always communicate with their children psychologically, respect their children and adjust their expectations; Second, pay attention to children's emotional needs; Third, parents should strengthen their study and improve their own quality. Parents should be careful not to give their children "mental abuse".

According to reports, some surveys show that at present, in Beijing, Shanghai, Wuhan and other four cities, more than 90% of parents think that the happiest thing is that their children's academic performance is good, and almost 1000% of parents think that the most distressing thing is that their children's academic performance is poor, while their health and thoughts are good. It can be seen that high expectations have become an important emotional knot for parents of minor children in China. Once this emotional knot is produced, it will easily lead to "mental abuse" of children. Psychologists' research shows that the harm caused by "mental abuse" is far greater than doting and corporal punishment.

Children who have been "mentally abused" will have many psychological and behavioral obstacles, such as inferiority, anxiety, selfishness and other psychological diseases, which are difficult to adapt to society.

There are many forms of mental abuse. In order to put pressure on their children, or find that their ideas are against their wishes, some parents subdue their children by warning, intimidation, exposing shortcomings and irony, which greatly limits their imagination and creative spirit. In order not to make their children proud, some parents often compare the advantages of other children with the disadvantages of their own children in a sarcastic way, so that the dark cloud of inferiority hangs over their children's spiritual space. Numerous times of mental abuse did not satisfy parents, and then parents increased the intensity of "mental abuse", leading to a vicious circle, inducing children's rebellious psychology, deepening the gap between the two generations, and even generating hostility.

Therefore, parents should pay enough attention to their children's psychological development and never give them "mental abuse".

At the gate of the kindergarten, there are often some parents who are very angry, but they have to pretend to smile to coax the crying children who refuse to enter the kindergarten. These children are naughty at home, timid at school, partial eclipse, afraid of meeting strangers, and their language skills are poor to varying degrees.

The poor interpersonal relationship of children of this age may be caused by the following factors: First, there are problems in intelligence or basic ability, so that they don't know how to express themselves, or they don't express themselves well, and they are afraid of being laughed at, so they are timid; Second, because of frustration in making friends, I am afraid of interacting with people; Third, there is no motivation to make friends, I feel that my friends are not good, I feel that I can play by myself, or I am purely introverted and don't like to play with children.

As far as external factors are concerned, there are the following situations: buildings replace quadrangles and neighbors do not interact; Old people are afraid that their children are in danger and don't let them go out to play; Nanny replaces parents' labor, but it can't make up for parents' emotions, causing children's emotional hunger. ...

How can we help children stop being "afraid" of interacting with others?

In daily life, children's communication and expression skills can be cultivated. For example, non-authoritative parenting will give children more opportunities to express themselves and let him try to answer questions like "What do you want to eat?"

Encourage children more and build their confidence. On the other hand, you can ask him more about his school or kindergarten and ask him to report the dynamics of his classmates. If a child complains that someone is not good to him, you can ask him, "What do you think should be good to your classmates?" "You don't like what he did to you. Did you tell him? " Let the child think about how to express himself exactly and let others understand his emotions and thoughts; Then "simulate" with the children, what to do under what circumstances and how to say it.

Always take your children out to interact with people, such as taking them to a good friend's house for the night on weekends, so that children can experience the happiness of interacting with people; Mothers should try their best to take care of their children themselves. Although the child can't speak yet, he should communicate with him more, hug him more and caress him more. If there have been interpersonal problems, they can be solved through psychological training, such as letting children surf on a mat. Crawl, brush the child's body with a soft brush, let the child jump on the corner kick, etc. In severe cases, special psychological training is needed with the help of psychologists.

The following exercise is to test the mother's ability to handle manipulation cognition by using various emotional situations. It also provides you with an exercise on how to react to children's negative emotions.

In each project, a person's "wrong" parental reaction was provided. Then please guess the child's feelings and discuss the parents' handling methods in this case. Finally, please provide a new way to confirm children's emotions.