Why do parents take their children around the world, even if they grow up, they don't remember?
Why do parents take their children to various important activities, competitions and social occasions for him to learn?
All in order to give children a better future.
Yes, parents' intuition is right, but the real reason behind it can be explained by brain science, that is, human brain can be shaped, and what we experience in life can directly shape our brain.
Daniel Siegel, a famous psychologist and doctor of medicine at Harvard University, described the process of shaping the brain in the best-selling book Whole Brain Education.
There are hundreds of billions of neurons in the brain, and each neuron is connected with thousands of other neurons. When we experience new experiences, some neurons will be activated. When neurons are activated together, new connections can be established. In this way, our brains have been remodeled.
Most of children's experiences come from their parents, so the experiences that parents choose and provide for their children can directly shape their growing brains. For example, there are three ways to spend the same three hours:
Different experiences will bring different internal connections in the brain. In the long run, the shaping of the brain will be completely different.
When we help our children choose interest classes, we are actually helping them develop their left and right brains. For example, mathematics and programming correspond to the left brain, while music, art and creativity correspond to the right brain. On the surface, children have learned knowledge and skills. In fact, these experiences are also shaping and changing his brain. Developing the brain is very important for his later life development.
However, one thing parents may have overlooked is that the brain should not only be developed, but also integrated.
Explain the left brain and the right brain first. Brain imaging shows that the two brains are not only anatomically separable, but also very different in function.
We go to school to learn knowledge, get information, handle affairs rationally, and organize sentences with language, all with the help of the left brain.
When we are creating, appreciating art, communicating with people, smiling, crying, fearing, being afraid and other emotions, the right brain is working.
Why do 3-year-old children who just went to kindergarten collapse and cry, and they will be separated from anxiety?
It is the right brain that dominates emotions. The baby is too young to think with his left brain like an adult and calm himself down. He can only let the right brain collapse and overflow.
Why only children can grab toys, but adults can't?
Why do children easily lose their temper, violate discipline and not do their homework?
It is all their right brain emotions that are at work, and their emotions fluctuate violently, but they lack the rational balance of the left brain. Because the baby's left brain began to develop at the age of 2, before the age of 6, the right brain appeared first and the left brain appeared last. The concepts of time, logic, order and responsibility all come from the left brain, and children will not be called the left brain for the first time. If parents can't help children integrate their left and right brains in time, children will easily fall into confusion, be grumpy and even attack others.
Only when the left and right brains work in harmony and cooperate perfectly as a team can children calm down, do things better and have a better mood.
Look at a conversation between a 5-year-old son and his mother first:
Generally speaking, mother has two ways to answer:
The first type: eager to protect themselves.
The second type: confrontation with logic.
Both methods sound very effective, but in fact, his left brain responsible for logic has completely failed, which will only make the child more resistant and stronger.
If you want to calm your child down, you must integrate his left and right brains, which can be done in three steps.
Although the child's words sound silly, his feelings are real. He was sad and angry, hoping to be appeased. Parents should first let their children feel "understood", such as "I know you are sad", and then use nonverbal signals, soft tone, caring facial expressions and gentle physical contact to let him know that parents are responding to his emotional needs and that he is being "taken care of", which is exactly what he wants.
When you calm down, help him remember what just happened. "You were very sad just now. Can you tell me why? " ?
When a child is willing to recall and share his experiences, it means that he is being cured. Because of this retelling process, children need to use their left brain to straighten out the details and express them in words. At the same time, they need to call the right brain to relive their emotions, and the left and right brains finally start working as a team.
When the child recalled this experience, his mood had calmed down by half. At this time, parents can give solutions, conduct logical guidance, and let the child's left brain participate. At this time, the effect of reasoning and making rules is the best.
In the book "Whole Brain Education Law", according to the characteristics of children's psychological development, different integration methods are provided for children aged 0-3 and 3-6.
Teach children to understand the consequences of emotions and behaviors (such as biting). Also set boundaries and tell children what behavior is appropriate. At this stage, the child's logical thinking is still very weak, but we can't let him break through the bottom line just because he can't think. Disrespect for others, hurting others and throwing things are all prohibited.
At this time, the child's language is not rich, and adults can help him retell the experience, let him distinguish different feelings, and gradually learn to describe it in words.
Hug the child, connect the right brain with caring tone and expression, guide the child to recall his own experience, encourage him to propose solutions to problems, and teach him the correct methods to solve problems.
I understand the method of left and right brain integration. In the next article, I will tell you how to help children integrate the upper brain and the lower brain. Welcome to pay attention to "Smart Parenting" and use brain science to raise children with Peking University's mother.